“Leeeeeeeeeerooooooooooy!” The Spelunker’s voice trailed away.

Aside from the text and gems of his Aspects Menu, Matt couldn’t see a thing. He couldn’t even see where the window ended and the dark cave began. Leroy had run off with their only source of light.

“I was worried about that,” Kurtis said, voice becoming distant too. “Come on!”

Shit, shit, shit! thought Matt, snapping the Aspects Menu closed. He’d have to sort that out later.

“What is going on?” Fallyn asked, brushing past him in the dark.

“Leeeeeeroooooy!” Val imitated, voice echoing across the cave.

Matt high-stepped in the direction of the fading voices. He led with arms extended, felling the air. Contact: cool, rough stone beneath his fingertips.

Please be the way out.

Matt felt along the wall then found an edge.

“Oof.” He stumbled. He’d forgotten the step-down.

Matt swept his arms forward then found the wall on his left. He hurried along it. Then a rough oval of light blossomed; the outside was ahead.

“He’s getting away!” Val yelled from somewhere out of sight.

“Agh.” Matt squinted against the blinding sun, despite his camo ballcap.

“Over here!” Fallyn yelled.

Matt snapped to the right, eyes adjusting. Gravemist blanketed the mountain pass, flowing between the writhing green tendrils—that grass from an alien world. His friends were running after Leroy, and so were two large zombie squirrels.

Fuck. Matt dashed after them.

The squirrel on the right was missing its tail and the one on the left had something wrong with its ears; they looked like they were melting. Then the beasts lit up with pale purple light. His friends had attacked. Matt wasn’t close enough.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Why these damn freaking squirrels?

“Left one first,” Fallyn called.

Then Leroy slowed. The squirrels got closer. Steam wisped off the green wriggling stalks.

Why did he stop?!

“What’s this?” Leroy asked, teetering. Then he belched. “Oh, no.”

“They’re going to catch him!” Kurtis yelled.

“Trap it!” Val called. “I can only drop one at my feet.”

Purple flashes took the left squirrel to a quarter health. Matt still wasn’t close enough. Then crystal spikes erupted from around both squirrels.

Leroy burped again. “I think…”

Matt Blood Slashed through the fog, leaving a faintly glowing X in the bright morning air.

“Agh!” Razor claws caught Matt’s fist.

Then with a deep purple arrow, the left squirrel died.

“I think I need a top-up,” Leroy said. He hiccuped and drew a hand to his mouth. “Oh, my.”

Arcane Bolts and Shadow Strike arrows pelted the remaining zombie squirrel. It launched its giant acorn at Kurtis, who took it in the chest. Then the mangy rodent stretched out its claws, scraping at the air, unable to get free.

Matt steeled himself, blue sparks weaving patterns along his skin. He entered the fray and Blood Slashed. Claws shredded his knuckles, flesh hanging in chunks. Matt drew in ragged breaths.

“Oh, my,” Leroy repeated.

“Shit, we have to throw him a thing!” Val cried.

Matt stepped back and opened his inventory. Juice box in hand, he watched Fallyn beat him to it.

Leroy slurped. “Ah, much better.” He sighed. “And we’re off!” Leroy started running.

Matt chased after him.

“Not yet!” Fallyn called. “I can’t keep this trapped forever.”

Matt turned back and Blood Slashed the squirrel. Two Arcane Bolts later it dropped. Matt touched each corpse, ignoring the loot windows, then ran.

A moment later, Leroy slowed again.

What now?

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

Matt scanned the area for squirrels. He caught up to the spelunker and then walked at his side, flexing his hands around his swords.

“That was a close one!” Leroy exclaimed. “Good thing you travelers were here with me!”

Kurtis took up a position a few feet in front of their escort; Fallyn did the same in behind. Matt and Val waked at his sides.

“The sun sure is nice,” Leroy said.

“I like it!” Val beamed.

“Incoming,” Kurtis said, flaring his ears.

Then Matt heard the giggles.

“Agh.” Matt tasted copper. He was on the ground.

Right, the acorn! It had come out of nowhere, suddenly in front of his face, and… His mind felt fuzzy.

“Come on, Trash Man.” Fallyn offered her hand, then hauled Matt up.

He stretched his eye sockets and adjusted his glasses. Leroy and the squirrels were about fifteen feet ahead. Fallyn shot an Arcane Bolt at the leftmost of three.

Matt puffed his cheeks, blowing out. He cast Rapid Regeneration; sparks skittered across his skin and cleared his head. Then Matt ran at the squirrels.

The creature on the left was almost dead. All three were trapped.

Matt raked parallel slashes through the air, red afterimages joining the purple from his friends. Leroy continued walking, ignoring the zombie beasts. The middle squirrel’s eyes dangled out of their sockets. Matt’s swords were slick with blood.

Then the leftmost creature toppled, name text turning gray. Matt looted. He Blood Slashed the remaining two. Leroy had put ten feet between them. He just kept walking.

“Left first,” Fallyn called.

Arcane Bolts lit up the ocularly challenged creature. It giggled as it tore at Matt’s hands. Matt gritted his teeth and continued to swing. Blood Slash. It dropped.

Fuck you!

Leroy belched.

“Guys, Leroy!” Matt called. “Can someone closer—”

“On it!” Val called.

A tiny acorn started to form in a glow at the zombie squirrel’s front.

“Don’t you dare,” Matt said. He Blood Slashed. “Don’t you…”

The final squirrel-monster died.

“I hate you so much,” Matt breathed. He tapped the corpses quickly to loot, then ran to catch up with Leroy.

