Thropp the Destroyer clutched his oven-sized acorn and peered down at Matt’s party. He was Level 19 and his bar was outlined in gold. Matt’s arm hairs prickled and his instincts yelled ‘Run.’ Yet he gripped his weapons and stood his ground.
The house-height squirrel leaned into his stare and his shadow crept closer. Leaves rustled around the rim of the clearing. Spikes of grass swayed, taller than Matt.
Then Thropp the Destroyer took one thunderous step forward. Matt’s heads-up display flashed on and the massive acorn was in the air.
Hot shards of nut and ash covered Matt’s side, ears ringing, health down a quarter.
Matt shook his head, sound returning through a high-pitched ring. A crater lay between him and the girls. Their health was barely at half. They flared with self-heals. Matt threw his sword at his belt and snapped three times.
He stared back up at the squirrel—just in time to see a giant arm swiping.
Matt was on the ground, health below half. He used a Health Potion.
Thropp lunged at Fallyn and Val.
“Attack me you giant fuzzy rat!” Matt Taunted as he scrambled to his feet.
Thropp the Destroyer whirled with a stomp, debris scattering. Matt backed up, snapping, then drew his sword.
“Wiggles! Scratch Attack!” yelled Val.
Light began to pelt the enemy’s back. Matt Shield Slammed, then Blood Slashed. Thropp the Destroyer raked deep cuts down Matt’s neck and torso.
Matt screamed. He flung his sword at his belt and triple snapped. His health spiked up, but it continued to drop as he bled: 50%, 45%,…
Thropp giggled, still just under 90% health. An acorn grew from a ball of light in his hands. He lifted it above his head, sparks sputtering.
Matt raised the butt of his sword but Conk wouldn’t activate. He couldn’t reach the creature’s head.
The giant acorn dropped.
Matt angled his shield against the nut and activated Bulwark.
He sunk into his stance. As if in slow motion, the acorn slammed into his shield. It slid off. An explosion. Matt could feel the ground. He was the ground. He watched the lines of his heads-up display, the bars in his party interface, the bar above the boss.
Thropp was only at 85%. Matt was running out of tricks. Thropp stomped towards the girls.
Matt broke Bulwark and Taunted, “Come back here you giant tree-rat!”
The two-story squirrel whipped around and slashed across Matt’s chest.
The world turned red. Matt was on the ground.
Potions were still on cooldown. So was Bulwark. Fuck.
Thropp the Destroyer giggled and raised a massive acorn above his head, a planet-killing meteor in a red-tinted sky.
Then blue rushed in.
“At least you remembered to turn him,” a familiar voice said.
“Kurtis,” Matt breathed, scrambling up.
“Yeppers!”
Matt Shield Slammed and followed quickly with Blood Slash.
“What happened?” Matt yelled.
Then Matt was on the ground. All he could hear was ringing in his ears. Lights were flashing. The enemy towered some distance away. An acorn had exploded. How long had he been out? Matt stretched his eyes, his jaw, forcing himself standing. He cast Rapid Regeneration and heaved himself and his weapons towards the fight.
A cold wind whipped through the clearing. A massive tree erupted up from its center, rumbling as it pushed aside dirt and rock. The trunk was as wide as two cars. The squirrel boss leaped to the tree and climbed.
Kurtis’s box returned to Matt’s party interface as Thropp the Destroyer hung from the trunk like King Kong on the Empire State Building. The rodent burst with white fire and throbbing arrows. Fallyn’s staff streamed twining energy.
Thropp cackled.
Wiggles leaped to Body Slam but collided with the trunk, tumbling into a somersault. “Wu.”
Then the cackles transformed into a nails-on-chalkboard screech. The air warbled, drilling sound and energy into everyone below. It cut through Matt, a wind that wasn’t air. It pushed at his skin and clothes and pierced through.
Matt screamed. When the waves finally stopped, he was shaking.
“Come down here, you rabid taxidermy!” Matt Taunted.
Thropp the Destroyer stared directly at him, giggled, but wouldn’t move.
“It’s probably a 50% mechanic!” Kurtis yelled.
The rest of the group continued to attack while Matt waited.
Then he had an idea. Matt made a fist. He shoved it towards the giant squirrel, opening his fingers. Yellow snot hurled towards the rodent, sticking to its fur. Matt did it again, and again. The squirrel’s limbs and torso became slick with neon yellow goo.
Matt finally had a ranged attack. He wasn’t sure if it was doing much, but he damn well wasn’t going to just stand there.
Thropp the Destroyer leaned out from the trunk, lining up his giant acorn to bomb them. Matt backed up. Thropp released his payload. The acorn slid, trailing threads of slime, then stopped a few feet below the squirrel. Matt backed up farther, watching the massive nut bounce on a snot elastic band. It exploded.
