Chapter 51: He likes me back
Felix Sythias’ POV
After everyone else had left, Alex and I splashed around in the water for some time. When we eventually got tired, I laid down on my back in the water with my head near the shore, enjoying the sensation of the water gently flowing around and through my scales. Alex climbed onto my underside, which was just barely underwater, and laid down to rest, too.
With an arm around him, I remembered the way Viggi had left thirty minutes earlier. Not soon after the two women had left, he had made up some excuse to leave too, and then he had winked at me. It was obvious what his intention was, and it was appreciated, but it felt weird to have a wingman—especially since I was the one with wings. And even more so when you considered he would like to get together with Alex, too.
Lying there in the water with Alex, I couldn’t help but think about the absurdity of it all. Here I was, cuddling with my crush while he was only wearing his underwear, all alone in the forest, enjoying the sensation of the water and watching the clouds together. If anyone else told me they’d done this with someone, I would’ve assumed they had gone on a date, and yet, here I was, wondering if Alex liked me back. Friends didn’t do this. Friends hung out, sure, but they didn’t cuddle like they were a couple. And yet we were doing exactly that. We were just friends and were cuddling like we were on a date.
I made yet another mental note in the column saying ‘he likes me back’ and pushed the thoughts aside. I had been making a lot of those mental notes lately. It was getting harder and harder to deny that Alex liked me back. I didn’t want to think about it, though. I was going to talk about it with Hugo tomorrow. I’d think about it then. For now I’d just enjoy this experience.
I looked through the trees at the sun. It was about three quarters through the sky. That, and the rumbling of Alex’s stomach, told me it was time to get out of the water soon. We still had to dry off and clean up here before we could go back to the dorms, after all, and I didn’t want to get back too late. I also didn’t want to get out quite yet, though. This was too nice. There was something special about cloud gazing together while bathing in a river. Alex seemed to agree, too, since he made no move to get out, despite his obvious hunger.
“So, what’d you think of today? Had fun?” I asked, hoping a conversation would keep us here just a little longer.
“Mostly, yeah. I didn’t think water could be this much fun. We definitely need to do this again.”
I chuckled. “Well, it’s only a twenty-minute walk. We could go after class sometime this week? Or you know, we could just use the pool any time we want.”
“Oh, right! We have a pool,” he said, then paused. “...why didn’t we just use that to teach me how to swim?”
I tried shrugging, but my current position, combined with Alex’s weight didn’t allow for it. “If I’m being honest, I totally forgot about it. Does it matter, though? Things worked out fine.”
He nodded his agreement. “True. Anyway, coming back here sometime this week sounds good.”
“Awesome,” I said with a smile.
We fell silent again for a bit, and Alex’s stomach rumbled again.
“Are you hungry?” I asked.
“Ah, you noticed that, did you? I am, yeah, but it’s fine—it can wait.”
I smiled, then patted his stomach. “My talon is over your stomach, of course I’d notice it rumbling. Do you wanna get out and get something to eat?”
“Yeah, sounds good. But in a minute—this is nice.”
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After we got out, I used my magic to help Alex dry off, then we cleaned up what remained of our stuff. We put the towels and blankets on my back so they could dry out while we walked back to the dorms. While the others had taken some of the stuff back with them, they’d left the majority for us. It made sense since I was the one to carry most of the stuff here to start with. They could only carry so much at once. We also decided to leave the table here. Mostly because we couldn’t get it back with just the two of us.
Besides, if we had plans to go back here more often, having a table here wouldn’t be the worst. Jade probably wouldn’t mind. Probably.
When we got back to the dorms, we put the dirty towels and blankets in a laundry basket. Alex settled in to read while I grabbed ingredients for dinner. Looking at him, I noticed him curled up on his bed, reading Scales in the Night, and repeatedly glancing my way as if to check if I was watching him. To give him some space so he could read in peace, I made my way to the kitchen to make dinner. And after dinner, I made sure to climb onto my loft so he could read without feeling like someone was watching him.
