Chapter 27 - Chef Takuei, Transdimensional Ramen Cart Proprietor (TDRCP)

“Another serving!”

It’s not even noon yet, but this customer is on his fourth bowl! It’s all spirit food, so there’s no cost for either of us, except my own will and imagination. It doesn’t even fill his belly. Zero calories. “Would you like something to drink with that?”

“Ramen! Extra meat!”

"You don't drink ramen!" I roll my eyes.

"Stop talking and start cooking!"

He’s awfully rude, but I can see his expensive robes and beautiful ribboned beard. He must be one of the great old spirits. Just having him here is an honor. Once other customers start dropping by, I’m hoping they’ll notice. With a windfall like this. Maybe I’ll finally get a leg up! Give it another year and maybe I’ll open my own shop!

The water’s already boiling, so I’ll have it done within a few minutes. Even so, I feel like I’m missing something. He’s just sitting there, staring at me. Do I know this guy?

Suddenly, he snaps his fingers as if remembering something important. “You’re THAT ramen chef aren’t you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You used to work for the Transdimensional Object Search Spirits, right?”

Ugh! No matter where I go, people always seem to know who I am. “Yes. I quit.”

“I heard you were pretty good. Why’d you quit?”

“Every day, I’d be standing over this same boiling pot. That’s how my scrying works. No Snoogle search. Nothing like that. It’s all old fashioned steam-powered magic. But, I suddenly realized it looks just like a ramen pot. After that… I couldn’t stop myself.”

“Cravings?”

“No! I wanted to be something more! I didn’t want to just be ‘pretty good’ anymore. I wanted to be the best!” I pump my fist in the air.

“Really? Is that all?”

I sigh. He’s pretty clever. He can tell that I’m not that driven. I’m just a simple man. “Ramen is tasty. How could I resist? I just couldn’t say no.”

“I see. Hmm… but can you still scry to find objects?”

“Uhh… sure. Oh, just a second, your ramen’s done.” I scoop it into the bowl, add the usual toppings, then the extra meat just like he asked. Strangely, when I slide it in front of him, he doesn’t even look at it. He devoured the last four without even looking up.

“Can I ask you for a favor?”

“A f-f-f-avor?” If this is what I think it is, it’s the ticket I’ve been looking for! Doing a favor for a great spirit would be top-end karma! If I can do this, I’ll land that restaurant license for sure! Even now, I just have to grease a few palms. And nobody has greasier palms than the ancient great spirits.

When he sees my expression, he smiles. “I’m just asking for something simple. I want to find my cell phone. It seems I dropped it somewhere. I’ve searched my whole apartment. I’ve even called my number to listen for it ringing. Nothing. I bet I put it somewhere ‘smart’ thinking I’d never forget it there.”

“Oh, yeah! I totally know what you mean!”

“Could you help me find it?”

I have to mull it over before answering. “This is an official favor? Handshake and everything?”

“Yep! It’s definitely worth it to me. It's driving me crazy! I hate losing things!”

“Consider it done!”

I twist the knob all the way over on the heater for my pot. I’ll need more steam to get a good image. At the same time, I throw in a few special ingredients. Those are expensive, because they’re real, not just spirit. But it’s worth it!

“Let’s see…” We watch the cloud of steam together as the picture resolves. Strangely, I was expecting the inside of some house. Instead, it’s a grassy plain and there’s a bunch of humans. Wait a second! This doesn’t even look like the spirit world!

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One of the humans, a small woman, is holding what is clearly a cellphone. Considering the rest are dressed as knights and soldiers, it’s definitely out of place for the environment. It’s like an accidental anachronism popping up in a B-movie.

On the other hand, she’s wearing a dress with squid tentacles and has matching cat ears with little suckers on them. I guess the cell phone fits right in.

“Truck-chan? Truck-chan? Are ye hearin’ me?” She says into the phone. “Ye need to be veerin’ a little bit more to the left.”

Looking beyond her gaze to the countryside, I see there’s a huge cloud of smoke hanging over the distant mountains. As I watch, there’s an explosion, and part of the mountain falls away in a landslide.

“Right! Good! Just keep smashin’ it up jus' like that!”

One of the nearby soldiers steps forward to ask a question, “How much longer? Our forces are ready to advance.”

“Mmm… ye’ll be waitin’ another few hours. Figurin’ ye want it nice and flat, right? Truck-chan’s clearin’ all the boulders for ye.”

