Chapter 35: To date or not to date, that is the question

Alex Sandclaw’s POV:

I was sitting in my history class, half asleep. I had stayed up late reading last night. Both to keep Felix company and because I was trying to catch up on his progress through our book. I wanted to finish it at about the same time so we could talk about it without one of us having to wait a week. I did catch up, but the price was that I was now exhausted. At least the book was fun and sweet. Now, though, I had a long day ahead of me. Four classes, homework—though I could move that into the weekend—the support group meeting, and I still had to decide whether I wanted to go on that date with Viggi.

I hadn’t been sure if it was a date before, but now, after Felix and I had gone to the restaurant, there was no doubt about it. The restaurant was very romantic. Besides, who asked a potential new friend to a restaurant? That’s what you did with people you would like to date, not someone you wanted to befriend.

Now the question was the same as it had been all week: did I want to go? I didn’t know. It seemed… fun? Viggi was kind of handsome. It felt weird to think of another man like that, but I tried not to stop my feelings and thoughts from happening. The idea of dating someone, dating a man, made me feel giddy, but also excited. Whether or not I’d wanted to admit it, it was something I’d craved for a long time.

I wanted someone I could cuddle with when I felt sad and who would make me feel better. Someone I could spend time with, even if it was just reading together, or doing homework. Someone who would hold my hand and give me all the nuzzles and kisses I could ever want, and who I could do the same with. Someone I could love and who could love me, and who would accept me for who I was.

I wasn’t entirely comfortable with the idea of dating yet and I could hardly imagine what a relationship would even look like. I knew what it was like for normal guys who dated girls. You picked that information up from your surroundings and the people who talked about it all the time. It was kind of infuriating, actually. It was practically shoved down my throat. My kind of relationships, though, the… gay ones were really difficult to find information about. People didn’t talk about it except to say nasty things, and it hadn’t been in any books either, nor were there any examples of gay couples walking around back home. So were they any different from normal couples? I just didn’t know.

It was different here, though. I’d seen a few couples walk around, holding hands. It made me envious as much as it made me uncomfortable. One of the couples I’d seen walking around together was the one Felix and I had walked in on last Wednesday. Stars, that had been embarrassing, and worse, arousing.

Was that normal for gay couples? To just… touch each other like that in public places like the communal showers? None of the books I read mentioned anything about it, but then, I’d only read one and half books so far, and neither of them really touched on the subject of… such things. Would Viggi expect that of me if we dated? To touch each other in public like that? I didn’t think I could do it.

I shook my head, getting me weird glances from the students around me. I ignored them. I was thinking too far ahead. It didn’t matter what a relationship might look like if I couldn’t even get in one.

I knew I had to start somewhere, though, and that somewhere was with a single date. But did that date need to be with Viggi? I hardly knew him; we’d only talked for like five minutes, for the stars’ sake. He’d been nice, and he’d been nice to Felix, but for all I knew, that was all an act. It didn’t seem that way, but that might just mean it was a really good act. I doubted it, however; there was no reason for him to do so.

Viggi looked good, though. His iridescent green scales were almost as pretty as Felix’s blue ones, and that wasn’t an easy feat to accomplish. He had these beautiful patterns running down his neck, too, and I couldn’t help but wonder if they went on all the way down.

I let my mind rest on the idea of ‘down there’ for a moment before I pushed the thoughts away. That subject was for future me to deal with; I had to go about this one problem at a time, starting with dating. That decision didn’t stop my imagination of picturing me holding his dick in my hand, though. The fantasy felt naughty, like I was sneaking around to steal a cookie while everyone slept. Like I was doing something wrong. It also sent a slight shiver down my spine and made me want for something… more than just a fantasy. I once again pushed the thoughts away, reiterating to myself that it was something for future Alex to deal with.

