Chapter 38: Support group I
Felix Sythias’s POV:
I walked back through the streets, the enchanted lights lighting the way. It wasn’t quite dark out yet, but it was close. The sun was setting earlier than I expected, a clear sign that summer was coming to an end. Soon, leaves would start falling from the trees, and the green forests below would turn into a beautiful painting of reds, browns, and yellow. And the forest would smell extra nice, too. I looked forward to fall.
As I wandered down the empty path, I thought back on the things Hugo and I talked about after Alex went inside. Mostly we talked about how I was doing in school, and I told him about the issues I had with my math professor, as well as how much it sucked to sit on the sidelines with Aerial combat. He was sympathetic and told me about the time he lost a leg during a contract and couldn’t participate in several classes because of it. He gave me the advice to ask my professor for exercises and things I could do without wings, so I wouldn’t miss out on as much. I planned on asking Marchie next Monday when I saw her again.
I hoped she would have some. It might only be another few weeks for my wing to heal, but I was getting restless. Some exercises to do in the meantime would be great.
I glanced at my wing, but quickly looked away. It did not look pretty. The first half had regrown, and bone stuck out of the end, half covered in flesh. Further down, not everything had scales on them, exposing the dark, fragile skin beneath. All over the regrowing flesh and bone was a thin layer of slime. It had a green-ish blue tint to it and occasionally glowed with a faint light. It kept the wound clean and killed off any diseases that touched it.
All in all, it was a gruesome sight. People had politely ignored it, but sometimes I caught people sneaking a look. I couldn’t really blame them; I would’ve done the same. But it still bothered me, nonetheless.
After Hugo and I finished talking about my classes, he commented on how close Alex and I appeared to be. He went on to tell me all about how glad he was that I finally found a friend. That was fine, but what bothered me, though, was the extra emphasis he put on the word ‘friend’, and the tone with which he talked about how close we seemed. He clearly implied we were closer than we actually were.
At first I thought I was imagining things, but he kept doing it, and I knew him well enough to know he wanted me to ask what he was talking about. He often did it back when I listened to his stories about the Dry Territories to get me to ask specific questions or to get me to think about something. I didn’t get the chance, though, since the last few people chose that exact moment to show up, and Hugo had to excuse himself from the conversation.
Did he think Alex liked me and that was what he was hinting at? I assumed so. Was it really possible he might like me back? I knew my evidence on this was paper thin, with only his tone of voice to go on, but if two people agreed Alex might like me back… maybe there was truth to it. I couldn’t see it, but apparently Viggi and Hugo could.
I really wanted to finish that conversation with Hugo, now. Even if I was imagining things, surely he would have picked up some helpful pieces of advice in his forty years of life. And at the very least, I could finally get this crush off my chest and talk about it with someone. I desperately needed a different perspective.
I was planning on going shopping tomorrow, anyway. I would just swing by his stall and see if he’s available sometime soon. Unlike Viggi, I knew for a fact that I could trust Hugo. I really needed to know what he thought.
I still found it hard to believe, but if there really was a chance… I’d have to pay close attention to Alex. Maybe I could gleam an answer from how he acted around me and others. Everyone else sure seemed to.
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Alex Sandclaw’s POV:
After the initial introductions, Hugo asked if anyone had any topics they wanted to discuss, or if anything happened in their life that they wanted to talk about. One person suggested life on the campus as a topic, and so those who wanted to say something talked about their experiences, both the good and the bad, while everyone else listened. Sometimes someone would offer a bit of advice to deal with a certain issue, or would elaborate on something that was said with their own experiences, but mostly we just listened to, congratulated, or consoled the people talking.
I learned a lot about what life was like for lizardkin on campus. Overall, it seemed life here was good. The Academy itself was very accommodating to all species, something the headmaster made sure of. From what Felix told me, I had a good grasp of why, so I shared it with the group. One of the most interesting things I learned was that there were hidden spots and rooms all over the campus. These rooms were designed to only be found by certain species and were made specifically for them. They were there so people could relax and recover if the environment—be it people or climate—got too much. For example, there were shady, dark rooms filled with fake trees and plants for the Shadow elves. I thought the whole idea was neat, and when I asked, Viggi promised to show me one for lizardkin some time.
Things weren’t all great, though. The people were far less accommodating than the Academy as a whole was. People told stories of being harassed, driven away, denied service, being given higher prices, and things like that. It didn’t happen often, since the Academy did not look kindly upon it, but it did happen. All because we had scales instead of skin, and a tail on our butts. Though I figured it might have had something to do with how few of us there were on campus.
I had noticed little of it myself, but then, I hadn’t really gone much outside the school area at all. Even so, whenever I sat alone in a public area, I’d seen people stare at me, heard them whisper, and sometimes even saw them point. I’d ignored it, figuring it was just because they hadn’t seen a lizardkin before. And it probably was, since there were only three of us in the entire year one. Not just in our group of a hundred, but in the entire group of a thousand students. But now I was wondering if there was more to it. I hoped not.
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The other two lizardkin in my year were actually the lesbian couple sitting right next to Viggi. I hadn’t had the opportunity to talk with them yet, but the meeting was already winding down, so I’d get my chance soon.
