Chapter 22: Realization
Felix Sythias’ POV (continued):
Alex had moved in only half a week ago and I’d gotten used to his presence since then. We’d moved his mattress and some of his clothes to our—no, my room, but it just laid on the ground, and his clothes hung over the chair instead of in a closet. He was just a guest. Here to stay for a while until he felt like he could move back to his own room. Right, he was just here temporarily. So it was my room, not ours.
Having come to a conclusion, I continued walking towards him.
When I got close, he looked up from his notebook and smiled. I liked it when he smiled at me; it made me feel warm.
“Felix!,” he said. “Finally, you’re here. Where’d you go?”
“I went to visit dad. Why are you studying outside? Doesn’t the noise bother you?”
He put his notebook down and put it away. “It does, yeah.”
I frowned at him. “Then why don’t you just go to our room? The dampening enchantments are great.”
“I would have, but you weren’t here to let me in,” he said. ”And I would’ve used the lounge instead, but it’s even busier in there than out here. And my room has nowhere to sit except an empty bed frame. I couldn’t go to a park or anything, either, because I needed some of my books, and they’re in the room, so I had to stay close by for when you came back.”
Dammit, I’d completely forgotten Alex didn’t have a key. Most of his school stuff was in our—my—room, so he wouldn’t even have been able to prepare for tomorrow. I felt a little bad for visiting dad now without telling Alex. Just how long had he even been sitting out here? I did some quick mental math and realized he must have been waiting for me for almost two hours. Fuck.
I think Alex might be moving out sooner than I’d thought, because this was bound to happen again. Class could run late, or I might have an appointment—like the one on Wednesday for a checkup—or maybe I’d meet up with someone, like Tiki. Well, not Tiki, but I was sure there were other nice people around. I just didn’t know any.
Sure, we could set a system in place where I’d let him in first before I went, but what if he needed to use the bathroom? We didn’t have one in our room since I didn’t need one, so he'd have to leave the room and use the toilet in the hallway. But the door locked itself when you closed it, and I wasn’t comfortable with him leaving it ajar or unlocked while he wasn’t around.
No, I thought it was time Alex maybe moved back to his own room. I’d ask him later. Who knew, maybe he’d have an idea that would make it work anyway. But first I needed to apologize.
“Oh. Stars, I’m sorry,” I said. “I completely forgot you don’t have a key. Have you been waiting here for long?”
“Why would I have a key? And maybe about an hour and a half.”
That was less than I feared, but I still made him wait for me for way too long.
“We’ve been leaving and going at the same time since you moved in, it never crossed my mind before now that you wouldn’t be able to get in without me.” I sighed. “At least it wasn’t worse. Imagine if I’d gone to visit dad at home? You would’ve been out here till probably midnight,” I said with a slight chuckle. Alex didn’t look amused, though. “Right, sorry. Not the time. Is there anything I can do to make this up to you?”
I expected him to say no, but he surprised me by actually thinking it over. That was fine, too—I did make a genuine offer, after all. After a moment he said, “Actually, there is one thing. It’s something I wanted to ask anyway, so I might as well ask you now. There’s a restaurant I’d like to try out and I don’t want to go alone, would you like to go together?”
For a brief moment, I thought he was asking me out and my heart skipped a beat. Then I processed what he was actually saying and realized that wasn’t the case, and my heart sank.
I… wasn’t sure what to do or think about those feelings and what they meant. And I had absolutely no desire to dissect them to figure it out, either, so I pushed them to the back of my mind. I’d think about it later, when I wasn’t in the middle of a conversation.
“Yeah, of course, how about tomorrow?” I asked. “Where did you want to go?”
Alex agreed on the time and took out his notebook, flipped it to the last page, and read out an address and a name. It sounded vaguely familiar. I’m pretty sure Hugo told me about it once, calling it a lizardkin friendly place, so it didn’t surprise me that Alex wanted to go there. But how had he found out about it? The theater district wasn’t exactly known for its restaurants.
“How’d you find out about the restaurant?” I asked, then added, “Actually, want to walk while we talk? We can go back to ou—my room.”