Aside from his scales, Viggi’s tail had a nice length for his size, and he was also quite muscular. It was something the characters in the book and a half I’d read so far seemed to think of as something really important. I didn’t really care about them, though the hardness of his muscles did make him look less cuddly. But on the other hand, his arms had to be strong, and strong arms made me feel safe; a point which Felix’s hugs had driven home.

The ringing of a bell interrupted my thoughts. All around me, students started getting up despite the professor’s protests. Bad luck for him, though; everyone silently agreed that his authority ended the moment the class did. I packed my bag and slung it over my shoulder, following the other students into the hallway. Time for biology and professor douchebag. I hadn’t forgotten what he’d said about Felix. It might not have been false, but that was no reason to say it out loud. I didn’t feel the need to point out his ugly face, so why did he feel the need to point out the fact that Felix was the only one of his kind?

The biology class itself was rather boring, and though I learned a lot, I wished either Tiki or Felix were here so I had someone to talk to. But they were both probably asleep. Though maybe Tiki was out practicing her archery. Felix was definitely still asleep, however. He’d spent most of the evening after dinner practicing with that cylinder until he ran out of mana. Then he’d wait for it to regenerate a bit and try again.

He’d said he made some progress, but he’d also said that at this rate it would take him weeks, if not months, to actually do the full exercise. An exercise which was just the very basics. He powered onward regardless. It made me sad to see him like that, to watch him fail and fail and fail again. There wasn’t anything I could to help him with it, and that somehow made it feel worse. At least me sitting against his side while I read seemed to make him feel better, and he’d often flash me a warm smile. It made my current exhaustion feel more than worth it.

I somehow survived the class without my friends and learned some truly fascinating stuff about how plants worked. We delved into the topic of why they created fresh air. I never really thought about where fresh air came from. It was just… there? It posed some interesting questions about home, though. There were few plants in our deserts, so where did the fresh air come from? I wrote the question down as something to ask Felix later, or the professor next week.

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

Walking outside, I found myself alone. The hour-long break ahead of me seemed daunting without my friends. I didn’t bring my book, and now I didn’t have a professor to distract me from thinking about the potential date this evening and I desperately wanted to talk to someone about it. I really shouldn’t have waited this long to make a decision. I could go back to the dorms and wake Felix up. He probably was awake already anyway, and walking there would give me something to do. I doubted he would mind helping me through this. But… something about talking to Felix about this didn’t sit right with me. I couldn’t put a finger on it, but it just didn’t feel right, and the idea made me upset.

Tiki, though, was probably doing archery somewhere. The combat field behind the school-building had a section for ranged combat, and if there was anywhere for her to be, it was there. I could figure out on the way there how to talk about this without revealing I liked men.

I made my way over to the field, avoiding the large groups of students as I traversed the flowery paths. They really went out of their way to make this place pretty and pleasant to live in. Patches of forest, paths made of sleek stones, art along the walls, flowers all over the place, benches to sit down at, and a lot more. And despite all these different things, it never felt cluttered and everything fit together perfectly. I loved it here.

It turned out I was right; Tiki was indeed practicing on the field. She wasn’t alone, but there also weren’t that many people, either. Five at most. I waited until she was done with her set of arrows and approached her. She turned around when I called out and gave me a smile.

“Hey, Alex, what’s up?” she said.

“Hi Tiki, I was actually hoping you could help me with something.”

She agreed, so I helped pick up her arrows and we went to sit at a nearby bench. Close enough that she could still watch the other students doing their ranged combat practice—I couldn’t blame her for that, one person was throwing fireballs—but far enough away we wouldn’t be overheard. I got right to the point.

“I, uh, was asked out on a date and I don’t know what to do about it. I’ve been holding the decision off for a week and am slightly panicking. I sort of want to go, but I hardly know this person,” I said. At first she smiled at me, but she frowned a little at the last part. That made sense. I guess it was weird Viggi asked me out on a date so soon after meeting me. I think I could understand, though. It’s not like there were many lizardkin our age around, so he probably decided to just go for it.