I picked up Rivers and continued reading. The otter beastkin in the book had just realized he liked the fox beastkin during a sleepover. It was cute, and light-hearted, but I knew from experience that the book would take a more serious turn now. His sexuality would creep into his life more and more until eventually his mother would discover it and kick him out. I hoped Alex liked the book as much as I did. And if not, I hoped he could at least find some meaning in it.
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The next morning, I left right after breakfast and started making my way to Hugo’s place for lunch. Alex said he was going to spend the morning reading, and then go climbing in the afternoon with Sekara. It was good to see him making more friends, though it left me a little sad. While I’d made a few more friends, too, I hadn’t really spent much time with them. Not with just them, anyway. I only saw Viggi during practice, and hadn’t yet spent time with just Tiki. Either Alex or someone else had always been there for the other times we met up. That was fine, of course, but I wanted to dedicate some time to just them as well. They were my friends, and it was the least they deserved. Maybe Tiki would want to go with me when I went to pick up the mana tracking device next week? We could go shopping. Royals liked shopping, right? Or maybe—
My thoughts were interrupted by something slamming into my right front leg.
“Felix!” the thing squealed with a high-pitched tone.
I flinched back in surprise, but the thing held on. Having a suspicion what—or rather who—it was, I pushed down the instinct to shake the thing off my leg like a twig caught on my scales, and looked down. There, clinging to my leg, was Sophia.
Sophia was Hugo’s youngest child and only daughter. I’d spent time with her in the past, and she always wanted to ride on my back. She must have been playing in the yard, because her clothes were all muddy, and there was a leaf stuck in her hair. Her face was all smiles and grins as she looked up to me.
Then, without warning, she scrambled up my knee, over my shoulder, and onto my neck, where she promptly sat down and tapped her shoes against my scales like I was a stubborn horse refusing to move.
“Sophia! No!” Hugo ran out from their garden to pick her up from my neck. She struggled to keep seated, but her five-year-old strength wasn’t nearly enough to keep a grip. Once he got her off, he chastised her. ”We told you that you can’t just touch strangers like that! You know you need to ask first. Now, say sorry.”
“Sorry,” she mumbled at me, looking down at her feet.
“Apology accepted,” I said, trying to hide a smile. But by Hugo’s own grin, it seemed I was doing a poor job. I turned to him. “It’s alright, she’s still a kid.”
“I know she is, but that doesn’t make it right. And if she doesn’t unlearn this now, it will become a major problem later. Plus, I can’t imagine it feeling too great to be treated like a horse. I know you don’t like that.”
I grimaced a little. It was true it bothered me, but there was no ill intent behind it, nor a misunderstanding. It was one thing when an asshole like Alfred treated me that way, but she was a five-year-old kid and didn’t know any better. Besides, it was hard to stay angry or upset at a child, especially since she apologized. Then again, it did still irk me. I wasn’t a horse. I was fine if people rode on my back, and I even encouraged it, but they had to ask first. In the end I just pushed my feelings on the matter aside—it was handled, anyway.
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Sophia luckily distracted Hugo, so I didn’t have to answer his unspoken question. She tugged on his clothes and he looked down at her. She seemed oblivious to our conversation.
“Can I ride?” she asked, her tone polite.
Hugo looked over to me, and I nodded. So he turned back to her. “You can, but only because Felix said yes. And you need to promise to stay in the saddle this time, okay? We don’t want a repeat of last time.”
She grimaced—as much as a hyperactive child could—and nodded. None of us wanted a repeat of that incident. The last time I was here was about two months ago and like usual, she wanted to ride in my saddle. I had agreed, but while we walked, she’d climbed onto my neck to sit there. None of us had a problem with it, so Hugo just walked a bit closer to catch her in case she fell. We hadn’t noticed anything was amiss until Sophia started crying and we found blood running down her legs. We had both forgotten to take into consideration that she had skin rather than scales, so when she rode on my neck, the skin had gotten stuck between two scales and her leg had been sliced open. It had only been a shallow cut, and not very long, but it had scared all three of us.
Hugo picked her up, and placed her in my saddle, making sure she was strapped in properly before letting go.
While we walked back into their garden, Hugo and I talked.
“Sorry we couldn’t talk last week, but with all the new students finally exploring the campus, and the older students returning from their break with their side-job money, it’s been super busy at the stall.”
