[ZERO SPACE]
Stone Tower jutted from the Earth like a middle finger to the world. Fifteen hundred feet of copper cobblestone stretched higher than the Guild Mountains and wider than Trader Town’s belltower. Twelve Deadly Skulls frolicked in its shadow, gazing towards its foggy peak.
Asira shook her orange ninja head.
“Please tell me we don’t have to climb this thing,” said Asira.
Bander flicked her wing.
“You can fly, dummy,” said Bander. “Wait, what happened to your other wing? Didn’t you rest up?”
Asira folded her torn wing-stump.
“I-It’s a long story,” said Asira.
Bowman placed a hand on her shoulder.
“It’s a story worth telling,” said Bowman. “I watched the replays. You actually did something useful for once.”
Auron took a long lick of his lollipop.
“Eh, you could learn something from her, Bowman,” said Auron. “You bailed right when things got bad.”
“I’m impressed, Auron,” said Bowman. “You actually watched the replays.”
“Nah, I just watched you in spirit form,” said Auron. “After seeing what happened, I’m sorta glad Syadd murdered me.”
Wagger pushed past Auron, chewing on a stick of TNT.
“Oh, hell no,” said Wagger. “What the hell’s going on over there?”
A blob of players smothered the space around the tower. Dragonoids. Pteranoids. Puppoids. Humanoids. Armoroids. ‘Oids’ of every type huddled by the tower’s base, forming an impenetrable barrier of bodies.
Asira gasped.
“T-That’s so many people!” said Asira. “It’s like, everyone on the server!”
Tambien clanked to Asira’s side.
“Ah yes, the countryside has assembled!” said Tambien. “No doubt, in anticipation of their champions!”
Tambien skewered his lance through soft soil.
“The Tower’s conquest is a highly coveted event,” said Tambien. “I presume they’re all here to claim their piece of history.”
“Holy snap!” Bez shouted into his microphone. “We’re going to be famous!”
Umi gave Bez a hearty pat.
“We’re already famous, buddy!” said Umi. “I love giving our fans what they want!”
Kezzle flapped her wings.
Bowman leaned on Tambien’s shoulder.
“Those people are alive because of you,” said Bowman. “For once, I’m not embarrassed to be on your team. And who was that silver dragonoid with you on the belltower?”
Tambien paled beneath his armor.
“Erm, say, we seem to be missing a few people,” said Tambien. “Lanzer, Syadd, Dalli, Shae –”
“Uh huh,” said Janzo, scratching his rear with his oversized scythe. “Shae’s my roommate. I saw him in his headset. He’s in the game.”
Parper fidgeted with his curved dagger.
“Running late, I presume,” said Parper. “Typical Shae.”
Tambien squeezed Parper between two metal tentacles.
“I’m sure am glad to see you, dearest friend,” said Tambien. “Your replay glitched in the Goblin Fortress. I feared the worst!”
Tambien batted a black scarf around Parper’s neck.
“I’ve never seen you in a scarf before,” said Tambien. “Since when do you wear scarves?”
Parper tore his scarf away.
“It’s a new look,” said Parper.
Tambien chuckled.
“Well, I’m no fashion enforcer,” said Tambien. “But it doth clash with the rest of your jubilant attire.”
“Fuck off,” said Parper.
Dane lifted a single demonoid finger.
“There’s Shae,” said Dane.
The entire party turned just in time to witness Shae’s dramatic entrance. Flowing fuschia jacket, matching purple pants, and a brand new sequined hat twice the width of his body. A ruby red feather stretched from its peak, tickling the passing breeze.
Shae strutted forward like a runway model, striking a pose for the viewers at home.
Umi clapped all four hands.
“Wow, Shae!” shouted Umi. “I love your new digs!”
Bander groaned.
“Don’t tell me this is why you were late, idiot,” said Bander.
“I’m not late,” said Shae. “I’m almost late. Worth it.”
“Disagree,” said Bowman. “You’re going to lose that hat immediately.”
“We’ll see about that,” said Shae. “Who we missing?”
Asira blindsided Shae with a tackle-hug.
“Still waiting on Dalli,” said Asira. “And Lanzer.”
“And Miss Syadd!” said Bez
“Disagree,” said Bowman. “Syadd’s dead.”
Shae froze.
“Syadd’s what?” asked Shae.
“Dead,” Bowman repeated. “Very dead.”
“Fuck!” said Shae.
“Meh,” said Auron. “Good riddance.”
“No, bad riddance,” said Shae. “We need Syadd. Without her, we’ve got fifteen, I think - I’ve gotta do the math. But anyway, we need sixteen to enter the tower –”
“Shae,” called a distant voice. “We have sixteen.”
Dalli paraded from the forest, spinning his spear like a baton. Lanzer marched by his side with one arm and a mouth full of grinning fangs.
And between them stood –
“Chief!” Shae yelled.
Chief’s mountainous beetle body rocked the rocky hillside, gravel and grass bouncing beneath each step. Her massive spear whirled like a factory fan. Two hummingbird wings hummed out a mellow melody.
Asira squeaked.
“Chief?” asked Asira. “But how?”
“It’s thanks to them,” said Chief. “Dalli and Lanzer, I mean.”
“Actually,” said Dalli. “It’s thanks to that stupid fire wizard. He pulled me into the clouds, just so he could taunt me. But he screwed up! He showed where Chief was locked up in the catacombs!”
“Yup yup yup!” said Lanzer. “And remember that glitch-wall trick from the Dragon Shield dungeon? We used it on Chief too! Kinda works with every prison room!”
Tambien clapped his metal tentacles.
“This is wonderful news, m’lady,” said Tambien. “We’re enthused to fight beside you!”
“Hooray,” said Parper.
“Hold up,” said Shae. “Master Valdi would never let Chief enter the guild. He’ll kick her again. Where is that prick anyway?”
Dalli howled with laughter.
“Master Valdi won’t be joining us,” said Dalli.
“He’d better!” said Shae. “This is his fucking raid –”
“He’s dead,” said Asira. “I killed him.”
The group grew silent. Auron choked on his lollipop. Wagger dropped her TNT. Kezzle flapped her wings.