“Sure,” he said and picked up his bag. We started walking back to our room. “One of your classmates recommended it, actually. I ran into him while he was hurrying to your Fundamental Magic professor. Well, it was more like he ran into me. What was up with your professor, by the way? Viggi said they weren’t even there.”
“Viggi?” I asked, then answered his own question, “Dad told me that they had to do an important job, and there was no replacement, so the class is on hold for now.”
He patted me on the back while we walked. The sensation of his touch lingered afterwards, making me feel disappointed it was gone so soon.
“I’m sorry to hear that. I know how much you were looking forward to it. Is there anything you can do now? Also, Viggi is your classmate. They’re a lizardkin, like me.”
“Oh, is that his name?” It sounded familiar, and I figured I must have heard it during class. “And yeah, there were these folders with self-study material. I’ll check them out later. Enough about me, though. How were your classes?”
We talked about our classes for a while, even after we’d reached our room. It sounded like his afternoon had been more fun than mine, even with his dull Basic Swords and Magic professor. The way he talked about Basic Flight put a smile on my face. It sounded like he got along great with professor Marchie and really enjoyed the class's curriculum. He especially liked the math-y parts, even if they were a little beyond him right now. I made myself a promise to help him out with that as best I could. Linear algebra wasn’t that difficult, though catching him up with calculus would take some time. He had the basics of both, though, and that would help a lot.
At some point we were interrupted by a knock on the door. I frowned, wondering who that could be. It wasn’t too late for casual visitors, but there wasn’t anyone I knew that might want to come visit us during dinner time. Except maybe Tiki… had she come to apologize? I found myself getting a little excited at the prospect. Despite the breach in trust, I didn’t want to lose that friendship. She felt genuine in a way that other royalty and nobles didn’t.
I opened the door and was very disappointed to find a man standing on the other side, instead of Tiki. He was rather tall, had a well-maintained handlebar mustache, styled hair, and wore a neat suit with the silver otter emblem of the Academy’s administrative staff stitched to it. Definitely not a student.
“Good evening. How can I help you?” I asked.
He tipped his head at me in a greeting. “Good evening. Are you Felix Sythias?” he asked. I nodded, and he smiled. “Good. I have a few questions for you about an incident that occurred earlier today during ex-professor Kang’s mathematics class. Do you mind if I come in?”
“Um, yes, of course,” I said as I absentmindedly stood aside and waved him in. How in the Depths did he know about that? I didn’t report it, and neither did Alex… right? I looked at Alex. He looked as surprised at the man’s visit as I felt, but that could just mean he hadn’t expected the man to show up. I shook my head. No, Alex would respect my wishes, even if he didn’t like them. Right?
“Oh, you’re not alone?” the man asked. “A roommate? I didn’t know they started doing that again.”
“That’s Alex,” I explained. “He’s a little homesick and staying with me for a while. Will he need to leave while we talk?”
“No, that’s fine. It’s commendable that you’re helping your fellow student,” the man said while he sat down at the table. I sat down on the floor opposite him, while Alex pretended to read a book in the other corner. He introduced himself as Carter Rogers and explained why he was here. Several people had reported both Alfred and professor Kang, and he was investigating the incident. He’d wanted to talk to me about my part in all of it, since I was the victim. So I told him what happened.
I could’ve lied, or said I didn’t feel comfortable talking about it, but I wasn’t going to go that far to keep my promise. Besides, I did keep my promise. It wasn’t me who reported Tiki’s brother. Though, I’m not sure if she’d see it the same way. It’s not like either option would’ve worked, anyway. They would both be lies, and Rogers’ Skills almost certainly included a lie detection passive. His sort always had one.
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After that, he asked me a few questions.
“Did you do anything that might have provoked either of them?” he asked.
I frowned, but answered his question. ”I told Alfred ‘no’, once.”
He asked me to elaborate, so I did. As I told the story of last Monday's tour, Rogers scowled. I think he had an even bigger dislike of the boy than even the guard had at the time. Good. When he made his incident report, hopefully he’d put something nasty in about Alfred.
He asked a few more questions and elaborations, all in the same vein. Why did I react the way I did? Why did I leave the classroom? Why didn’t I report either of them?