All in all, coming to this group was well worth all the panic and nervousness I’d felt. It was nice to be around my people again. As much as I hated even thinking about it, hanging out with Tiki and Felix just wasn’t the same. I hadn’t realized it before, but as much as I loved hanging out with them, they just didn’t scratch that itch only this could scratch.
I asked Hugo—who sat next to me—about it during a break in conversation.
He shook his head. “It’s pretty common. It’s not so much the fact that we’re all lizardkin, it’s that we all understand. Most of us have gone through similar experiences when we left home, or were forced to leave home. We all lived through growing up there. Your friends may be nice, but they likely haven’t experienced that. That’s why we have this group, to fulfill that need that our partners and friends can’t.”
It was a satisfying enough answer and lessened the growing guilt I felt for thinking my friends weren’t enough. Some part of me still didn’t think that was right to think that way, but between conversations held earlier in the meeting and Hugo’s words, I knew it was irrational. Sometimes a person wasn’t enough, and that was okay. Even if that person is you. You can’t fulfill every need of your partner, someone had said, and that’s why they have friends, to fill those gaps. And that’s okay. I figured I could apply that advice to friendship as well.
Soon after, Hugo winded the meeting down, and everyone got up and mingled. Viggi grabbed my hand, and I let him drag me away from the group—I could have easily shaken his hand off since he purposely only used a loose grip, but I let him. I followed him a small distance away, to a long table set up against the wall. On it were a bunch of different food items. From fish, to meat, to vegetables, to bread, to… mush, to jelly, to pastries. There was well over twenty people’s worth of food. I glanced at Viggi and he grinned at me.
“I know you said no to the date, but I figured we could still eat a bite together,” he said, and grabbed a plate.
“Is that really okay? Shouldn’t we ask someone first?”
He rolled his eyes and shoveled a few different items onto his plate, then reached out and pushed one into my arms. “It’s fine. It’s for everyone. Not all of us can do this meeting and eat dinner, so this was the compromise. Everyone contributes something, and before you ask, yes, it’s fine for you to eat even if you didn’t add anything to the buffet this time. Just bring some cookies next time or something. They don’t expect much from us youngsters, anyway.”
I glanced back nervously at the rest of the group, looking for any sign that someone thought we were doing something wrong. Hugo caught my eyes, and flashed me a thumbs-up. So I shrugged and started picking a few items from the table, adding it to my plate. I didn’t fill it nearly as full as Viggi had, though. I still didn’t like the idea of eating the food when I didn’t contribute anything. I promised myself that I’d make something nice for next week.
I blinked, freezing in place.
“What’s wrong?” Viggi asked around a mouthful of potatoes. He hadn’t even waited to sit down first before stuffing his face.
“Oh, I just realized I’ve decided to come here next week too, that's all,” I said.
Viggi swallowed his potatoes. “Really? I had just assumed I’d be seeing you here every week from now on.”
I shook my head. “I… wasn’t sure this would help, honestly. I also expected to be really uncomfortable. Instead, it has helped more than I thought possible, and I feel safe here. I’m really glad Felix convinced me to give it a try.”
“I’m glad he did, too. I can’t put into words how much this group has helped me.”
“How did you find the group?” I asked. “Felix recommended it to me, but if not for him, I don’t think I ever would’ve found it.”
He thought about that for a moment. “We don’t really advertise, no. Mostly. Usually people find us by reference. Whenever one of us sees a new lizardkin, we approach them and hand them a flyer. I, uh, forgot to hand you one. You’re very cute, and I kind of got distracted.”
“You think I’m cute?” I asked with wide eyes, surprised. On second thought, it made sense. It was just really weird to hear a guy say that. His deeper, manly voice just didn’t match up with my instilled expectations of a higher pitched womanly voice. It was nice, though, and flattering. It even made me feel a little warm.
It was also kind of underwhelming. Viggi had just called me cute, and all I felt was a sense of being flattered. I expected… I don’t know what I expected, but I expected more. Even Felix’s hugs gave me a warmer feeling than this. It felt like something was missing, but I didn’t know what. I’d never been called cute before, so I didn’t really have anything to go on.
“Of course I do,” Viggi said, rolling his eyes. “Why do you think I asked you out? Pity?”
“No, but it’s just different to actually hear you say it, I guess. This is all still really new to me.”
He blinked. “Right, sorry, I keep forgetting you’re new to all of this. You’ve really never been in a relationship before?”
I shook my head. “No, I really never got the chance. I wish I did, though… can we please talk about something else?”
“Sure. Oh, I was telling you how I found the group. That’s a pretty boring answer, actually. My therapist recommended I give it a try, so I did. I didn’t really like it the first time, but a year later… something happened, so I decided to give it another try. I’ve been coming here ever since.”
“I’m sorry that whatever happened, happened, but I’m glad you found something that helps.”
After that, neither of us knew what to talk about next, so we decided to sit down somewhere. There weren’t any tables, but the chairs were light enough. We moved them and sat down opposite each other near the wall, and ate in silence. The food was good. I had grabbed a few different meats, and a single type of fish, along with some really nice looking bread. The cuts of meat and fish were small, luckily, or else I might have had to stick with only one type. Which was probably the reason why they were small, I realized.
As we ate, Sekara and Zhalia asked if they could come sit with us. Neither me nor Viggi had any objections, so we rearranged the chairs to sit in a small circle of four. I wanted to talk with them, anyway. I had a few questions that I hoped weren’t too rude.