The tree trunk cracked. Its canopy plummeted with a rush of air, snapping sticks and rustling leaves. Thropp the Destroyer fell down beside it, shaking the ground on impact. The squirrel boss’s health was at 17%.
Thropp shook his head and leaped at Matt, slashing. Matt blocked what he could. He threw his sword at his belt and started snapping.
Thropp the Destroyer dipped to 10% and screeched. A faint rumble sounded, like distant galloping horses. It grew louder.
“What is that?” Val yelled.
“Kill him faster!” Matt yelled back.
Then hundreds of regular squirrels—the kind they’d found elsewhere in the Continuance—popped out from the woods forming a ring around the clearing. They bounced towards Matt’s party, all giggles and claws.
Fuck. There was no way he could Taunt them all. There was no way it would do any good. Softball-sized acorns clunked on his back trashcan lid.
Matt Shield Slammed Thropp, ramming its sharp butt into his leg. He yanked it free and Blood Slashed then he shoved its flat up to Shield Slam again.
“Die faster!” Matt yelled, health steadily dropping.
One of the smaller squirrels leaped for his head. Matt dodged right and it latched onto his pauldron.
“Get off!” Matt twisted.
Then he was in the center of a vortex, a deadly meteor storm. Streaks of purple light crashed down all around him. The squirrel on his shoulder fizzled and fell. It was magical and terrible and somehow he was okay. It was Fallyn.
Thropp the Destroyer had 3% to go. The rodent swiped its giant claws through the purple streams and Matt blocked, heaving his shield. He Blood Slashed beneath the arm. 2% remained. Then Matt sheathed his sword. He held his shield with both hands and rammed the point forward with a lunging Shield Slam.
The purple stopped like a tap suddenly shut off. The army of squirrels kept coming. Acorns clunked.
“I hate fucking squirrels!” Matt yelled.
Thropp’s health fell to 1%. Fire and lightning burst from Fallyn’s staff. Thropp raised a massive acorn above his head. Midnight arrows thwunked into his hands. Matt Shield Slammed and Blood Slashed.
This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.
The acorn poofed into a cloud of dust and Thropp the Destroyer crashed to the ground. The smaller squirrels shrieked as the clearing quaked. They poofed into a hundred little gray-brown clouds.
White text, ‘350,000 XP’ followed by ‘Challenge 3: complete,’ floated up to the sky. A slew of dings sounded, score increasing. The timer below it stopped. Matt’s interface read ‘Megabowl score: 4463,’ ‘Megacastle time: 1.416.’
Matt shot a weary glance at Kurtis. “Good fucking timing.”
“I aim to please.”
“Glad you’re okay!” Val grinned.
“Same,” said Fallyn with a warm smile. “Shall we see what we got for that?”
Matt nodded, putting his shield on his back and his sword at his hip, then he touched the corpse. The small black window contained 50 CCs, an icon that looked like sheet music labeled ‘The Song of My People,’ and a sword with yellow text.
Matt opened his inventory to check out the weapon. He assumed he wouldn’t be able to equip it for another level since Thropp had been 19, but the item specified no level. Every weapon he’d encountered before this had a level requirement. He’d never seen yellow item text before.
Its name was Destroyer’s Blade. There was something different about it—different like the Tower Key and more. The item listed its stats as ‘+1440 Weapon Power’ and ‘+100 Primary Stats,’ and then stated ‘Additional effects to be unlocked.’ It didn’t say how.
Matt stowed his old sword and equipped Destroyer’s Blade. He held it up in front of him and it fluoresced in his hand, soft blue like his spells. He traced a slow arc as if it were a sparkler in the night. It almost seemed to hum.
“Now that is cool!” Kurtis said.
“Right?” Matt held it out. There looked to be a pattern woven on the blade, symbols too small to read. It was covered in them. “Hey, what does yellow text mean?”
“You got a legendary?!”
“If that’s what that means.”
“Oh, cool!”
The corpse popped and Matt jumped. A tendril of smoke rose above it and bacon-smell began to waft.
“What did Matt get?” Val asked.
Bright light came from everywhere and nowhere. The giant-sized forest, the crumpling corpse, his friends, all dissolved into nothing. Matt was weightless. It was peaceful in the quiet white. He wasn’t even sure he had a body. There was nothing but white—until there was.
Stubbly grass began to poke through the blankness at his feet. He was in a field. And then his friends were there too. He squinted against the sunlight.
They were in an open area—some sort of field—looking down on the Megafestival tents. Matt could see the path leading to them, down the hill and through the trees.
Wiggles head-butted Matt’s leg. He reached down to scratch the beaver’s noggin and smiled, then was bowled over by elbows and legs.
“Ouch,” said none other than Sofia Mariano.