“Hold up,” said Shae. “No fucking way.”
“Yeah, dummy,” said Bander. “Watch the replays!”
“But if I’m Raid Captain of the Deadly Skulls,” said Shae. “T-Then that means –”
Chief gave a solemn nod.
“Yes it does,” said Chief. “Mean that, I mean.”
Shae prowled his palm interface, probing for his profile.
His eyes grew wide –
There it was, in big bold irrefutable text:
DEADLY SKULLS GUILD LEADER: SHAE
“You’re now leader of the Feather Birds,” said Chief. “Erm, the Deadly Skulls, I mean.”
Chief bowed down. Then Dalli, Bez, and Umi. Lanzer, Tambien, and Janzo bent the knee. Asira knelt, then Bander, with a roll of his eyes. Kezzle flapped her wings.
“Oh, hell no,” said Wagger. “I’m not bowing for him.”
Shae glanced at Bowman who stood with both arms crossed.
“You should bow at least,” said Shae.
“Disagree,” said Bowman.
“Your name is literally Bowman,” said Shae.
“It’s not pronounced like that,” said Bowman.
Chief set an insectoid hand on Shae’s shoulder.
“You earned this, Shae,” said Chief. “The title, I mean.”
Her big beetle wings fluttered.
“After all these years,” said Chief. “Who would have thought you’d amount to this? Not to say I thought you’d never amount to anything. I mean, you were bad, but, erm, yes, I’ve always liked you, well done Shae. You saved Zero Space.”
A subtle grin grew across Shae’s lips.
“We saved Zero Space,” said Shae. “We all did.”
Shae tapped twice on his palm –
CHIEF HAS JOINED THE DEADLY SKULLS
“There’s a message I’d never thought I’d see,” said Shae.
Shae turned towards the sprawling crowd ahead.
“Alright,” said Shae. “Let’s go save the world!”
***
Sixteen Deadly Skulls steered towards Stone Tower, wading through a sea of players. Each passerby offered passing words and passing stares.
Bander bit at any hand that wandered too close.
“Back off, weirdos!” said Bander.
“Please, excuse us,” said Asira. “Excuse us!”
“Move move move,” said Lanzer.
“Bez!” shouted Dalli. “Stop signing autographs!”
“Okay, right after this one!” shouted Bez. “And this one!”
Wagger lit a stick of TNT.
“Booooooring –”
Bowman blew it out.
“Don’t you dare,” said Bowman.
Tambien tiptoed, more spritely than knightly.
“What a thrill!” said Tambien. “All these people from across the server, gathered to support us!”
“Yes,” said Parper. “Thrilling.”
Tambien shot Parper a funny look.
“Parper, are you well?” asked Tambien. “Your mannerisms are alarming.”
“I’m fine,” said Parper.
“You’re acting like a zombie,” said Tambien.
“No,” said Parper. “I’m not.”
“Eh,” said Auron. “You sorta are.”
“All of you,” said Parper. “Fuck off!”
Shae dipped his hat, hiding a nervous expression. Pressure welled with each subsequent step. Something terrible plagued his mind. A nagging shadow of doubt and despair, higher and wider than the tower itself –
Shae nearly leapt from his fancy pants as Dane gripped his shoulder.
“Dane,” said Shae. “What the hell?”
“You look anxious,” said Dane. “I’m trying to comfort you.”
Shae glanced at Dane’s hand.
“You’re making me uncomfortable –” said Shae.
“I don’t fully understand what’s happening here,” said Dane. “But even though you stole my enforcer weapon and nearly got me killed, I still have your back.”
Shae witnessed his reflection in Dane’s dark demonoid eyes.
“You trained me for Zero Space,” said Dane. “You saved my life. Here or the Haven, I’ll protect you.”
Asira put a hand on Shae’s other shoulder.
“Me too, Shae,” said Asira.
“And me!” shouted Umi.
“Ooh, me too –” said Bez.
“Hold up,” said Shae. “Everyone, stop!”
Everyone stopped. The crowd grew still and silent.
Shae stuttered, choking on his words.
“I-I have to tell you all something,” said Shae.
Bowman peeked past Shae towards the towering tower doors.
“It can wait,” said Bowman. “Let’s at least get inside the –”
“It can’t wait!” said Shae. “This is important.”
Shae breathed deep.
“This is the final battle,” said Shae. “We’re fighting Zydan. Designer of this entire server. And a filthy fucking cheater. He’s not going to play fair. We all have to be united on this.”
Sweat dripped down Shae’s forehead.
“A-And it’s not just that,” said Shae. “If you lose, he’s going to wipe your character. Permanently.”
Murmurs emerged from the surrounding crowd.
“I-I have to tell you this,” said Shae. “We might not come back from this one. I won’t lie to you. I need you, but this has to be your choice. We’re either all in. Or we’re all out.”
Shae steadied his breaths.
“T-This is bigger than us,” said Shae. “It’s not just to save our server. We could save all servers. I-I know it’s scary. And risky. But please be with me. I-I hope you’ll all do this.”
Asira stepped forward without hesitation.
“I’ll follow you to the end, Shae,” said Asira.
“As will I, M’lord,” said Tambien.
“Me and Ledgess are with you, buddy!” shouted Umi.
“I’ll protect you,” said Dane. “I just told you that.”
“I got you, dummy,” said Bander.
“Uh huh,” said Janzo.
Kezzle flapped her wings.
Wagger chewed on TNT.
“I hate to say it,” said Wagger. “I owe you one.”
“Eh, me too,” said Auron. “Saved my life back on that island.”
“We’re finishing this,” said Bowman.
“I am,” said Chief. “With you, I mean.”
Dalli bowed.
“I pledged fealty to you, Shae,” said Dalli. “I’m yours to command.”
Shae teared up. These people, these friends, these relationships he’d fostered over the course of his journey.
They were all here for him now.
More than friends.
His family.
“So touching,” said Parper. “And idiotic.”
Everyone turned to Parper.
“You need all sixteen of us,” said Parper. “If even a single person drops out, you blow the whole thing. Hidden information, Shae. A pivotal principle of Zero Space. A good leader knows when to keep his mouth shut.”
