Remy was always at least mildly suspicious where people were concerned, but she didn’t normally give it much thought where no specific harm could be done. As she sat in her office and tried to ignore the clock, however, she couldn’t help seeing a conspiracy playing out. It was entirely too quiet, and there were entirely too many reasons that it shouldn’t be. Between being Friday and being the beginning of tourism season, she should’ve been running herself ragged trying to help everyone keep up with the work that should be overwhelming them by that point in the day.
Failing in her mission to deny the existence of the clock, she saw that it was nearly noon. She had been sitting in her chair nearly the entirety of the time that had passed since she clocked in, waiting in vain for someone to want something. With more tourists arriving by the day, restaurants increasing their specialty orders to accommodate them, picnics and cookouts looming on the horizon and a national holiday weekend only a week away, everyone in the store should’ve been on the verge of tearing out their hair. Instead, there was a conspicuous lack of demands from anyone; employees had been insisting all morning that they had everything under control, and department managers were quick to confirm that all was as it should be.
Remy walked the store several times that morning as she often did when there wasn’t enough to keep her busy, looking for problems to preemptively solve. The entire store was spotless, without a speck of dust to be seen or a can of peaches or box of cereal out of place. Without even straightening shelves or mopping floors for an excuse for something to do with her hands, Remy ended up spending the entire day sitting in her office, refreshing her inbox to check for new mail and researching how to clean the acoustic ceiling tiles in her office that, for the first time, she had time to notice were absolutely filthy.
Most of the unnatural calm of the day could be explained away with the unpredictable nature of working in customer service. It was often busy or slow for a reason but, on occasion, it just was. Where the theorizing began was when, in a sign of her desperation for quite literally anything to occupy her time after nearly two hours of silence, Remy began approaching and greeting customers. Ignoring the shocked gasps, open mouths and wide-eyed stares from employees, she spent nearly ten minutes willingly going from one customer to the next, being as charismatic and helpful as her limited experience with it allowed. Desperate for justification for interacting, she started working her way down the list of expectations of a store manager that Jason had given her shortly after his graduation—and shortly before Remy gave him a surprisingly well-organized list of suggestions as to what he could do with it.
While she wasn’t about to let Jason run her into the ground in a bid to massage his own ego, there was certainly a kind of logic there that she’d never admit to acknowledging if he wasn’t already aware of it. Customers have a talent for finding the worst possible times to want something, as if they’re holding back their demands until they can no longer be contained. Approaching them early is something like opening a pressure release valve before the situation can get entirely out of hand and a request turns into a tirade. There was rarely time for it as every pair of hands in the store was busy with preventing those complaints before they could take shape but, on that morning, there was nothing to spare if not time. That was where the situation went from unusual to suspicious, when customers started voicing their every complaint and desire only to be redirected to someone else. Of all of the customers that Remy spoke with that morning, none had managed to speak for more than thirty seconds before an employee appeared to address the concern in her place. After trying for the better part of an hour, she noticed that employees seemed to be racing to stay ahead of her, looking for customers and offering assistance before she could get to them. Certain that something was going on, Remy finally relented and retreated to her office before anyone worked themselves sick trying to keep up with her on top of doing their actual jobs.
Finally giving up on trying to not notice the clock, Remy stared at it while coming to the only reasonable conclusion that could be reached. What Kate hoped to accomplish was a mystery, but there was no doubt that she was behind the fact that Remy had yet to do any actual work all morning. Nobody else would go so far for her sake, and nobody else would have the influence required to get what appeared to be the entire store in on the same plan. Kate was adored by seemingly everyone there and, however reluctantly, Remy admitted that even she wasn’t immune to the effect. She knew for a fact that she wouldn’t have as much as hesitated in agreeing if Kate had approached her to do something like this for someone else, so nothing about her situation truly surprised her when she thought about it. There was still the question of Kate’s intentions, but it was a mystery that would have to wait. As the clock struck noon, Remy finally had the perfect distraction from her complete lack of distractions with the arrival of her scheduled lunch hour. As she stood and began crossing the office, it occurred to her that going to lunch as intended was something she’d never actually done before. If she had time to take a break at all, food was typically the last thing on her mind, assuming there was even enough time to eat it. At most, she’d grab a sandwich from the deli if she could clear at least fifteen minutes in her schedule to eat it. More often than not, however, she found herself doing her best to pay no attention to her stomach until she could make it home.
