Matt’s group decided to look Westward for squirrels. In other words, Sharkie got impatient and started walking. The rest of the group followed. Every direction did look generally the same—thick, tall grasses, bushes, spindly trees—so Matt figured West was as good as any. And Matt was eighty percent sure they were headed West.

He remembered ‘rise in the East, set in the West.’ If this was Vancouver-ish or even US-ish, it was late in the day, so towards the sun meant West. Or East? he thought. West. I think it’s West.

Matt moved to the front of their single-file line, taking a turn in the lead—getting whacked by the most sticks and branches. The brush was damp and his khakis were soaked through. He guessed they’d been walking for about half an hour. No one had a phone to check the time. Kurtis’ wristwatch had been frozen since the white room.

Matt held back a maple sapling for Anika. Her legs were badly scratched with dirt and blood; she was struggling in her strappy sandals. A man with a top knot and a green apron rushed by on their right, followed by a woman in a blue vest. Matt wasn’t sure what the hurry was. He released the branch and moved back up front, mindful of Anika’s bare legs.

“Hey guys,” Fallyn said from the back of the line. “I’ve been thinking.” Something told Matt she did a lot of thinking. “From the announcement earlier, what do you make of the ‘Human Preserve’ part?”

Matt froze.

Sharkie bumped into his back. “What the heck?”

“Guys?” Fallyn asked. “I’m not that shocking, am I? You read the announcement too.”

Something large and furry hustled across their path, maybe 20 feet ahead. Bear? Racoon? It disappeared off to the right.

“Shh.” Matt put a finger to his mouth, twisting to show the group.

“Monsters?” Manuele whispered.

“I saw it too,” Anika said quietly. “Something big. Brown fur. Like, a groundhog but way bigger. There it is again!”

This time the animal ran from right to left. It was getting closer.

Then Matt noticed another disturbance. There were two of them. Then a third. This one popped its head above the grass line: bulging bloodshot eyes, long snout, saber teeth, and little furry ears. A gray fluffy tail swished up behind it as the creature stretched onto its hind legs and stared Matt down.

“Don’t move,” Matt said through gritted teeth.

The oven-sized mutant squirrel angled its ears back, hugging an acorn the size of a softball with its little four-fingered hands. Its snout twitched, smelling.

“What is that?!” Manuele blurted.

Bright red text appeared above it, ‘Squirrel,’ underscored by a red bar with a zero at the end. It screeched and ducked down beneath the grass, on the move again.

“Ah!” Manuele jumped back.

“Get it!” called Sharkie.

“How?” Manuele scrambled through the brush to the very back of their group.

Faint red, blue, and green lines arced straight ahead, like the right side of a circle. What? Green names and bars appeared above everyone’s head.

Manuele rolled his eyes. “I don’t want to know.”

Matt took off his glasses to check where the heads-up display was coming from, but that just made it blurry. He pushed them back on and a large stone-hard acorn hit him in the shoulder.

“Ow,” Matt gasped and wheeled. The red line got a bit shorter.

Four red ‘Squirrel’ names bounced across the grass, then more, and more. The text bobbed in and out of sight as the creatures zigzagged. They screeched as they moved and made another noise that almost sounded like laughter.

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Fallyn sidestepped left of the group. Then, the grass flattened in a one-meter cone in front of her. She had made a chopping motion with her hand. Fallyn had Slapchopped.

“Awesome,” declared Kurtis, right before taking a massive acorn to the gut. “Oof.” He doubled over.

Anika backed off to stand beside Manuele, leaving Matt, Sharkie, and Kurtis exposed at the front. Another huge acorn flew and hit Matt’s left bicep. He fought back tears and shook out his arm. Damn, that thing stung.

Fallyn Slapchopped again, in the direction it came from but her attack just flattened more grass.

Matt turned to the right and tried thinking the word, Slapchop. It just opened his Skills Menu. Close Menu. An acorn hit his left shoulder.

“Ow.” Matt grimaced, cradling the arm. I officially hate these squirrels.

The squirrels bounced and giggled through the grass. Fallyn continued to Slapchop, flattening a growing area. Anika stepped forward and joined in.

“So we can see them better,” Fallyn explained. “Come on!”

