Chapter 10 Memories, Regrets and Longing part 3
My paws all at the same time touched the ice that I created so as to not get in contact with the filthy ground. Next to me flowed dark water that filled the air with a disgusting smell…
“Why do I do this again…?”
“My shiny fur will get smelly because of this, sigh…”
I put the compass down to see where I had to go. “Because I was already near, it shouldn’t be that far.”
I made my way in the direction the needle showed me. While I walked and simultaneously created ice under my paws, I thought “How could the ring get from the drawer to… this place…?”
The tunnel system was pitch black, occasionally rays of light that lost their way made it through the manholes. “If it weren’t for me being able to see in the dark, I would be utterly lost…”
After a short walk I stood before a wall. “Seems like I have to get through here; let’s hope there won’t be a cave in…”
Spears out of ice appeared next to me and swiftly made a hole into the stone wall, revealing what lied behind it. “I kind of expected that.” I walked into the small room that was littered with odds and ends.
*clank* My paw nudged against a metallic cup, making it roll over the stone floor until it stopped at a big pile of junk. Coincidentally, the compass pointed at it as well… “Seriously? I have to go through all of this…?”
I sigh and quickly began to rummage through it,
a comb,
*thud*
Candleholder,
*thud*
A dagger,
*thud*
a…, …let’s just throw this away…
*thud*
“I will never understand the tastes of Kobold’s…”
***
After a few minutes I finally made it, “found it!”
A plain golden ring with the engraving, “love you forever” on it.
“Great, now I have to hurry back!” I put the ring into my storage and went to the hole in the wall.
An eerie feeling overcame me from behind. I quickly turned around, but there was nothing…
I looked at the stairs that I ignored at first, leading deeper underground…
“…”
“Something doesn’t feel right…”
“Whatever, I don’t have the time to explore right now.”
I turned around again and left the room.
***
I hopped out of the manhole. Exhausted and mentally tortured from the stench, I quickly created warm water and washed myself and the ring with it, but before that I pushed with my paws the lid shut.
My fur dried in no time from the warm air and me running over the rooftops.
It was almost already dark as I finally made it back. A light flickered in the dimly lit room, and the window was partially open.
I jumped up and with a nudge, opened the window and went inside. The old lady was lying on her bed with closed eyes. She looked even less energetic than before…
“I’m back!” I said loudly as I made my way to her bed.
She opened her eyes slowly, “You surprised me; you’re back so soon?” she said in a weak voice.
“Of course, I always work fast!” I proudly declared as I puffed up my chest.
She laughed lightly at the sight of me, then asked in a calm voice, “So you really found it?”
I pulled the ring out of my storage and let it appear in front of her, she slowly stretched her old wrinkled hand out to pick up the ring.
She looked at it in silence, a wave of emotions swashing over her face,
Regret…,
Longing…,
Anger…,
Followed by sadness…
Tears started to flow down her sunken cheeks…
I observed her in silence…
“I looked for it for such a long time, but never managed to find it…, where was it?”
“A Kobold must have stolen it; I found it in its nest.” I calmly answered her.
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“Is that so…” she laughed at the silliness of the situation.
After she calmed down, she started to speak “Can this greedy old woman ask you for another favor?”
“Sure, as long as it’s not to find another ring.”
“Haha,” she laughed softly again at my remark, “don’t worry, its nothing like that.”
“Will you listen to my silly story?” she looked at me with a complicated expression.
“Don’t you rather want to share this with your family?” I asked her.
She shook her head softly...
Even without her saying it, I knew what she wanted from me; I could see it in her eyes…
“Sure, go ahead.”
“Thank you…, for doing this.”
***
The old lady began to speak “60 years ago, my life was consumed by my studies about herbology; I won’t bore you with the details. But one day, as I was on my way into the forest, I came across a traveler; she was utterly lost…” she laughed as she recalled the memory.
“So, I showed her the way into town, while we walked, she shared stories from her travels. Her eyes sparkled as she told them to me. I’m sure she embellished them to sound cool… She always had the tendency to do that…” a somber smile showed on her face.
For a while, silence penetrated the dim lit room…
Then she continued: “She wasn’t in a hurry and decided to stay in town. We spent a lot of time together; while I taught her the use of different herbs, she convinced me to try out swordsmanship.” She started to laugh out loud, “I was terrible at it, though!”
