Allison had lost count of how many times she’d found herself in that same situation, staring at Remy and trying to read her thoughts. As usual, she gave nothing away. She sat quietly, looking down at her lap and gently stroking Millefeuille’s back and scratching between her ears as she purred softly and made herself comfortable. She’d finally emerged for the first time since they’d arrived, likely coming to investigate after hearing Allison’s crying moments earlier. Remy had a faint smile on her lips as she looked down at Millefeuille, the vaguely content expression so far removed from her usual dedication to unreadable neutrality that she almost looked like a different person entirely. It was nice to see, but not especially helpful.
In that moment, Allison wanted to know Remy’s thoughts about everything she’d just heard. She’d just shared so much of herself that she felt exhausted from the effort and, for all that could be determined by Remy’s expression, she hadn’t been talking about anything any more consequential than the weather. That certainly wasn’t the case; one thing she knew about Remy as well as her ability to mask her thoughts and feelings was that she wasn’t one for feigning interest. Even without having known that already, Remy’s earlier reactions to what she’d heard were unmistakable. Even in her sadness, Allison was briefly taken aback by the seething anger she saw. It was every bit as comforting as being embraced to see Remy ready to stand by her side in her darkest moment, as dedicated to Allison’s cause as she was herself. It was impossible to not want more.
Logically, Allison knew that Remy would continue to stand by her. In fact, she’d gone as far as to declare that to be the case, echoing Allison’s own sentiment from earlier in the evening. Just as she wasn’t one to feign interest, she wasn’t one to speak hollow words. Even without her outrage for context, Allison could say without hesitation that she had Remy’s full support. That was why she knew that she wasn’t longing for support, but rather confirmation of that support. Since the rift between her and her parents took shape, for someone to stand by her in her time of need was rare nearly to the point of being a foreign concept. The only other people she’d confided in since who didn’t either dismiss her concerns or outright argue against them were Lily and Mari and, as much as Allison treasured them both for it, there was no denying the difference between them and Remy. To be heard and acknowledged was a treasure, but to be heard and acknowledged at the same time as being understood bordered on miraculous. In Allison’s life, the occurrence was unprecedented.
“I think I get why you want to read my mind.”
Allison was shaken from her thoughts by Remy’s voice and, initially, she couldn’t understand what had triggered it. After a moment, she finally realized just how long she’d been sitting there and staring, desperate to pierce Remy’s imperceptible mask and unearth the emotions she knew were there but couldn’t see. Embarrassment drove her to look for a plausible excuse for her actions, but a moment’s thought about what Remy was saying she wanted turned Allison’s embarrassment into guilt. When considering that all she was asking for was the same thing that Allison was just thinking she wanted herself, there was no getting past the fact that it was a completely reasonable request.
“I was actually just thinking something similar. I…I know I just dropped a lot on you, and…”
When Allison’s voice trailed off, Remy didn’t wait long to fill the silence. “I know you’re nervous, but fair warning. If you’re about to apologize, your nose is in for some get-even.”
With a chuckle, Allison leaned against Remy and joined her in stroking Millefeuille’s fur. “No…well, not really. I was just…” There was a moment of struggling for words as her embarrassment returned, stopping her thoughts in her throat before she could speak them. When the moment began to stretch too far, Remy turned a curious glance in her direction and triggered her curiosity. “How did you know I was feeling nervous? For that matter, how did you know I was looking at you?”
Remy’s mask cracked momentarily, betraying a fleeting but noticeable sense of unease. “Would you know what I meant if I said that I just had a feeling?”
Allison thought about it, but she only felt more confused for her trouble. “Are you saying that you felt me looking at you?”
There was a long silence and a look of concentration before Remy responded. “In a sense. Have you ever looked up for no apparent reason and saw someone looking back at you? You don’t know how, but you just got a feeling that you were being watched and looked up without thinking about it. It’s like that, just…stronger, I guess? I’m not really sure how to explain it, but it’s that same feeling. I just don’t look up.”
Even though the what of the matter made more sense, the how only became more mysterious. “Okay, I get the looking up thing…I think. How do you keep from doing it, though?”
“It’s like keeping your eyes open when you sneeze or tensing a muscle for a long time. Most people think it’s impossible, but it’s really like anything else. If you practice, you get better at it.”
“But…how do you practice having an involuntary reaction to something?”
“You don’t. You practice how you deal with it when it happens. If you have enough opportunities, it’s easier than you might think…with the proper motivation.”
“Motivation to do what, exactly?”
“Not react. Reacting draws attention to what would otherwise likely go ignored. Depending on who you’re dealing with, it can make all the difference in the world to just not create excuses to start an interaction with them.” Remy suddenly glanced at Allison again and quietly added, “No…you probably don’t want to know.”
Allison wanted to be impressed by how perceptive Remy was, but she couldn’t help feeling more unsettled than anything else. When Remy was speaking about her past, Allison had gotten the feeling more than once that some details were being purposely omitted. She was curious at the time and not asking for the sake of being polite but, now that she was faced with an inkling of what she was missing, she couldn’t help wondering if she really was better off for not knowing. Just imagining what someone would have to endure to go through so much to go unnoticed purely in the interest of their own safety was horrifying enough without having those suspicions confirmed. She wouldn’t hesitate to listen if Remy wanted to talk about it, but Allison suspected that it would mean that there was a long night ahead of them. The only comfort she could draw from the situation was finally solving the mystery behind Remy’s ability to disappear into thin air at a moment’s notice.
