[ZERO SPACE]
Bander scampered between dense trees.
“Damn it Shae, where are you?” asked Bander. “Next time, die in a more obvious place, idiot.”
Wagger leaned against a tree, nibbling on TNT.
“Hurry up,” said Wagger. “I’m bored.”
“This will go faster if you help, jerk!” said Bander.
“I am helping!” said Wagger. “I’m not making things worse.”
Bander groaned.
“Parper,” said Bander. “I know you’re still out there somewhere.”
No response.
“You gonna help me find Shae or what?” asked Bander.
Still no response.
Bander groaned again.
“Aw man,” said Bander. “You Deadly Skulls really suck.”
“You’re a Deadly Skull now too,” said Wagger. “Guess that means you suck.”
“Everything sucks, jerk,” said Bander. “This whole situation sucks. We’re screwed.”
Bander beat his head against his staff.
“Shae’s dead,” said Bander. “Asira ditched us. Janzo’s missing. Maybe Parper too. And we’ve barely started towards the wizard. This is a disaster.”
Wagger shrugged, gnawing on TNT.
“There’s like, a trillion dark goblins out there,” said Bander. “And two trillion trees.”
Wagger’s eyebrow raised.
“There’s only two of us,” said Bander. “A healer and a maniac.”
Wagger gritted her teeth, sawing through a stick of TNT.
“And we’re both magicoids, for fuck’s sake,” said Bander. “We’re so fucking screwed –”
“God, shut up!” yelled Wagger. “I’m tired of listening to you fucking complain – oh great, now you have me cursing too!”
Wagger shoved Bander down.
“Two magicoids is a lot!” said Wagger. “More than enough to level this whole damn forest.”
Wagger put a foot on Bander’s ribs.
“I don’t give a shit about this game,” said Wagger. “But I hate seeing you look so pathetic. Pathetic magicoids piss me off.”
Wagger spat uncomfortably close to Bander’s face.
“And don’t call me a maniac,” said Wagger. “You all take this game too seriously. You’re the maniacs! Lighten up! Who cares what happens? It’s a game.”
“It’s not just a game, idiot,” said Bander. “You heard Valdi. The whole Haven’s at stake.”
“Master Valdi’s a liar!” said Wagger. “He’s a real maniac. He manipulates us. Make us do what he wants! That’s how he controls people. Through fear!”
“He’s not lying this time, jerk!” said Bander. “The Haven’s in real danger!”
“Sure, go ahead and believe his bullshit,” said Wagger. “I can’t stop you. But if you stop being so pathetic, I’ll help you.”
Wagger stepped away from Bander.
“Take off your shoes,” she said.
Bander gave her a funny look, then shed to his socks.
“You said Shae blew up hard,” said Wagger. “That means the ground probably soaked up most of his blood. The grass is too tall to see him, but I bet you can still feel him.”
Wagger stomped around.
“There’s no water around here,” said Wagger. “So if it’s wet, it’s Shae.”
Wagger smirked at Bander’s awestruck expression.
“Yeah, I know,” said Wagger. “I’m pretty good –”
“No, dummy,” said Bander. “Behind you!”
A purple hood peeked out from behind a tree. It stood tall and still, violet cloak fluttering like a pteranoid wing. Deep within that pitch black cowl was a pair of invisible eyes, staring into Bander and Wagger’s very souls.
“Whoa, is that the wizard?” asked Wagger. “Hell yeah!”
“Weird reaction, dummy,” said Bander. “Something’s wrong. We’re nowhere near the wizard yet.”
“We obviously are,” said Wagger.
Wagger lit two sticks of TNT –
Bander blew them out.
“Wait, dummy,” said Bander. “We gotta find Shae!”
“You find Shae,” said Wagger. “I’ve helped enough!”
The neighboring trees produced a high-pitched laugh track. An audience of dark goblins emerged, taking center stage as the purple wizard stepped back behind a leafy curtain.
Wagger counted the dark goblins on her fingers. Eight in total. Wagger had eight total fingers; there were at least a dozen dark goblins.
