Pain.

Pain was the first and only thing to slice through Matt’s awareness. It spread from his neck flowing quickly. It poured through his core and out through his extremities. Matt burned with cold fire and he couldn’t escape.

Then sound. Sound permeated his senses—a disconcerting hum. The dissonance got louder, and louder, and made him want to squirm. But Matt couldn’t move.

Why can’t I move?! Matt thought in a panic.

Why can’t I see?

Matt realized his eyes were locked shut. He needed to get away from the noise. He had to escape the pain. He couldn’t feel anything except pain.

Where am I?

Matt willed his eyes to open a slit and did battle with the brightness. It was blindingly white. In slow agony, he managed to lift one hand to shield his eyes.

What is this?

The limb was translucent and gray. Even the fur of his armguard looked different. Matt slowly turned left—a painful move—to try a different angle. It had to be a trick of the light. He worked up to a more open squint. The hand’s appearance didn’t change, but he could make out gray dots of plants, a desaturated landscape spread around him.

I’m really dead. I’m really dead-dead. And the afterlife has no colors?

Matt had the odd sensation of crying without tears. His parents, everyone he knew, his life, the planet… The Operator had confirmed it. Matt couldn’t deny it anymore. He’d had a second chance—but now that was over too.

Stupid, stupid…

Matt wiped under his eyes but there was no moisture. He inspected ghostly fingers to be sure. There was no sensation of touch, only full-body pain, burning cold.

Fuck, why does being dead hurt?

Nervous energy welled inside Matt. He needed to move, needed to escape. The chilling hum conjured memories of Brett bullying him at work, dropping his ice cream as a kid, his dog dying… He wanted to run away. He needed to run away. But where?

Matt turned, surveying the terrain. Grasses and trees, all drained of color, bent under a phantom wind. Matt took a deep breath and then caught himself. He hadn’t been breathing, had he? He didn’t need to breathe.

Old habits die hard. That was a saying Dad had liked. Or I guess they die in death.

Matt continued his slow turn. The pain coursed through his body, endless river that had forgotten its source.

Come to haunt me, have you? Matt thought, rounding on the stone obelisk.

It looked a lot like the one he’d almost smacked into that day in the fog. Its pale flat surfaces angled up to the white of the sky. Matt gingerly placed one hand on it. Golden light radiated from his palm.

Matt withdrew the hand, then tried again. A pulse of warm yellow rippled out from his touch.

What?

Matt looked left and right. The grasses bowed their reverence. The trees swayed gently.

I’m dead, but maybe not dead?

Matt paced around the pillar, inspecting the stone. He traced a line up the column with his finger, yellow cascading out from his fingertip.

He tried to cast Rapid Regeneration. It didn’t work.

Fuck.

Every inch of him burned.

Then Matt tried a different approach; he thought, Map. The familiar window appeared a few feet in front of his face, bringing with it a wave of relief. The map was drained of color, except for a tiny Earth Aspect gem, marking his location, and a golden yellow dot.

Oh, thank God.

Matt studied the map. He seemed to be up in the mountains, in a small central range much farther southwest than he’d journeyed so far.

The others, Matt suddenly worried. Shit.

His party interface was gone. The blue highlights they’d been headed for had been stripped from his map. His friends weren’t here. No one was here. Without a better option, Matt set out for the golden dot.

The hike down and around the mountains seemed to take an eternity. It didn’t hurt any more or less when he walked—it just hurt everywhere. The dissonant hum followed him too, conjuring memories Matt had to work hard to shove down. He plodded, one foot in front of the other, while his skin crawled with pain.

What now? Matt checked his map.

He was almost at the golden dot. There were bulrushes to his right. His grandfather dying—the memory flooded his consciousness. He couldn’t hold it back.

“In my day, you woulda had a wife and a household by now. You gonna make something of yerself one a these days? Boy, you need to stop screwing around. The neighbor’s kid started a company.”

The man was perpetually disappointed. A week later, he’d died. Matt pushed the memory down.

‘Would you like to resurrect?’ read the small black window, floating a few feet ahead.

Yes! Oh my God, yes, resurrect!

Color rushed into the world as a wind tunnel whoosh overtook the dissonant hum. Then a high-pitched tone rose. Matt pressed hands to ears. He staggered forward and scrunched his eyes.

“Agh,” he groaned, blinking and stretching his jaw.

Matt found his footing. Opening his eyes, he caught the end of an announcement rolling across his field of view. ‘Prosperity and profits for all.’

A moment later, the yellow text scrolled again. ‘ANNOUNCEMENT. Welcome to FRC architecture. Prosperity and profits for all.’

“Fuck you too,” Matt grumbled.