You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.
“You still haven’t told me what you’re nervous about.”
Again torn from her thoughts unexpectedly, it took Allison a moment to gather herself enough to think back and remember what Remy was referencing. “Oh…oh, yeah. That.”
Remy glanced at Allison again and smirked. “You were going to apologize, weren’t you?”
Allison did her best to look huffy and annoyed. “I most certainly wasn’t, thank you very much.” When Remy continued to stare at her with a barely contained smile, Allison’s resolve crumbled. “Okay, I was thinking it.”
Remy laughed aloud, stifling herself only when she saw Millefeuille turn to look up at her with sleepy eyes. Stroking the top of her head until she yawned and settled back down, Remy turned back to Allison and spoke just above a whisper. “I knew it. I owe your nose one as soon as I don’t have a cat sleeping on me.”
Allison just barely managed to contain her own laughter as she watched Remy gently soothing Millefeuille to sleep. “Well, that’s what I was thinking just now, at least. When you first asked…actually, I was wondering what you were thinking.”
Looking surprised, Remy seemed to be thinking for a moment before speaking. “At the time, I was just thinking about everything you’d told me. I guess it really was a lot to take in. I was just trying to get my head wrapped around it without wanting to cause someone some kind of harm.”
Even though she’d already decided that she didn’t need it, Allison’s heart skipped a beat at the confirmation of Remy’s thoughts. Thinking of her own feelings whenever she noticed someone’s taking an interest in Remy, Allison felt overwhelmed by the thought that Remy might be feeling anywhere near as protective of her. Being careful to not disturb Millefeuille, she wrapped herself around Remy’s arm and leaned against her with a contented sigh. She didn’t want to wake Millefeuille now that Remy had just gotten her to sleep, but she had needs, as well.
Alright, Millie. You’ve had her to yourself for long enough. She’s mine.
Remy sat quietly for a long time, again finally showing some sign of her thoughts as a hint of a smile again revealed itself. Allison wasn’t surprised that it was such a small sign, a smile and a peaceful expression being the only indication of her mood. If Allison hadn’t known Remy better and been specifically looking for it, she could have easily missed it entirely. It again made her wonder what Remy had been through now that she knew that Remy’s muted expressions and ability to turn her presence on and off on a whim were the results of effort rather than natural inclination. It was only for fear of disturbing the blissful moment following so much heartache that she managed to keep the question of what could drive someone to such extremes quiet. It continued to eat away at her, though, largely because she couldn’t imagine herself going through the same thing. It made her sick to think that it happened to anyone, let alone Remy.
When Remy finally spoke, her voice was as peaceful as her expression. “What about you, though? Did you know that you were coming to Violet Meadows, or did you just happen to end up here?”
“Kind of both, honestly. When graduation got close, I started looking for whatever would take me as far from Vegas as possible. I knew what I really wanted, though, so I was looking for that, too. It was pure luck that I happened to get both at the same time.”
“What were you looking for?”
“Something small. A place where I could do my best and it would be appreciated, and…nothing else. No massive kitchens in three-star restaurants where someone’s screaming at me for fourteen hours a day.”
Remy turned an uneasy glance in Allison’s direction. “I always assumed the yelling and screaming thing was just for television.”
Remembering her experience in kitchens before meeting Lily, Allison groaned as loudly as she dared while being so close to Millefeuille. “It’s for television, but not just for television. It depends on the people, but…it’s not exactly unusual. In fact, it’s at least partly out of necessity. Lots of people, lots of noise and no room for mistakes means making yourself heard the first time. The stress probably just repurposes the noise.”
A shudder rippled through Remy’s body. “That’s what your job is like?”
Laughing quietly, Allison briefly pressed her face against Remy’s shoulder to help muffle the noise. “Not even close. Lily hates yelling for any reason…seriously, she can’t stand it. It’s one of the reasons I jumped at the job offer.”
“One of?”
“The big one was the fact that I didn’t have much time. After the stunt I pulled before graduation to get into culinary school, low contact turned into no contact as soon as I packed my car and left for ‘New York.’ I didn’t have much money by that point and calling home wasn’t an option, so I needed to start working.”
Allison looked over at Remy and saw another sign of emotion from her, this time something that reminded her of every time she’d burned with curiosity and it took everything she had to not voice her questions. What she must have wanted to know seemed obvious, but Allison was wary of obliging for fear of shattering the calm they’d finally found.
“It’s a long story of its own, and one probably best left for another time. Besides, right now…I have something else to ask about.”
As if confirming Allison’s fears, Remy’s expression shifted slightly. It wasn’t anything immediately concerning to one who didn’t know her better, but the sudden return of her neutral expression was a clear sign to Allison that she was preparing herself for the worst.
“Something else about the past?”
Allison smiled as she shook her head. Her heartbeat picked up its pace as she thought about what she was about to say but, for the first time, feeling nervous felt like a sign of good things to come. After all, that seemed to be what it always meant where Remy was concerned.
“No, nothing like that. I’m…actually wondering about the future.”