The sun shone down on the wooden covers built to provide shade on Alph’s back, giving me a feeling of listlessness. The demon tortoise’s back was surprising big enough to fit a few boxes and passengers, though I liked to hog the whole place to myself.

I left a small unroofed part on Alph’s platform so that I could sit and enjoy the sunshine. Lying against my sun chair, I was reading an Angolian book which I stole from Sarjay’s manor. It was a small book on Angolian fighting techniques, probably one of the last remaining treasures of Asha’s poverty-stricken parents.

I would have enjoyed the book... if I was able to read Western Commons. Though I knew some basic words, I still struggled to learn more complex words. Strangely enough, some Cahalotians seemed to know some Ancient Commons, so I looked forward to have a conversation with them. After all, Western Commons sounded like a country bumpkin talking to me.

As I looked at the funny pictures on the book, I heard a familiar groan. I ignored it, but the groan came back again a few seconds ago. It got worse when the constant groaning turned into depressing whimpers.

I angrily closed my book, then got off my sun chair. My two vampiric servants moved aside, but continued to fan me. I approached a lonely corner of the platform. Ever since we got off the muscle wizard’s city, Lard had been sulking in this corner.

Normally it would be this guy who would approach me, but it seemed that the tides have turned. Lard hunched forward against the platform’s railings, almost as if he wanted to jump off. I crouched down to take a better look at him.

Lard’s eyes had dark rings, his white hair an utter mess, and his face didn’t look healthy at all. I thought about my words carefully. I wanted to console him, maybe find a way to stop him from sulking since it was depressing to look at him.

“Hey, buddy…” I nudged Lard.

Lard’s lifeless eyes met my skull’s eyeholes.

“How about you…” I breathed deeply, trying to think of some encourageming words. Then, I mustered the right words. “... get off my ride?”

Lard turned his face and grumbled, “So mean.”

“No, no. I am the one in the right here. This is my ride and I don’t want you wetting my luxurious elven wood flooring with your salty tears,” I replied.

“What’s going on here?” Kendra interjected as she approached. The only people I tolerated being on Alph were Satel and Kendra, my apprentice in magic. She wore a set of dark brown robes, matched with black inner clothing. Ever since she began learning necromancy, she started wearing darker colors. I warned her that being a necromancer wasn’t an excuse to have a terrible sense of fashion, but she continued to dress in black.

Maybe it wasn’t necromancy? Maybe she reached the rebellious age? What am I going to do? Should I dump my responsibility of parenting a growing teenager to one of my companions? My innate skill of running away from responsibilities were developed over a course of a thousand years, after all.

Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

“Lard’s depressed over his girlfriend,” I answered.

“Oh… that… walking house?” Kendra guessed.

“She’s not a house! She’s a beautiful woman that cares deeply for everyone!” Lard spontaneously became energetic, vehemently defending the love of his life.

“Ah, good. You seem to be alive now. Could you please get off my ride?” I asked.

“No! I’m not done! You see, when nobody else would help me, she came to me! The light of my life! The blessings from the heavens! A divine gift! She’s so beautiful and kind that I have learned magic!” Lard stood up and proclaimed.

“What?! Bullshit!” I called out on him.

Lard gave a mocking snicker, then pulled back one of his sleeves. “Fool, do not understand my precious Musclella. Behold, my magic!”

Lard flexed his fatty bicep, forming an image with flesh and muscle alone. It was a familiar face.

“W-w...Why in the Abyss did you learn magic to portray her face with your muscles?!” I retorted.

“Hmpf… Mock me all you want. But this is the only magic I can do. From this day on, I will devote myself to training muscle magic to maintain Musclella’s image until I return to Rallas one day,” Lard declared.

“Pfft, love. We Cahalotians look down upon intimate relationships,” Kendra commented.

I scratched my head and asked Kendra, “Like I keep asking, do the Cahalotians have a set schedule on when to procreate?”

“W-why are you asking me this?! T-that’s… not something I would know!” Kendra stormed off to her corner then went back to reading her necromancy tome.

“Hear me, Lich,” Lard started, but I quickly wrapped his mouth with my hand.

“You idiot, that midget in the corner still doesn’t know I’m an undead!” I hissed at him with a low voice.

“Mmmf fmmmh hmppff!” came the reply.

“Pardon me?”

Lard grabbed my hand and tossed it away, “That’s besides the point! Hear me, Ye Of No Faith! I, Vakasa of the Darkness, swear to marry the light of the heavens and gem of the seas, Musclella!”

Upon his declaration, I felt one of my shoulders becoming heavy. Another shortie stood on top of my shoulder with one foot, but she wasn’t heavy given that her body was hollow and was only made out of wooden roots. Satel, the fairy disguised as a wood nymph, normally sat on top of Alph’s head, doing photosynthesis or something, but it seemed that the commotion attracted her.

“Now, that is a declaration,” Satel remarked. “What’s going on here?”

“This guy is madly in love,” I answered as I placed Satel down onto the floor. The normal response from other people would be a retort or a sneer, but it seemed that Satel was different. She became silent for a while, then raised her head to me, and looked at me with upturned eyes.

“I…I’ve never really fallen in love before.”

“Ok, so? How is that my problem?” I shrugged.

Satel excitedly turned to Lard and asked, “What’s it like to be in love?!”

Oh boy… her eyes were shining.

“Fu fu… well, you fairly innocent maiden. Let me lecture you on how it feels. First your stomach would have butterflies…” Lard formed an exaggerated pose, bending backwards, while placing a hand on his stomach. His other hand was rested against his forehead as he swooned.

“B-butterflies?! Summoning magic?!”

“Quite so! Love is magic!” Lard declared.

“Ooooh!” Satel awed.

I massaged my temples and muttered, “I think I have another headache…”