“Oh my,” Leroy muttered, and then two more squirrels bounced towards him.

###

After four long hours of juice boxes, zombie squirrels, and a few not-zombie alpacas, Matt’s party finally spied Apprentice Hazel’s red dress and twisty black hair. The wizard was seated on her plush armchair from the other day. She stretched out a hand, admiring her nails.

“Hazelllllllllllllllllllllllllll!” Leroy yelled and tore off towards her.

“Guess it’s not just his name.” Kurtis raised his eyebrows.

They left the spelunker to charge in alone. There were no animals around, and Matt had a feeling that Hazel could take care of herself. He hiked the last few feet at a moderate pace.

“Well, here you are,” Hazel was saying.

“Them squirrels were a fright!” said Leroy. “Good thing these travelers were with me.”

“And what about my tonic?” she demanded.

“Thank you, Hazel,” Leroy droned.

“And here they are!” Hazel announced, arms spread wide.

Matt paused behind Leroy.

“Here we are!” Val cheered from Matt’s left, tiara glinting in the sun.

“Alright travelers,” the middle-aged woman began.

She was interrupted by a loud belch.

“Leroy!” the Apprentice chided.

“Sorry,” Leroy said then did it again.

“As I was saying,” Hazel said pointedly.

Then Leroy belched like a lion who swallowed a tuba. The blast knocked the man back into Matt and filled the air with putrid carrion.

“Ooh, apologies traveler,” Leroy said.

Another burp threatened and this time Leroy held it in. He drew both hands to his face, then hopped back. Matt leaped out of the way. Leroy couldn’t hold it in any longer. The gas and sound escaped. It was louder than Matt imagined possible and he could swear Leroy’s breath was slightly green.

“Oh my,” the spelunker said, turning to look at Matt and his group.

Blood trickled from the corners of Leroy’s eyes. “Hazel, I don’t feel so good.” Leroy’s skin turned green. His name turned red.

‘Quest shift. Defeat Leroy: 0/1’ appeared in transparent white letters.

“Oh, hell no,” Hazel said. Then with a poof of smoke and a gong, she disappeared.

Leroy smiled at Matt, saliva foaming from his mouth to mix with the stream of blood from his eyes. The liquids dribbled down onto his white double-pocketed shirt.

Matt retrieved his swords as his heads-up display appeared. He cast Rapid Regeneration and Shadow Flurry; blue sparks danced as black shards swirled. Matt Conked the enemy and let him stand in his shadowy blades.

“I’m sorry Leroy!” Val called, loosing a dark purple arrow.

Sorry bud, Matt echoed the sentiment. Looks like it’s you or me.

Matt Blood Slashed. Crystal spikes shot up around the creature, trapping it. It wasn’t Leroy anymore. Matt Blood Slashed again. Purple light rained down from behind him. Scrunched-up juice boxes appeared in the monster’s hands.

“Agh,” Matt grunted, taking a juice box to the face. It burned.

Green-skinned Leroy chucked them at the group, frothing at the mouth, blood streaming from his eyes. Matt Blood Slashed then tried Conk again. His stamina went down, but it didn’t work. Leroy shook off the blow, rolling his shoulders with a growl.

Then the green monster belched, an acid gas that ripped through the air. Matt staggered back coughing. Leroy broke free.

“I can’t get it!” Fallyn called, crystals appearing around the enemy only to fuzz away.

Then Leroy barreled at Fallyn. Matt chased him. Arcane Bolts and Shadow Strike arrows met the creature’s front. Matt caught up. Blood Slash.

Leroy’s lantern appeared. He swung it across Fallyn and Val like a flail. Val’s pink hair caught fire. She screamed.

“Oh, hell no,” Kurtis said, backing away.

“I gaba loga bowli.” Leroy chewed on nonsense and spittle.

“Take that!” Val yelled and then dark green smoke gushed around the monster’s feet.

Matt Blood Slashed. Leroy turned to focus on him. His candle lantern singed Matt’s pauldron and nicked his chin.

Okay, fuck that.

Matt Blood Slashed.

I just…

Rapid Regeneration.

Want to…

Blood Slash.

Do my damn Level 10 specialization!

Purple light rained on Leroy as Val’s green smoke cleared. Leroy swung his lamp at Matt again, then turned to the rest of the group. The green monster paused, lantern-flail exchanging with empty juice boxes for each fist.

Leroy ran at the ranged group, chucking cartons with each stride.

“Oh my God get ‘im!” Val cried.

Matt ran after the enemy. Arrows and bolts flew. Leroy stopped, muttered something incoherent, and got out his lantern again. Matt Blood Slashed. Then Leroy crumpled, dropping to scrub grass. Empty juice boxes littered the ground all around them.

“Don’t mess with my hair!” Val shouted, shooting another arrow at the corpse.

“Guess he should’ve read that disclaimer, huh?” said Kurtis.

Matt bent to loot and jumped, as a gong sounded behind him.

“Well, it’s back to the drawing board for that tonic,” Apprentice Hazel announced.

This woman is savage, Matt thought, turning to face her.

“I guess I do owe you my thanks.” Hazel sighed. “You were a help in my… experiment.” She waved a hand.

‘1,298,000 XP’ floated up to the sky. Then in a puff of smoke punctuated with the bang of a gong, Apprentice Hazel disappeared.

A rotten egg smell wafted. Then Val glowed dark green like her smoke trap.

Eyes glittering, Princess Valkyrie announced, “I get a pet!”