“The village no longer exists?” Micky said as he fell to his knees.

“Sorry son, but it just isn’t there anymore.” Said his father as he hugged and supported him.

“Was it a beast tide?” Micky asked.

“Was it the dungeon gone wild? Did they not clear it fast enough?” He continued.

“Was it the other kingdom? Blasting it away in another of their raids?” Rapid fire questions.

“Was it a competing noble trying to take the land?” Micky didn’t stop.

“Hold it, hold it, hold, it, son, well I guess it could be called that last one, and it is in part due to the dungeon...” His father said.

“How many [Dead], how many faces will I never see again?” Micky said with tears in his eyes.

“I said hold son, nobody is [Dead]. Well, maybe grandpa Miller, but that was more of a heart attack thing and the fact he is ancient even if not [Ancient]... No, people just moved.” Said his father.

“Moved?” Asked Micky.

“Yes, moved. Look, once you found that dungeon things started falling apart. The council of elders, bless their souls, hadn’t been keeping things up to snuff, but nothing terrible. Instead of investing in keeping the pace with maintenance they invested in things like peoples houses and food. They were never terrible people, if not their personality. No, but the dungeon changed things. Soon, there was no work, your mother and I had to make a decision and move. We figured you were around, and maybe could use our help you know. We worry about you, what with all the trouble you cause and such.-”

“-So we set out to find you and see if we couldn’t be a family again. What with everything falling apart there was nothin’ keeping us there. Slowly people moved out as jobs dried up and adventurers moved in. Quickly the village was replaced with an [Adventurer’s Town] no bigger than a few hundred. Of course, long before that we partitioned the governor about things, but considering it was exactly what the baron wanted-” *Hwktoo* Micky’s father spat on the ground, then had the decency to look apologetic as his wife stared at him till he cleaned up Micky’s doorstep…

“Seeing as how that was the plan he didn’t see fit to change anything even with people leaving. Now there’s not much left, side from the tavern, the governer’s mansion and the newly erected adventurer’s guild. Nothin’ keepin us there since the ‘ouse was rented. We tried to get a message to the Hendricksons but they ignored us completely. Probably didn’t even know they owned the village, Ha! So now we ave’ nothin’ holden’ us down. But we had something to go find, so here we are!” Said Micky’s dad self satisfied. His mother elbowed him. When he gave her a victimized look, she punched him until he gave up.

“What your father means is, we came by since we were moving anyway. If you don’t mind us, and it appears you are already well settled at least, we could help you out some? Are you doing your laundry properly? Remember to separate your underclothes from the color or they end up weird looking. And when you do your colors you should separate them out or they dye each other. Oh, and are you even redyeing your cloths? They need a little, something, ever once in a while to get that color back!” Micky’s mother started to rant.

“Moooom! I’ve got it, I’m fine. I would have no probl-” Micky started, but was stopped abruptly.

Abruptly happened to be shaped like a 250 pound cat. Said cat growled and leapt at him.

Prin and Kux drew weapons as Micky was bowled over. But they weren’t fast enough for what happened next. Micky dreaded what came next as much as anyone. He was licked across the face by a sandpaper tongue. This inevitably gave him a cowlick. And she continued to lick his face for a little bit, but soon decided that he wasn’t properly cleaning his hair and started to lick that.

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“Hello Pepperoni, and how is my good girl doing?” Micky said exasperated.

Pepperoni ignored the mewling kitten like any good parent and kept fussing with them. Soon she wasn’t satisfied with just cleaning his hair and she curled up around him using her paws to gently, but securely keep her most erstwhile kitten in place.

“Um, a little help please? Anybody?” Micky asked only to receive mute stairs or be pointedly ignored. Meanwhile, Pepperoni continued to give her prodigal kitten a bath.

“Um, I think you can let me go now Peps I’m clean?” Micky asked hesitantly.

‘Kitten’ were the feeling she sent back through the [Bond] they shared. As if that explained everything a chidding mother needed to explain.

“Uh, Pep? Please?” Micky said.

‘Kitten’ She sent back again. It seemed all she needed to explain.

“Welp, I guess I should go clean up the kitten, kitchen. Who knows what you’ve been eating around here. I mean, remember that time you gave you and your friend food poisoning? It was legendary! To this day the village doesn’t eat crawfish on that day in remembrance. Even the adventurer’s town that’s there now knows this, and they have no idea why, ha!” Said Micky’s mother.

“Well, I better help your mother with things, and then get everything moved. It’s always nice seeing you Micky.” Said Micky’s father.

Micky turned his eyes onto his siblings, they just shook their heads no and moved on. But they did make sure to laugh at his misfortune. Or rather, he was basically ensconced in a giant warm fluffy bed, they may have been slightly jealous, if it wasn’t so hot already.

Prin and Kux also disappeared, but Micky couldn’t remember when it happened. He just sighed and luxuriated in the pampering of his oldest friend. Well, maybe tolerated, at least sandpaper tongue on hair wasn’t so bad…

… 3 hours, THREE, at some point she had fallen asleep, but even then she did not let go of him. She would wake just enough to prevent him from extricating himself. Finally she allowed him to leave her graceness when she had to get up to pee… which flooded the neighbors flowerbed. They were not amused. Luckily, a 250 pound animal was nearby to distract them. Unfortunately it meant the guard camebye. Fortunately he just so happened to receive a guard animal permit. Unfortunately it meant he would need to reaply for Mags. He had planned on surprising the monster with it. Squishy at least, being a slime, didn’t need a permit outside of a utility one. Slimes were utility monsters, who knew?

Once things were settled one of his younger brothers came up to him. He would soon turn 10 and thus go through a divining, which was troubling… It meant he would need to get him a gift. Luckily he had a variety of weapons laying around from loot and things. He could even get, or make, some enchanted gear. Nothing major, just bonus states or something probably. Maybe he could even brew up some potions… lots of potions… Ok he really wanted to make some potions now…

Said brother trotted over to see him. He always looked upset whenever he saw him, the brat kept talking about templates or something. Some bullshit about him becoming a hero because of his underestimated class. It always made him laugh though.

“What’s up bro?” Micky asked.

“Nothin’.” The brat said. Clearly it was something, even if just company. He decided to humor him. It had been a while since he had talked with any of his siblings and this one was at least tolerable. Clarra was still at the age were she had to announce everything. That one, that one he would avoid until she ran out of new things to point at. It wouldn’t stop her from announcing what it was, but at least it would slow her pace of announcing them…

“Ok brat, what’s your problem? I know that look.” Said Micky.

“I don’t know, it’s just, things. I mean, I know I’m supposed to be a hero and all-” Said Parson as he was interrupted by Micky’s snort.

“-and all, but I’m kinda worried you know. I don’t wanna play on hard mode like you, I’m worried that my class is going to be horrible and then I will lose everything and then, and then, more bad things...” Parson finished.

Micky stretched a hand up to rub his head and he leaned into it. Pepperoni seemed to think that she hadn’t watered the flowers enough at that moment and went at it again… “First of all, my class is aberrant in our family, no casters, and no casters in the family tree beside me, which doesn’t count. Second of all you have always tried your hardest, and while killing a slime or being killed by a slime doesn’t help your class at all training does. Third your luck isn’t anywhere near as bad as me brat. I took all the families bad luck for several generations. Finally, even if you do get a shit class, I know that your going to do great things with it. Afterall, you’re a hero, and I’m just a nobody, and look at where I’m at. Now let’s go see what mess the rest of em’ have gotten into...” Micky said.

“Micky Darrel Anderson, you come here this instant!” His mother yelled.