Chapter 52: Climbing

Alex Sandclaw’s POV:

As my feet hit the ground again, I almost collapsed. Climbing was exhausting. The course was very beginner friendly, but there were multiple parts where I’d had to pull my entire body weight up by just one arm to reach the next grip. Not to mention that the course criss-crossed across the wall like a drunk chicken, making it way longer than it had any need to. So even though I was used to climbing walls, it was exhausting in a way I really wasn’t used to.

“Having fun?” Sekara asked. She was wearing a long-sleeved shirt like usual, and had a grin plastered on her snout that been absent the day before. She really was in her element in this place.

To answer her question, I just nodded since I was still catching my breath. I was having a lot of fun, even. The puzzle solving aspect of choosing the best grips and the best path forward made for a nice challenge, while Sekara’s constant tips, feedback, and conversation made for nice company. It was a bit scary, too. Sure, I was harnessed in and Sekara would catch me with the line if I fell—something we practiced a few times—and lower me safely and softly to the ground, but it was still a several meter drop. All in all, I might ask her if I could join her again sometime.

“Can we take a break, though?” I asked. “I need a rest.”

She grinned. “Tired already, huh? Good that you let me know, though. Climbing while tired is just asking to get hurt,” she said, then continued in a tone like she was repeating someone else’s words, “It’s better to take a break, than to break something.”

We walked to the resting area, and both refilled our bottles at a tap. We sat down at a table and I took in the facility while we rested. It was pretty large, with almost a dozen different climbing walls lined up in a circle around a central area, which was an administrative hut. Each wall had several routes of differing difficulty, while each wall also got more and more difficult in shape and design. There was even one where a part of the climb was completely parallel with the ground. Crazy stuff.

The entire facility was indoors and air-conditioned. It was a bit too cold for either of our likings, but moving made us warm, so we dealt with the temperature. The facility was owned by some higher-leveled climbers, and anyone could enter or take lessons so long as they paid the small entry fee. Luckily, I hadn’t needed to, since Sekara had taken me in as a guest. It was one of the benefits of having a member-pass.

“There’s not that many people here. Is it always this quiet?” I asked.

There were maybe a dozen people in total. And given the size of the building, it felt like a drop in a bucket to what I felt should be here, especially on a Sunday afternoon.

Sekara swallowed her gulp of water and put her bottle down. “Not at all. It’s usually busier, but most of the regulars are away to join the owners in climbing a real cliff, rather than these simulated ones. And since they’re all away, there aren’t any lessons being given either. So everyone here is someone who either didn’t want to go, or are only just experienced enough they don’t need lessons. Zhalia went with them, actually, that’s why she isn’t here.”

“Oh? Why didn’t you join, too?”

“I was going to, but then you asked if we could meet up, and I figured some time away from Zhalia wouldn’t hurt either, so I stayed behind.”

“Ah. How’s that by the way?” I said, gesturing to her arms. “Do you feel a little better now?”

She smiled, fidgeting with a sleeve. “I do, yeah. I went swimming in our dorm’s pool after everyone went to sleep, and that helped a bit. At least it didn’t feel like I completely missed out on the experience that way.”

I felt sorry for her, but I put on a smile, anyway. I hoped it didn’t look too forced. “That’s good,” I said, then we both fell quiet for a while until I broke the silence. “Why doesn’t that pill of yours help with your scales?”

She sighed. “It’s really only a condensed voice changer potion, combined with some hormone stuff. It doesn’t actually change anything physically. There are potions that do that, but they have little to no effect on lizardkin. Though I hope to change that. Anyway, since it only really changes your hormones, they would need years to change my scales to a more female pattern through shedding, and it would be uncomfortable the entire time as the two conflicting patterns would mix as the scales regrow. So I decided to leave it be for now and just wait until they have a slot with a biomancer available for me,” she said, then shook her head. “Enough about me, though. You wanted to ask a question, right?”

Right, I did. I’d almost forgotten because of the fun we’d been having with climbing.

“Yeah. It’s got something to do with relationships, and since you’re the only person I know who’s in one, I figured I should ask you.”

She frowned a little, but it was quickly replaced with a smile. “Alright, what is it?”

“So, a little context first. Someone I know asked me out, and I’m trying to figure out if I should say yes. But I’m not sure if I like them—as in, romantically—so how do you know if you do like them that way?”

“Well, first off, it seems to me that if you need to look for reasons to say yes, you probably shouldn’t,” she said.

I had thought of that as well, but it didn’t seem fair to say no just because of that. Surely I needed to have a better reason, right?

She continued. “Secondly, you don’t need to like someone romantically to go on a date,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “Lots of people go on dates with near strangers. For example, a friend might have set them up, or they met at a bar and decided they wanted to meet up again. The romance stuff can come later as you get to know each other. It’s what happened with me and Zhalia, actually. A friend thought we’d be a good match.”

