Chapter 4 - Princess Letta, Flower of the Grand Kingdom

When my attendants wake me in the dark of early morning, my first thought is that someone has made some mistake. Shortly thereafter, my aides tell me that this someone just happens to be my father the king. Or… late king.

"Ahh… what?" Suddenly, I’m wide awake.

I scurry out into the hall with only the minimum of polite clothing. My hair is an uncombed mess. Since my brothers dress more quickly, they’ll beat me there! But I am the eldest! I should be queen!

If I can’t force my will over them, they’ll use me as a pawn and marry me off to some allied country. I won’t stand for it! My father’s unexpected demise is finally the opportunity I need to escape that sad fate!

When I arrive at the throne room, I have to revise my name for it. There is no longer a throne. Perhaps, it should now be the “gaping-hole-in-the-wall” room?

Looking about, I see my three younger brothers. They aren’t sure where to stand, but they’re in a line leading to where the throne was. Their aides and guards cluster around them like ducklings, just like mine do around me.

The room is way too full! I can barely squeeze in. The worst offender is an odd boxy thing sitting in the middle atop what appears to be a magic circle. There’s also a magician and an executioner standing at the back, plus a strangely robed elderly man. Who ARE all these people and WHY are they here?

“I am here! I will take charge!” I shout into the room.

My three brothers turn to look at me, all with different expressions. The eldest, Duncan, smirks at me. He thinks he can just roll over me? The middle, Bruce, is cold and calculating. He knows he’d have to get rid of both Duncan and me, and he’s ready to do it. The youngest, Henry, is clearly scared silly. Succession disputes like these are what kill people!

“Do not be concerned dear sister. This is a man’s duty. You may return to your bed.” Duncan offers calmly, and motions his guards into better positions to prevent my approach.

My own guards move to protect me, but a moment later, it doesn’t matter. My brother Duncan and his entourage disappear in a blast of thunder and lightning. Most of his outer circle of guards go with him. Now the room has two holes!

Following the cone of the disturbance backwards to the source, I see the elderly man giggling. There are two big bottles rolling around on the floor, both empty. He has another two, one in each hand. Strangely, he is shaking them both up and down madly. “Who’s next?”

I watch while Henry’s aides bodily pick the youngest prince up and carry him toward the back, to the rearmost corner of the room. Smart move. Now, if we all get killed by this madman, Henry will be the only one left as the last choice. Unfortunately, that still leaves me and Bruce. If either of us walks away, the other will get the crown.

Speaking of the crown, does it even exist anymore? Looking at the way the wall just vanished, I’m guessing not. Perhaps there are tiny pieces spread out over the landscape outside? What a waste!

In any case, Bruce looks at me, but says nothing. I can see that his face is just as pale as mine. In fact, his eyes are darting back and forth and his lips are turning blue. I suppose it’s up to me to step forward. To die or not to die? That is the question!

“Good sir!” I address the elderly man. “What crime has my country committed that you have deposed our rightful ruler and his eldest son?”

I’m pretty pleased with that, if I must say so! By phrasing it that way, it sidesteps the issue. I claim no relationship to the king. I don’t even admit to any wrongdoing by my family. Yep, blame it on the imaginary “country” entity and nobody gets hurt.

The old man turns to me and gives me a grin, “The king annoyed me. That princeling seemed pretty uppity too, so I didn’t want to deal with him either.”

“I see. I apologize profusely for my father’s and my brother’s … annoying qualities. I assure you, I know exactly what you mean! I am the eldest of his children and heir to the throne. Is there some way that I can assuage your anger?”

He’s clearly a powerful wizard. Maybe I can take him into my service! With that kind of power, we could kick the legions’ butt! Then, we’d start kicking around our neighboring countries too. Before long, I wouldn’t just be a queen, I’d be an empress!

“Oh, I’m not mad anymore. Carry on with whatever you want.”

At this, my brother Bruce speaks up. “Very well. As the eldest surviving son, I am the crown prince. Heir to the throne. Lord and king by divine right!”

What followed his pronouncement is another blast of light and destruction. Now the room has three holes. It also has one less prince.

“Oops! That was an accident! Sorry! Well… actually, it wasn’t, and I’m not. I totally did that on purpose!” The murderous old man starts giggling again.

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

As the last of my father’s heirs near the front, I look around for my guards. Unfortunately, I find that I am now alone. At some point, the throne room had mostly emptied. Perhaps I should flee as well?

No, if I do that, then my brother Henry will sweep in, call me a coward and blame me for everything that has happened here. Even now, I can see him peeking at me from behind his last few advisors.

Trembling, I turn back to the old man, “Good sir! You have us at your mercy. What do you wish for us to do?”

“Oh… I don’t know. Who’s going to be king next? I have more bottles, you know.”

That’s true. Even though there are three bottles on the floor, he has two in his hands again. That’s more than enough to finish both me and Henry. Is this the end of my family’s line and kingdom? How did this happen?

I open my mouth to speak, and the old man raises his eyebrow. I close my mouth again. I don’t want to die!

“So, what’s it going to be? Who’s feeling brave?”

