“You can let me out now,” a low voice whispered unsteadily from the cage.

Matt stared—they all stared—and no one moved to release him. The crouched man slowly searched the faces of his rescuers, his own face sweat-slick but human. Then Matt held his gaze. Those weren’t the wild, unseeing eyes of the monster from moments before; those pale blue pools wavered with hurt, defeat, subservience.

“Let him out, Val,” Matt said.

She was already stepping forward. The key clicked in the lock. The door creaked open. Then they waited. The man slid awkwardly towards the opening; the cage was only large enough for him to crouch.

The man huffed, as he pulled himself to his feet. He was taller than everyone in Matt’s group, and well-muscled, despite captivity. He brushed off his tattered brown shorts, which may have once been pants. He flexed his fingers and rolled his neck. Everything cracked.

“Hi, Mr. Charming,” Val said meekly, with a wave. Wiggles peeked out from behind her legs.

The man towered over her—over all of them. He cleared his throat and then spoke in a stately voice, “Thank you, Princess.”

Val pulled at the sides of her flight suit pants, dipping into a curtsy. The man folded a hand in front of his waist and returned it with a shallow bow.

“You wouldn’t happen to know where the potions are, would you?” Matt ventured.

“And who do we have here?” responded the man.

“Matt, Kurtis, and Fallyn.” Matt pointed at himself, and then the other two.

“And Princess Valkyrie!” Val cheered.

“Wu.”

“And Wiggles,” she added.

The man nodded. “It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I am Prince Charming. You may call me Charming or Accolon. It seems I owe you a debt. I will guide you to these potions if that is what you seek in recompense.”

Matt scanned his friends for objections. Kurtis shrugged and Fallyn gave him a nod.

“Yes please,” Matt confirmed. “I’m really just looking for one potion. It’s for my knight class quest? It’s supposed to give the Basic Taunt skill?”

“A fellow knight! Well, this is a noble quest, indeed. I can guide you, but you must shield me.” Charming-Accolon paused to motion down his ripped and threadbare clothes. “And if I may ask another boon, I believe my armor is on the third floor near our destination. Will you help me retrieve it?”

“Of course!” Val jumped in quickly.

‘Return Prince Charming’s armor: 0/1’ floated up, confirming the new quest. Matt was glad for any additional XP.

“Are you ready to depart?” Charming asked.

“Yeah, let’s go,” said Matt.

“Why were you in the cage?” Fallyn asked slowly.

Charming was already striding towards the door but answered as he walked. “That is a long story.”

“Humor me,” she pressed.

He turned and gave her an assessing look while pushing the white door open to the hallway. Their blood smears from the previous day were gone.

“Once upon a time,” Charming said softly, “I was to marry Rapunzel’s sister. My beloved has the most beautiful singing voice in the realm. You see, any man who hears it falls in love with her. But it was I who captured her heart.” He flashed a smile of brilliant white teeth. “We were visiting the tower on a tour to inform her family of our intentions, and our tidings were not well received.”

Prince Charming held open the slate gray door to the stairwell. Fallyn tucked brown waves behind one ear as she walked through.

“Knight! Chivalry!” Val loud-whispered, pointing at Charming and then the door. “I knew it!” She grinned.

Matt rolled his eyes.

“I’m not sure how long I was in that cage,” Charming continued, voice echoing as they climbed. “The doctor’s treatments were peculiar and ofttimes painful.”

He paused on the landing before the door to the third floor and the Level ??? goos. “Once my honor is satisfied, I must seek out my betrothed and find what has become of her. Beyond this door, you will need the potions that restored me. Are you prepared?”

Matt pulled a fistful of the cork-stoppered vials from his inventory. He held them in one hand, both swords in the other. It was nice this prince wasn’t pulling a Leroy.

“We’re ready,” Matt said, spying vials in the others’ hands too.

“Then open the door, Sir Knight. Danger lies ahead.”