Parper twirled his dagger.
“Fortunately, there is a very real reason to ascend the tower,” said Parper. “An old legend of tremendous power. Power to shape the world itself. Any of us would be foolish to drop out now.”
Parper gestured ahead.
“Lead on, Shae,” said Parper. “For those of us that survive, the reward will be extraordinary –”
“Yo Parper,” said Shae. “The fuck is wrong with you?”
Parper grew silent.
“Nothing,” said Parper. “Nothing is wrong with me.”
Shae narrowed his eyes, but turned back to the tower. Two monolithic stone doors loomed before him.
“Zydan!” Shae shouted. “We’re here! And I brought sixteen.”
Shae knocked with both pistols.
“Open up,” said Shae. “I know you’re up there watching. It’s been eight hours. We’re right on time!”
The tower’s heavy frame moaned. Wind whistled through cobblestone crannies. Whispers wisped through the crowd.
“Come on, you pussy!” shouted Shae. “Open up!”
Shae gritted his teeth.
“Unless you’re too fucking scared!”
CREAK
Both doors crept open, unveiling a circular platform and a tall hollow tube stretched to infinity. Onlookers looked on, attempting to sneak a peek.
“Holy snap!” said Bez. “It’s completely hollow!”
“Please tell me we don’t have to climb that,” said Asira.
“Nope nope nope,” said Lanzer. “Spoilers, but the floor’s an elevator. I kinda tested this. We’ll be on it for exactly three minutes and twenty seven seconds.”
“Perfect!” shouted Umi. “That’s plenty of time!”
Umi stomped within, waving his warhammer.
“Come on everyone!” shouted Umi. “Before we battle, there’s one last thing we gotta do!”
***
HUMMMMMM
The tower floor inched towards its murky gray apex. The structure lacked windows or any discernible source of light, sans a faint glow at the end of its long vertical tunnel.
“Booooooooring,” said Wagger. “Can this thing go any slower?”
Dalli tapped his spear against the elevator floor.
“Don’t give it any ideas –” muttered Dalli.
Umi clapped all four brutoid hands, nearly giving Dalli a real-life heart attack.
“Gather around everyone!” shouted Umi. “There’s one last thing we gotta do!”
He extended all four brutoid arms –
“Link hands!” shouted Umi.
Few gathered. Fewer linked hands.
“Come on now!” shouted Umi. “This is important!”
Shae wrapped his tiny fist around Umi’s tiniest finger.
“Everyone,” said Shae. “Do as he says. Link hands!”
The command met with moans and groans.
“I’m the leader!” said Shae. “So do it!”
The Deadly Skulls floundered around, linking limbs together. Dane touched Tambien’s tentacle. Janzo squeezed Parper’s paw. Auron hooked Asira’s arm. Kezzle flapped her wings.
Bander reached up for Umi’s wrist.
“What are you planning, idiot?” asked Bander.
“Something very important!” shouted Umi.
“Disagree,” said Bowman. “Nothing you do could possibly help us –”
Umi cleared his throat.
“Alright!” shouted Umi. “Here we go!”
He closed all six eyes.
“Dear Ledgess…”
Bander ripped his hand free.
“I knew it,” said Bander. “I knew you were going to do this, idiot.”
“Oh, hell no,” said Wagger. “I don’t believe in this Ledgess bullshit.”
“Umi Umi Umi,” said Lanzer. “This is kinda inappropriate –”
“Hold up!” Shae yelled. “Let Umi do his thing!”
Asira peeked at Shae - sweat dripped from his nose onto his flashy jacket. His sequined hat rattled, teeth clenched firm around his bottom lip. Beneath those tinted sunglasses stood the same scared kid Asira knew from the Haven. Uncomfortable. Uncertain. And very very afraid.
Asira gripped his hand extra tight.
“Dear Ledgess!” Umi continued. “Thank you for gathering all of us here today! Please watch over us as we march bravely towards our deaths!”
“Holy snap,” said Bez. “Mister Umi, don’t say things like that!”
“Eh, hell of a pep talk –” said Auron.
“Thank you for the memories we’ve made!” shouted Umi. “We’ll always live on in each other’s minds! And replays!”
Umi cuffed his top-two hands in prayer.
“Thank you for the hardships that helped us grow closer and stronger!” shouted Umi. “They made us who we are today!”
Asira glanced at her missing wing. Lanzer scratched his elbow stump. Auron swiped where his ponytail used to be.
“Thank you for our ambitions!” shouted Umi. “You gave these tiny lives such tremendous purpose!”
Bowman gripped his bow. Tambien bowed his head. Parper fondled his dagger.
“Thank you for this happy life!” shouted Umi. “And for letting me share it with these wonderful people!”
Dalli held Chief close. Asira leaned on Shae’s shoulder. Bander cosied up to Janzo’s side.
“Thank you for your guidance!” shouted Umi. “If our stories end here, thank you for this incredible journey!”
Umi bowed his head low.
“Amen!”
A number of Deadly Skulls echoed the word back. Several said nothing, their eyes glued to the floor.
“Amen!” roared an ethereal voice.
The booming voice echoed across the hollow tower tube.
“Still holding onto your false Zero Space gods I see,” said the voice. “If only you understood that there was only one true god. Me!”
“Hi Zydan!” shouted Umi. “I love hearing your screechy little voice!”
“Oh, finally!” said Wagger.
“Holy snap!” said Bez. “Mr. Zydan, come down here so we can kick your ass.”
“Come down there?” asked Zydan. “But you’re already on your way up here!”
The light at the tower’s peak grew blinding. Asira shielded her eyes with a wing, Umi with his warhammer, and Bander with his staff. For once, Shae’s sunglasses came in handy.
CLANG
The elevator screeched to a halt. Smoke swept across the Deadly Skulls. Cobblestone quaked below them. Chief nearly flattened Dalli. Bander and Wagger collapsed into a pile of magicoid. Bez stepped on Kezzle’s spiny beetle back, making him howl into his microphone.
“Welcome, pathetic mortals!” said Zydan.