I scratched my head. “I suppose you’re right. I hadn’t thought of that. I still want to know, though. It doesn’t seem right to say yes if I don’t like him.”

“If you don’t want to go on the date, you can just say no, you know? You don’t need a reason, or excuse.”

“I know,” I said, though I didn’t meet her eyes.

“As for your question, that’s more difficult. How do you know if you like someone?” she mulled over, leaning back in her chair as she brought one hand to her snout to tap at it, thinking. “I guess it’s like wanting to be friends with someone, except it’s stronger than that. They're the person you want to spend time with more than anyone else, because you know they’ll see you for who you really are. You want to be near them, to get to know them better, figure out what they like and dislike, what their favorite food is—much more so than with any other friend you have. For me it also meant wanting to touch Zhalia, to spend time physically close, to hug and cuddle. I also wanted to fuck her badly. Those last things might be different for you, though. I know not everyone is a hugger, and not everyone wants sex.”

“What about butterflies? Some of the books I’ve read always mention a feeling of butterflies in the stomach.”

She giggled. “For some maybe. I didn’t really have such an intense reaction with Zhalia. I did get pretty nervous, though. That’s something that most people go through, too, I imagine. I remember fussing over my clothing every time we met up.” She smiled warmly at the memory. “She was pretty nervous, too, now that I think of it. On our first date, she kept readjusting her dress. Heh, I guess we both worry about our clothing when we get nervous.”

The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

I smiled at her.

“The way I figured out I actually liked her though, was when I compared how I felt towards her to how I felt about my other friends. I realized then that it simply wasn’t the same. I cared much, much more about her than anyone else. I only wanted to hang out with my friends, maybe do some activities together, but I wanted to do all that and more with Zhalia. I wanted to cuddle with her, do things she would want to do, get to know her better, kiss, etc. Maybe you should try the same?”

“You mean now?”

She shrugged. “Why not? It’s not like we’re going anywhere.”

I settled into my seat and closed my eyes, thinking of Viggi. What did I want to do with him? I wanted to finish our game of Capitalism, get to know more about him, and cook together some more. I wanted to take him up on the offer of him teaching me to swim, so Felix didn’t have to watch me all the time when we went swimming again. I didn’t really feel a desire to cuddle, kiss, hug, or be close, though. No, when I thought of that, I thought of Felix. In any case, nothing felt like things you’d want to do with someone you had a crush on.

I compared it all to how I felt about Sekara. With her, I wanted to try more rock climbing, see if I could help her out with her relationship troubles, and maybe go swimming together once. The same kind of stuff as I wanted to with Viggi, really. Sure it was different, but it was the same in an indefinable sort of way. It had the same intensity and weight to it. The same counted for Tiki. I wanted to help her with math, and practice together for the excursion, but nothing remotely romantic. And the same counted for Felix.

No… wait. It wasn’t the same for Felix.

When I thought of Felix, I wanted to do all the normal friend stuff, like getting to know each other, go swimming, and study together, but I also wanted to be near him. I wanted to lie on his chest while I read a book, to feel his arms wrapped around me and his strong heart thundering in my ears. I wanted to cuddle while we fell asleep. I wanted to spend time with him much more than with any of my other friends, and even now I felt the vague desire to rush back home so we could make dinner together. And like Sekara had said as well, there was a small part of me that wanted to do more than cuddling, to try some stuff from Scales in the Night. That part of me was new, and I’d unconsciously been squashing down without realizing. And even as I thought about it, that small part of me grew, consuming more of my thoughts and refusing to be hidden away again.

With some effort, I tore my thoughts away from the fantasies. Did I like Felix? Thinking back on it, and on how I felt now, the answer was pretty damned obvious—yeah, I did. How could I not? He was so sweet, caring, and he made me feel like my problems mattered, no matter how small I thought they were. He made me feel safe and wanted.

It didn’t even feel like a realization, revelation, or even a surprise. The information had been there for quite some time now; I just hadn’t made the right connection. Looking back on the past few weeks, it was silly how I hadn’t. It was so clear in how I felt every time we cuddled, but also in how amazing it had felt when he called me special, and that one time he called me attractive. The feeling lingered in our every interaction, never at the forefront, but there nonetheless.

It was true without a doubt: I liked Felix, not Viggi. But did he like me back? Thinking about yesterday and how we watched the clouds together, I thought the answer to that was pretty obvious, too.

“You look like you’ve figured something out.”

I startled out of my trance and looked up at Sekara, who had her eye-ridge raised at me. “I guess I did,” I told her. “Though not really. It’s more like realizing that the item you’ve been looking for was in your pocket all along.”