Matt looked at the door, then all the items in his hands. Shit, he thought. Then he glanced helplessly at his friends. “I think we need a better plan. Can I give you guys my potions?”

“Yeah, man,” said Kurtis, holding out a quilted oven mitt.

Swords in his left hand, vials distributed to his friends, Matt triggered his heal and pulled on the handle. He propped the door open with his shoulder and stared down the triple question mark goos.

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Matt’s heads-up display flashed and the nearest goo slid straight for him. It moved with more speed than the slimes outside the tower, a vacillating faceless mass. It was larger than the ones outside too—larger than it had seemed when he’d run before. Matt imagined himself getting smothered beneath it, suffocating encased in Jello, a green Han Solo in carbonite.

“Guys?” Matt said through gritted teeth. He readied his swords and bent his knees for balance. The goo was almost upon him. “Guys?”

A vial of blue liquid arced over Matt’s shoulder and hit the large goo. It rested on the monster’s surface and then sunk into its mass. Matt adjusted his grips, readying to swing. The goo shrunk. The red text above it updated, ‘Lesser Goo,’ and it was now only Level 8.

Holy crap. Finally, something was going their way.

Matt Blood Slashed the Lesser green blob and then Conked it for good measure. Shadows gathered around him, swirling ebony. The goo burst alight with white fire, sprouted arrows, and purple Arcane Bolts rained down. It didn’t stand a chance.

“Good work, brave travelers!” Charming commended from behind.

They repeated the process to clear the white hallway of fourteen more goos. When they were done, bacon smell was the only reminder of the mobs that had chased them from the tower the day before. Now, the hallway looked much like the ones below; this one only had two white doors.

“Does it matter which one we go in first?” Matt asked Charming.

“I believe my armor is in the far one.”

“Alright,” Matt said, backtracking to the first door.

He steeled himself for another Frank Stein, taking deep breaths in front of the doorway. If I ever have a tower, the doors are getting freaking windows.

Matt cast Rapid Regeneration and then turned the knob. The room was full of green Jello mounds. A rack of armor and weapons was staged conspicuously at its back. Tubes of blue liquid flew over Matt’s shoulder as his heads-up display appeared.

Three goos rushed towards him, shrinking as they slid. Matt Blood Slashed across all three, as the middle one created a flipper-like appendage. It stretched up and slapped Matt across the face.

“Ow!”

“Hee?” Wiggles looked to Matt and then Val.

“Left to right,” Fallyn commanded.

“Scratch attack!” yelled Val.

They worked their way through the amorphous blobs with arrows, flames, and light. And when the way was clear, Charming dashed for the rack of armor. The ragged man pulled heavy steel to his body and was transformed into a knight. His entire body, head to toe, was encased in gleaming silver. Charming hefted his sword and shield, then turned to face Matt’s group.

“Much better,” the prince declared.

Then the notifications flew: ‘Return Prince Charming’s armor: 1/1,’ ‘217,750 XP.’

Charming’s helmet fuzzed away. “Now, we must satisfy my honor,” he said. “Your quarry is in the next room.”

Charming led the way, clunking in his full suit of metal. He was the picture of knighthood, straight out of a medieval movie or Game of Thrones. Matt looked down at his neon green Crocks and trashcan breastplate. He sighed watching the group follow a real knight down the hall.

“Hee?” said the beaver, staring up at Matt.

“Hi, Wiggles,” Matt said softly. “Let’s catch up.”

Kurtis gave the signal and Charming flung open the door to reveal a small room with shelves of potions lining the back wall guarded by four triple question mark goos. The well-armored knight charged in with impossible speed.

“Attack me, you disgusting vermin!” Charming fearlessly called to a goo. “Come here, you deformed beast!” he commanded another.

Val tossed vials at the faceless slimes and they shrunk, absorbing the compound, glass and all. Soon, all four lesser goos clustered around the prince. One stretched out its mass to smack Charming but hit a shimmering wall. The limb bounced back and the slime smacked itself instead.

“Take that, you filthy flubber!” the knight called.