“Find Shae,” said Wagger. “I got this.”
“You can’t be serious, dummy,” said Bander.
“Dead serious,” said Wagger. “Most serious I’ve ever been.”
Wagger lit eight sticks of TNT.
“Oh shit,” said Bander.
Wagger grinned with sharp magicoid teeth.
“Let’s show them what two magicoids can do!”
The dark goblins charged, surrounding Wagger like a tightening noose –
“I came up with new tech,” said Wagger. “I call it, the rocket jump!”
Wagger threw a small stick of TNT at her own feet.
BOOM
The explosion propelled Wagger into the air, high above the dark goblins.
“BIG EXPLOSION!!”
Wagger lobbed eight sticks of TNT down –
BOOM
The entire world flashed like a thousand cameras snapped simultaneously. A thundercrack shattered the silence, accompanied by a shockwave of dust. Each dark goblin flew back thirty feet. Bander flew back eighty feet.
Wagger touched down somewhere in the treetops, sprinting across the branches.
“Come back here, you wizard bastard!” yelled Wagger. “I’ve got more where that came from!”
She vanished into the leafy thicket.
Bander rose with a groan, coughing out clumps of dirt and dark goblin.
“Holy shit,” said Bander. “Magicoid abilities are crazy overpowered.”
Three dark goblins survived the assault. With Wagger out of sight, they aggro-d the only remaining magicoid:
“Uh oh,” said Bander.
Bander made a move, but the dark goblins moved faster. In an instant, three of them pinned him with long sharp claws.
“Ooh, a lone magicoid!” said one dark goblin.
“Kill him slow!” said another dark goblin.
“Crush his skull!” said the third.
Two dark goblin palms compressed his head like tight-fitting headphones.
“Parper!” Bander cried. “Wagger! Help me!”
Bander’s screeching voice rang out, but no one answered his call. His skull cracked like a clay house in an earthquake. He whipped at the air with his staff, clubbing dark goblin limbs, and beating against the ground –
SPLASH
Liquid.
Right below Bander’s staff.
Bander couldn’t see past those dark goblin hands. There wasn’t time to think; he couldn’t think straight anyway. Whatever that liquid was - Shae’s blood, dark goblin viscera, or just a standard puddle - it was getting revived.
“SELFLESS SAVIOR!”
“PIERCING SHOT!!”
Bander guessed correctly.
A purple bullet flew through two dark goblin mouths, then dinged a third one’s steel flesh.
That third dark goblin stomped down –
“FATAL STAB!!”
An obsidian dagger plunged through its back. The dark goblin croaked, having a literal heart attack.
“That’s quite enough of that,” said Parper.
Parper tipped the dark goblin over, wagging his puppy dog tail.
“Welcome back, Shae!” said Parper. “Looks like we both arrived just in time –”
Shae grimaced, gesturing downwards –
This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it
A bloody crater stood where the third dark goblin’s foot touched down. Within it lay a few of Bander’s teeth, half of his snout, and a cute little eyeball, halfway buried in the soil.
Parper had arrived seconds too late.
Shae shoved him back.
“Where the hell were you?” asked Shae. “Our fucking healer’s dead!”
“I-It’s Wagger’s fault!” said Parper. “Her explosion knocked me away. I got here as fast as I could!”
“This is your fault!” said Shae. “You should have been here, where you could actually help!”
“I was hiding!” said Parper. “This is a stealth mission!”
“Hiding from what?” asked Shae. “I was a phantom for like, five minutes. Aside from that purple wizard, there’s nothing else around!”
“H-Hiding from –” Parper started. “Hiding from, Wagger.”
Shae tipped his shades upwards.
“Hold up,” said Shae. “What?”
“Wagger’s out to get me,” said Parper. “She’s angry because I threw a pebble at her. It’s irrational, I know.”
“Damn straight It’s irrational,” said Shae. “She’s part of your team!”
“I-I’m aware,” said Parper. “I-I'm sorry.”
Shae sighed, kicking a dark goblin’s side.
“Doesn’t matter now,” said Shae. “There’s a whole forest full of these guys and our healer’s dead. I don’t know how we’re going to do this.”
