“This is a Vele-Ilk Sehedan Corvette S-19 Year 211 edition. Its engine has two hundred and five skylordpowers—top of its class, sir,” a phantom floated over the ground as she showed me a brand new auto-wagon for display.

“Does it come in black?” I asked.

“Oh, yes, sir! Indeed. We have shadow black, black-blue, black-red, Vallenian black-”

I raised a hand to stop her and said, “As long as it’s black.”

“Yes, of course, sir.” The phantom opened the auto-wagon’s door, and I took a peek inside. I tried to purse my lips in vain so I resorted to slowly nodding to show my approval. “Show me that other car. It’s also from Vele-Ilk Sehedan?”

“You have good eyes, Presidential-Candidate! It’s why we of the Educational Bureau supports you! Back to the topic, Vele-Ilk Sehedan wanted a sports wagon-”

The phantom was interrupted when Kendra entered the showcase hall and loudly announced her arrival. “Master! I’ve got news!”

“Damn it, Kendra. Can you not see I’m busy being bribed- I mean, gifted and donated to by the Educational Bureau?”

“I don’t care. We’ve finished moving the Skeleton Crew’s headquarters to a new place,” Kendra replied.

“Ah, good. Is it that alleyway I picked?”

“Yes, yes. We’ve made sure to make it look as criminally as possible.”

“With torture rooms, rooms for contraband, and rough-looking individuals?”

Kendra nodded and reported, “We’ve hired the ugliest and most evil looking undead in the city. As an… unintentional bonus, the employment rate in the city went up a bit and they somehow attributed it to you.”

I scratched my chin and said, “Not my intention, but alright.”

The door was slammed open again and a shadowy figure appeared with a flag fluttering in the wind. “BEHOLD! T’IS I! VAKA-”

“Will everyone please just stop slamming the damned doors?! What’s wrong with you all?!” I shouted angrily.

“O-Oh, s-sorry. I-I’ll come back and gently open the door.” Lard closed the door then opened the door gently. After awkwardly coughing, he announced, “Behold! T’is I, Vakasa of the Darkness!”

“Quickly, spit it out. I need to inspect my soon-to-be auto-wagon,” I urged while waving my hand dismissively.

“Most of the former supporters of Terebnis had fallen to our most gracious folds! Some had unfortunately fallen into our foe’s, Senator Particia’s, hands, but there are a few individuals who are too stubborn and too arrogant to see my merci-, I mean your merciful demeanour!”

“Why? What do they want?”

Lard shook his head and replied, “More political favors, I guess. They said they need to profit from this deal.”

“I see. Go give them empty promises, and if that doesn’t work, threaten to have them completely extinguished from this plane of reality,” I instructed.

“Oh. Huh. It’s that simple? Just threats? What if they don’t work? What if they don’t budge to my, Vakasa of the Darkness’, outstanding threats, hmm?”

“Then wipe them out, obviously. I don’t need to babysit you, do I?”

“No! Nay! Unforgivable! How dare a mere Arcolichuu would imply you would babysit me?!”

“How did you even get it to that level of wrongness in saying my title-.” I paused and kneaded my temples. “Just go. Leave. Just say the word and my men will take care of any decrepit sentient museum artifact that dares to oppose me.”

“So this is how politics work…” Lard muttered out loud while leaving.

As soon as the phantom was about to start introducing a new car, a new interloper appeared - one of my lieutenants. “Boss, I’m afraid I’ve got terrible news.”

I scratched the inside of my eye socket and asked, “Is there a queue waiting outside to give me news or what?”

My lieutenant looked behind him and nodded.

“That was a joke, damn it!” I cursed and left the room with Kendra in tow. Outside of the room, there were at least four other people lining up. I snapped my fingers and said, “All of you, say your news at the same time. I don’t want to waste my time.”

