Chapter 109: Goodbyes
Alex Sandclaw’s POV (continued):
At first, my thoughts raced for a solution, some way to fix this problem before mom got angry. Could I say I misspoke? Or that she misunderstood? No, neither of those would work. Maybe I could just ask her to forget about it, so we could continue on like nothing happened? To pretend I didn’t just correct her. Or I could just power on, hoping she’d let it drop?
But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I didn’t want to do any of that. Felix was my boyfriend. I shouldn’t be ashamed of that. And more than that, I didn’t want to hide that part of myself anymore. I didn’t need it to shove it into people’s faces, but I wanted to be able to mention I had a boyfriend when people asked, and to talk about relationship stuff without being super vague about it—like I’d done with Tiki. However, what I wanted the most was to not have to walk on eggshells around the people I cared about. I wanted to be able to be myself around them—I was gay, and I was sick of pretending I wasn’t—and if that meant I wouldn’t be seeing them again… I was okay with that.
So, she could either deal with it, or I would leave. Then again, leaving mom meant leaving Yizo. I didn’t want that either. I’d have to find a middle ground, it seemed. Maybe saying nothing was for the best, after all. That way I didn’t needlessly antagonize her, while still having corrected her.
I shook my head. “Nevermind. Like I was saying, we met on the first day. I wanted to send you guys a letter that I was okay and he gave me a lift. Did it arrive yet, by any chance?”
Mom stared at me for a moment, her mouth working, but no words coming out. Then also shook her head. “No, we didn’t get a letter. Or at least, I don’t think we did. I’ll ask your father later,” she said, and paused for a solid few seconds. “And I’m sorry, it’s just all still very new and… foreign to me. I’m trying to understand, but it’s hard.”
I looked at her for a moment. She was still frowning, but it was more a frown of confusion than malice. I also noticed her tail kept twitching—she was nervous. Maybe I could have a conversation with her about this, anyway. “I don’t need you to understand, I just need you to love and accept me,” I said.
She winced a little. “I know. And I do love you, and I want to accept you,” she said, taking her tail in her hands like I did so often when I was nervous or unsure. “I don’t want you to leave again without even saying goodbye, so that means I’ll have to change. But it’s hard and it’ll take time.”
I wanted to yell at her, to tell her that it really wasn’t that hard. That I didn’t understand what she saw in dad, either, but that I still loved and accepted her, regardless. Was it really so hard to just accept that someone different from you could still be normal?
I was glad I didn’t yell, though. I knew that it was easier for me than for her. Of course it was easy for me to accept her straightness, she’d been straight my whole life. Everyone around me had been. But to her, I’d just been gay for one evening, and then I’d disappeared only to return today. She hadn’t really gotten the chance to see that I was still just me—that I was, in fact, the most myself I’d been in years.
I nodded. “I understand. And I appreciate that you’re trying,” I said, then stood up to give her a hug. “And I won’t leave again without saying goodbye, I promise.”
We separated after a solid few seconds. “So, Felix is your boyfriend?” she asked. I noticed she kept fidgeting with her tail, though.
“He is, but we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
She’d already made great steps, I didn’t want to push her further than she could handle. It would come with time.
“I want to know more about your life these past few months,” she said, shaking her head. Then she hesitated. “I know he talks, but he is a person, right? And not just a beast you taught some tricks? I can try to accept you’re gay, but I can’t and won’t accept you being into monsters.”
I scowled at her. “He’s as much a person as anyone else. Don’t call him a monster again.”
She held up her hands, a shocked expression on her face. “Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean to offend him—I just needed to know for certain. I think you could understand why?”
I sighed. I understood, even if I didn’t like it. “I do, it’s just that he’s had some trouble with awful people calling him a monster recently, and he gets really upset by it, so I get a bit defensive about it.”
She smiled a little and nodded, letting her tail drop from her hands. “I can see that, and I understand. I’d probably be bothered by it, too, if I were him. But if something so different from us as humans and elves are people, too, why not a…” She looked at me confused for a second. I chuckled and told her Felix’s species. She continued. “Why not a dragon, as well? It’s a little weird he walks on four legs rather than two, but I’m sure humans think it's weird we have a snout and tail, too. Just like I think it’s weird that they don’t.”
I smiled at her. “Exactly!” I said. “That’s exactly it. He’s just different from us, but not any less a person.”