“Well, then, don’t keep it to yourself! Unless you want to, of course. I’m not going to force you to tell me.”

I shook my head. “It’s fine. So, to start of with, I definitely do not like Viggi that way—”

“Wait, wait!” she said, interrupting me. “Viggi is the one who asked you out?!”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah. I’ll tell you about it later, okay?” She nodded. “Right, so as I was saying, I don’t like Viggi, but I did just realize that I do, however, like Felix. A lot. I like him a lot.”

She beamed at me. “That’s great! I think so, anyway. He’s your closest friend, right?” I nodded. “That’s really adorable. I haven’t talked much to him, but he seems like a great guy. Do you know if he likes you back?”

I smiled warmly. “He is great, yeah. Without him, I would probably still be sulking in my own room right now, lonely, with no support group, and not out to any of my friends,” I said, then thought over the question. “I think he does. I’m pretty sure, actually. Then again, I might just be reading into things.”

“Oh? Why do you think he might?”

“Well, let’s see. He really likes cuddling with me, we hug all the time, he has called me attractive, and has called me special. He’s also gone out of his way several times to help me, beyond what a friend might do. He also—”

“I get the picture,” she said, then chuckled. “You really suddenly sound so sure of yourself. What happened to the kid looking for advice? I swear he was here just a moment ago!”

At her words, I realized I had been very confident these last few moments. Completely overtaken with finally piecing the puzzle together, I’d completely forgotten about my worries. I deflated a little into my seat, thinking about what would happen now. Would I go ask Felix out instead of Viggi? And what would I even tell Viggi? I pushed the second thought out of my mind. I would have a few days until I saw him again, anyway. I’d think about it later.

“No, no! That’s not how I meant it! It’s a good thing!” Sekara hurriedly clarified.

“It’s not that, I’m just thinking of what I should do next. It’s all good and nice to know I like Felix and that he probably likes me back, but that doesn’t tell me what the next step is. Do I just ask him out? I’m not sure I could do that. What if he says no? I’m not even one hundred percent sure he likes me back. What if I ruin our relationship?”

Sekara put a hand on my shoulder. “Calm down. Let’s take this one step at a time. Before you start panicking about him liking you back, you need to figure out if you want a relationship with him at all.”

I frowned, confused. Taking her hand off my snout, I asked about it. “Why wouldn’t I want to?”

She shrugged. “Maybe you’d be better off as just friends. You might not be compatible at all, and would only get hurt after a few months. I’m not saying you shouldn’t, but you should at least think about it a bit.”

So I did. Less than a second later, I came to a conclusion. Maybe it was the rush of confidence I still felt now, or maybe my subconscious had already thought about the idea and had come to a decision. Whatever the reason, I knew that if it was possible, I wanted to date Felix. Because really, what would change? We were already cuddling more in a few weeks than some married couples did in an entire year. Even yesterday after everyone had left was practically a date. For all intents and purposes, we were already a couple. I just wanted it to be official. Somehow, this only made it all the more daunting.

“I have, and I do.”

She tapped her snout again, thinking some more. “And the fact that he’s so physically different doesn’t bother you? I don’t mean to insult either of you, but I know from experience how important sex can be to a relationship. Not everyone needs or wants it, but most do. So if you don’t feel attracted to him like that, you need to think about it before you commit to anything. Not having your needs met can be… stressful.”

I hadn’t even thought about it twice, if I was honest. Within days of meeting him, I had gotten used to him being different. I couldn’t imagine him not being a dragon, now. And despite our differences, I still found him attractive. He shared most of the aspects I found attractive in other lizardkin. Nice, richly colored scales that were smooth, a well-proportioned tail, a warm smile, and a nicely shaped snout.

If anything, our differences only made him more attractive. His large arms and wings could wrap around me in a way no one else could. His horns sent my fantasies into overdrive as I realized they’d make for perfect handholds. And his larger size made him perfect for cuddling. Sure he walked on four limbs, but that didn’t bother me in the slightest. Besides, it was one of the things that made him him. And I liked him—all of him.

I shook my head. “I don’t think that’ll be a problem.”

“Well, I guess all you’ll need to do then is to ask him out.” She was quiet for a while, thinking, then spoke again. “I know you’re still very new to this relationship stuff, and even to just accepting your orientation, so if you don’t feel like you can do that yet, why don’t you start with flirting a bit? Work up to it in small steps.”

I nodded slowly. That might work. “I’ll try that.”

“Well, and my last tip before we go back to climbing is: don’t wait too long. I know from experience that the longer you wait, the harder it is to ask the other person out. Take the time you need, but please don’t waste the opportunity—you’ll regret it for years to come.”