Dirk extended a hand to Matt, then hauled him up from the ground. “This is Kyle, Sherry.” He thumbed to their two male companions. Then he pointed around Matt’s group. “Fallyn, Val, Wiggles, Matt. Everyone good?
Matt checked and found his weapons holstered. Val gave two thumbs up and Wiggles held up his fist.
Kyle glanced at Dirk. “Why is there a fisting beaver?”
“I’ve never been fisted by a beaver before,” Sherry said.
Matt could feel Dirk rolling his eyes beneath his hood.
The two groups moved out of the way before any more parties materialized. Towards the camp was the only direction that made sense. They had the final challenge quest to turn in. On the way, they swapped stories about the Megacastle. No one from the other group had disappeared.
“So where did you go?” Fallyn asked on their way down the hill.
Kurtis hesitated long enough to grab his tail. “Some sort of courtroom slash throne room. The High Chancellor from the sky was there and a man who looked like the one I met before, but wasn’t.”
“So you were in a room filled with aliens?” Dirk said.
“Yeah?” Kurtis ran a hand along the back of his neck. “Sort of? Some of them looked like us. I felt like a zoo animal.”
“What did you tell them?” Matt asked.
“I don’t think it was what they wanted to hear. Can we talk about something else? Matt got a sword.”
“Oh yeah!” Val said.
“Oh?” said Dirk.
“Uh, Kurtis says it’s legendary.” Matt drew the weapon from his belt. It blazed blue then dimmed to a soft glow.
Dirk whistled.
“Pretty,” Val said.
“What does the legendary part mean?” Fallyn asked.
“Well, the text is yellow.” Matt shrugged. “It also doesn’t have a level and has a weird ‘additional effects to be unlocked’ note below its stats. I really don’t know though. Kurtis?”
The cat-man shrugged. “All I know is yellow or orange usually means legendary, which is typically the most powerful and rare.”
“Aww, Kurtis.” Val grinned. “We finally know why you look like you do.”
“Ha ha,” Kurtis said flatly. “You guys get anything good?”
The field narrowed to a path through the trees.
“All purples here,” said Sherry.
“Rocket boots,” Val said with another grin.
“What?” said Matt.
“It’s what they say. Team Rocket Boots (Level 19). Medium Armor. +78 Physical Resist. +55 Stamina. Blast off again with up to one other person and your pet. 10-minute cooldown.”
“Woah, that’s neato burrito!” Kurtis said. “My gloves have an effect too. Lay on Hands. It looks like a HoT I can put on someone. Level 19 Light Armor.”
“Did all of you get items with effects?” Sofia asked.
Matt turned and raised his eyebrows.
“I suppose we did,” Fallyn said. “Mine is a Twilight Cloak. It’s supposed to let me hover and slow my fall. I’ll have to experiment.”
“Woah and those are purple?” Dirk said.
“Cept for Matt’s,” confirmed Val.
“Huh,” Dirk said. “Ours just have stats.”
Fallyn narrowed her eyes. “What’s your score and time?”
“5108 and 1.667.” Dirk shrugged. “You?”
“4463 and 1.416. I wonder if the time has to do with it.”
Matt was stunned. He felt lightheaded. He was going to be sick. The two groups kept walking. Bile rose to his throat. He ran to the trees and puked.
“That mofo was huge!” Sherry was saying up ahead.
Someone laughed.
Fallyn approached and gently laid a hand on Matt’s back. “You okay?”
“No.”
“We’ll figure it out. Just like we have for everything else.”
Matt wiped at his mouth and nodded. “Sorry. I’ll be fine.”
“Let’s turn in our quest?” she said.
“Yeah.”
A few minutes later, they were in the field with Septimus Flower, soundless fireworks exploding in the blue sky above. It didn’t feel like a celebration. They had failed. The colors of the tents seemed less vibrant. A crowd of perhaps a hundred people gathered before the rainbow-clad man.
“I just about had a heart attack when the statues shattered!” someone said.
“Oh my Lord, it was everywhere. It just let us resurrect back here.”
“It’s designed to be unwinnable,” came a familiar voice. “I’m gonna sue someone. You can’t have a contest like this.” It was Brett.
Matt followed the voice and found him complaining in front of a green and purple striped tent. A string of multicolored triangle flags flapped above. Matt didn’t recognize the three people with him.
“There’s no way,” Brett continued.
At least karma got that one, Matt thought.
Val had already run up to Septimus. Fallyn and Kurtis weren’t far behind. Sofia and Dirk’s group had disappeared somewhere into the crowd. Matt turned away from Brett and followed his friends.
“Septimus, I’ve completed my quest,” Matt yelled.
Septimus smiled through his perfect goatee and leaned down, bringing the familiar blur with him.
“Welcome, specialist. Congratulations. This is no small feat. In recognition of your heroism, you may choose a reward.”
