Sitting and watching Remy fidget and shift uncomfortably in her seat, Allison couldn’t entirely set her frustration aside. Until that moment, she’d assumed that being able to take note of Remy’s subtly shifting expressions and decipher their meanings would make her easier to understand. Instead, she found that the small measure of understanding she’d learned to pull from her observations left her feeling more confused than when she was at a complete loss. There was a sense of frustration that wasn’t present when she felt she didn’t understand anything at all, a feeling that she was beginning to see through the fog between her and the answer but there was still a barrier keeping her from it. It was some consolation, at least, that another objective had been completed. Though Remy remained a mystery in many ways, Allison certainly felt closer to her. As much as she hated still not knowing what Remy was thinking, there was still comfort that came from Remy’s willingness to allow her to try.

Thinking about that comfort renewed Allison’s determination to keep the evening moving in the right direction. She reached out and took Remy’s hand, lacing their fingers together and gently stroking her fingertips as she searched for the words to delicately push the conversation forward.

“I can’t completely read you yet, but I can take a reasonable guess. You were pretty nervous when we met in the park earlier, so…is that what’s happening now?”

Remy’s expression was weighed heavily with guilt as she quietly nodded. “Kind of. I…I guess I started to backslide. I don’t know why. Being around you was getting easier…so easy that I forgot to worry.”

There was a sharp pain immediately followed by fear as Allison’s mind began to race to understand why Remy would be having a hard time being around her, the involuntary assumption being that Remy was forcing herself to be there with her. It took a moment to put the thought aside, reminding herself that, no matter the reason, Remy had remained adamant about her desire to be there. As the worry subsided, it became easier to also remember that helping Remy was what was most important just then and, with that goal in mind, the way forward suddenly became clear. Remy’s discomfort had been pushing her along a single course of action for the entire evening and, if Remy had become more comfortable over time, there was no reason to not continue. She was going to have to keep her outlook positive enough for the both of them.

“Well, if it was getting easier, that’s a good sign, at least.”

Allison’s heart lightened considerably when, seemingly against all odds, Remy’s expression brightened slightly as a faint smile took shape. “I thought so, too…not that I have any more idea how that happened than anything else.”

Following a moment of curiosity, Allison took her turn to feel a measure of guilt. She’d been actively attempting to keep the mood light and positive all evening and make it clear that any interest on Remy’s part was welcome, but that wasn’t the only thing that she’d been doing. With a quick glance to the nearby coffee table where Remy’s wine glass had been sitting since she took Millefeuille into her lap earlier, the guilt quickly became too heavy a burden to bear to not warrant a confession.

“I…think I had a little more to do with that than I intended.”

Following Allison’s gaze, Remy’s eyes fell on the wine glass before turning back to Allison with a widening smile. Giving Allison’s hand a gentle squeeze, Remy leaned forward and gave her cheek a quick peck before leaning back to gaze at her again. “Don’t worry. I don’t have any reason to think that you were up to anything like that.”

Allison was certainly relieved, though too surprised by how easily Remy accepted the gesture at face value to not question it. “I guess not, but…it still seems like you’re being pretty forgiving.”

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

Remy gave a soft laugh as she continued to stare into Allison’s eyes, seemingly attempting to convey something important without words. “I just don’t think there’s anything to forgive. You say you weren’t up to anything and I believe you.”

“But don’t you think—?”

“Boop.”

Allison laughed in spite of herself. She wasn’t sure if it was just the shock of realizing how bad the situation could’ve looked in spite of her intentions or if she should still be feeling remorse, but she hadn’t realized how quickly the fear of unintended consequences had built until Remy began to dispel it. As strong as Remy was, everything Allison had learned about her so far made her acutely aware that she was incredibly sensitive, as well. There was a faint but constant fear of failing to consider that fact well enough and accidentally upsetting her or, worse, pushing her away. Ironically, it was that same fear that led her to take a more subtle approach to creating an intimate atmosphere than simply trying to convince Remy to relax. As much as she worried about being in uncharted territory with Remy, however, she couldn’t help feeling encouraged to keep trying when she saw her efforts being appreciated. As if reading her thoughts, Remy seemed to be trying to drive the point home as she spoke again.

“I know that I’m…not easy to deal with. I’m just happy that you cared enough to try anyway. Besides, I think it’s worth noting that it worked.” Remy’s expression shifted slightly as she looked away, her expression again showing signs of something akin to guilt. “Until it didn’t, anyway…but that one’s on me.”

All of Allison’s thoughts were suddenly pushed aside as she began to get an uncomfortable feeling about where Remy’s thoughts were headed. Acting purely on instinct, she rushed to get in front of them and head them off before they could get too far down that path. “Oh, no you don’t. If I can’t feel guilty, then neither can you…especially over feeling how you feel.” Sensing a counterargument was coming, Allison quickly added, “Why don’t you just tell me what happened? Even if you don’t know how it happened.”

Remy paused for a long moment and then sighed, now looking slightly frustrated. “I just started worrying again…thinking all of the same things I’ve been worrying about all along. Worrying that I want this more than you do, worrying that this will all go wrong somehow…thinking things that I thought I’d put behind me. I’d more or less forgotten about it until I started thinking about…”

It wasn’t hard for Allison to guess what Remy was thinking and struggling to say aloud. Not wanting to put her through remembering it all again, she decided to take the reins of the conversation and begin to steer it in a more productive direction. “That…makes sense. After what you’ve been through, I…I mean, it’s not like I know everything, but what I do know isn’t anything that would be easy to let go of. I guess that’s one of the things that makes my situation different from yours. I have some things that I deal with, too, and I was having some of the same worries that you were before tonight. Mine just don’t come back as easily. Don’t think that I don’t understand, though, or that I’m not willing to wait…as long as you want to keep going.”

Allison felt a sharp pain somewhere deep within her, a knife that was stabbing her and being twisted by hearing her own words. It wasn’t until that moment that she realized how much she’d been fearing the same things as Remy, worrying that things would somehow find a way to come crashing down around her in spite of how well they seemed to be going. The desire to keep the conversation moving forward had nearly pushed her to admit this when she noticed yet another change in Remy’s expression, several that seemed to be taking place simultaneously and conflicting with each other. Her expression was determined, looking as though she was bracing herself and marching into battle. At the same time, however, she was suddenly blushing furiously.

“That’s…that’s about the only thing that I want right now. To keep moving forward…with you. It’s not exactly easy, but…I wasn’t expecting it to be. As long as you’re willing to wait, I’m willing to catch up. I mean…I’m trying to say…well, y—you’ve got a…a g—girlfriend now.” With a heavy, frustrated sigh, Remy quietly added, “Even if she is a useless lesbian.”

Allison had too many thoughts to count swirling in her head as she stared at Remy, her face growing hot and her head feeling so light that she thought she may faint. She wanted to ease Remy’s fears, confirm that her own desires matched perfectly, chastise her for being so hard on herself and hear her call herself her girlfriend again and again through it all. As she rushed forward, she vaguely thought that she would tell her all of it if she could ever bring herself to stop kissing her long enough to speak.