I answered most of the questions, but I felt uncomfortable answering some others, like the last question. Honestly, I thought Rogers was way too focused on why I did what I did, and should’ve just left it at what happened. But I could only assume he knew what he was doing. That didn’t mean I was answering every question, though.
After a few dozen more questions, he was finally done and made to leave, but as he left through the door, I realized I still had a question.
“Oh, please wait! I have one last question!”
He turned around and motioned for me to speak.
“What will happen to Alfred?”
“I can’t tell you. Literally, I mean. I don’t know. I only do the investigation and make the report. But there are over a dozen witnesses. He’ll probably get sentenced to some pretty severe community service,” he said, then left.
That was good. I’d hoped for more, but that was good. At the very least, it would mean he wouldn’t be around as much. I just hoped we didn’t share any classes beyond the basic ones.
I closed the door and walked back to Alex. He’d already put his notebook down and was just waiting for me.
“That was unexpected,” he said.
“Yeah, it was. Especially when he said our classmates reported them; I didn’t think they’d care. They haven’t before.” I sighed. “They probably thought that if the professor got away with doing this to me, what’s stopping him or others from doing the same to them?”
He gave me a quick hug. “Hey, I’m sure that’s not the whole reason,” he said, “They reported those two because they didn’t want to see one of their classmates get bullied.”
I wasn’t so sure about that. Why would these people be any different from past classmates? But Alex made an effort to console me, and just that fact alone made me feel better. “Thanks,” I said, then changed the subject, “What kind of homework do you have? Need any help?”
“Yeah, actually. There’s this problem from my Basic Flight class that I don’t quite understand the theory for. Do you?”
“Can you show me?”
He dug around in his bag for this textbook, flipped to the page and handed it to me. I carefully took it in my talons and looked the problem over. It was a simple problem about air resistance on a flat plane moving through a constant atmosphere. You just had to calculate the force required to keep it going at the same speed. Rather simple, but if you didn’t understand forces and vectors properly, I could see it being tricky. This wasn’t so much a Basic Flight problem, as it was a Mundane Physics problem.
I had him grab his physics textbook and a notebook and started explaining. We hadn’t yet reached this part during the class this morning, as most of the time had been spent introducing various things we needed to know about physics, such as significant figures. Well, that the others needed to know. I’d done pretty well on the test.
At some point we became hungry, so I went to grab us some food. With two people eating out of my fridge, it was running out faster than I expected. I would have to go shopping soon; I’d have to ask Alex if he wanted anything specific.
I made us some chicken, and some baked potatoes for Alex. I tried one out last week and I didn’t like it: the texture was awful, and the taste was not meant for my tongue. Alex seemed to like them, though. A little weird considering he was a lizardkin, but to each their own.
Back in the room, I ate the chicken with a few quick bites, and then grabbed the Advanced Elementalism textbook from my section of the bookshelf. I wanted to study a little ahead for tomorrow while Alex ate his dinner and did a few exercises on his own.
I laid down on the rug that sat along a part of the wall. It wasn’t the greatest and I’d have to get some pillows, but it beat lying on the cold floor. The textbook was dry and tough to get through; the first chapter was just a repeat of Basic Elementalism. I was suddenly a lot less excited about class tomorrow. I wanted to learn more about the affinities I knew, and to learn about the new ones, not rehash what I already knew by heart. I was already intimately familiar with the four basic affinities because of my instinctive magic, and this chapter didn’t hold anything I didn’t know already. I read through it anyway, just in case.
While I read the chapter, Alex finished dinner. But instead of staying at the table to study like I expected, he walked over to me and nestled into my side, just beside my shoulder, and put his books in his lap.
“Is this okay?” he asked.
I smiled. “Of course,” I said. I wasn’t going to say no to this; it was nice and comforting.
“I figured, but after earlier today I thought I should ask.”
“Thanks, I appreciate it. You don’t have to ask for this, though. You’re always welcome to come read with me, and I’ll tell you when I don’t want it.”
We both continued reading and doing homework. Occasionally I helped him understand something, and a few times he helped me. He really had a knack for math and had an easy time understanding and explaining it, even if his knowledge of the subject was a little limited. I was a little jealous of that, actually. I was good at math because I had practice. He had both practice and talent.