I look at Henry. Henry looks at me. He’s a boy. Following the stereotype, shouldn’t he be the brave one to leap forward into danger? He shakes his head back and forth. I guess not.

“Nobody? Nobody wants to be king? Then who’s going to be the ruler? I can’t leave a country in this state! Who will fight off those legions I’ve heard about?” Of course, he says that, but he’s got a nasty grin. He’s also still shaking those bottles!

Should I risk it? Not me! Better to live as a pawn than die for a single moment of life as a queen. With a smirk, I turn and point at Henry.

If I can get rid of him, then all I have to do is survive! Just wait until the old guy leaves. Wait for the dust to settle. I’ll be crowned later!

Unfortunately, I see Henry’s finger pointing right back at me. That treacherous little bastard! Is he trying to make ME queen?

“You need to make a decision, people! You just got yourself a new hero. Don’t you want to meet her?”

For some reason, there is a roaring, “BEEP!” that issues forth from the strange box in the center of the room. For a moment, I fear the sound means my own demise. I fall back to the floor with a shriek, but nothing else happens.

“Still no decision? I guess we need a third party to decide!” The old man turns to some of Henry’s aides. Their faces are all masks of fear and trembling. They cannot even respond. One of them manages to shake his head. Another faints to flop down onto the carpet.

Next, he turns to the magician, “You! You seem pretty smart. Which of these two should be the next ruler?”

Realizing my fate lies in the hands of a stranger, I take a closer look. Isn’t this my father’s court magician? His name was… George! Wasn’t it?

In any case, he’s a magician sworn to our family! Shouldn’t he be facing up to this intruder? No, I see he’s just as scared as I am. It doesn’t help that the old man is STILL shaking those bottles.

George rises from his cowering position and looks between me and Henry. With regret, I realize I’ve never spoken to him before. But has Henry? Will George choose the eldest? Or will he opt for the youngest? He’s a man, maybe he’ll go for the boy! For once, I’m glad I was born a woman.

The old wizard has started giggling again. Thinking about it, I know that George’s finger will effectively be the mark of death! I MUST convince him NOT to point at me!

When George looks at me for guidance, I shake my head slowly. You better not, you twit! To make things clear, I make a throat cutting motion with my fingers. If he picks me, and I survive somehow, then he certainly WON’T!

George next looks at Henry. Henry, like his aide before him, faints onto the floor. Oh! That’s really clever! Why didn’t I think of that! Surely the old man wouldn’t disintegrate an unconscious child?

Despite this, Henry’s remaining aides are shaking their heads at George. I guess they don’t have any faith in the old man’s ethics? I don’t blame them. I wouldn’t either. He already killed two princes and a king without even batting an eye.

George considers his options for a while. I hope he hurries. I need to use the toilet! If this isn’t over soon, I’ll need to flee the room for such a stupid reason. Of course, if I’m dead, I guess it won’t matter. Oh! Can I use the toilet when I’m dead?

In the end, George raises his finger to point. First his finger goes to me. I suck in what will likely be my last breath. Then, his finger wavers and moves to Henry. I feel a tiny smile cross my lips. Today, I live. Tomorrow, I rule!

However, after a long moment, George turns around, and points at the executioner. Well… that isn’t what I expected!

The old man leans back and laughs aloud, “Oh ho! Smart man! Choosing the only person here who’s been reasonable for the whole night? Indeed! I think I agree with you!”

From nowhere, a crown appears in the old man’s hands. It looks identical to our kingdom’s crown, so I guess it is? Who knows?

Wait, if it’s not, does that mean this old wizard can create gold from thin air? My eyes narrow speculatively. I must have him for mine! But how?

He approaches the executioner, who kneels down to receive the newly made crown. I’m not surprised that he agrees so readily. After all, who would object after seeing everything else that just happened?

The wizard adds the crown to the top of his head, standing above his executioner’s hood. It somehow fits. It’s like it was always meant to be there.

“I hereby declare you king… uhh… hey, do you have a name?”

“Sidney.”

“King Sidney! The lord of death and… the axe!”

“King Sidney! King Sidney! King Sidney!” Other voices rise to acclaim our new ruler. I find my own among them. I’m not rocking this boat! I’m alive!

Though, I wonder if King Sidney is married? I could provide some helpful experience and legitimize his claims to the throne. After all, I still have my royal blood. But, as I look across the room, I see he has a wedding ring. Hmph!

“King Sidney! King Sidney! King Sidney!” the cheer proceeds out into the hallway.

“Lord of Death! The Axe!” Alternative appellations spring forth. Sidney’s already quite popular, isn’t he? I must admit, he’s awfully virile standing there without a shirt. Too bad about that wife. Not to worry, little road bumps like that can be easily removed.

“Death Axe! Lord Death Axe!” That is Henry. I see that he has recovered from his faked anemia. Now I hear his childish voice squealing out in awe and terror. What an embarrassment! I suppose I’ll need to have him strangled later too.

Strangely, there is one more voice mixed in that I don’t recognize.

“BEEP BEEP BEEP!”