Matt turned back to his right, trying again. He karate chopped. It worked! He had wanted it to Slapchop, made the motion, and then somehow the green line ticked down and it worked. This dream is so damn strange.

Thwack.

“Got one!” Sharkie called, excitedly.

That’ll show you, Matt thought, then took an acorn to the side.

His group moved out like a fan, all Slappchopping the downed grass into a larger and larger area, dodging acorns the best they could. Matt’s red and green curved lines kept dropping.

Then suddenly it was a squirrel—not an acorn—shooting through the air towards him. Its bloodshot eyes stared manically and it cackled as it flew. Matt held up both arms to protect his face. The creature hung on and smelled like wet dog.

It scratched at his forearms, a frenzy of bright bleeding slashes. Matt screamed and tried to shake it off. Then it nonchalantly dropped to the ground. Matt stumbled back and watched while his arms burned. It sauntered up to a giant acorn, grabbed it, and then, with a giggle, hopped back into the brush.

What the fuck?

Matt’s arms were smeared with blood. They stung like he’d been scratched by the darn neighbor’s cat but twenty times worse, maybe thirty. He didn’t have the math for this. And that curved red line was now just above half. That can’t be good.

Thwack.

“That’s three!” called Sharkie.

Another squirrel jumped towards Matt. A stranger Slapchopped it away from behind.

“I got you,” she told him. “Don’t worry.”

The newcomer had light brown hair with a few pieces in tiny braids, tattoos on both arms, and a broad toothy smile.

“Cathleen Merril,” she said. Her long casual skirt was soaked like Matt’s khakis. “I chose mage.”

“Welcome. Matt,” he said, pointing above his head. “Warrior.” Another acorn flew at him. This time, he managed to dodge.

“I don’t love these nuts,” Manuele grumbled, tossing an acorn back at the squirrels.

“Don’t give it back to them!” Sharkie cried.

“Use your Slapchop,” Kurtis coached, miming the motion. “This is the quest.”

“As you can see,” Matt told Cathleen, “we have no shortage of squirrels.”

One leaped towards her. Matt Slapchopped.

“Now we’re even!” she said, smiling.

White text flashed in front of Matt, ‘Kill squirrels: 1/10.’ It floated upwards, fading. The creature he’d hit was sprawled on its back, tongue rolling out of its mouth. He probed with his foot: no movement and the red name had turned gray.

“Ow!” Matt got hit by another acorn, this time to the right shin. He hopped on one leg for a moment.

Collecting himself, he tracked a squirrel as it pathed from left to right. He judged, It should be straight ahead right… now! Matt lunged forward and Slapchopped.

‘Kill squirrels: 2/10.’

Yes!

###

Maybe twenty minutes later, Matt was very sore and almost ready to give up. Sure, he’d gotten better at dodging, but his health was low and the squirrels seemed endless. They just kept coming, all acorns, giggles, and claws.

I really, really hate these things, Matt thought. Everything ached.

He spotted the green-aproned man, whom he was sure was a barista, about 30 feet away at the other side of the thicket. He tiredly wondered, Could I pull off a top knot? The blue vested worker was there too, along with four others in office clothes.

With all these people, how the hell are there so many squirrels?

Thwack. Matt got one.

“Done!” Sharkie announced, and then promptly got hit by an acorn to the chest.

Matt’s tracking and lunging technique had been working with mediocre success. He needed one more. Everyone seemed to have a different approach.

Anika was focusing on the squirrels that leaped towards them. She even collected a pile of acorns as bait. Kurtis had waded out into the grass and crouched. Cathleen seemed to change it up every time.

Thwack.

“Finally!” Matt said.

“That’s ten for me,” called Kurtis.

“Yeah me too,” yelled Matt.

The others had one or two squirrels to go. Matt did his best to dodge while he waited. Fallyn finished, then Manuele and Cathleen; Anika was last.

“Maybe you should…” Kurtis started to suggest as a squirrel leaped toward his face.

Thwack.

Anika got her last squirrel inches from his head.

“Thank you,” the cat-man said sheepishly.

“Let’s get out of here!” Matt said. “I’ve definitely hit my quota for scratches and bruises today.”

“Don’t forget to loot!” Kurtis said.

There’s loot?