Suddenly spoiled for choice and uncertain exactly what to do with herself, Remy couldn’t help wondering if she should be making more of the opportunity she’d been presented with than simply trying to make sense of it, which made her wonder if she wasn’t letting it go to waste. She began to wonder what people usually did with their lunch breaks, but regretted it almost immediately as she received a harsh reminder that she had no frame of reference for what could be considered normal, even with something as simple as this. An odd coalescence of fear and determination began to rise up in her and push her to be decisive. By the time she’d reached the time clock, Remy had compiled a list of every restaurant within walking distance, come up with reasonable estimations of wait times and organized them in order of how recently she’d visited them. Still, for some reason, none of her options were particularly appealing. All of them sounded good, but none stood out as being any better than the others, much less the best of them all. She wanted all of them to an extent but, at the same time, the stress of only having time for one made all of them strangely unappealing. It was only her earlier determination to make the best of the opportunity keeping her from heading to the deli for corned beef that was sounding better by the moment. Worse than being locked into a cycle of trying and failing to choose and then trying and failing to give up on choosing, standing in front of the time clock and watching seconds turn into minutes was putting the consequences of failure on full display in a way that couldn’t be overlooked.
“It figures that the only thing in the world you aren’t naturally talented at is relaxing.”
Remy was surprised twice; first to hear Kate’s voice coming from behind her, and then again when, on turning to face her and seeing her kindly smiling back, she breathed a sigh of relief. Still smiling, Kate reached out and began gently smoothing her hair. She hadn’t noticed how quickly her pulse was racing until the delicate touch caused it to start to calm.
“I…think I’m doing lunch wrong.” Though she’d tried to calm herself before speaking and even made an attempt at humor, her voice didn’t completely mask her frustration.
“I had a feeling you might have some trouble with it.” Kate spoke matter-of-factly, seeming to take no further notice of Remy’s distress even as she took her by the hand and led her toward the front of the store. “Reuben on rye, extra Russian, salt and vinegar chips and raspberry iced tea. Serenity is already working on it.” Seeing Remy raise an eyebrow, Kate laughed softly. “It’s quite literally the only thing anyone has ever seen you eat.”
Feeling a gentle squeeze on her hand, Remy knew for once what was expected of her, even if it was more of a request than a demand. “I…thought I should do something I don’t usually get to do. Not that I didn’t want to, but…”
“Too many options?”
Remy nodded quietly as they arrived in the deli. “Maybe if I’d started thinking about it earlier…yeah, that sounds like me. Can’t even have fun without scheduling it first.”
Kate only smiled warmly as she led Remy to a seat near the counter. By the time Remy was seated, someone was approaching with a tray containing what appeared to be two of her usual order. The woman carrying it set it down and, looking excited, turned to Remy and seemed as if she was about to say something. A quick glance at Kate appeared to change her mind, however, sending her walking away with nothing more than a reassuring pat to Remy’s shoulder. Against her better judgment, Remy began to wonder just how deep this conspiracy ran and just how many people were in on it. At her last count, Serenity was one of the only people left who wasn’t likely to have any involvement or interest.
As per usual, Kate was quick to catch onto what Remy was thinking. “Everyone is pretty excited about this, you know.” She regretted her choice of words, however, as soon as she saw Remy’s eyes narrow.
“Now, when you say everyone…”
Seeing Kate’s sheepish smile, Remy groaned loudly. Though she’d tried to hold it in, Kate couldn’t help laughing. “They’re just happy for you, sweetie. Nobody was ever going to say it, but…well, some of them have been worried about you. You don’t do anything but work, go home, come back to work and, on a rare occasion, eat something. People have been wondering what keeps you going. It’s just nice to see something happen that could actually make you happy.”
Remy wanted to complain, but she knew already that it was old habit that was trying to speak rather than current observation. The truth was that being around people who genuinely cared for her was still a very new experience that she still wasn’t entirely certain how to navigate.
“Kate…thank—”
“Eat.” Forcing down a smile, Kate pushed Remy’s Reuben toward her before opening her potato chips for her. “We have some time, but we’re still burning daylight.”
Finally taking a bite, Remy decided in an instant that there wasn’t a single option that she could’ve come up with that would’ve been better than being there in that moment. It took her a moment to absorb what Kate had said before she began to wonder about it. “What’s the hurry? I can’t go anywhere until four.”
If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement.
“Not anymore.” Taking a bite of her own Reuben, Kate seemed to be still suppressing a smile, as though enjoying the confusion that Remy was enduring while she waited with bated breath. “As soon as we’re done eating, you’re done for the day.”
“What? I can’t go anywhere! Who’s going to—?”
“Jade will take over until Tom gets here.”
“There’s still two more trucks coming in—”
“Tom already knows about them. If one shows up early, Jade will start it for him.”
