“Eyes up here, please!” the cherub statue chided in a low voice befitting a grouchy trucker.

The thing was peeing water into the fountain. It was the fountain. And the stream was at eye height from where Matt was sitting on the bench-like ledge. Matt sheepishly tilted his gaze to where it now said ‘Benny’ in white letters above the statue’s head.

“I kind of liked that,” Benny said, gradually angling his face toward Fallyn. “Can you do it again?” The statue made a low grinding noise when it moved. Its lips slowly angled up into a mischievous grin.

Okay, creepy, Matt thought.

The statue’s voice was quick, but its motions were oddly delayed. It was like watching Netflix with a connection hiccup that made the audio out of sync. But Matt couldn’t just click the back button to reset it—could he?

Back. Pause? The mental commands did nothing.

Matt sighed and Fallyn started leafing through the pages of her book. Clouds of purple light floated off each page she flipped.

“Well?” the chubby stone demanded. Then, with more grinding, a hand moved in slow motion to its waist.

“Hello.” Val gave the cherub a small wave and then returned to pawing at her hair. She was perched on the edge of the basin and seemed to be done dunking her head.

“Finally, some politeness,” Benny huffed.

Fallyn looked up from her book. “Apologies.”

Kurtis halted from his pacing at Fallyn’s side. He cocked his head, green sequins on his undersized tophat twinkling in the mid-morning light.

“Well?” the statue said again.

“Hello?” Matt tried. Stupid, Val already did that.

“Hi,” Kurtis acknowledged.

“Well, well…” the statue grated. “I suppose you’d like a quest now, right travelers? Come closer.”

Matt raised both eyebrows and rose from the bench. He moved to stand with Fallyn and Kurtis near the statue end of the basin. Val trailed behind him, scrunching water from her pink hair. The crown was still white but less goopy.

“I’m here,” Matt said. “Tell me about the quest.”

The hedge maze and Matt’s friends blurred, narrowing his world to a conversation with the statue. Even the fountain’s basin was hazy.

“Alright, specialist. Here it is. I have a pigeon problem. I’m a little attached to this spot, but you can go deal with them for me.” Then his eyebrows began to grind skyward, and he added mischievously, “Maybe I’ll have another tickle for your friend when you return.” The eyebrows continued to move up and down slowly after he was done speaking. Once they rose and fell several times, the blur dissipated.

‘Kill 10 pigeons: 0/10’ floated into the sky, fading.

“Another kill quest.” Matt shrugged.

Kurtis shrugged in response.

“When in Central Park,” Matt said.

Then he scrunched his eyes closed at a blinding flash of light. It was like Zeus had thrown a nuclear-powered lightning bolt into the fountain, which then exploded in front of his face. Red spots blotched his eyelids. Heat washed over him. White sparks danced as the red turned to black. His limbs felt light; it felt like he was floating. Then it subsided.

“Sorry!” Fallyn said.

Blinking, Matt forced his eyes open. Then he shot her an incredulous stare. Her book was gone. “Warn us next time!” Matt said.

“I will. Sorry.” Fallyn grimaced. “There’s an exit over here.” She nodded to the hedges behind the cherub, emerald diadem glinting.

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The statue was silent and still. The white name text above it was gone.

“Your hair is smoking,” Kurtis said offhandedly.

Matt raised a hand to his hat for a moment, before he realized he’d meant Val.

“Ah!” She jumped, hands hovering around her head. Then she understood. “Oh. Oh, good.” She crossed her arms and started walking, bird poo steaming away.

They exited to a spiral that seemed nested within the one they’d entered through. Then after about ten minutes, the path went straight. They went right at their first T, continuing with Fallyn’s strategy. Then Kurtis’ ears twitched and he held up a hand.

Matt withdrew his paired swords from his inventory. It was an effort to walk without them clinking against his trashcan lid. Weapons materialized in the others’ hands. Fallyn carried her staff with both hands, Kurtis one. Val slung her bow over her shoulder.

Another minute more and Matt could hear the cooing himself.

“Here, nice birdies…” Val called.

Then with a flurry of wings and a shake of leaves, two pigeons settled atop the hedge to their left. As before, they were the size of house cats.

“Left to right?” Fallyn said. “Er, closest to farthest?”

“Wait,” Kurtis cautioned.