Shae scrambled to his feet, darting through the fog with both pistols in hand.
“Where are you?” asked Shae. “Come the fuck down here!”
“Shae!” Asira yelled.
Asira swiped Shae’s jacket –
Two feet from Shae’s two feet lurked a thousand foot fall into a misty oblivion. Playful wind tugged at Shae’s leg, inviting him to an eternal party in the endless void below. One glimpse at that fall would have paralyzed the Shae from a month ago. But the Shae of today tiptoed across its edge, spinning both pistols.
“Oh shit,” said Shae. “Good looking out.”
“No problem!” said Asira. “Ninja eyes.”
Smoke sputtered out like the remnants of a dying fog machine, unveiling a circular rooftop wide enough to host a ballroom of Deadly Skulls. Overcast clouds cast oblong shadows across uneven cobblestone. Pockets of moonlight peeked over the cloudy peak, mucking the air with a murky gray mist –
FLASH
A blinding light preceded a deafening voice –
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
The sound of a synth choir, volume turned up from ten to ten thousand.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Two more mixed voices, mixed poorly.
BLAHHHHH
Dull horns.
WUHHHHHHHH
And red hot strings.
Each unholy sound contributed to a chaotic cacophony befitting of the devil’s personal orchestra. Seizure-inducing lights. Explosions of sky-staining glitter. Cheap gold ribbons teepee-d the tower, shriveling into wriggling bronze worms by a light drizzle of rain.
“At last!” said Zydan. “It’s finally time!”
The world grew dark.
And then –
A spotlight lit like a lighthouse beacon, illuminating a single shape in the sky - a four armed silhouette, proud, pompous and floating as if suspended by a rope –
Zydan.
Six blue eyes bloomed above a set of sharp fangs. His sapphire cloak rose like angel wings around his nine foot figure. With a featherweight thump, Zydan touched down on a touchstone platform raised just for him.
Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
“Greetings,” said Zydan. “Mortals.”
Shae yawned louder than Zydan’s fanfare.
“Nice entrance,” said Shae.
“Indeed,” said Zydan. “I’ve been working on that for years. I wrote the music myself!”
Zydan crossed all four brutoid arms.
“I’m afraid my exit must be equally spectacular,” said Zydan. “I cannot afford your distraction for long. I have other important things to do.”
“More important than this shit?” asked Shae.
“Indeed,” said Zydan. “The world doesn’t revolve around you, Shae. Though it will soon revolve around me.”
Zydan flashed several rows of glistening teeth.
“The rules are simple,” said Zydan. “Your team versus mine.”
A holographic menu projected from Zydan’s palm.
TEAM 1: The Deadly Skulls
Shae Lanzer Umi Asira Chief Bander Dalli DangerFace869 Bowman Wagger Janzo Tambien Auron Parper Kezzle Bez
TEAM 2: Zero Space Gods
Zydan --- --- ---
“My name’s not DangerFace869,” said Dane. “Call me Dane.”
“This states your character’s birth-name,” said Zydan. “Personal preference doesn’t matter. Unless it’s my personal preference.”
“Mister Zydan,” said Bez. “Why am I last?”
“The order is insignificant,” said Zydan. “Let me rephrase: it’s ordered from most to least significant.”
“Hold up,” said Shae. “Your team’s just you.”
“Indeed,” said Zydan. “You’re outnumbered.”
“Disagree,” said Bowman. “We could use our powers simultaneously. One shot you.”
“Uh huh,” said Janzo.
“Ledgess just gave me a great idea!” shouted Umi. “Let’s all dogpile him! We’ll smother him!”
“Agree, actually,” said Bowman. “That’s an oddly viable strategy.”
Zydan scoffed.
“Try what you’d like,” said Zydan. “Anything goes. And the penalty is permanent Zero Space death. I’m certain your illustrious leader told you as much.”
“He did,” said Shae.
“M’lord delivered a rousing speech,” said Tambien. “We’ll stand by him until the end.”
“Mister Shae, I’m with you!” yelled Bez, roaring over a roar of thunder.
“We all are,” said Chief. “With you, I mean.”
“Uh huh,” said Janzo.
“Let’s get this idiot,” said Bander.
“For Ledgess!” shouted Umi.
“For the Feather Birds!” shouted Dalli.
“For the Deadly Skulls,” said Parper.
“For Zero Space!” yelled Asira.
“For Anton!” shouted Shae.
“For fuck’s sake,” said Wagger. “Booooooooring –”
Wagger chucked a stick of TNT –
The red rubber stick batted away small particles of rain, spinning and spiraling towards Zydan’s brutoid bosom.
Zydan grinned –
“TRANSLATION!!!”
The word gonged across the battlefield, scattering clouds and loose stones. Hurricane winds ripped outwards, bombarding bodies with a sizeable seismic impulse.
“Wagger!” yelled Shae, clutching his fluttering jacket. “Shit! We weren’t ready yet!”
“Typical Wagger,” said Parper.
“Idiot!” yelled Bander.
“No no no…” said Lanzer.
“Yes yes yes!” said Zydan. “Enjoy my new move. It’s a level three!”
Shae slid across slick rock, his track shoes providing little traction. His hat departed like an ultimate frisbee, passed past the roof’s edge.
“My new hat!” yelled Shae.
Bowman wedged his fingers between jutting cobblestone.
“I told you that would happen,” said Bowman.
“Shae!” yelled Asira.
Asira dug a sword into the ground, swiping her hand right towards Shae –
But Shae swiped left.
“Shit!” yelled Shae.
“GRAVITY DOME!”
Umi’s warhammer cast out glowing brown energy, reeling Shae into his loving embrace.
“I’ve got you, buddy!” shouted Umi.
Bez tumbled by like a drunken gymnast.
“Holy snap!” yelled Bez. “Helppp –”
Dane flopped atop Bez, pinning him to the pavement.
“Mister Dangerface,” said Bez. “You saved me! You’re always saving me!”
“Call me Dane,” said Dane.
Chief proved unmovable, covering Dalli with her big beetle body. Lanzer’s claw clung to cobblestone. Auron dug in with his sharpened lollipop.