It was something some people just didn’t seem to get. So what if he was different from you? Everyone was different from you, so in the grand scheme, was Felix that different from anyone else? Well, to be fair, to me he was. No one else was my boyfriend, after all.
“I can see that,” she said. “Well, a bit, anyway. We didn’t get much of a chance to talk. You’ll have to introduce him properly sometime. Does the Academy have a Fall break? Maybe you could visit?”
I saw her hopeful expression mentally cheered. She really did want me to come visit again, and she even wanted me to bring Felix! My smile turned into a grin. “We do, though I’d have to ask Felix for the specifics,” I said. “I think you’d like him, by the way. He’s all polite, studies a lot, and he likes reading almost as much as I do, perhaps even more so. He’s a bit shy, but really kind and sweet. He’s a great cook, and he really makes me feel like I matter…” I said, then trailed off, as I realized I was gushing. I looked to the ground, embarrassed.
“He sounds like a lovely person. I’ll look forward to meeting him properly,” mom said.
I glanced at the doorway, as if Felix was just about to barge in. He wasn’t, though, but that was alright. I’d see him soon enough. “He is,” I said. I was sure I looked like a dreamy-eyed idiot.
I turned back to mom and saw she was smiling an odd gentle smile. Was that… nostalgia, maybe?
“What is it?” I asked.
She shook her head. “Nothing. It’s just that this is the happiest I’ve seen you in a very long time. I’m glad you found someone who makes you happy, Alex, even if I don’t understand it entirely yet,” she said. “Though, seeing how just talking about him makes you smile, I understand a little better already. If being with Felix makes you happy, then that’s alright with me.”
This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.
Relief washed over me as she said that, and I relaxed a little—I hadn’t even realized I’d been tensing my tail. Was she all the way there yet, and fully accepting? No, but she now understood the most important part—Felix made me happy—and that was good enough for me.
I stood up from my chair and hugged mom tightly. She was a little surprised at the intensity but hugged me back. I nuzzled my snout into her neck, my eyes stinging a little from the tears welling up in them. I’d hugged her before today, but there had always been this little voice in the back of my head. Now there was just love.
“What’s all this for?” mom asked.
I quietly wiped away a few tears. “For trying and doing your best to be a good mom,” I said. “You don’t know how much I missed you.”
There was a moment of hesitation. “For what it's worth, I’m sorry about what happened before you left. I should’ve stood up for you. What your father said to you really wasn’t okay.”
“No, it wasn’t,” I said, feeling even more tears rolling down my snout. I hadn’t even known I needed to hear mom say that. “It really wasn’t. Why… why would he say something like that? Doesn’t he love me?”
She just hugged me tighter. “I’m sorry Alex, I wish I could tell you, but I don’t know either.”
“It really isn’t fair,” I said, feeling my sadness bubbling over in anger. “What did I do to deserve his anger? Be myself?”
“It’s going to be okay, Alex,” she said, rubbing the back of my head. I felt wetness running down my back.
“No, it isn’t,” I said with a surly tone.
She sighed. “No, it’s not. But what can you do about it? I think you should just put it out of your mind for now, and enjoy this little bit of time we have together.”
I was about to respond when another set of arms wrapped around us. I glanced around and saw Yizo hugging both of us.
“Shouldn’t you be in bed?” I asked with a chuckle, feeling my anger melting away. How could I stay anrgy with Yizo hugging me?
He just shook his head and buried his snout in my scales. “I love you,” he mumbled. “Even if dad doesn’t.”
“I love you, too,” I said back, wrapping one arm around him.
Yizo continued. “You need to wash, though. You stink.”
Mom and I both laughed. It was true after all. Days on end fighting monsters without washing tended to make you smell not that great.
The hug lasted a little while longer, then we separated again. Yizo sat with us, and mom let him stay even though it was long past his bedtime. Mom even brought out some snacks. We talked for quite a time, and I told her all about the friends I’d made and the things I’d done. Eventually though, Yizo was practically asleep in his seat and I was on the edge of collapse as well, so we decided to end the night there.
Mom made a bed for me in the sleeping room, and after I washed up a little, I joined them. It was strange sleeping together with my family again—or well, most of it. It was exactly as I remembered it. Between the sound of their breathing, the comfortable pillow, their presence in the room, and my exhaustion, it didn’t take long until I fell asleep.
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I was woken up by Felix poking his head inside the room through the window. I blinked up at him and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes.