Matt ran up to melee and Blood Slashed a glowing X. Arrows throbbed in the jiggling green flesh. The leftmost slime collapsed in white flames. Then Fallyn’s bone-like staff exploded with a column of fire and lightning, driving into the next slime. The gelatinous flesh began to bubble as it took on the energy. It lurched towards Fallyn.

“Stay here, you past due pudding,” Charming said.

The goo snapped back to the prince as if drawn by a magnet. Then a wave of power burst out from the knight, like a gust of wind. Matt Conked the goo that had run off, just in case, and then he Blood Slashed parallel strikes across all three. By the time his red afterimage faded, the goo he’d Conked was dead.

The group moved on to the remaining two slimes, lighting the left one up with white fire and pulsing arrows. Wiggles slammed into it and bounced off, landing with a somersault at Val’s feet.

When it was almost dead, a twisting conduit erupted from Fallyn’s staff. It drove the Jello enemy into the ground. She redirected the twining energy into the final goo, which soon collapsed into a puddle.

‘3,600 XP’ floated away and Matt’s heads-up display dropped. Fallyn wiped green goop from the back of her hand onto her purple parachute pants.

“Well fought, travelers,” Charming commended. “Your potion is yonder.” He pointed to the back of the room with his sword. “I must leave you now, but since you fought so well, perhaps you might restore the tower. A hero’s reward awaits you if you choose to accept. Rapunzel is on the next floor.”

Matt ignored the quest text floating up and away, hyperfocused on the potions at the back of the room. Three metal shelves spanned the entire back wall, packed full of jars, beakers, and vials. Matt scanned along them, looking for any indication of the right one.

He moved closer and started tipping the containers with soft taps and clinks. He tried lifting, turning, swirling the potions, moving along the shelves from left to right. There’s no way I have to drink random ones. Right? There were yellow ones, green ones, blue, and pink. He lifted a stopper and reeled at the smell of sewage.

“Everything okay, Matt?” Fallyn inquired.

“Uh.” Matt coughed and tried to get the smell out of his throat. “Thinking,” he croaked, then tried to clear his throat again.

“Is there a popup or anything?” Kurtis suggested.

Matt shook his head and took another step to the right.

“What does your quest say?” Kurtis continued.

The vial in front of Matt felt different.

“Matt?” Kurtis said with a swish of his tail.

Matt carefully lifted the glass tube out of its wire holder. The contents were deep blue, like the Protection Aspect gem. They didn’t shine or sparkle, but somehow Matt knew it was the one.

Please don’t smell bad. Please don’t taste bad.

Matt yanked out the black rubber stopper and downed the liquid, not giving himself enough time to smell or think, or back out. It burned. His esophagus was on fire. Matt brought a fist to his mouth, fighting the urge to gag. This wasn’t the fire of spicy food; it was actual fire. He imagined his insides turned to coal. And then it stopped.

“I’m alright,” he forced out, eyes watering. “Yep, I’m okay.” Matt made a thumbs-up and coughed.

He blinked back the moisture and scrunched his face. Wiggles held up a fist, without the thumb, in imitation. Then the burning faded and an odd warmth radiated from his core; it spread throughout his body. Fallyn narrowed her eyes.

“Am I glowing?” Matt croaked then coughed again.

“Don’t think so,” said Val.

A moment later, the warmth subsided and Matt shivered, watching a massive chunk of XP float up and away. Then Matt opened his Skills Menu and, sure enough, Basic Taunt was no longer locked. It said ‘Spend Skill Point to activate,’ and he did just that.

“Finally,” Matt said. “I got it.” I freaking got the damn taunt. He took a deep breath. “So, fourth floor quest?”

“Yes please,” said Fallyn.

“To the fourth floor!” Val cheered, pointing to the door.

“Eee!” said Wiggles, extending a tiny arm.

“She can’t be that bad, right?” said Kurtis. He swished his tail forward and held it in an oven-mitted hand.