A strange image had appeared right before my very eyes.

Lard stiffly sat down on his chair while staring at my subordinated vampire queen, Ellysa. He had a serious look on his face as if he was contemplating the meaning of life. The only noise in the room came from a snoring Kendra, who had found great joy from studying ‘materials’ obtained from our raids against the criminal hideouts until she knocked herself into complete exhaustion.

Ignoring my sleeping apprentice who had her face planted against a desk full of books, Ellysa was calmly sipping from her cup of tea.

“So. You’re a dwarf?” Lard asked while his hands were clasped on a wooden table.

“Yes,” Ellysa answered without looking at him.

“The queen of the dwarves?”

“Yes.”

Lard hummed to himself for a moment before continuing, “I thought dwarves would look… erm…”

“Like what?” Ellysa asked.

“Hairy. And… wider. Not huge. Wide. Like a long screen.”

“I don’t know what a screen is, but I know what you might be implying.” Ellysa placed the cup down and continued, “It’s my vampire upbringing, you see.”

“Ah. I see, I see. You’ve been raised by human vampires.” Lard nodded his head while scratching his chin.

Apparently this discussion was so serious for Lard that he had forgotten to stop being weird.

“What? Who said anything about humans?” Ellysa asked. She pressed a hand against her chest and raised her head before saying, “I am proud to say that I was raised by two vampire rock golems!”

“Oooh, I see, that makes… WHAT?!” Lard yelled.

I snapped my fingers and called out, “Hey, Lard! Finish translating those things! I’m not paying you to sit around!”

“You don’t pay me, Vakasa of the Darkness, anything, you miserable old lich!” Lard grumbled.

“Don’t make me get you a part-time job here in the city!”

Lard gasped with horror in his eyes. “No! Anything but that!”

Without warning, two of my companion burst through a door and loudly announced, “Boss! We got bad news!”

“And good news?” I asked.

“No. Only bad news,” my companions answered. “Remember the helper that brought you a lot of fans during his first day?”

“Ah, yes. I have yet to meet him personally.” I nodded.

“He was kidnapped!”

“WHAT?!” I shouted as I slapped my table.

“He was kidnapped!” my companions retreated.

“I’m dead, not deaf, you imbeciles! Tell me what happened!”

They placed a map of the city down onto my table and pointed at a large park. “The helper was stationed here as usual, but some skeletons snatched him Spirit-kidnapping style.”

“Those bastards stole our style!” I cursed at the double insult to my name! “Who are these fools trying to dig their graves early?!”

“Our intel suspects that it might be the rival gang led by the Skeleton Godfather.”

“What?!”

“It’s possible the criminal scumbags saw that you were acquainted with the head commissioner, so they kidnapped your leading voice in order to blackmail you!” my companions suggested.

I slammed my fist against my table and gritted my teeth. “Very well! They’ve forced my hand.”

“You’ve made a plan already, Boss?!”

“Yes! We’re kidnapping their godfather!”

“Wait, wait, wait. You’re going to snatch their godfather right from the palms of the God of Death?!” Lard shouted.

“Of course. Nobody pulls a sneaky on a thousand year old trickster!” I declared confidently.

*

*

*

Though the city was dead, the night life wasn’t. Some types of undead and the mortal minority needed sleep, but most of the dead didn’t need to sleep, so the city remained bustling even at night. Zombies continued to work in advanced large-scale merchant companies, death commissioners patrolled the city while eating sweet rolls, banshees continued to scream at the drivers to move their carriages forward when the traffic orbs turned green, and nightshades were continuously bumped by accident on the streets.

The city was almost like a dungeon in its own right; alleys led up to different streets and buildings, subways went to deeper levels of the city, and there were roads which could take you virtually anywhere in the city provided you had an automatic carriage.

In this busy night, a hooded figure approached a dark alleyway. Two armored men guarded a door along the alley, and when they saw the mysterious figure, they shouted, “Stop right there! Who are you?!”

If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

“Oh, you know who I am.”

After pulling down his hood, the guards gasped. “Godfather?! You are fine?!”

“Yes, it’s me. Godfather. I am alright! Spiffy!” the Skeleton Godfather declared.

“We… We should let the others know of your arrival! Please come in!”

“Of course! It’s because I am the Skeleton Godfather which is why you must guide me inside this hideout!”

The two ushered their godfather into the hideout and walked him through the building. The sudden appearance of the godfather caused the other skeletons to be surprised and they followed him around like a sheep.

“Godfather has escaped prison!” a skeleton rejoiced.

“Yes, it’s me! The Skeleton Godfather!”

“How did you escape prison, Godfather?”

“I escaped because… I am the Skeleton Godfather!”

“Yes, that’s so true!”

The skeletons continued to give praises to their leader, and they were getting so excited to the point that they were about to start a party until a particularly large skeleton entered the room. He was wearing an expensive set of black scale armor lined with gems of every color, but his head was exposed. The large skeleton turned his head towards the godfather and opened his mouth.

“Wait a minute, that’s not how the Godfather sounds like. Who are you?” he asked.

The ‘Skeleton Godfather’ loosened his lower jaw and fell silent for a moment. Out of nowhere, he stood up and took off his skull. Placing two fingers against the skull, the body suddenly started shouting, “EVERYONE, HANDS IN THE AIR! THIS IS A HOSTAGE SITUATION! THIS HERE IS THE SKELETON GODFATHER AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO CRUSH HIS SKULL RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!”