He clenched and unclenched his hands, then moved his shoulders side-to-side. He tested his arms and legs. He rolled his neck and wiggled his toes. He was 95% sure they didn’t hurt anymore, but the memory of pain was strong.

You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.

The grass was green, the sky was blue; the only sounds were faint chirps of bugs and birds and…

“Finally!” Kurtis said, pouncing on his shoulders.

Matt jumped.

“Fallyn and I have been waiting for half an hour!”

Matt turned to see Fallyn give him a smile and a little wave.

“Come on, man.” Kurtis squeezed his shoulder with an oven-mitted hand.

“We’ve been sitting over here.”

Matt settled onto the soft grass to join their vigil. Valkyrie’s corpse sprawled about ten feet away. He realized this was the first time he’d seen her this still. She looked like a stranger. Matt looked away.

“So, as I was saying,” Fallyn told Kurtis.

The cat-man flashed Matt a look of ‘Here we go again.’

“Aristotle held that the soul can’t exist without the body.” She smoothed the front of her purple parachute pants. “If we believe that, then our digital bodies are afforded a state of realness. However, Socrates thought that the soul is immortal and the body is but a temporary vessel. So, what is one temporary vessel versus another? Does it matter?”

Fallyn tapped a leather-gloved finger to her lips. “That’s what I want to know.”

Matt’s gaze drifted back to Val’s body. Did I look like that? He frowned.

Fallyn started up again. “Now, Locke said the soul is the same as the mind, reminiscent of Descartes’ ‘I think therefore I am.’ But Descartes thought the soul was immortal and Locke did not… So, can we die? Are we dead or are we alive? Is the soul even part of being dead or alive?”

“I hate this so much!” Val yelled at the bright blue sky, about twenty feet away. Her corpse had dematerialized from its closer spot.

Matt jumped up, eager for the rescue from Fallyn’s philosophizing. The pink-haired woman spotted him and looked like she might cry. Matt worried that if she did, he might start too.

“Let’s never do that again,” Val breathed.

“Yeah,” Matt said. “That would be my preference too.”

Fallyn strode up to Val and hugged her.

“It wiped out our rest XP too,” Kurtis said from a few feet behind.

He was right. Matt’s party interface and own vitality display had returned when he’d resurrected, but his XP bar was gray instead of pink.

Fuck you, again, Matt thought.

The girls separated and exchanged a sad smile. Matt pressed his lips into a line. He closed his eyes for a moment and breathed deeply. It smelled like damp soil and water and green. He exhaled and looked at his friends.

“I guess we keep pushing on ahead,” Matt said quietly.

Matt adjusted his glasses and Fallyn gave him a solemn nod.

The group hiked east, into known territory, careful to keep a healthy buffer between themselves and the marsh. They skirted by the camp, feeling safe for a time. Then they ducked south into a sea of blueish grass that came up to their knees. White lacy flowers bobbed along its surface.

“Should we have a funeral?” Val asked.

Matt met her eyes and paused. He usually avoided funerals.

“We can do that,” Fallyn responded softly.

“You think we could?” Kurtis asked.

“I don’t see why not,” Fallyn said.

Val brightened. “We could make one of those thingies where you stack the rocks? And say nice things?”

“Alright,” Matt conceded. They had to hike towards the mountains anyways. There’d be rocks when they got closer.

Indeed, about half an hour later, the landscape started to climb and the grasses fell away. Val began to inspect the stones at their feet. She selected a thin one, about a foot long. A pink vein of quarts sparkled as she carried it.

Clouds were moving in overhead. The group followed Val to a spot where a pale gray boulder formed a flat backdrop, almost as high as Matt was tall. A scraggly stunted tree jutted out from its top, roots clinging around the rocks like claws.

Val settled her glittering stone at the boulder’s base. “I need more flat ones.”

Matt searched for a minute, then selected a darker stone the length of his forearm. It clunked against the metal on his chest. Val pointed him to the growing pile. Matt tried to balance the rock on top. It didn’t fall off, but still wiggled.

Then Fallyn approached with a rock. She adjusted the slabs to make more of a tower. She was good at this. Kurtis and Val each handed her additional stones. She assembled the puzzle, then stood. Fallyn stepped back and angled her head, diadem catching the fading sun.

“Should we say something?” Val asked, approaching with white lace blooms.

“This was your idea.” Kurtis shrugged and spread his hands.

“Go ahead,” Fallyn encouraged, nodding at their shrine.

Matt stiffened, feeling awkward and out of place.

“I love you, Mum, Dad,” Val said, kneeling with her flowers. She slotted stems through tiny gaps between stones. “I know I wasn’t always… And what I said about… Well, you know.”