“Wow wow wow!” said Lanzer “That lollipop is kinda sturdy!”
“Eh, it just looks like candy,” said Auron. “And uh, it tastes like candy. But a weapon’s still a weapon.”
Kezzle flapped her wings, harder than ever before. But the wind flapped back, flipping her like a spiny metal tumbleweed. Gulping gales swallowed her up, spitting her from the rooftop into the grim abyss beyond.
The fire wizard’s words wandered through her tiny mind one last time. “Insignificant in life and insignificant in death.” That was all Kezzle ever wanted. Insignificance. Peace through obscurity. But here, she proved too obscure, blending into the virtual void with one final wailing screech. Unseen. Unheard. And forever unknown.
TEAM 1: The Deadly Skulls
Shae Lanzer Umi Asira Chief Bander Dalli DangerFace869 Bowman Wagger Janzo Tambien Auron Parper Kezzle Bez
TEAM 2: Zero Space Gods
Zydan --- --- ---
“Help!” Bander screeched. “Somebody help! Damn it!”
Bander’s tiny body tumbled across the tower roof. His limp limbs bruised and banged against brittle stone bumps. Wagger rolled alongside him and occasionally on top of him.
“Oof, Wagger,” shouted Bander. “Do something!”
“Oh, shut up,” said Wagger. “I’m as useless as you!”
Bander and Wagger knocked noggins together.
“Damn it!” shouted Bander. “I can’t die! I’m the healer! This team needs me!”
“Oh, good for you!” said Wagger. “This team hates me. Everyone does. I’m tired of this shit. Tired of this team.”
Wagger and Bander tumbled towards the edge –
“I’m tired of this game!” said Wagger. “So. Fucking. Tired.”
Both magicoids departed the tower.
Wagger gripped Bander’s shoulders.
“I want out,” said Wagger. “But they need you.”
Wagger placed a stick of TNT between herself and Bander.
“It’s a knockback stick,” said Wagger. “Us magicoids gotta stick together, right?”
Bander’s eyes bulged.
“Wagger, wait!” Bander shouted. “No, you could save us both with that! You idiot –”
BOOM
TNT blasted Bander back to the roof, spiking Wagger straight down.
A subtle smile crept along Wagger’s face as she twisted towards the abyss - the first real sensation of joy she’d felt in years. She opened her arms and closed her eyes, snorting in misty air with one long last laugh.
TEAM 1: The Deadly Skulls
Shae Lanzer Umi Asira Chief Bander Dalli DangerFace869 Bowman Wagger Janzo Tambien Auron Parper Kezzle Bez
TEAM 2: Zero Space Gods
Zydan --- --- ---
Bander barreled back across the rooftop –
Janzo strapped Bander down with one knee, securing his scythe in the ground.
“Hi Bander,” said Janzo.
Bander sighed.
“Hi Janzo,” said Bander.
Parper pushed against the maelstrom, blinded by bits of fur. His black scarf attempted to strangle him –
Tambien snagged him with an armored tentacle.
“Fear not, my puppoid companion,” said Tambien. “I shall be your guardian against these foul winds.”
“Stop it,” said Parper. “I’m fine.”
“Dearest friend,” said Tambien. “Your body hath not the required resistance for such malign circumstances. I shall guard your life with my own.”
“Bah, you and your pathetic sacrifices,” said Parper. “I don’t need you.”
Parper pried Tambien’s tentacle loose, adjusting his scarf.
“Zydan’s ability is a simple kinetic impulse with knockback on-tick, scaling with each player’s mass,” said Parper. “My mass falls within a non-lethal threshold. All I need to do is run against the wind.”
Tambien squinted through his knightly visor.
“Parper, you act like a puppoid possessed,” said Tambien. “Your strange new attitude. Your strange words. And that strange new scarf –”
“People change,” said Parper.
“Change is rarely this dramatic,” said Tambien.
“That bulky armor clouds your mind,” said Parper. “And those preachy values of yours. Typical Tambien. Can’t tell when to leave things well enough alone!”
Tambien’s eyes grew wide.
“M-Master Valdi?” asked Tambien. “I-Is that you?”
Parper groaned, leaning in against Tambien.
“I’m afraid so,” said Parper. “I never was much of an actor.”
*SHINK*
Parper’s dagger pierced through Tambien’s aluminum armor.
“You’re too much of a liability, I’m afraid,” said Parper. “Should have kept your mouth shut.”
“W-Wait,” said Tambien. “N-No.”
Tambien collapsed to his knees.
“M-My sister,” said Tambien. “My brother. Saber. Their sacrifices. What was it all for?”
Blood leaked through Tambien’s visor.
“S-Saber,” said Tambien. “If you are Saber - whatever you are. If you’re out there. Please, help. Help me –”
Parper tore through Tambien’s torso.
“One last lesson, Tambien,” said Parper.
Parper ripped the dagger through his heart.
“Some mysteries are better left unsolved.”
Parper booted Tambien from the tower. His armored body sunk like an anchor into the deep dark abyss.
“Not as heavy as you look, dearest friend,” said Parper.
TEAM 1: The Deadly Skulls
Shae Lanzer Umi Asira Chief Bander Dalli DangerFace869 Bowman Wagger Janzo Tambien Auron Parper Kezzle Bez
TEAM 2: Zero Space Gods
Zydan --- --- ---
Parper dug his dagger through the tower floor. His flimsy puppoid palms and that brittle little blade - Master Valdi’s first out of body experience proved less than ideal. This form was a handicap, disabling his core abilities. There was only one thing left to try:
Parper submitted to the wind. He slid beyond the tower’s edge, then dug his dagger through its stoney side. As he predicted, Zydan’s ability was a horizontal area of attack. Lingering below its range rendered it ineffective. So long as the tower wall held, Parper’s dagger would hold too.
And so, Parper held out. Gambling on stealth was his safest bet.
Torrential winds withdrew. Zydan hollered with laughter as the Deadly Skulls reassembled.
“And that was just my initial attack,” said Zydan. “Still feel confident about your chances?”
Chief flew forward –
“I feel it,” said Chief. “Confident, I mean!”
