JESSIE : LEVEL 13+4

DAY 272 : H-DAY, SECONDWEEK, AGNI, YEAR 2

FULGORA 4 : PRESENT DUNGEON 1 : EDGE

Okay, I may have fucked up.

Not in where I am or what I’m doing, but more in terms of totally blowing off that Trevor guy earlier in the week.

It’s just that… This dungeon is awesome! And I feel bad that once I leave, Fulgora will crush it the next time she’s over here. At least it’s nestled in a smoking hazard square near the innermost Gaia border, the absolute farthest dungeon I could find from where she likes to devastate the local environment with her zoomies.

Despite its hazard designation, the permanent smokescreen doesn’t give you cancer or anything. There’s just smoke. A lot of smoke. Which, thanks to all my Passives, doesn’t affect me much beyond making my throat a little scratchy. Not that it can penetrate the purple barrier.

So the dungeon is safe. And fun. The best one ever, in fact. My new favorite. The theme is quite simple. Literally everything is a present. An actual, honest-to-God Christmas present. Not that there’s any hint of a tree or a wreathe or any of that. It’s just the green and red wrapping paper giving it all a distinctly denominational vibe.

Unwrap a present, and receive… Something. Could be an Item. Or Equipment. But it’s usually one of three monsters.

Most of the time, that turns out to be four roughly baseball-sized brownish blackish balls all linked together into something like those squiggly cactus things from Mario.

[ MONSTER TARGETED: LIGNIPEDE ]

But sometimes, even the tiniest present could be hiding one of the bigger, longer, blacker versions.

[ MONSTER TARGETED: BITUMINOPEDE ]

Those are equal parts fun and annoying because their six basketball-sized segments break off into their own monsters depending on how you hit them.

[ MONSTER TARGETED: SUB-BITUMINOPEDE ]

But there’s only one boss. In a different, random present every time. Could be right next to the entryway. Could be at the end of the furthest corner of the randomly generated maze of a dungeon.

[ BOSS MONSTER TARGETED: ANTHRACEDE ]

The big one features eight shiny black segments, each the size of a wrecking ball. The texture is kinda scaly, bringing to mind Alchemy-made materials from Brotherhood.

Based on the reputation of Dungeons in the area, I thought these would be hard. And they are. They definitely take more damage than any System-generated monster I’ve fought.

But I’m also hitting way, way, waaay harder than I ever have before. Like, even at base level, I’m doing so much more damage than the math says I should. I haven’t really hit much since I got my Physical Strength to 32. Well, nothing that wasn’t Oneshot. And those two other guys. But maybe… Does the ‘32’ milestone make STAT scaling multiplicative instead of additive?

And wouldn’t that mean… Except it is. I know without even having to think it through. I just moved in the same way so many times and for so long, that I got used to it long before I realized it happened. But I’m way faster than before, Blessing or no. 32 Speed is no joke either.

Or, presumably, Control… But that one’s harder to clock. Especially since I got my breathing stabilized. But, and I’m only now sure I wasn’t imagining it, the same movements are taking less subjective time to perform. And with less required focus. I originally chalked that up to getting eight years of practice in a day. A performance boost is only to be expected from doing the same monotonous thing more times than I can count. But it’s more than that. So, so much more.

And if I’m never gonna get there with Defense… Wow. I really am growing into a glass cannon, huh? Tissue paper cannon… Electric tissue paper cannon… That’s actually kinda badass though. Oh my god, I just made myself blush. What the fuck is wrong with-

That’s when the present I’m unwrapping BURSTS, throwing me all the way across the room to reveal… What in the fuck is that even… A pile of transparent boulders?

[ SECRET MONSTER TARGETED: DIAMAPEDE ]

Huh… Well alright. Imma hit it with my sword.

But it’s dragging itself all around the room. Thank god you have to actually unwrap these things, or I’d get swarmed with coal-themed centipedes right… OH. It’s a diamond one! Duh… Oh shit I bet this one drops money. Or maybe a diamond katana? Probably not… But a bitch can dream.

“Fucking… DRAW!!!”

[ COMMON ACTION: IAI QUICKDRAW — INTENSITY: 321% ]

[ POWER BLESSING: LIGHTNING BLADE — INTENSITY: 321% ]

[ RARE TOGGLE ON: EXTEND-O-SWORD — INTENSITY: 321% ]

The lengthening brightblade roils with lightning as I SLAM it into the diamond Onyx.

Oooh… So that’s what they remind me of… “AGAIN!!!”

[ POWER BLESSING: LIGHTNING BLADE — INTENSITY: 304% ]

It’s been bugging me all week. “AGAIN!!!”

[ POWER BLESSING: LIGHTNING BLADE — INTENSITY: 278% ]

But now… Something’s still bothering me, isn’t it? “AGAIN!!!”

[ POWER BLESSING: LIGHTNING BLADE — INTENSITY: 220% ]

“A-go.”

[ MOVEMENT BLESSING: SURGE ]

[ RARE TOGGLE OFF: EXTEND-O-SWORD ]

Shaking my head, I zip across the room, resheathe my blade, and cash in some damage before this thing rolls me over.