I shook my head. “It’s fine, I understand. I’m surprised you aren’t working today, honestly.”
“If I don’t make time for friends and family, I won't get to see them,” he said with a shrug.
“Makes sense, I guess.”
Inside the garden, Hugo’s other child, Zillow, was playing with his dolls by the bushes. He looked over his shoulder at our approach and noticed me. He then spun around with a grin and his ferret ears peaked, whiskers quivering with excitement. At eight years old, he had more self-control than his sister and didn’t run over immediately, though I could tell he wanted to.
“Felix!” he squeaked excitedly.
I waved at the child with a smile. “Hey, Zillow! It’s been a while, huh?”
Whenever I’d come over to meet with Hugo, I made sure to play with his kids, too, but I hadn’t been over in a while. Now, having ‘greeted’ me, he ran over to stand beside his dad.
“Yeah!” he said. “You haven’t been here in forever.”
I chuckled. It had only been two months, but I suppose that’s an eternity for a child. Maybe I should swing by more often. Then again, things would only get busier with my classes… Maybe Hugo had a point with what he said earlier. If I didn’t make time, I would never have it.
“Do you wanna ride in the saddle, too?” I asked. I’d noticed he kept glancing over at his sister while he had talked. He nodded vigorously, so I lowered myself so he could climb on and join his sister. Hugo looked on with amusement sparkling in his eyes, and doing a poor job of hiding a grin behind his hand.
After Zillow had climbed on, his dad helped him get strapped in properly—neither of us allowed them to ride in the saddle if they weren’t. I didn’t want something to go wrong, nor be responsible for it, and he, obviously, didn’t want his kids getting hurt by accident. Again.
Hugo said his husband, Thix, was making lunch and would call us when it was ready, so we decided to go for a little walk around the neighborhood until it was done. I varied the pace a little, going from a walk to a run to a walk, and so forth. Occasionally I did a little jump. The kids loved it. While we walked, Hugo and I made small talk about last week. I talked a little about my classes, and he talked about some rude customers he’d had. I didn’t talk about Alex, though. Not only did I not feel comfortable doing so with the kids on my back, I wanted to actually have the time to talk about it, without the imminent threat of lunch looming on the horizon.
Soon, I heard Thix call in the distance. Hugo heard it too, so we started running back. I didn’t go all out, but I went quite fast, and Sophia and Zillow—especially Zillow—giggled and screamed out in excitement. We got some glares from other people working in their garden, but also a bunch of smiles from other parents.
Thix had set up a table in the garden so I could eat lunch with them. And after Hugo helped the kids off my back, that’s exactly what we did. As usual, I’d brought my own food. I was a big eater, ate mostly expensive meat, and had been the one to ask to come, so it only made sense. Besides, the food budget I got from dad was more than enough to pay for my own food. Sure, I could pay Hugo back for a meal, but paying the host back for the meal was rude and insulting. This was the best of both worlds.
After lunch, Thix took the kids to go play in the park. They didn’t really want to go, until he said their friends would probably be there, too. Then they seemingly forgot all about me. That was fine, I wasn’t here for them, anyway.
“So, what was it you wanted to talk about?” Hugo asked once everyone was gone.
I scratched my neck in embarrassment, but got straight to the point. “How do you know if someone likes you back? In a romantic way, I mean.”
He raised an eye-ridge. “Aren’t you already dating Alex? Are you looking for a third?”
I wanted to be surprised at his reaction, but Viggi had thought the same when he saw us in the restaurant. “Neither of those two,” I said, shaking my head. “I do like Alex, though, and I want to know if he likes me back.”
Hugo leaned back in his chair, one hand tapping the side of his snout thoughtfully. “You certainly seemed very close when you dropped him off last week. I guess this makes more sense, though, given what I’ve seen and heard. So you like him, huh? Doesn’t surprise me, he’s a very sweet kid.”
I smiled. “He is, yeah. I figured it out a few weeks ago, but I don’t know what to do with it. I’m not even sure he likes me back. I think he does, but I could be projecting for all I know. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he’s considering dating someone else.” Hugo’s look of surprise at my last statement morphed from surprise into realization. “What?” I asked.