“The fairies-”

“...Particia wants-”

“Head Commissioner wants to-”

“Customers are asking if the skirts could be shorter-”

“Crew is asking if we could hire uglier people-”

“Alright, alright! Stop! This was a bad idea. Can you all sort yourselves in who has the worst news?” I asked.

“Worst as in… bad news or worst as in ‘this news has low substance. I rate it a low 1 out of ten’ worst?” someone asked.

I rubbed my eyebrow markings on my mask in silence for a good minute. “You. What’s your news?”

“Er… Particia wants to meet you-”

“No! You misheard! I-I-I mean, start with you!” I pointed at another person.

“Master, I think this is important. Your only rival left wants to meet you, but why?” Kendra interjected.

“She wants me assassinated! I’ll have her assassinated first! Assassins, attack!”

“STOP! NO, YOU IDIOT!” Kendra shouted, stopping the dozens of mixed varieties of assassins that emerged from every hidden space. The little girl gestured like she was rapidly patting a pair of invisible puppies as she said, “We are not assassinating anyone today. Not while the entire city is on maximum alert. If Particia gets assassinated, the fingers would obviously point towards you, Master! All of my work will be for nothing!”

Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.

The assassins grunted and groaned in disappointment as they went back to their hiding spots.

“What is it you propose, Kendra? It’s clear that she would want me removed as her last rival.”

“Has it occured to you that maybe she wants to fight for the presidency fair and square?”

I mechanically turned my head to her, placed a hand on my stomach, and pulled my body back slightly. “BWAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“Wha-”

“Men, laugh with me. You shall be paid by the ha’s and bwa’s,” I offered.

“BWHAHAHAHAH!”

“HAHAHAHAHAAH!”

“HAHAHBWAHBWA!”

I held my hand up to stop my assassins and subordinates from laughing any further and draining my precious money. “Kendra, that was a hilarious joke.”

“Master, I’m going to say something, and I know that you’ll just laugh harder so don’t."

"Kendra, you know you're my favorite little apprentice. How can I ever laugh at anything you would say?"

"You laughed just now."

"Fair." I nodded. "What is it you wanted to say?"

"I wasn’t joking.”

I placed my hand on my stomach again and Kendra gut-punched me. “You damned brat! If I had an actual stomach, that would’ve hurt!”

“Then why are you bending your body in pain?” she asked.

“Because you broke some of my precious junk- I mean artifacts I keep in my robes!” I explained angrily.

“I heard you say junk.”

“My tongue slipped.”

“You don’t have a tongue! You have a blue flaming thing inside your mouth!”

“That could be my tongue, you know,” I retorted.

Kendra placed her hands on her hips, lowered her head, and sighed so heavily that I even felt it. “Master, please. Just go and meet Particia. We could get something out of this. You’ll see that she wants to fight fair and square. At the very least, find out what she’s up to.”

“Just to make this clear, I don’t really want to meet Particia, but just to prove to you that politicians are all snakes, I shall meet her,” I said.

*

*

*

“Presidential-Candidate Boss, I would like to be honest. I want to fight you fair and square but you’re making this hard,” Particia said from across the table.

I tapped the polished mahogany table and stood up. Without saying a word, I walked towards some of her home decorations with my hands behind my back. “Interesting selection of vase, Senator Particia.”

“Do not change the topic, Presidential-Candidate Boss.”

I raised my hand. “Please. Just call me Boss. Everyone does.”

“Boss, you and I are not so diff-”

“Yes we are. Now, what do you need me here for, Particia? This Archlich has Archlich business to attend to,” I interrupted before sitting back across Particia. “The election may have been delayed, but this truce is only temporary.”

“But I want more than just a truce.” Particia stood up. “Our goals are aligned and genuine. We could mutually benefit from working together.”

“What do you propose, then?” I asked while leaning back on my chair.

“First, call off your attacks on my side.”

I spread my palm open and replied, “Explain.”

“Your slander campaign. You’ve been hiring thugs to harass my people, too. I want you to stop.”