The headless body took off the cloak, revealing the identity of the kidnapper - ME!

A part of my torso was removed so that my head would sink below the neck area, but I was still fully functional. On my hands was the skull of the unconscious Skeleton Godfather.

“Y-You! How dare you take the Godfather hostage!” the lieutenant shouted.

“You kidnapped one of my own so I kidnapped one of your own!” I yelled.

“OUR GODFATHER ISN’T JUST ANY ONE OF OUR OWN!” the lieutenant retorted.

“Yeah, well? Guess what?! You better prepare a replacement soon if you don’t put your hands into the air!”

My threat worked and every skeleton in the room raised their hands into the air. The skull in my hand started shaking until it murmured, “W-What? Where am I?”

“Shut up, you baldie!” I ordered angrily as I slapped the side of his cranium.

“Ow! Wh-What the?! Aren’t you that I spoke to a few days ago?! What’s going on here?!” The bodiless Skeleton Godfather cried.

“You idiots kidnapped my subordinates so now I want a trade. Your godfather for my helper!” I said.

“Wait…You’re that new person that was running for election!” the lieutenant gasped.

“Oh? So you know who I am, then!”

“Yes! The pale mortal we kidnapped is still campaigning for you in our prison!”

“He was this close to getting my support!” a skeleton remarked.

“Oh yeah, his points were very agreeable!” another skeleton added.

“Is it true you’re planning on reforming the job market? We need some employment stability in these dark times!” another one cried.

“Reform the job market? Well, I actually plan to… Wait! This is a hostage situation, not a question and answer session! Everyone put your hands back into the air!” I commanded.

“Should a presidential candidate like you be holding people up at spellpoint?!” a lieutenant retorted.

“You don’t get to ask questions, I do! Now, lead me to where you keep the kidnapped mortal at!” I ordered.

With my fingers held against the Skeleton Godfather, the criminals cautiously led me down to a prison cell. Inside, there was a scruffy-looking pale person who could be in their early adulthood. His teeth chattered wildly as if he was freezing cold, and he was curled up like a ball in the corner of his cell.

While I had heard that he was as pale as a clean sheet of paper, I didn’t expect him to be this young!

“Are you the one campaigning for the Presidential Candidate Boss?” I asked through the cell bars.

“Y-Yes? W-W-W-W-Who-”

“Quit stuttering!”

“Yes, sir! I am! Who are you?” the pale person straightened up and asked.

“I’m Boss!”

“You’re Boss?!”

“Yes, I’m Boss!”

“His name is Boss?” the Skeleton Godfather murmured.

“Shut up, you! Now, get your lieutenant to open the prison door, but don’t try anything funny or you’re toast!” I threatened the skull.

“Do what he says, fellas! He’s dangerous!” the Skeleton Godfather warned.

The lieutenant carefully tiptoed to the prison door, showing me the keys. I nodded and allowed him to insert the key into the door after making sure the godfather wasn’t up to anything stupid. The door creaked as it opened, and the helper dashed towards my back like a kitten hiding behind its tiger mother.

“Now you’ll let our godfather free, right?!” the lieutenant asked.

“Yes, that’s right! You need to let me go!” the Skeleton Godfather pleaded.

I stared at the skull of the poor defenseless godfather. I could let the godfather free, but he might become a thorn in my side if he decides to take revenge against me.

But then, I set him free from prison, didn’t I?

I loosened my grip on the skull and the skeletons seemed to notice it. They lowered their bodies in anticipation, probably ready to do something. If I could frown, I would’ve done so.

If this becomes messy, the death commissioners might notice the racket. They were already aware that I was raiding one of the criminal gangs, but they turned a blind eye to the raids as they were technically approved by Head Commissioner. However, kidnapping the Skeleton Godfather from them was another matter entirely! Losing the support of Head Commissioner could mean losing my chance of winning the election!

Guh… my hands are tied!

“W-Wait, c-can we compromise?” Suddenly, a third party intervened. The pale helper strutted to my side and nervously scanned the room. After clearing his throat, he stuttered, “It-It’ll benefit the both of you, that’s for sure.”

“What?” I asked.

“Huh? Who’s this?” the Skeleton Godfather questioned.

“It doesn’t matter… I think.”

“You think?”

“Shut up, and let him continue,” I interjected.

“Ummm… Boss set you free, right? S-So honor demands t-that you repay him,” the helper pointed out.

“That’s not a compromise!” the skull retorted.

“But! If you help Boss win the election, y-you could have a p-president as an ally! I-I think you both could benefit!”

“Makes sense to me.” I shrugged.

“Oh, right…” the Skeleton Godfather tried to nod, but couldn’t.

“Alright, what do you say, Skeleton Godfather?” I asked.

“You’re the Skeleton Godfather?!” the pale helper meekly shouted.

The skull in my hand shook angrily and yelled, “You asked for a compromise but you didn’t know who I was?!”

“Never mind that! Are you in or what? You help me, I help you. We would all benefit,” I interrupted.

After a moment of silence, the Skeleton Godfather sighed and agreed. “You scratch my back, I scratch yours. It’s a deal, from one skeleton to another!”

“Great! Now…” I tossed the skull to the lieutenant and announced, “Attention, potential voters! I am Presidential Candidate Boss. Question and Answer is now in session!”