Val paused, placing both hands on her thighs. Then she reached a hand forward like she was drawing something from her inventory. She added a small roundish rock to the top of the tower. “You’re my real parents,” Val whispered. “You always were.”

When Val backed away. A tiny gold locket dangling from the stones. Val kept her back to the group and reached hands up to wipe her face. She continued to watch the structure.

Kurtis surprised Matt by stepping forward next. His ears drooped and his tail hung low.

“Goodbye,” Kurtis said quietly. He removed his quilted oven mitts, disappearing them into his inventory. Then he undid the clasp on his broken watch. “I’ll try to make you proud.” He stood there for a moment, then backed up. He hesitated halfway, then added in a whisper, “Bye Ralph.”

Matt looked to Fallyn. Is she going to go next?

When it was clear that she wasn’t, Matt took a deep breath and stepped forward. He crouched in front of the stones. The structure looked solid. Fallyn did a great job. He located his long dark rock. There was another one—the same tone—but it was shorter and wider. The rest of the stones were a lighter gray.

I don’t know how to do this. Matt looked up to the cloudy sky, then back down to the stones.

“Mom? Dad? I’m sorry,” Matt whispered.

A lump started to build in his throat.

Matt puffed out his cheeks and blew.

“I’m sorry Anika,” he continued, the lump making it more difficult to speak. “Ashanti, Manuele. Brenda, Emily. I’m sorry… everyone.”

The weight of it all was too heavy. All of the might have beens and gone forevers washed over Matt like a tidal wave. The tears that wouldn’t flow in the grayscale world began to trickle down his face.

Matt wiped at his eyes but the damn things kept leaking. He pulled his ‘and all I got was this t-shirt’ shirt from his inventory, and used it as a Kleanex.

Fuck, he reflected.

A hand gently squeezed his shoulder. Fallyn stood behind him silently and offered him a sad smile. Matt nodded back at her and then turned away to stare at their monument. He let his eyes blur over with tears. Matt tasted salt and pressed his lips together. They stayed like that for several minutes of silence. Except for the tears rolling down Matt’s cheeks, the world stood still.

Fallyn never said anything in front of the stones that day, but a galaxy of thought seemed to swirl behind her eyes. Eventually, they started back on their hike. They still had quite a distance to travel to reach Murl’s apprentice.

Matt’s party returned to the bluegrass sea, as its terrain was easier to traverse. They followed the curve of the ridge from a distance and, as they got more south, they encountered bugs the size of Matt’s laptop. The ‘Manny Beetles’ were black with red dots and made of habit of flying straight for your face.

The group made quick work of them, as they were only Level 7, but that meant they only gave ‘600 XP.’ It sucked not having the Well Rested buff.

The only positive was that Matt finally got to use his Level 9 paired swords. He’d been waiting since they’d dropped from Big Dogg, back when he was Level 6. He tried their Shadow Flurry special effect on the very first beetle. It was overkill. Shadowy spikes swirled around Matt for fifteen seconds, lingering after the bug died. Then it went on a two-minute cooldown.

“You’re just doing that ‘cause it looks cool,” Kurtis called him out after the third or fourth time he used it.

“You bet I am.” Matt grinned.

It felt forced, shoving happiness back into the day. But Matt tried anyways.

The sky even got more dreary as they’d hiked—although, some of that was because of the time. This was the latest they’d been out in all of their days in the Continuance. If the clouds weren’t so thick, Matt thought there’d be stars. There were no fireflies in the endless bluegrass sea, but the time seemed right for them. Val had a theory that the manny beetles ate them, ‘a delicious glowing snack.’

The group continued southwest for an hour more, and the landscape continued to darken. A few stars finally flared into existence high above. It was a strangely moonless night.

They mindlessly fought the manny beetles, sinking into the rhythm, targeting them with bolts or arrows if they didn’t aggro on their own. They needed the XP and now had to work twice as hard. Matt tried to ignore the transparent white text. It just reminded him of their lost buff and of being behind.

He adjusted his grip on his swords, readying for the next giant insect.

‘WARNING. Fatigue imminent.’ The red text scrolled low in Matt’s field of view. He’d seen something red go by earlier but hadn’t caught what it said.

Shadowy blades whirled around Matt, barely visible in the dark. His skin was alight with blue beads, skittering along its surface. Matt Blood Slashed the approaching insect. Twin afterimages seared the air.

At least I look cool, Matt thought. Then asked, “Did anyone else get that warning?”

“That’s what that was?” Val called.

“Busy!” Kurtis yelled, streaming bright purple.

Fallyn tagged another manny beetle from the left. She stood behind Matt. He watched the huge bug fly towards them, as his Shadow Flurry dropped. Matt lowered his stance, a slight bend to his knees, and firmly gripped his twin swords.

Blackness.