“You’ll find a way,” said Parper. “I’m certain of it. You always pull through Shae. That’s what you do!”
“I’m not so sure this time,” said Shae. “I’ve never been sure. But now I’m really not sure.”
Parper put a hand on his shoulder.
“We’ll figure it out together,” said Parper. “You’re not alone.”
“I’d better not be,” said Shae. “Wagger’s gone, so stay where I can see you.”
“Of course, Shae,” said Parper. “I’ve always got your back!”
***
Dalli lunged spear-first into the fire demon army.
Like a golf club, he clubbed two.
Like a pool cue, he skewered three.
Like a baseball bat –
“Yessssss,” said the fire wizard, floating in the stormy sky. “You’ll never destroy my minions. They will soon destroy you.”
Dalli attempted a war cry, but it emerged as a weary cry. There were too many fire demons, and not enough Dallis. Mental fatigue crept in. Demon after demon. Stab after stab. Explosion after explosion. Harvesting demons was a monotonous job - a single mistake could get Dalli fired.
He glanced over at Kezzle - the tiny armoroid threw herself into the horde, bowling over several enemies. Fiery forks scraped at her body like hungry dogs seeking stray meat on an empty bone. That was enough for Kezzle - she flapped her wings, perching on a nearby rooftop.
“Yessssss,” said the wizard. “Flee while you can. We will eventually destroy you.”
Kezzle flapped her wings.
“Damn it, Kezzle!” shouted Dalli. “Get down here and help us fight!”
Kezzle flapped her wings.
Dalli snarled - Chief would never abandon her crew like that. She’d take one for the team. Hell, she’d take them all for the team. Banning Chief was a fatal mistake. An apocalyptic mistake. The world needed her right now; Dalli needed her right now. How Dalli longed to see her fight again. Bear witness to those majestic spear swings. Or gawk at her royal ribbons –
Dalli spaced out. Fifty fiery forks descended like vultures upon his inanimate body.
“GRAVITY DOME!!”
A brown energy dome clumped those demons together into a single fireball –
Umi crushed them all with a quadruple elbow drop.
“Hi Dalli!” shouted Umi. “I love it when you space out!”
Dalli spaced back in.
“Where the hell have you been?” asked Dalli.
“Haven stuff!” shouted Umi. “All good now!”
Another fifty fire demons charged forward.
“This is all your fault!” said Dalli. “You aggro’d them!”
“This is the fire wizard’s fault!” shouted Umi. “He summoned them!”
“You never follow orders!” said Dalli.
“I’ll follow orders if you give them, buddy!” shouted Umi.
A swarm of fire demons rudely interrupted their conversation.
“Here’s some damn orders for you,” said Dalli. “Kill them. Kill them all!”
Umi grinned.
“Now you’re speaking my language, buddy!” shouted Umi.
Dalli and Umi released a simultaneous warcry: Dalli was a tenor, and Umi was a baritone - but together, they formed a harmony of destruction. They cut through the crowd like blades across fabric, spear and warhammer mashing heads and spines. Ashes erupted. Sparks geysered. Magma blood oozed across the battlefield, streaking over concrete like rain on a windshield.
“Yessssss,” said the wizard. “Unite while you can. We unite to destroy you.”
Tambien tackled through the demons’ defensive line, watching Dalli and Umi sink into the swarm. Sweat dripped from his visor like a flooding grate, his stubborn armor clanking from his weight.
“Dalli, Umi,” said Tambien. “You must relent! I cannot keep such a pace!”
Bez ran past Tambien.
“Take this, you demon jerks!” yelled Bez.
Bez kicked one demon jerk in the shin, conked another with his microphone, and swiped a third with his tail.
Two demons turned towards him. And then, too many turned towards him.
“Holy snap,” said Bez. “Uh, I don’t suppose any of you would want to be interviewed?”
The fire demons got ready for their close-up –
“FURY STRIKES!!”
Tambien’s lance canceled their debut.
“Stand back, dragonoid squire,” said Tambien. “Fighting is not your forte.”