“I’ll notify the men. Although, may I ask… where did you get that magical artifact?”

“Oh, this?” She smiles at him. “I nicked it. Figurin’ we might need it, ehh?”

“Nicked it? You mean, theft?”

“Sure! Old pigeon prolly thought I was feelin’ him up.”

“Pigeon?”

“Pigeon. He was just sittin’ there chirpin’ while I was takin’ his stuff.

The soldier shakes his head and moves away.

I look across the ramen steam toward the old spirit. “I guess that’s why you couldn’t find it. It’s lost in one of the material worlds.”

He gives me another smile. But, this time, I can see the anger simmering underneath. “Just keep on scrying. I’ll be back in a moment.”

Then, he disappears. There’s no flash, no bang, just a slow fade out.

Turning back to the pot, I see his body appear in the same fashion within the steaming image. Not to overstate things, but wow!

“Let’s see… what was your name, miss… ?” The spirit asks.

“Ye don’ remember me! I’m Winnifred!” She reacts as if she's glad to see him. Not a guilty bone in her body?

“I remember you! That’s why I’m here!”

“Oh! Ye found me! I was wonderin’ when ye’d come lookin’. I’ve been thinkin’ of ye night and day!” She prances over to his position and puts her arms around him. The squid tentacles of her dress adhere to him with audible popping noises.

“None of that! I heard what you called me!”

“Yer sayin’ ye didn’t like it? Not even a wee little bit?”

From my vantage point, I can see that she’s investigating his body with her hands. That must be how she got his cell phone to begin with! If it wasn’t for the squid outfit, she might be pretty attractive. On the other hand, she must be a kleptomaniac to steal so brazenly from a great spirit!

He pushes her away, grabbing his cell phone back. “I don’t need or want your hands or your tentacles inside my clothing!”

“Aww! Don’t be so sure! Once I get my suckers on ye, ye’ll never wanna escape!”

“Hmph!” He walks away and begins fading out.

“Spoilsport!” She complains, but I notice she’s holding one of the ribbons from his beard. I guess she won’t be left empty-handed. On the other hand, kissing his ribbon seems a little... gross?

When he reappears back on the bench of my shop, I give him the eye. “That girl looks like a lot of trouble. Old flame?”

He gasps, “I’m a thousand years older than her! And I never touched her!”

“She touched you plenty.”

“Hmph! She’ll be dead before you blink.”

“Oh, right. Humans.” Too bad. The story was getting interesting.

“Besides, there’s this nice princess in the same kingdom. I can’t be two-timing two women from the same dimension!”

“You can’t?”

“Definitely not!”

Since he’s got his cellphone, we shake hands on the deal. A spirit’s favor can be exchanged for an equivalent favor from another spirit of the same status. Or multiple favors from spirits of lesser status. It’s a big step up for me!

Once other customers arrive, I don’t have much time for him. The next time I look, he’s finished his bowl of ramen and left. I’m sad, of course, because I’m hoping I’ll see him again. Maybe he can hook me up with some nice girl from that dimension? Human girls are so simple. All the spirit girls I know are such highbrowed snots!

As I’m closing up the shop after lunch, I notice that the scrying steam is still active. In fact, it’s still following the vantage point of that squid-girl around. For the fun of it, I look in to see what trouble she’s up to now. After all, she seems like my type of woman.

“Hey Truck-chan! Yer all done?”

The truck blinks its main lights at her and several men step out of the cab. One is a boy in heavy armor with a cape and small crown. The other two look like his attendants, though one has chainmail and a sword.

“Supposin’ yer ready fer invadin’ now? Ye should wait a bit for celebrations!”

“Celebrations?” asks the prince.

“Sure, I just nicked this bottle a few minutes ago. Want some? Get some mugs!” She starts straining at the cork. She tugs and tugs, but it just won’t open.

“Wait! Winnifred! Stop!” The prince screams out.

“Whatcher yellin’ for?”

“Is that what I think it is?” He hides behind his attendants.

With a startled gasp, I lean forward to examine the image in the fog more closely. When I peer at the label on the bottle, I feel my jaw fall open. “How’d she get a bottle of super spirit blaster bolts?”

Obviously, they can’t hear me, so they don’t realize the danger.

“What’s up with this bottle? Maybe ye gotta shake it first?”

“Nooooo!” The prince screams. I'm screaming with him.