“Nothing. Just some questions he asked during the meeting suddenly make more sense now.” He shook his head. “Well, you said you weren’t entirely sure he liked you back, so that means you do think he does, at least to some degree, so let’s put aside that last thing for now. Why do you think he might like you back?”
So I did. I explained that we’d gotten so close so fast, to the point of becoming roommates in less than a month. How we trusted each other, with me telling him my secrets—my lack of a System—and he telling me his. I told Hugo about our physical closeness as well, how we constantly hugged, and sometimes even cuddled, including sleeping together. I even told him about yesterday and how we had watched the clouds together. Then I went on about how we sought each other out for comfort, how he always smiled when he saw me, the way he reacted to me giving him the bookmark and telling him he was special.
While I talked, I realized a few more things, so I told those as well. How Alex often chose to spend time with me rather than going out to meet new people, or to meet up with other friends. I knew for a fact that Alex was pretty social and made friends rather easily, so staying with me was a choice, even if it maybe wasn’t a conscious one. Also, how two people had thought we were dating. If two very different people saw how we behaved around each other and thought we were a couple, there had to be something to it, right?
While any of these things didn’t necessarily have to mean anything by themselves, if you put them together, it made for a pretty conclusive picture.
Hugo took it all in and nodded along, not saying a word. After a few moments of silence, he spoke. “I don’t understand why you’re here.”
I looked at him, confused. “What?”
He continued. “It sounds to me like you’ve got it figured out already, so why are you here talking to me instead of asking Alex out?”
“But what about—” I started to say, but he cut me off.
“Right, the other guy. You said he was considering dating someone else? Well, I think that if what you say is true, that you have nothing to worry about. I mean, if he really did like that other guy so much, why is he spending all his afternoons with you instead of him? So, let me ask again, why are you here?”
“I…” I sighed. “What if he doesn’t like me? What if I’m wrong and I’m just imagining all of this? What then? I don’t want to lose him.”
He rubbed the back of his head and sighed. “If you really are as close as you say you are, I’m sure you can talk it out. I do get your fear, though, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say it was a real possibility. There’s risk there. But there’s also a risk in doing nothing. Maybe you get in a fight. Maybe he finds someone else, and it tears your friendship apart. Or maybe you’ll eventually get over it and stay good friends for the rest of your lives. Or you’re right, and he does like you and you have a happy relationship for years to come—maybe you’ll even adopt some kids of your own in the future. No one can say what will happen, and it’s up to you to decide if asking him out is worth it.”
I was quiet. His words weren’t as helpful as I’d hoped. I had wanted him to say my fears were unfounded, but I suppose this was better. Being told your fears weren’t unfounded was also soothing, in a way.
“How do I do that?”
He smiled. “How do you normally determine if something is worth the risk? You look at how large the risk is, and compare it to the possible reward. If you think the risk is worth it, you do it. Personally, I’m not sure your friendship would end even if he doesn't reciprocate your feelings. From what little I know of him, and what you’ve told me, he just doesn’t seem like the kind of person to do that. Sure, things might be rough for a while, and you might need to spend some time apart, but I think you’d eventually get over it.”
I thought for a long moment, mulling it over.
“I think it is worth the risk,” I said finally, surprising myself a bit.
I had to agree with Hugo. Alex simply wasn’t the kind of person to turn his back on me like that. Maybe I was wrong, but I didn’t think I was. Our relationship might be a little rough for a while if he said no, but I thought we could come back from it. The most surprising thing, though, was that I noticed that I didn’t think he would say no.
Talking about the reasons for why I thought he liked me back, and listing them out like that in one go, made me aware of just how obvious it was, and I was amused that I’d had so much doubt just an hour before. I had described a boyfriend to Hugo, not just a normal friend. Regular friends didn’t go out of their way to spend time with each other to this extent, they didn’t cuddle each other to sleep, and a normal friend’s heart wouldn’t have raced like that when his friend called him special. I wasn’t completely certain, but I was as close as I would ever get without asking. The realization was both freeing and scary. Alex liked me back.
Now what?