“Good morning,” he whispered.
I greeted him back, then yawned. It felt like it was quite early, though it was more likely I’d just been very tired. Sleeping here again had been nice, but I couldn’t wait to get back in my own bed. I was going to sleep for so long that people would start getting worried I was in a coma.
I got up from my makeshift bedding and stretched. Mom and Yizo were still asleep, so I made sure to be quiet as I stepped around them and made my way to the door.
Felix was already waiting when I got outside. I gave him a kiss and hug, doing my best not to comment on his smell. Was this what I had smelled like, too?
“You’ll need to shower when we get back,” I said.
“That bad, huh?” he asked. “I guess that’s to be expected. I accidentally ripped one of the snakes open above my head, and it rained guts. It was nasty, but I got most of it by rolling in the sand. I can still feel some dried blood between my scales, though.”
“You got all of them, then? No more snakes?”
He nodded. “No more snakes.”
I smiled. “Great! That’s a huge weight off my chest. We can leave without worry, now,” I said. “Well, almost. There’s one thing I wanted to do first, if you don’t mind? It shouldn’t take long.”
What mom had said yesterday had stuck with me. She had been right. There wasn’t anything I could do about dad. He wasn’t going to change, so what was left? She probably hadn’t meant it this way, but I was just going to cut him out of my life. It was the only thing I could still do, and I’d long since lost any reason not to do it.
Felix shook his head. “We don’t have to leave right now. I won’t make you leave without saying goodbye at the very least. Speaking off, I think your mother just woke up.”
I turned around to peek inside the door. Mom blearily walked over to the large jug with water. She splashed a little onto her face, then headed towards the bathroom, to empty her bladder and put on some clothes, no doubt. I turned back and chatted with Felix about his hunt for a while as we waited for her to come out.
It sounded like it had been quite some work to track them all down. The ones that had ran had been easy to find, but the ones that had already been missing when we began the fight had proven to be harder. It took him most of the night to find them all. And he only managed to track them down by following the trails and their smells.
It didn’t take long for mom to come out. She joined us, and Felix repeated his story of having taken care of the snakes. She, understandably, looked relieved at that revelation. From what I’d gathered, the snakes had been harassing the village for months now. They started only shortly after I’d left, and despite dad’s best efforts as the village guard, he was unable to do much to stop them. I hoped he would feel sour about the fact I took care of it for him.
“So, what will you do now?” mom asked. “Will you go straight back to the Academy? They’re probably worried sick about you two.”
“We are,” Felix told her. “I don’t want to keep my dad waiting any longer than I need to. We’re taking a small detour first, though,” he said, then glanced pointedly at me.
Mom looked at me and raised an eyeridge. “There was someone I wanted to talk to before I left,” I said. “Do you know where dad’s staying? Exactly, I mean, not just ‘with a friend.’”
Mom looked at me suspiciously. “Don’t go looking for a fight. You’ll just end up hurt.”
I shook my head. “I know, I know. I won’t set myself up for failure like that. He won’t get to do any talking.”
“Alright, then,” she said. “He’s staying at Robert’s house. He’s probably still asleep, though.”
I chuckled. “That sounds like his problem.”
She smiled, putting her hands on my shoulders. “You’ve grown, Alex. You were a boy before you left, but you’re a man now—confident and caring. It makes me a little sad to know I couldn’t be there for you while you grew up. Promise me you’ll come and visit us.”
I pulled her into a hug. “I will.”
After we let go, I went inside and woke Yizo up to say goodbye. He was a little pissed I didn’t wake him up sooner, but quickly got over it to wish me a goodbye. I gave him one last hug, promised I’d return, then left. Outside, Felix waited for me and I jumped into the saddle.
Before we left, though, mom stopped me. “Don’t be too hard on your father. He probably deserves it, but I don’t want him to take it out on Yizo.”
I nodded. “I’ll do my best, though I can’t make any promises.”
We said our final goodbyes, then walked through the village to dad’s friend’s house. From the light coming through the window, it was clear that at least someone was awake already. Good.
I got off Felix and knocked on the door. It didn’t take long for someone to open the door. And there he was, my father. Though, really, could I call him my father anymore at this point?
He scowled at me, resentment burning in his eyes.
“What do you want?” he asked, his tone as antagonistic as his stance.
“Hello Bryce,” I said coldly. “We need to talk.”