After reading through the whole chapter, I felt pretty exhausted. I would look through the other textbook tomorrow during history—the test for biology would be a long one and would leave no time to study ahead. Now, I just wanted to relax a little. I closed the book shut and since I couldn’t stand up because of Alex, put it aside for now.
Alex looked up as I put the book down. “Done studying?”
“For today, yeah,” I said. “I think I’m gonna relax for a bit and then head to bed.”
He closed his book as well. “I think I’m done, too. What are you going to do?”
“I’m not sure yet. Maybe read some fiction, or maybe practice my magic a bit. Why do you ask?”
“Oh, it’s just…” he said and paused. I waited for him to find his words. ”Um, when you said you’d like to cuddle this afternoon, did you mean it?”
“Yeah, of course,” I said, taken a little by surprise and wondering where he was going with this.
“Do you…” He took a deep breath. “Do you still want to?”
He wanted to cuddle? I wasn’t against the idea. In fact, I quite liked it. I wanted to say yes, but dad's words from earlier came to mind, so I hesitated. After a moment of consideration, I ignored the words; I did want this.
Instead of answering, I rolled onto my back and opened my arms. He hesitantly took a step forward, sat down on my chest, then laid down on his side while holding onto his tail. I gently wrapped my arms around him.
It was incredibly awkward.
He was tense, and I was tense, too. Unlike earlier, it wasn’t a joke, and it didn’t happen naturally. No, it was close and very deliberate intimacy. It wasn’t something we’d done before, nor something friends usually did, and I wasn’t sure what to do next.
After a minute of awkwardness, I decided trying something—anything—was better than letting the awkwardness continue. Since we were cuddling already anyway, I leaned into the idea a bit more and with my talon resting near his shoulder, I gently rubbed his back. Alex didn’t stop me and actually relaxed a little, so I continued.
“Why’d you so suddenly want to cuddle?” I asked, breaking the silence, hoping to distract us both.
“Wasn’t sudden,” he mumbled. “Couldn’t get the idea out of my head since lunch. I spent the whole evening mustering up the courage to ask.”
I ignored the fact that he didn’t actually answer my question. If he didn’t want to tell, he didn’t have to. And I could always ask again later if I didn’t just forget.
“Next time, just ask,” I told him, giving his back an extra firm rub. “I won’t judge you. And I’m always up for some cuddling.”
“Can’t make any promises,” he said, though it didn’t sound very convincing.
We were both quiet for a moment until I made a small realization.
“Is that also why you sat down beside me earlier, instead of studying at the table?”
He nodded, the movement feeling strange against my chest. “Hatchling steps,” he said, and he was quiet for a moment before speaking up again. “You know, I’m glad someone reported Alfred and the professor. It pissed me off so much that they were getting away with it! I hope they get a really long and nasty sentence. What Alfres said was absolutely not okay.”
My heart fluttered at his words and I realized it was slowly becoming undeniable that I liked Alex.
“I’ll pull some strings,” I said. “He’ll be shoveling squirrel dung for the rest of the year.”
“Good, he deserves it,” he said, then changed the subject. “Are you excited for class tomorrow?”
We talked for a long time, and the awkwardness faded. Once it was gone, all that was left was the intimacy and incredible comfort. A hug was nice, but it had nothing on this. I kept gently rubbing his back, occasionally shifting the location to see where he liked it best. I found it was just at the top of his neck. I’m sure that if he’d been a cat-type beastkin, that he would’ve purred.
We talked about anything that came to mind, neither of us ready to go to bed yet. Eventually the choice was taken away from us as Alex actually fell asleep during a break in the conversation. I didn’t have it in me to wake him up, nor could I put him in his bed without waking him up, so I decided to let him lie there.
I looked at him lying on my underside and smiled. I shot a small bolt of air at the light switch to turn the light off, and his scales glittered in the chaotic candle light from the candles I lit earlier. He looked adorable while he slept, with his tail in his arms like that, hugging it like it was a large plushie.
It was then, while I watched his chest rise and fall, that I realized something important. Between his defense of me earlier, how being around him made me feel happy and wanted, my reaction to him asking me to dinner, how desperately I had wanted physical contact all day long, and how I felt looking at him right now, it was absolutely undeniable.
I liked Alex.
...fuck.