Zydan fortified his face with four forearms, batting away Chief’s spear.
“Ah yes, the old leader of the Feather Birds,” said Zydan. “Demoted to a lowly minion, I see.”
Chief parted Zydan’s body parts with several spear swipes.
“I’ve changed,” said Chief. “Titles, I mean. But I’m still as strong as ever.”
Zydan wrenched back, retching blood.
“Indeed,” said Zydan. “I still remember the day I reset Zero Space. That was quite a change for you, wasn’t it? Our top player, back to the bottom.”
Zydan bent below three furious stabs.
“And I recall that level three ability of yours,” said Zydan. “Remind me, what is it you summon? Harmless little bowties?”
“I’ll show you,” said Chief. “How harmless my ability is, I mean. RIBBON RIP!!!”
Ruby tentacles of cloth mummified Zydan, binding and grinding his bones into bonemeal.
“That will do it,” said Chief. “Shut you up, I mean.”
Bowman swept up spilt arrows.
“Zydan’s stunned,” said Bowman. “Strike him now! Burn him down!”
Shae flipped forward, thrusting both pistols outwards –
“PIERCING SHOT!!”
Dalli skewered his own shadow with his spear –
“SHADOW STAB!!” yelled Dalli.
Dane dashed, demonoid fists aglow –
“FURY STRIKES!!” shouted Dane.
And somewhere beneath all those ribbons, Zydan mumbled:
“ALIGNMENT SHIFT!!”
Chief paused. Her big buggy eyes squashed and glazed over. Both wings settled as her massive spear clanked across the ground. A glowing green halo hula hooped around her legs, dwindling between her heels.
“Wait,” said Chief. “No –”
The bound Zydan unwound –
— Level three ribbons batted Shae’s bullet into the cosmos.
— Crimson cloth swept away Dalli’s spear path.
— Dane’s fists smacked against a silky shield.
“W-What is happening?” asked Chief. “To my ribbons, I mean?”
Zydan imitated a villainous laugh he’d once heard in a cartoon.
“I’ve changed your alignment,” said Zydan. “Your ribbons work for me now!”
Red ribbons assaulted Asira, jostled Janzo, and bowtied Bowman.
“Powerful NPC abilities trump player abilities,” said Zydan. “A simple Zero Space fact.”
Zydan’s ringed fingers rattled together.
“And while I’m at it –”
He pointed past Chief’s head –
“HEALTH BAR OF FATE!!!”
Chief
“Enjoy your time limit!” said Zydan. “I can’t very well have a Level three user running around.”
Dalli jabbed at the health bar above Chief’s head.
“No!” shouted Dalli. “Leave Chief alone!”
Shae slid to Chief’s side, both pistols aimed at Zydan.
“Hold up,” said Shae. “Zydan, use that shit on me! I’m the bigger threat here.”
“Indeed you are, Shae,” said Zydan. “But it’s important that you suffer. First, you’ll watch me massacre your team.”
Zydan grinned with shimmering white fangs.
“And then,” said Zydan. “You’ll die last!”
Lanzer rolled below lashing ribbons, slashing Zydan with five finger claws.
“Wait wait wait,” said Lanzer. “Where’s your health bar? Bosses have health bars!”
“Indeed, bosses do,” said Zydan. “But I’m the final boss. Final bosses don’t need health bars. It’s more dramatic that way!”
“HOMING ARROW!!”
Bowman’s arrow weaved between whipping weaves, seeking Zydan’s throat –
“SPECTATE!!!”
Zydan vanished.
“You missed!” said an ethereal voice by Bowman’s side.
Bowman whipped his bow back and forth, attempting to swat the voice.
“Here’s a fun ability,” said Zydan’s voice. “Spectate lets me emulate a dead player. I exist in the phantom plane, as an intangible observer.”
Zydan materialized, mashing Bowman’s forehead with a forearm.
“And of course,” said Zydan. “I can reappear at any time.”
“SELFLESS SAVIOR!” yelled Bander.
Bowman rose, rising with an uppercut –
Zydan’s first arm deflected Bowman’s blow. His second, third and fourth arms bashed Bowman’s stomach, ribs and jaw.
“I’m also an invincible fighter,” said Zydan. “Brutoids are by far the strongest species.”
The ground broke Bowman’s fall, and his neck –
“CARE STARE!” shouted Bez.
Bowman’s neck snapped back into place.
Bander punched Bez’s arm.
“Ow!” said Bez. “Mister Bander, why?”
“You cut that one too close, idiot!” said Bander. “If anyone dies, we can’t heal them. They’re perma-dead!”
Chief
Chief’s beetle body beelined towards Zydan, screeching like a locust ablaze –
“Drop your weapon!” said Zydan.
Chief dropped it.
“Stay where you are,” said Zydan.
Chief stayed.
Her numb wings rapped against her body. Both incisors pinched out a faint chirp - a sound Dalli recognized as crying.
“Chief!” Dalli shouted.
Dalli vaulted over a rogue ribbon, sprinting to her side.
“I’m disabled,” said Chief. “By Zydan’s ability, I mean. He’s weaponized me. I’m hurting them. My friends, I mean.”
“No, Chief!” said Dalli. “It’s not your fault!”
Dalli stomped at the green halo around her feet.
“Stop it!” shouted Dalli. “Get that thing off Chief!”
“Well, since you asked so nicely –” said Zydan. “Hurt him!”
Chief gutted Dalli with a gut-punch –
“CARE STARE!” shouted Bez.
Dalli crawled to his feet, cradling his belly.
Bander gave Bez a slap on the wrist.
“Ow!” said Bez. “Mister Bander, stop!”
“You healed him too early, idiot!” shouted Bander. “Conserve your SP and pay attention! Chief pulled her punch. Dalli was barely injured!”
Lanzer fanned out a handful of glistening claws –
“SUBTLE SL –”
A rogue ribbon lassoed Lanzer.
“Ow ow ow,” said Lanzer. “Wait wait wait, Zydan, you’re using too many abilities at once. You’re not a player character. You’re controlling an NPC!”