“But what about the meeting with the distributor at two? I still—”
“Jason will be taking care of that.”
Remy stopped dead, the shock of what she’d heard shutting down her ability to come up with more arguments. “Look, as much as I appreciate everything you’re doing for me, even I don’t know if he deserves whatever you must have done to him to get him to work on a Friday afternoon.”
It took a full minute for Kate to get her laughter under control. “Andy gave him another reminder that he’s no better than anyone else, or any more entitled to leave early. All I did was agree…well, that and point out that since his weekly extensions to his weekends come at your expense, one afternoon off is the very least that his lazy ass owes you.” Kate smiled wistfully while looking down at nothing in particular. “He’s my son and I love him like my own life, but that’s exactly why I can’t let him end up the kind of person that doesn’t understand how to treat people.”
Remy sighed, unable to avoid imagining the fallout. “Still, there’s no way he took that well.”
“Not even close. He spent five straight minutes arguing and defending his position, listing all of his responsibilities and reviewing societal standards concerning business hierarchies and expected perks associated with different levels of authority. He wasn’t captain of the debate team for nothing, I guess. I feel that I made a strong rebuttal, though, and we eventually came to terms.”
“And that rebuttal was…?”
“‘Because I said so.’”
Remy joined Kate in cheerful laughter, though she couldn’t avoid feeling some measure of sympathy for him. The real world was hitting him hard, and from a direction he surely never expected. “Well, if even he’s playing a role in this, then I guess there really isn’t anything left for me to do.”
“Oh, there’s plenty for you to do…just not here.”
It wasn’t until that moment that, for the first time since arriving at work that morning, Remy thought about what should’ve had her attention all day rather than her boredom. It said quite a bit about how unusual it was for her to find herself sitting idle that it managed to take her mind off of that evening almost entirely. Allison had been on her mind far more than usual, nearly constantly since they’d made plans several days earlier. She had been such a constant fixture in Remy’s thoughts that she’d begun marking the passing of time with the various thoughts and daydreams she was having about the evening ahead. Thinking about her for the first time since coming to work wasn’t entirely unlike suddenly losing six hours of her life.
Feeling a gentle touch on her chest, Remy looked up to see Kate watching her intently with a worried expression. She took a deep breath and shook her head. “I’m okay. I just…didn’t realize how close it is.”
Kate slowly pulled her hand back, but she didn’t look entirely convinced. “I wouldn’t have expected you to manage to forget.”
“Neither would I. The only thing that distracted me was trying to figure out why it was so slow all day long. I’ve been climbing the walls looking for something to do.”
Covering her mouth, Kate laughed through a mouthful of potato chips. “If it worked that well, then let’s just pretend that I planned it.” Noting Remy’s look of surprise, she went on to explain. “I’m good, but I’m not that good. I just didn’t want anyone coming in here and stressing you out right before your big night.”
Remy sighed, annoyed with herself. “I’m good enough at that on my own.”
Again, Kate disarmed the sour mood with a distraction by pushing Remy’s sandwich toward her, then patiently waited until her mouth was too full to argue. “It’s like anything else, sweetie; it takes practice to get good at it. You don’t exactly give yourself many opportunities to practice not being at work. Tonight will be good for you in a couple of ways, I think.”
Not recognizing how clever Kate was until she was stuck chewing, Remy was forced to consider what she’d heard before giving a knee-jerk denial. Thinking about it, she couldn’t remember the last time she had taken any time away from work. On arriving, she was too desperate for work to ask for time off once she’d found it, and she was so poor that she couldn’t afford to lose the hours any more than she could afford to spend the money on anything that wasn’t keeping her fed, clothed or sheltered. Remy was no stranger to hard work even before coming to Violet Meadows but, since she’d arrived, her only focus was survival at any cost. Even long after the point at which she could start living instead of just surviving, she was too haunted by her past to think that it all wouldn’t fall apart at any moment—not that she’d had all that much experience with simply living even if it had occurred to her to try. It simply wasn’t in her nature to want things anymore.
It was a disconcerting thought that led Remy to think about Allison. It was a vague thought that initially occurred to her on a whim, the realization that getting closer to Allison was the first thing that she could clearly remember pushing herself toward simply because she wanted it. Nearly everything else in her life served some specific purpose; it was alarming for her to see how much thought it took just to come up with an example of something she owned simply because she liked the idea of having it. With the exception of several video games and her fuzzy pajama pants, almost everything she ever invested resources into acquiring was, at most, pleasing in some way that didn’t hinder its function. When she thought about it, Remy wasn’t entirely certain she knew how to want. Seeing herself in that light, it suddenly made more sense that she’d been so hesitant to take any interest in Allison in the first place.