My head slowly turned towards her, an eerie silence loomed over the room. “What?”

“Don’t play dumb.”

“No, I’m serious. What?”

At this point, Particia looked as confused as I was. “Have you not been hiring members of the Skeleton Crew and the skeleton gang to harass my subordinates?”

“Lady, I don’t even personally pay my campaigners. Do I look like someone who would pay some thugs to do something my minions could do for free?”

“Ah… Eh…” Particia rubbed her chin then closed her eyes. Without warning, her body mass expanded and her eyes became bloodshot. After slamming her fist against her table, she shouted, “Cough it up, skeleton! I didn’t live this long to be treated like a moron!”

I crossed my arms and raised my chin. “I did not hire anyone.”

She stared long into my empty eye sockets, as if probing for something. When Particia finally gave up, her body shrunk. “S-Sorry for the outburst.”

“If I took offense to every minor transgression, I would’ve died from divine aneurysm a long time ago.”

“What does that even mean? Never mind. Let’s move on. I want an alliance with you to stop the demon attacks in the city.”

“Demon attacks?”

“Yes. Ever since the assassination attempt on your life during your public statement, there had been an increasing number of terror attacks in the city,” Particia explained. “You are aware of this, are you not?”

What Particia was saying was correct. The “assassination attempt” on me probably made the rest of the fairies operating within the city to think that it was now time to attack and unleash chaos. Unfortunately for them, it wasn’t and the demon attacks were disorganized, so the city enforcers were able to mop up the various fairy cells block by block.

Particia probably wanted to rack up some extra credit from the public by launching her own personal crusade against the fairies, but it might cause friction with me if she does it on her own.

“Alright, I suppose. We can have an alliance, but only when fighting against the demons. But I must warn you in advance, my help might be minimal. As you know, I was betrayed by Terebnis so I am wary about a new anti-demon alliance.”

“But I’m not Terebnis!”

“I don’t care. I will need some time to be convinced before bleeding my resources out helping you out. Is there anything else?”

Particia sighed and shook her head. “That is all. Thank you for your time, Presidential-Candidate Boss.”

She raised her hand towards me and I was about to shake it until I saw her extremely long nails. I pulled my hand back before nodding silently at her. As soon as I left the room, Kendra greeted me.

“How was the meeting?” the little girl asked. “What is she up to? I need to know so I can plan accordingly.”

“Particia negotiated an alliance with me. We’ll join forces to stop the fairies, but I doubt we have to do anything to fully wipe out the demons from this city. I have an idea we could use this alliance to our advantage though,” I explained then recalled the meeting. “Kendra, did you, by chance, hire thugs to harass Particia’s men?”

“Yes. Why?”

“Very good! But for now, tone down the attacks. Particia complained about this, so you’ll have to learn to be… less conspicuous. Is there anything else?”

“The predicted votes are still in Particia’s favor. What should we do?”

I waved my hand dismissively. “There are a few votes that come from the minor backwater cities and towns in Gravia. Send my men there to threaten-... coax the electors to my favor.”

“Aye, aye!” Kendra saluted. “So, what’re you going to do with Particia?”

Kendra and I exited the building and entered an auto-wagon bound for the Bureau of Education. While inside, I idly stared at the passing pedestrians and said, “Particia’s security is very tight, so we can’t really do anything against her. I’ll have to slowly chip away at her defenses.”

“Master, I’m curious. What’s your plan to steal the vial of the Vampire Matriarch’s blood? I mean, even if you get the blood, Gravia will send legions after you. I know you’re powerful, but surely getting attacked every few minutes would be a pain.”

“Yeah, that’s true. Even back in my old stronghold, even though my men and I would destroy the intruders in seconds, it’s still annoying getting interrupted.” I placed a hand against my chin and pondered. “Damn, I should’ve used a fake identity.”

“Actually, I’ve got an idea.”

“Oh, really? Let’s hear it.”