“Indeed,” said Zydan. “My powers are unlimited with minor recharge times. Hardly an inconvenience for a genius tactician like me –”
“Good good good,” said Lanzer. “NPCs have weaknesses!”
“Indeed,” said Zydan. “That is, if I give them weaknesses.”
Shae jump-roped two ribbons.
“RAPID SHOT!!”
A thousand and one bullets zipped towards Zydan.
Zydan extended one hand –
“TRANSLATION!!!”
Shae’s bullets reflected right back at him –
Janzo slid in the way –
“SCYTHE SHIELD!!”
Bullets ricocheted from Janzo’s spinning fan scythe.
“Thanks Janzo,” said Shae.
“Uh huh,” said Janzo.
Zydan cackled. His blue cloak coiled around his body like a venomous snake.
“Do you see the power of an expert game designer?” asked Zydan. “My multiple powers, in fact?”
One red ribbon throttled both Shae and Janzo.
“You can’t defeat me.”
Two ribbons hogtied Auron.
“You can’t outwit me.”
Three ribbons gave Dane twenty lashes.
“Feel my power!” yelled Zydan.
Ten ribbons tangled Bander and Bez.
“Feel the power of a god –”
“Feel this!”
Umi rammed Zydan from behind, folding him in half.
“You said one true thing, buddy!” shouted Umi.
Umi’s four fists clobbered Zydan eight times each.
“Nobody’s stronger than a brutoid!” shouted Umi. “And the only true god is Ledgess!”
Zydan booted Umi back.
“Imbecile,” said Zydan. “You can take your ridiculous fake god and –”
Umi booted Zydan’s front.
“You’re too wordy, buddy!” shouted Umi. “And your brain’s too thinky!”
Zydan buckled from a hit below the belt.
“I think with my fists!” shouted Umi. “They always know what to do –”
“TRANSLATION –”
“GRAVITY DOME!!”
A brown energy dome yanked Zydan into Umi’s crushing bearhug.
“It’s hard to think when you can’t breathe!” shouted Umi. “And I know NPCs breathe different!”
Zydan’s eyes bulged between Umi’s biceps.
“And if you can’t breathe –”
[THE HAVEN]
Ethan’s headset ascended –
“You can’t use your –” Ethan started. “Wait, what’s going on?”
His mother Mary grinned at him from a ragged sofa, swaying like a seesaw in the sea. Five of his roommates huddled in a mess of blankets on the floor, arms linked in prayer.
Ethan’s buddy Ben held his headset.
“Ethan,” said Ben. “They’re coming, my guy. The enforcers abandoned –”
“Not right now, Ben!” shouted Ethan. “I’m doing something very important!’
“But, I thought you might way to pray with us –”
“Not now!’ shouted Ethan. “This is super important! Leave me alone! Just leave me alone –”
“Yo Ethan, my guy, it’s cool. Okay? It’s cool!”
Ben handed the headset over.
“Play your game,” said Ben. “W-We’ll be here when you’re done.”
Ethan snatched his headset back –
[ZERO SPACE]
To Umi’s great relief, Zydan remained wrangled within his arms.
“I gotta finish you off quickly!” shouted Umi. “Family business!”
Umi transported Zydan to the tower’s edge.
“T-Those ribbons,” choked Zydan. “W-Why aren’t they stopping you?”
Ribbons snapped above Umi’s head. Below his feet. By his side. Some grazed his body by inches. Others by centimeters.
“Ledgess is with me!” shouted Umi. “It’s because I believe!”
“I-Impossible,” said Zydan. “It’s just RNG.”
“I like being be dumb and lucky!” shouted Umi. “You’re smart and shit out of luck!”
Umi towered above the tower’s edge.
“N-No,” said Zydan.
“Don’t know how much health you have, buddy!” shouted Umi. “But it won’t matter once I drop you!”
“No!” Zydan cried.
Umi swung Zydan by the heels.
“Meet my false god, buddy!” shouted Umi. “Ledgess awaits you!”
“No!”
Umi lobbed Zydan from the tower. His huge blue body faded into fog, then vanished with a faint poof.
Chief’s ribbons relented, snapping back into the ground - her ability was finally over.
It was all finally over.
Shae and Janzo plummeted from the ribbon’s grip, clattering to the ground. Asira caught herself with one wing, Lanzer with one hand. Bez tripped over Bander, snatching his microphone before it rolled over the edge.
“Holy snap,” said Bez. “We won!”
Bowman ruffled red scruff from his robe.
“Disagree,” said Bowman. “That was too easy.”
“Uh huh,” said Janzo.
Shae patted down his purple jacket, approaching Umi.
“Holy shit,” said Shae. “Umi, you did it.”
“Don’t thank me!” shouted Umi. “Thank Ledgess! Be right back!”
[THE HAVEN]
Ethan flipped his headset off with a mischievous grin.
“Okay!” said Ethan. “Now, what’s going on here –”
Cracked light fixtures dribbled sparks across his unlit unit. Trash littered the floor. Slashed laundry draped over torn furniture and crushed figurines.
Ethan gagged on thick putrid air. It was a terrible stink, cast from a pile of corpses in the unit’s center. All five roommates spilled across the floor, mouths wide open, black strangled tongues lodged loose from broken jaws. Trails of entrails weaved along the cracked tile like squashed rotted pumpkins.
A trembling dog-like creature stumbled between bodies. One of its claws cracked a collar bone. Another punctured a lung. Its thorned tail harbored a fleet of eyeballs and fingers. Earthworm tentacles squirmed from its mouth like spaghetti vomit, stripping human flesh into bite-sized strips.
Ben’s ragged body lay in tatters, missing a fourth of his face and a third of his lower half. His hand clenched a bloodied baseball bat, still fresh from a self-imposed forehead wound. Three strikes and he was out.
Ethan’s mother Mary curled across the couch, a bleeding octopus fastened to her face. Parasitic pinchers drained her fluids into a pulsing pustule protruding from its posterior like a ripe plump berry. Black veins twitched through Mary’s pale flesh, dead nerves alive with cadaveric spasms.