“But Mister Tambien, I want to help out,” said Bez. “I never get to do anything.”
“Know your role, squire!” said Tambien. “Apothecaries don’t protect; they are protected!”
“I can’t just stand back and watch my friends get hurt!” said Bez.
“Alas, your power is quite literally that,” said Tambien. “Destiny has bequeathed you a gift. You mustn't squander it.”
“I didn’t want this gift,” Bez cried. “You chose to be a cool knight. It’s not fair.”
Tambien fell silent.
“I didn’t choose the path of valor,” said Tambien. “The path of valor chose me.”
Bez gave him an odd look.
SQUEAAAAAK
Tambien glanced down - five rats chomped at his armor.
“Infernal rodents!” said Tambien, stomping them flat. “Why must you insist on antagonizing me?”
Several rats antagonized Bez; Tambien hoisted Bez onto his shoulders.
“Seek higher ground, squire,” said Tambien. “I shall deal with these rodent fiends!”
Tambien lobbed Bez onto a nearby rooftop –
Bez skidded across clay tiles, rolling face-first into Kezzle.
“Oh, uh, hi Miss Kezzle,” said Bez.
Kezzle flapped her wings.
Umi and Dalli howled from somewhere far below.
“Holy snap,” said Bez. “I’m coming! I’ll heal you!”
Bez leapt across rooftops, watching Umi and Dalli bulldoze through the crowd. Their fighting styles were polar opposites: Umi sought savage swings, whie Dalli preferred precise pokes. Yet their movements were perfectly synchronized. For once, the two of them saw eye to eye, even if Umi had four additional eyes.
Umi trampled three demons, staring up towards the floating wizard.
“Dalli, you take the demons!” shouted Umi. “I’ve got the wizard!”
“No!” said Dalli. “Don’t aggro him yet!”
The wizard laughed long and loud.
“Look at him!” shouted Umi. “He looks like he needs a warhammer in his face!”
“He’s taunting us!” said Dalli. “Kill his minions first! We can’t fight everything at once!”
By Umi’s count, there were half as many fire demons now; counting wasn’t Umi’s strong suit.
“Surprise hits are the best hits!” shouted Umi, elbowing a demon’s ribs. “Ledgess will guide my blow!”
“Don’t listen to Ledgess!” shouted Dalli, kicking a demon’s face. “Listen to me! I’m your leader! And I’m giving you an order!”
Umi blinked with all six eyes.
“Please Umi,” said Dalli. “Please listen to me. Just one fucking time!”
Umi put a demon in a headlock, giving Dalli a thumbs up.
“You got it, buddy!” shouted Umi.
Dalli exhaled a long sigh of relief. He was finally taking charge, just like Chief. Chief would be so proud –
Dalli took a flaming fork to the eye.
“Damn it!” yelled Dalli.
“CARE STARE!”
Bez snipe-healed Dalli from a rooftop above.
“Yessssss,” said the wizard. “Heal all you want. We will still destroy you.”
Bez scowled. That wizard wasn’t too far from his position - hardly a stone-throw away.
“Hey, Mister Wizard,” said Bez. “Make fun of my friends one more time! I dare you!”
The fire wizard twirled towards Bez. White lightning streaked past him, lighting up the sky with cubic particles.
“You’re a jerk, and a bully!” said Bez. “My Havencast is anti-bully!”
“Yesssss,” said the wizard. “A bully is a monster’s moniker. I am a monster. A monster that will destroy you.”
“You can’t beat us!” said Bez. “All my viewers will watch us kick your ass!”
The fire wizard floated down, seizing Bez’s microphone in his charcoal hand.
“Yessssss,” said the fire wizard. “I have words for your viewers. Words that will destroy you.”
Bez gasped, staring into the fire wizard’s cowl. Within it was a dark swirling mass of facial features: a nose, a mouth, and bright red eyes, all blending together in a slurry of pasty white cubes. It spiraled like a charcoaled casserole of flesh, funneling into an endless tunnel with no destination.