He reached up his staff and gently hooked it around behind the super-sized birds. He nudged the birds forward and winced when they flared their wings and ungracefully fell. They hissed as they landed on the ground, name text turning red.

Matt’s heads-up display flashed on. He Blood Slashed parallel strikes from the right, dragging red through the air and sending gray feathers flying. The pigeons pecked at his feet, beaks surprisingly sharp.

“Ow!” Matt jumped away.

The left bird dripped with white fire, barely visible in the sunlight. It slowly walked towards Kurtis, bobbing its head. The pale flames were joined by a purple Arcane Bolt. Matt activated Shadow Flurry and walked into melee as his black shards gathered.

Fallyn hung back, the head of her staff was glowing.

Val’s bow remained on her shoulder. She swung her hand over the bird that they weren’t attacking. She had it trapped in a giant transparent bear claw. She ignored its pecking at her legs.

The glow in Fallyn’s staff burst with lightning and fire, a column of twining power that shot directly into the bird Matt was chasing. It flowed into the bird, a terrifying twisting conduit. Then the light was done. The pigeon dropped.

“Huh,” Fallyn said.

“I’ve almost got it!” Val held up a warding hand. Then she moved both hands in unison to push the dark green strands of light towards the pigeon. It had stopped attacking her. It just stood there, mesmerized. Valkyrie stood still too, hands outstretched in the air.

The bird made a clucking, almost gobbling, sound. Its name-text turned green and it ran at the bush. Tiny green leaves and fluffs of white spewed. The bird flapped its wings and then ran at the opposite hedge. Then it backed up and settled back in the middle of the pathway.

“I got one!” Val shouted, raising two fists triumphantly.

The cat-sized pigeon cooed.

It cooed and that was about all it did. As Matt’s group continued their journey through the mage, the dumb bird stumbled alongside Val. She tried to get it to fight the other pigeons but it just pecked at the air or ran into a hedge wall.

“It’s okay, Mr. Birdie,” Val said. “I get it. You don’t wanna attack your cousins. We’ll find you some other monsters to show off on.”

“I’m not sure that’s the problem…” Matt said slowly.

She shot him a death glare. “You don’t listen to mean Matty, Mr. Bird. You stick with me and we’ll…”

The pigeon walked straight into the bush on their right.

“Come on,” Val said, picking up the bird and turning him in the right direction. “He’s just tired. He needs practice.” She met everyone’s eyes, daring them to say differently.

Uh huh, Matt thought silently, keeping his face neutral.

By around noon, they reached the edge of the maze and had killed eight of the ten required pigeons. Mr. Bird hadn’t gotten any better. He might have even become worse. Val didn’t tell them whether all of the bangs into the hedge walls were affecting its health. Her pet didn’t show up on Matt’s party interface and no one was brave enough to ask.

The maze ended in a manicured grass field. It looked freshly mowed and smelled like it; it smelled of summer and home. Matt pushed the memories down. The field stretched for several football fields and a paved path lined the outside. It was also edged by trees of different varieties. Each tree was unique and Matt was pretty sure that many of them shouldn’t survive in the same climate.

Matt glanced up to the moons, locking in the reminder that this wasn’t Earth. His home was gone. He gritted his teeth and focused on their task.

“What is your quest, anyway?” It was Kurtis who asked as they strode onto the green. The group had opted for the most direct route: straight across.

“Free Willy,” Val said.

“Like, Free Willy Free Willy?” Kurtis clarified.

She shrugged. “I dunno, it just says to go free ‘im. And there’s a dot on the map. We’re getting closer.”

What the heck? Matt scrunched his face but stayed silent.

Halfway through the field, Fallyn veered off to the left. She was fifteen feet away before Matt’s brain caught up. He’d been puzzling over the palm tree to their right. He jogged up to join her. Yes, the field looked empty, but it wasn’t safe to go anywhere alone.

“What’s up?” he asked, slowing at her side.

Fallyn didn’t respond. She just continued on her trajectory, eyes locked in an intense stare.

“Fallyn…?”

She kept walking.

“Quest’s this way!” Val yelled cheerfully, skipping in sidelong strides. Then she said in a loud baby-talk voice, “Yes, you know the right way, don’t you Mr. Birdie.” Then she yelled normally, “See, Mr. Bird is smart!”

Fallyn continued, unhearing.