Chapter 3 - George, Court Diviner of the Grand Kingdom

When the summoning circle finally activates, I breathe out a sigh of relief. While we’d been waiting, the king had been giving me funny looks. Meanwhile, the executioner was still sharpening his axe. The grinding noise sounds like my heart beating.

“Kssss! Kssss! Kssss!”

As the light fills the whole perimeter, I quickly move further back. Apparently, our new hero is pretty large? I find myself standing beside the executioner. He gives me a nod of approval. I guess he’s glad he doesn’t have to take off my head? As opposed to the king, he’s been very reasonable. Friendly, even.

I’ve done my job. I’ve risked my life ringing those bells half the night. Now, whatever happens, it’s the king’s problem. In fact, I’m only hanging around to see how much I’ll get paid. I AM going to be paid, right?

Maybe not… the circle flashes revealing a large boxy shape. Definitely not a hero!

“What is this?” The king glares at me. He’s getting grumpier each time.

I can feel the hairs standing up on the back of my neck. This is terrifying! Still, I must admit, I still have my neck, so I’d better do my best to keep it intact!

“Yes, my liege. It’s a … covered chariot? See! It has wheels!”

“Where is the driver?”

“Perhaps the driver will arrive next?”

The king taps his foot and stares at the circle. Nothing happens. His patience is very short. I can see his face turning red from rage.

I flounder for an answer. “Perhaps… the driver can’t come through because the circle is too full? We could push the chariot off the circle?”

“Do not touch it! I expect better service from that search spirit! Doesn’t he know who I am? I’m the king!”

“Yes, my liege.” I’m glad he’s not mad at me, but this is bad. What happens next?

The king taps his foot some more and wiggles around in his throne. In no time, his patience runs out, and his eyes fall back on me. “Ring the bells again.”

“My liege… I am but your humble servant, but may I suggest…”

“RING THE BELLS!”

“Yes, my liege!” I bow my head to the floor and then reach for the tenuous magic that swirls through and around me. It only takes a moment of meditation to channel the force down through my hands, enchanting the metal of the summoning bells. With a flourish of my sleeves, I begin a practiced swinging motion.

“Bong! Bong! Bong!” It’s really loud and intentionally off-key.

One advantage of the awful noise is that I can’t hear the axe on the sharpening stone behind me. I mean, it’s nice that it’s good and sharp. Still, I’d rather not be aware of it at all.

It takes a few moments, while the king’s forehead veins swell larger and larger. Then, the summoning spirit arrives again. He looks about the same as last time. Tired. Angry. Big robes worn over pajamas. This time, he even has fluffy bed slippers!

“You fools! What NOW? I did the summ…” He stops in the middle of a word when he see the chariot.

The king speaks next, “I asked for a hero! What is this? A wagon!”

“Yes, yes! Fine, fine! I can handle this!” The spirit pulls out a small black board and starts poking it. He then puts it to his ear and waits. Suddenly, there is a ringing sound from within the chariot.

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“Yes! Hello! Mmm… I see. Wow! That’s unexpected! Wow! Mmm… Yes… I guess that’s it though. There’s no easy way out. Yep. All right. Don’t worry, I’ll help you out. Right! Bye!”

I cock my head, looking at the strange black board. That was some sort of one-sided conversation? That must be some sort of communication device. But who was he talking to?

He turns back to the king, “Yes. This is the heroine you asked for.”

“This? That’s a wagon! A cart! A wheelbarrow! An embarrassment!”

“BEEEEEEEEP!” The chariot lets forth an angry roar. I duck back into my usual fetal position. The king shivers from his head to his toes when exposed to the startling noise. Even the executioner stops his grinding.

The summoning spirit has an awful smirk. “You really shouldn’t make her angry. She’s quite powerful. A mighty killer.” Terrifying! I’ve heard about what spirits can do.

The king regains his pose and bellows out, “So you say! But you didn’t meet any of my instructions and requirements!”

The spirit smiles back, “Oh? Did I not? Let’s see… what were they?”

The king sits back on his throne, “Not weak-kneed! Your… hero… heroine… she doesn’t even have knees!”

“So, she fits the requirement perfectly!”

“Not a sissy! Look at that pink bow!”

“The word ‘sissy’ comes from the word ‘sister’ meaning she has no siblings. Which she doesn’t… right, Truck-chan?”

The chariot bellows out another small roar, “BEEP!”

“See! No siblings!” The spirit accepts her voice as some sort of agreement.

“Very well. But does she WANT to be a hero?”

“Hmm…” the spirit turns to look at Truck-chan. “Why don’t we ask her? Did you want to be a hero? One beep means yes, two beeps means no.”

“BEEEP! BEEEP!”

The king rises from his throne and points his finger accusingly, “that was two beeps!”

“No it wasn’t. It was one.”

“What?! There was a clear pause in the middle!”

“No, that was just… for emphasis. It was one beep, two times.”

There is a long pause.

The two stare at each other. I must admit, I also heard two beeps. On the other hand, I can see the spirit’s point. After all, he can communicate somehow with the magic chariot. Who are we to second guess his wisdom?

“Two beeps!” The king gives a mighty stomp of his foot. Uh oh!

“One!” The spirit folds his arms within the sleeves of his robes.

“It was two! I’m warning you!”

“One beep! Nya! Nya! Nya!” The spirit’s getting angry too! Those are fighting words!

“Executioner! Take off that fool’s head!”

The executioner takes a look between the two of them. Before moving, he seems to consider the situation. Obviously, he hadn’t planned on chopping off the head of an elderly man tonight. “Don’t you two think you could reach a compromise?”

“There were two beeps!” The king insists.

“One-and-a-half!” The old man offers.

“Two! I will not haggle when it comes to beep counting!”

“Your loss! There was only one beep!”

“Executioner! Your axe! Let’s see how many beeps he makes without his head!”

The executioner gives a long sigh. No matter what else happens, this is his job. He hefts up his axe and takes a step forward. In the meantime, the spirit pulls what appears to be a wine bottle from his robe pockets. Was he planning to take a drink?

“Let’s see… first you shake it.” The old man starts swinging the bottle up and down, and the executioner slows down to watch. This isn’t the reaction any of us were expecting.

“Executioner! Hurry up and execute him!” The king screams out.

“Just saying, you asked for it,” replies the old man, and then pops the cork off the top of the bottle with his thumb.

I don’t know what to expect. Thunderbolts and lightning? No. However, that’s what fills the room, destroying the throne, the dais, and the wall behind. When it is all over, there’s a huge empty space where the king was standing previously.

“See! I told you so!” I whisper into the air.

The executioner stops still, and then returns to his place. I suppose now that somebody’s been executed, his job is done? Either that, or he values his own life? After all, the old man has another of those bottles and he’s shaking it up and down while giggling.

The spirit turns to look me in the eyes. “One beep, two times… right?”

“One beep, two times!” I hear the executioner’s voice behind me. He’s faster than me!

“One beep, two times!” I grovel as low as I can, banging my head against the floor.

I shiver in terror and delight. Immediately afterwards, I realize that I’m probably not getting paid.