*Cough, cough*
I looked at her worried, but she ignored it. “I quickly gave up. I still remember that she teased me for weeks with how I let the sword slip out of my hand, directly flying into a neighbor’s door. She said, “You should learn how to throw knives instead; you are a natural after all!”” she looked happy for a moment…
“Ah, I digress too much…”
“But of course, it couldn’t stay this way forever…” regret filled her eyes…
“She loved traveling, so naturally she wouldn’t stay forever…”
The old lady took a deep breath, “One night she told me about her plans to continue her travels,…”
She looked down at the ring that she still held onto…
“She confessed her love to me and asked me if I wanted to come with her to travel the world. I wasn’t sure how to feel…, I was overjoyed that she felt the same way about me as I did about her, but I also felt anxious. I never had traveled before, and I had never planned on doing so…”
“I told her this as well, and she said I could take my time to think it over. She also told me how many plants I would be able to see that I had just read in books before… and she was right about that…”
Tears dropped down on the old ring, “If I weren’t such a big coward…”
“I dragged my decision out until she couldn’t wait any longer; if she wouldn’t take the next ship, she would have to wait months for the next to take her to the other continent…”
“That day at the port…, I still remember it clearly…”
“My biggest regret, …I said that I loved her, but I could come with her…”
She looked at me and smiled bitterly, “You know how she reacted; she didn’t get angry, not even one bit…”
“She looked at me, smiled, and said it’s fine; that I don’t have to force myself if I don’t want to, that if I ever changed my mind, could write her and she would rush to me to take me with her…”
The old lady fell silent again, but shortly after forced herself to continue, “She gave me this ring that day; she had an identical one as well… I think she knew I would decline her offer…”
“After she left, I felt empty…”
She grabbed one of the letters that were piled on her nightstand; it looked like the newest.
“She promised me, that she would write me regularly about her adventures, and she did.”
“At the start, I felt overjoyed when a new letter arrived, and quickly replied to her. I thought that was enough to fill the void she left, but with each letter my regret and guilt grew…”
“I replied to her less and less…,”
“But she never complained, and she never got together with someone else either…”
She cried again, looking at the letter…
“I felt even more guilty, as if I had stolen her life…”
“If she just would have gotten mad at me, stopped writing letters, and completely moved on from me…!”
The lonely candle standing on the nightstand, which was nearing its end…, flickered for a moment before calming down.
“As I read her last letter, I felt so much regret and self-hatred, if I just went with her that day…”
“But it’s too late for that; I will soon follow her…”
“…Maybe…, I can see her again, …and apologize for my stupidity…”
She looked up at me “Thanks for listening to my rambling.”
I nodded, “It’s fine.”
“I want… to repay you for all you have done for me.” She said while leaning back, it gets visibly harder for her to speak.
“My family has no interest in my book collection, …so if one interests you, feel free to take it…”
She closed her eyes, “And on my desk… the special herb tea… I… mentioned before…, I would be glad if you took the recipe with you…, do what you want with it…”
“…”
I looked at her, her breathing grew weaker and weaker…
The candle flickered one last time before its flame faded into darkness…
“…”
I hopped down the bed and jumped on the desk to look for the recipe.
After a short search, I found it. Written on it, a list with all the herbs and the right ratios. What piqued my interest was that it had the handwriting of two people…
I looked over to the old lady, silently lying in bed…
“…”
I picked a few books that looked interesting and put them away, then I went back to the bed. She was holding the ring firmly in her hand, and the letter laid next to her…
I decided to take a peek…
“Dear Amanda,
I fear this will be my last letter. I’m sorry.
I was traveling with a caravan of merchants, and we got attacked by monsters.
We could fend them off, but I sustained a fatal injury.
The merchants promised me they would make sure that this letter gets safely delivered to you.
Haha, I knew the risks of traveling; I knew that this day would come, but I had hoped it wouldn’t be so soon.
I still want to see many things, travel to faraway lands, …but what I want to see most right now is you.
I miss you.
But please don’t feel guilty; that day when I left, I could see your pain…
If you feel like a coward for not coming with me, and I know you will feel this way after all, I know you the best…, then I am a selfish idiot for leaving the love of my life to travel the world…
And die without having seen her for 23 years.
I’m truly sorry, what I would give to be by your side right now…
I love you.
Elira.
(On the letter, old bloodstains were visible)
“…”
***
The morning came, I woke up to people opening the door.
“Grandma!” a person screamed. Crying and running to the bed, followed by who seemed to be the old lady’s son.
A few minutes passed.
They talked a lot until the two grandchildren left the building and the son came over to me, “Thanks for being with my mother in her last moments.”
I nodded and meowed. I pointed my paw at the letters…
“Oh these… mother never let me read them…, but I did read them in secret once.” He sat down on the bed and looked with sad eyes at his mother; she looked like she was just sleeping…
“You know, she adopted me when I was young…, I always wondered why she was never in a relationship, not that she had to or anything…” The man waved with his hands awkwardly… before continuing, “And then one day I saw her, how she secretly read these letters… I can’t put into words how sad she looked…”
“But after I read them, I could understand why…, I always pretended not to know… Maybe I should have talked to her about it…”
He let out a deep sigh…
I looked at him, annoyed…
“Ah, sorry for bothering you.”
I jumped down the bed and onto the windowsill. Before I went out, I looked back at the old lady and her son, beginning to cry.
“…”
I had complicated feelings, but I chose to remain silent until the end. It wasn’t my place to say anything nor to judge them; I was a simple listener. Nothing more, nothing less.