“You know, there’s such a thing as being too quiet, even for you.”
Remy looked up to see Kate studying her intently. She was smiling, but her expression wasn’t entirely free of worry. “I was just thinking…how do you think she’d react to someone like me? Someone who doesn’t really want anything. It just seems a bit…boring.”
“I had a feeling you were thinking something unpleasant.” Kate sighed and pushed Remy’s opened bag of potato chips closer to her. Though Remy had caught onto the strategy, something about Kate’s expression gave the impression that pointing it out would ultimately serve no purpose. “Even if you think something is going to go wrong at the last minute, don’t go trying to fulfill that prophecy yourself. Listen, however she feels about you, she feels that way now. She doesn’t need to be convinced. That means that whatever you’ve got going on, she’s into it.”
Remy thought for a moment before what was building into sadness suddenly took a hard turn toward embarrassment. “This isn’t the first time we’ve had this conversation, is it?”
Kate laughed as she reached for what was left of her sandwich. “I was waiting to see if you’d catch that. You can be incredibly stubborn at the worst possible times.”
As much as she agreed, Remy was preparing to give an obligatory scowl in response when Kate’s words sparked a question. “You…you said that it’s a matter of practice, right? How do you practice something like that?”
The speed with which concern cast a shadow on Kate’s face was a clear indication of how rare it was for her to not be able to give Remy clear direction. “I wish I could say for sure. It’s not like there’s a best practice for every situation or anything. It’s going to vary from person to person and depend on exactly what’s holding you back. In your case, I’d guess that it’s a matter of just forming some good habits and sticking to them. Take time for yourself once in a while. Take regular days off. Actually allow yourself to be happy with more than bare necessities. It’s not as easy as just telling yourself to do it, but it can be done…with help, if necessary.”
Pushing aside the end of the suggestion and refusing to acknowledge it, Remy made haste in moving the conversation forward. “I don’t suppose there’s any way to streamline the process?”
Kate sighed before finishing her tea. “You’re not a machine, Remy.” She pushed her own unfinished bag of potato chips toward Remy, this time not entirely hiding her smile as Remy huffed and begrudgingly started filling her mouth with them. “If you’re trying to figure out how to make happiness more efficient, whatever you come up with probably isn’t going to work. Some things take time, and they take however long they take. That’s fine, though. There’s no deadline, so take all the time you need. In fact, there’s even time to stop and ask for help if you need it.”
Remy wasn’t particularly surprised by the emphasis at the end. In fact, she’d been expecting it from the time she’d started putting potato chips into her mouth. Trapped and out of excuses to not consider it for at least a few more seconds, she took a moment to seriously consider it. Kate’s suggestions were usually only uncomfortable because the concepts were unfamiliar; it still typically concerned something that Remy actually wanted or, at the very least, had no legitimate reason to oppose. This, however, was something very different. She didn’t know why, but the mere concept sickened her to her core and triggered every response in her mind telling her to run.
“I’ll think about it.”
Kate seemed to notice that something about Remy was off, not bothering with hiding the fact that she was letting the matter drop. “Well, that can be tomorrow’s problem. For now, you’ve got more pressing matters—namely knocking Allison’s socks off.”
Grateful for the change in her train of thought, Remy couldn’t help laughing at the idea. “You might have finally bitten off more than you can chew.”
“You stop that right now.” Kate’s voice was still kind, but it was suddenly stern as she stood. “You’ve only got a few hours to go, so this is no time to start backsliding. Speaking of which, we need to get going. You’ve got a salon appointment in half an hour.”
Remy flinched. “A what, now?”
Laughing softly, Kate again took Remy’s hand and began gently pulling her to her feet. “I know, I know…not your favorite thing in the world. I took it into consideration when I booked the appointment, so it’s nothing too out there. They’re going to clean up your eyebrows, and you could use a trim. Oh, and having your nails looked at wouldn’t be a bad idea. Don’t worry, they’re not changing anything completely—just cleaning up what’s already there. I made it clear to them when I called that when you walk out, you still need to be you.”
Sighing softly, Remy let go of the list of defenses and persuasions she was already building to get out of the trip. Surprisingly, it was actually a relief. As gratitude led Remy to think about the fact that Kate had managed something as far removed from Remy’s comfort zone as a salon trip without insisting that she become something she wasn’t, a new question presented itself in Remy’s wondering if anything similar could be said of Allison. She knew that having anything come of being with Allison in any capacity meant that, on some level, she was going to have to change. For the first time, though, she was considering the possibility that she would still be herself after she did. The idea of wanting was becoming a little easier to imagine.