Septimus spread his hands and three icons floated between them, all purple quality and Level 19. First was a Wand, tinted red as a warning. He’d never seen one of those before, but vaguely recalled something about them from the white room. Next was a medium armor jerkin. Then the third item was a heavy armor chestplate. It had to be better than trashcans.
“Chestplate.”
Septimus flicked the icon forward and it zoomed into Matt’s inventory. “There you go! May the moons keep you.”
Then Septimus Flower straightened, blur fading. The murmur of the crowd returned. ‘10,000,000 XP’ floated up into the silent fireworks. Tingles gathered as white text, ‘Title granted: Megabowl Champion’, appeared—and then they dissipated. A buzzer sounded. A black box popped up, reminiscent of the one that asked if he wanted to resurrect. ‘Error,’ it read. ‘Level 20 locked. Access to expansion content required.’
What the fuck? Matt thought. What the actual fuck? Matt turned to his group. “You guys get this error?”
“Yup,” said Kurtis.
“Is it just another fuck you?” Matt said.
Kurtis shrugged.
“Seems like it,” Val said.
“Wu,” added Wiggles through the branch in his mouth.
“I thought all that XP was suspicious,” said Fallyn.
“What the hell do we do now?” Matt said.
No one answered.
Matt read the message twice more, then he closed the window and opened his inventory. He found his new armor under ‘S’: Solid Chestplate (Level 19), Heavy Armor, +300 Physical Resist, +290 Magical Resist. Matt pulled the icon to his body. It hugged his core and he stood up straighter. Black segments unfurled down the length of his arms.
He reached for his weapons to test his mobility. His shield and sword leaped to his hands. The blade flared blue and almost seemed to hum. The plates on his torso and arms were surprisingly mobile; they flexed well as he moved. He sunk into his stance, feeling the ground. He felt like a knight. And damn it felt good.
They spent the next hour testing out items. Val and Wiggles rocket-crashed into the roof of a yellow tent. She was in the process of convincing Fallyn to ride along with them for height to test her slow fall when Sharkie sauntered up to the group.
“Snazzy.” Sharkie grinned. “Also, that was nuts!”
“Exploding nuts,” said Kurtis with a smile.
“Eh!” She pointed at Kurtis, continuing to smile.
“The little zombie squirrels at the end.” Manuele shook his head. “I thought we were gonners.”
“Wait, you guys had the ugly-stinky ones?” Val said.
Manuele scrunched his face. “You didn’t?”
Val shook her head vigorously and Fallyn raised an eyebrow.
“BRB!” Sharkie said, pivoting towards Septimus.
Manuele pointed at her and followed. Miles raised his eyebrows and Chels smiled.
“Hey,” came a voice from Matt’s left.
He turned towards it and holstered his weapons in one smooth movement.
Cathleen offered him a hesitant smile. “Sorry to interrupt.”
Matt didn’t know what to say.
“I just saw you there and, well, I wanted to say I’m sorry.”
Matt continued to stare at the woman. She still had the pink glowstick circlet on her brow, but the luau skirt had been replaced by a velvety blue robe.
“Matt?” Cathleen said. “I, I don’t know if I believe everything Guy said you were saying. But he wasn’t making a lot of sense either. He was really mad. I didn’t know you had a history. I still don’t feel like I have the full story. But, I guess, I would have done things differently? I hope I would have.”
Matt searched her face. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for. This just seemed so small and insignificant compared to everything else going on.
“Aren’t you going to say something?” she asked.
“No.” Matt sighed. “Okay, I guess that was something. But…” he ran a hand along the back of his head. “Thank you for your apology.”
She held out a hand. “Friends again?”
Matt didn’t take it. “Give me some time.”
She nodded and backed away. Matt turned back to his friends; they had congregated in front of a blue tent. He closed the distance.
Val was trying to teach Wiggles to high-five. Fallyn leaned into her staff with a knowing smile. Kurtis held his hand out so that Val could demonstrate.
“So, who do we think won this thing?” Sharkie said. “Sure wasn’t us.”
“Really?” Manuele said.
“Yeah, Karen. Really.” She smiled.
Manuele rolled his eyes.
As if in answer, yellow announcement text began to scroll a minute later. ‘ANNOUNCEMENT. Thank you to all travelers who participated in the Megabowl. At this time, we announce that the winners are Brooke Garraway, Juan Coles, Hell Sniper, Monster Rob, with a score of 7579. Please join us in congratulating this party. Prosperity and profits for all.’
Matt sighed. That was probably a group of gankers.
“So what now?” he asked. He got the error message. He couldn’t level any further. They’d completed practically everything on the map. “We failed,” said Matt.
“You never know.” Val smiled.
“Erwu,” said Wiggles.
Then the announcement scroll changed. ‘ANNOUNCEMENT. Architecture will now go offline for mass transfer to The Continuance. Prosperity and pro’—everything went black.