And across the room was a horse-sized scorpion. Five egg-yolk eyes drooped in Ethan’s direction. Its limp lower jaw expanded into a coffin-esque throat, the exact right size for Ethan’s body. Coarse croaks crooned from the depths of its cavernous mouth, rasping like a hundred reanimated corpses gasping for air –
Ethan let out an unearthly wail as he jammed his headset back on –
[ZERO SPACE]
Umi waved at Shae.
“H-Hey Shae,” said Umi. “C-Come here a moment, would ya?”
Shae trotted over.
“Zup?” asked Shae.
“W-Would you –” Umi started. “Would you please sit with me?”
Shae shrugged, then sat by Umi’s side.
“Shae,” said Umi. “I need to ask you a serious question.”
He gripped Shae’s hand.
“Do you believe in Ledgess?” asked Umi. “Or any sort of god, at all?”
“Uhhhhh,” said Shae. “I don’t know.”
“T-That’s okay,” said Umi. “It sure is hard to have faith sometimes.”
“You, uh,” said Shae. “You doing okay, Umi?”
“Yeah,” said Umi. “I-I’m fine.”
Umi leaned against Shae’s lap.
“Shae,” said Umi. “You’re all like a second family to me. Sometimes even a first family!”
“Dude, you’re acting super weird right now –”
“I-I just want you to know how important you are to me,” said Umi. “How much you all mean to me.”
Umi wrapped Shae’s wrists around his waist.
“Please Shae,” said Umi. “Could you hold me for a minute?”
Shae relented, but did as instructed.
“I used to hold my mom like this,” said Umi. “I’d rock her to sleep. She’s very sick. When she fell asleep, I didn’t know if she’d wake up again. I wanted to let her know every time how much I cared, in case it was the last time.”
“Umi?” asked Shae. “What are you saying –”
“Do you love me, Shae?”
Shae blinked.
“I mean, as a friend, sure,” said Shae.
Umi cradled up in his lap.
“Rock me to sleep, Shae,” said Umi. “Please. Just rock me to sleep.”
Shae paled. His arms grew numb beneath Umi’s weight.
“Umi,” said Shae. “You’re scaring the shit out of me right now –”
“Do you believe in heaven, Shae?” asked Umi. “Like, a nice place we go when we die?”
“Dunno,” said Shae. “I guess anywhere’s better than here.”
Umi managed a slight smile.
“T-True,” said Umi. “I believed in Ledgess all my life. I believed he’d come through for me. So then, tell me Shae, why am I so scared right now?”
“I don’t know,” said Shae. “I really don’t fucking know –”
Umi gripped Shae’s collar.
“I don’t want to think about it,” said Umi. “Please Shae. Just rock me to sleep.”
Shae shook as he held Umi close, rocking him back and forth. Umi settled into his arms, a sedated smile etched across his brutoid face.
“Umi?” asked Shae.
“Yeah, buddy?”
“If there is a heaven, you deserve it more than anyone.”
Umi gave Shae a big brutoid grin.
“Thanks buddy,” said Umi. “Thanks a whole bunch –”
Umi’s eyes shot open, his limp brutoid body unfolding like broken wings. His six glowing eyes grew dim, absent and AFK.
“Umi?” asked Shae. “Umi??”
Shae squirmed out from under Umi, crawling backwards on both elbows.
“What the fuck,” said Shae.
Shae gripped both pistols, trembling tremendously.
“What the actual fucking fuck –”
“Shae!” cried Dalli.
Shae glanced over –
Chief
Dalli wrapped both boney arms around Chief, bawling his ancient eyes out.
“Chief’s health bar’s still there!” screeched Dalli. “It’s still there!”
Chief sat solemn, beetle wings beating a somber rhythm.
“It’s alright,” said Chief. “Me dying, I mean. I’m an inconvenience to you all. I’m too dangerous. If Zydan manipulates me, I mean.”
Chief clutched Dalli close.
“It’s okay, Dalli,” said Chief. “I’ll always be with you. In the Haven, I mean. We found each other. And we’ll never be apart.”
Chief’s beetle wings fluttered.
“Zero Space is just a game,” said Chief. “And we won.”
Chief
“I’ll be waiting,” said Chief. “For you, I mean. Finish this up Dalli, and then let’s go home.”
“Chief –” said Dalli.
“Good,” said Chief. “Bye, I mean.”
Chief
TEAM 1: The Deadly Skulls
Shae Lanzer Umi Asira Chief Bander Dalli DangerFace869 Bowman Wagger Janzo Tambien Auron Parper Kezzle Bez
TEAM 2: Zero Space Gods
Zydan --- --- ---
Dalli stood silent. The aftermath of Chief rolled down his wrinkled cheeks. Both pupils hovered like dead planets, nebulous and dark. His spear plummeted, rolling alongside Chief’s mighty weapon.
“Dalli,” said Asira.
Asira shook his shoulder - Dalli shook it off.
“Dalli,” said Asira. “Please stay with us –”
“Finally!” a voice yelled. “The bug lady is dead!”
The fog below split wide open –
Zydan catapulted back onto the tower, flipping at least a hundred times. Both blue brutoid feet crashed upon thick cobblestone, a cyclone of rain imploding then exploding around him.
“How’s that for a re-entrance?” asked Zydan. “Throwing me off my own arena? You really think that would work? I’ve clearly thought of everything.”
Zydan clutched Umi’s corpse.
“Imbecile,” said Zydan. “It was humiliating to let that go on for as long as I did. But I applaud you throwing me off the edge. Plenty of time for all my powers to recharge!”
Zydan kicked Umi’s limp figure.
“Brutoid?” asked Zydan. “AFK? How strange. Well, perhaps he’s finally with Ledgess now!”
Zydan heaved Umi from the tower.
TEAM 1: The Deadly Skulls
Shae Lanzer Umi Asira Chief Bander Dalli DangerFace869 Bowman Wagger Janzo Tambien Auron Parper Kezzle Bez
TEAM 2: Zero Space Gods
Zydan --- --- ---
“Fools like you can’t hope to beat me,” said Zydan. “I’ve told you. There’s no hope.”
Zydan flashed a mouthful of pearly white teeth.
“You’ll regret messing with a god.”