“You are a pathetic loner, watched by pathetic loners,” said the wizard. “You stream for an audience of no one. No one likes you. No one likes to watch you. You can’t even satisfy your own ego. You were born in obscurity, doomed to obscurity.”
Bez let out a startled cry, struggling to rip his microphone free.
“Your guildmates barely tolerate you,” said the wizard. “They laugh behind your back. Call you names. Call you useless. You’re young. Inexperienced. No good as a warrior. No good as a healer.”
“N-No!” Bez cried, attempting to wrestle free. “P-Please stop! Let go!”
“Your death would be a blessing,” said the fire wizard. “A blessing to your teammates who waste energy on you. And your six havencast viewers who waste their time –”
Bez yanked his microphone free, booting the wizard away.
The wizard whirled in mid-air, settling in a plume of smoke.
Fire Wizard
Every eye on the battlefield turned towards Bez. Every fire demon eye. And every Deadly Skull eye.
Dalli’s eyes opened particularly wide, alight with fear and fury.
“Bez, what did you do?” shouted Dalli. “What did you do!”
“Nice one, buddy!” shouted Umi. “I love it when someone other than me ruins everything!”
The wizard’s spiral face sunk into his cowl.
“Yessssss,” said the fire wizard. “Now I shall destroy you.”
The fire wizard puked lava into his charcoal hand, igniting it in a neon flare.
“No,” Bez whimpered.
Bez screamed as a massive fireball overwhelmed his periphery –
[THE HAVEN]
Bez’s headset ascended like a fighter pilot’s ejection seat.
“W-What?” asked Bez. “W-What the heck?”
His head whipped around his unit, smacking face-first against his desk-mounted mic.
“Ow,” Bez cried. “Gosh darn it!”
“Careful,” said a voice behind him.
Bez whipped his head the other way, smacking into firm yellow armor.
Dane stood beside him like a saffron statue, a solemn expression on his face, and a headset in his hands.
“Mister Danger Face?” asked Bez. “Give that back! Now!”
“No,” said Dane. “And call me Dane.”
Bez made a grab for his headset. Dane raised it like a matador’s cape, spilling Bez across the floor.
“We need to break down your kit,” said Dane. “Help me do it. I don’t know how. I don’t want to break anything.”
“No!” shouted Bez. “Why are you here? Everyone’s in danger!”
“You’re in danger,” said Dane. “The Healer Killer is coming. We need to move you to another unit. Now.”
Bez fell silent. With a quiet nod, he crawled below his desk in search of rogue wires.
“The Healer Killer moves during static breaches,” said Dane. “There’s been a breach. A big one.”
“Holy snap, I can’t believe they sent just one enforcer,” said Bez. “Especially after last time.”
“They didn’t send me,” said Dane. “No one knows I’m here.”
Bez gaped at him.
“I don’t have my weapon either,” said Dane. “We need to hurry –”
“You came back to save me,” Bez interrupted. “You’re risking everything to save me.”
Bez teared up.
“This is more than just a job to you,” said Bez. “You do care about me.”
Bez began to weep.
“People care about me,” said Bez.
Dane gave him a funny look.
“Uh, sure,” said Dane. “Now get moving. We don’t have much –”
KNOCK KNOCK
Dane and Bez froze. Their heads turned towards the unit door.
“Is that –” Bez started.
“It is,” said Dane.
KNOCK KNOCK
Bez chewed his fingernails to stumps.
“What do we do?” asked Bez.
“Depends,” said Dane. “He’ll knock four times. After that, one of two things will happen.”
KNOCK KNOCK
“If we’re lucky, he’ll leave and come back next static breach,” said Dane.
“What if we’re unlucky?” asked Bez.
KNOCK KNOCK
“He’ll knock a fifth time,” said Dane. “That’s when things get bad.”
Dane listened close.
There were several seconds of silence.
And then –
KNOCK KNOCK
Dane winced, forcing Bez to the floor.
“Get below your desk,” said Dane. “Don’t come out until I tell you.”
“What are you going to do, Mister Dane?” asked Bez.
Dane cracked his yellow knuckles.
“Whatever I have to.”