Epilogue - Coach Niwa Shido, Gymnastics Instructor
The announcer's voice is tinny coming out of my cellphone. “Now for today’s top news stories.”
Today, I’m just too tired to run, so I’m streaming the local TV station as I do another midnight walk to the convenience store.
“First, a story from Tono in the Iwate Prefecture. Famous for sightings of kappa, we have this photograph of some sort of long-nosed monster. Locals have affectionately named it the ‘Tono Goblin’ … isn’t it cute? Please note the roman-era armor including a distinctive mohawk helmet. Obviously, this was discounted as a hoax last week, but with all the recent monster sightings, we’re going to interview the photographer.”
“Nope. Skip. What’s the next story?”
Surely there’s something more relaxing? Coach Takahashi was out sick again, so I took on her students in addition to all of my own. It’s just been too much lately. The pay is good, but the days are long and grueling.
“In related news, Aguni island in Okinawa. The beaches are known for its giant coconut crabs, but we have this video footage of some sort of insectoid monster. Top scientists who have examined this clip have explained that mantises do not normally grow this large. In addition, this one is missing his head. Luckily, as you see here, this thing jumped off an ocean-side cliff.”
“Nope! Nope and Nope! Is all the news so weird lately?”
I’m so tired! On the plus side, I saw yesterday, while passing the neighborhood 8-12, that the vending machine with Greek food was back. I think the name was Achilles’s Greek Delights? Oh yeah, it’s easy to remember because of Achilles tendons. Yep, definitely Achilles. I wonder if they serve beef tendon stew? Mmm… that would be good too.
“Now for some idol news! For the second week at the top of the charts, here’s a shot of Me-You-Miyu. Nobody knows her real name or where she came from, but just look at her dancing and listen to that singing voice! She’s only 125 cm tall, though in a private interview, we learned that she’s also a master of kyuudo. She’s planning to participate in the next World Cup competition!”
“At least that’s better than more monster news.”
I could run to let out the stress, but walking is easier on me. Thinking of tendons, my own have been aching lately. Ever since that crazy night with that truck. Speaking of monsters, there sure have been a lot of sightings lately! Maybe that truck incident was related somehow? That thing was a monster if anything was.
“Now, a bit of archaeology news. Professor Kanori, while working in Mexico, recently found a cave painting showing domesticated llamas from over 6000 years ago. Here’s some pictures.”
That sounds nice and relaxing. Llamas are fuzzy, right? Maybe I should go to the zoo on my next day off. Unfortunately, these pictures look like something my first grade students would draw.
“How does the professor know that these are even llamas?” I complain.
Obviously, the newscaster can’t hear me. “Professor, just how old are these pictures?”
“Mmm… I would say about first grade! Hahaha!”
I roll my eyes, but the announcer just laughs along with him.
“But, you can clearly see the bridles, the ropes, and the baggage tied on top. Quite a little artist, wouldn’t you say?”
“My nephews are better!” She chortles back.
“But do they mix their own dyes?” He asks.
Stolen story; please report.
“You bet! Mud, ice cream, juice… you name it!”
“Hahaha!" He continues laughing far too long. "More seriously, we’ve estimated the date based on these organic dyes. By our calculations we think this cave art was added around 5000 BC. As such, this is the oldest evidence for humans using llamas that has ever been discovered. It sets the earliest domestication theories back nearly 1000 years!”
“Fascinating? That must be very exciting! But what about this boxy thing over here?”
“Oh! Hahaha! It looks quite a bit like a truck, doesn’t it? But, that’s an early rendition of Ah Puch, the stinking one, a Mayan god of death. See the skull on the side and the people running away screaming? This is a clear case of religious exaggeration.”
I pause the video to take a closer look. It looks quite familiar, but I’m still not sure why. But then, I see it. There is a design etched on the side. Sure, it looks a bit like a skull. I might have guessed that too, except I’d seen it personally!
“THAT is no skull, THAT is a ribbon bow!” I whisper into the air.
“I still think it looks like a truck! Look at those wheels!” says the newscaster.
“Hahaha! It does, doesn’t it?” replies the professor.
“Seriously? You idiots! That’s not a truck! That’s THE truck!” I blurt out.
I’m so addled by the image of ultimate terror on my screen that I bump right into Achilles’s Greek Delights. I was subconsciously headed straight for the comforting lights, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. However, given my memories of this location, the sudden contact startles me and I nearly drop my phone.
“Oww! Oh! Here it is. Gyros! Now, what do I want?”
Suddenly, I am drooling. I couldn’t help it! I’ve been denied a Greek Gyro for how many months? But now? I have to choose! But, there are too many options!
“Hummus, Feta, Tzatziki, Tomatoes… OH! They have lamb now! Wow! I bet it’s fake.”
I select my choices, then start shoving in coins. I’m very careful. I keep a tight reign over my shivering excitement.
“This time, no dropping coins! That must be what brought that awful truck down on me! People who drop coins under vending machines get what they deserve!”
Once I hear the whirring of the internal mechanisms turn on, the drool in my mouth turns into a river. I swallow over and over again, but I’m only one step ahead of it spilling out down my chin. But I know better. This time, I’m going to keep my shoes clean!
At the same time, I keep a close eye on my surroundings. Ever since that night, this whole neighborhood just gives me the creeps. You never know when a car or truck might be sneaking up on you. They’re silent. They’re deadly. They’re malicious!
When a package flops out of the receipt area, I grab it as quickly as I can and then move away from the machine. Maybe it’s the curse of Achilles? Didn’t he have a wooden horse or something? I can't really recall the details. Did a wooden horse stab him in the heel?
The foil packaging is too hot to touch, so I unwrap it one little bit at a time. As I do, the scent of savory steam wafting up inspires me to move faster. The Greek gods feasted on ambrosia, right? I bet it smelled something like this.
Despite my rapt attention, I pause every few seconds to look around in all four directions. I’m careful. I’m wary. I think I’m ready for anything, but I don’t think to look up. That’s why I’m completely astonished when something crashes onto the pavement beside me.
“W-w-what?” I fumble with the packaging and the gyro nearly slips out of my grasp. It’s halfway out of the foil and the result of that would have been devastating. Instead, I back away to take a good look at the strange new arrival.
It’s a young man in a black trench coat with lots of buckles. Very chuunibyou, but where did he come from? I glance upwards, but I don’t see anything. Did he jump from somewhere? Oh! I think I know!
“Hey buddy! Are you all right? Are you practicing parkour?”
“Uhh… what?” He mumbles as he turns himself over.
“Parkour! I’m a big enthusiast, but I never have any time lately!”
“Parkour? No, I just got isekaied!” He looks around as if he’s in a daze. “It worked! It WORKED! I’m back home!”
“Isekaied?” I snicker at him. “Like in those anime where a truck …”
I stop myself in mid sentence and stare at him. “Uhh… was there a truck?”
By this point, he is standing, but he ignores my question. I get the feeling he’s big on monologues. “Hmm… now where was I? Oh, right! I was wondering if I’d still have my magic.”
When he points at the vending machine, a dark glow surrounds his right arm like a giant glowing purple snake. A moment later, it whips out and the vending machine explodes into a billion tiny bits of glass and metal.
With that, he shoots me a giant smile and then gives me a thumbs up. “Magic!”
My gyro falls out of my hand, landing face down onto the concrete.
“Nooooo!”