“I know,” I continued. “I should probably get to know them better first, but… I don’t know. I kind of want to give it a go, anyway. I’ve never dated anyone before and—”

“Stop,” she said, interrupting me. “You’re talking to me like I know the situation already. I don’t. If you want my advice, you’ll need to explain it to me first.”

“Yeah, alright, fair,” I said and explained vaguely what happened last Tuesday. I was careful to not mention Viggi’s gender, and she didn’t seem suspicious, so I relaxed a little. Then I explained my thoughts about how I was new to dating and uncomfortable with the idea, but how I did really want a partner. She nodded thoughtfully while I talked, occasionally asking a question or asking me to elaborate on what I meant.

“So, let me get this right. You want to try going out on a date with him—I mean them—and… what’s wrong?” she asked, noticing my wide-eyed stare. How did she know? “Oh, that. You’re a terrible liar and a worse storyteller. You were clearly talking about Viggi. The story you told me just now is really similar to what you told me yesterday about meeting him. I don’t care that you’re gay, Alex,” she said, rolling her eyes.

It really didn’t sit right with me that she figured it out. That was my secret to tell, not hers to figure out. I would have to tighten my act; I couldn’t let this happen again. Then again, was it really so bad if people figured it out? This wasn’t like back home. People didn’t care here. It was something to think on. Either way, it was too late now, so I might as well try to make the best of it.

“I couldn’t know that though,” I said in a subdued tone. “You might be used to it being okay, but that hasn’t always been the case for me. I have to be careful; I don’t want to lose any more people…”

Her expression softened. “I’m sorry, you’re right. I shouldn’t assume things like that. Was it really that bad?”

“It—no, sorry. Can we talk about this another time?” I asked, shaking my head. “It feels too open here.”

“Right, we had something else to talk about, anyway. But now that I know, you might as well tell the full story of what happened.”

And so I did. With a hushed voice, I told her all the parts I initially left out.

“Well, I don’t see the problem. Your main issue is that you don’t really know him, right?” she asked, and I hesitantly nodded. It wasn’t the entire problem, since I also didn’t know if I liked him at all in that way, but it was good enough. “But you’re meeting up with him next Tuesday together with Felix. And if it goes well, you’ll probably spend time together after that too. So why don’t you just ask for more time while you get to actually know him? You can decide later. Incidentally, that gives you more time to work through your other problems, too.”

I nodded along with her words. That… made a lot of sense. Why didn’t I think of that? I was so focused on making a choice now that I completely forgot that I could just shift the problem into the future. I made a mental note to remember that in the future I should consider other options than just the ones handed to me.

“I can’t really help you with that last part,” she continued. “Do you have anyone that you can talk to about that?”

I thought about the support group I would attend this evening. “Yeah, I think so.”

We lapsed into a comfortable silence. Tiki checked her arrows, and I thought over how I would ask Viggi for more time. I figured I had to just show up at the restaurant after the meeting. I didn’t know where his dorm building, let alone his room, was, so I couldn’t go directly to him. My thoughts were interrupted when Tiki spoke up again.

“You know, when you said someone asked you out, I really didn’t expect you to start talking about Viggi,” she said.

I frowned. “Who did you think it was, then?”

She shook her head, smirking slightly. “If you haven’t noticed, I’m not telling you. That’s something you’ll have to figure out by yourself.”

I wanted to convince her to tell me anyway, but the bell rang. I blinked. Had an hour really already passed? I glanced at the clock. It was ten past one. Only five minutes until class started, and I was all the way on the other side of the building where I had to be. I hadn’t even had the chance to eat my lunch. I said goodbye to Tiki and started walking to class at a brisk pace.

I made it to class one minute late. I saw Felix already seated in the back of the classroom and I felt a little giddy. A smile crept onto my face and made my way over to sit beside him. While the professor waited for everyone to settle down, I leaned against him, resting my head and closing my eyes for a moment. I enjoyed the warmth he radiated, and Tiki’s words faded into the background, completely forgotten.