[ IAI QUICKDRAW BONUS DAMAGE: 1,065 ]

Damn. This thing’s got some crazy Defense, huh? Again, nowhere near the guys I’ve been hitting lately, but… Damn it, this is so fucking frustrating! How many times have I tried now? But I still can’t get my Intensity past the 300s. It may only be thanks to all the time I need between moments to think about what I just said. But I do. I think about it very hard.

And that’s when it hits me. What’s been bothering me all along. It was so obvious. Why have I never thought of it before?

But I have. It’s been in the back of my head every time I yelled and swung my sword. And I’ve always dismissed it because… It’s just so cringy. Except… Isn’t that a trap? How many times have I learned this lesson? Never in so many words, but… Say what’s in your heart. Even knowing most will cringe. That all of them might.

And so what do you do? Stop? Step back? No. The only place to step is right on their faces as you go even harder to spite them.

Perhaps not the truest secret to ultimate intensity. But… Who cares? Everybody hates me. I’m a bitch, right? So guess what? Fuck them. They can just go ahead and put up with me being one. Wear the kamui. Don’t get worn by it. Just… Let it go.

Determined not to let the shiny Onyx’s judgment stop me, my stomach roils as I get ready to finally, finally say it. “Fuck.”

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[ COMMON ACTION: IAI QUICKDRAW — INTENSITY: 262% ]

[ POWER BLESSING: LIGHTNING BLADE — INTENSITY: 262% ]

[ RARE TOGGLE ON: EXTEND-O-SWORD — INTENSITY: 262% ]

Oh, is that the best I’ve got? I feel like I’m blushing. I… Can’t let it go, can I?

Then don’t let it go. “Fuck!”

[ POWER BLESSING: LIGHTNING BLADE — INTENSITY: 427% ]

Embrace the cringe! “FUCK!!!”

[ POWER BLESSING: LIGHTNING BLADE — INTENSITY: 686% ]

USE IT AS FUEL!!! “FUCK!!!”

[ POWER BLESSING: LIGHTNING BLADE — INTENSITY: 759% ]

GRAB IT BY THE BALLS AND TUG!!! “FUCK!!!”

[ POWER BLESSING: LIGHTNING BLADE — INTENSITY: 801% ]

“F-” Oops, Shiny Onyx is headed for me again and looking waaay more pissed off this time. “Go.”

[ MOVEMENT BLESSING: SURGE ]

[ RARE TOGGLE OFF: EXTEND-O-SWORD ]

[ IAI QUICKDRAW BONUS DAMAGE: 3,927 ]

Even taking the additional hit into account… It seems the power of ‘fuck’ is not to be underestimated. Saying it, and meaning it, is… Ironically the most righteous thing I’ve ever felt. Even the residual defiant leftovers from yelling it worked to power up the next time. It felt downright… ‘Orgasmic’? That word feels as right as it does wrong.

But even without my newly re-boosted damage, this thing has no chance of hitting me. Which makes this the perfect opportunity to test something I’ve been meaning to verify.

I don’t unsheathe again. Instead, I wait. And prepare. And psyche myself up for… “Draw.”

As my lengthening katana shows its edge, my stomach tightens at a pace with the cringe welling up.

Then diamond boulder meets blade.

Teleporting behind the half-coiled crystal snake, I let my stomach turn until I can’t take it anymore. “FUCK!!!”

My sword ERUPTS with lightning, even as it shrinks.

I slam it home.

The secret monster disappears in a pillar of lightning. Like a mini version of what happened the last time I used my other sword. So that confirms it. Resheathing with the Blessing active applies its bonus to the total. Even stuff that wasn’t empowered in the first place. Woah… That’s a little fucked up.

And, it’s just… Yelling AFTER the counter? Feels so weird. Not intuitive at all. But so cathartic. And the rush of adrenaline… Not only was that beyond fun, but so very far beyond that I’m honestly ashamed of not trying it sooner. Not to mention that Intensity-boosting adrenaline rushes happen to synergize excessively well with my build.

I know why, of course. It’s a delay. An opening. The moment between the yell and the sheathe… Complete and utter vulnerability. Right up until I slam the door shut on their lives. The door I hold in my hands. The right side, a sword. The left, a sheath. And between… The blade itself. As I close the door, it shrinks. And shuts. And ends. ‘Orgasmic’ is the least of how that moment feels. And lucky me. I can make moments feel much, much longer.

Oooh, this is bad. I think I might become addicted.

Eventually, the yellow light settles and the crystal snake re-appears, distinctly worse for the wear. In fact, it’s totally… Eviscerated? Or maybe just separated. Except now, each of the boulders are rolling around all on their own.

[ MONSTER TARGETED: CUT DIAMAPEDE ]

I hurry to take them out.

But after all that, they each die in one hit. Not so much ‘die’ as shatter to pieces and drop… No items at all. Bummer.

But my sour feelings are ameliorated by the 8,192 JSD auto-looted from each as I burst them apart. I wish I could just farm these. I’d get out of here in no time that way. But that was the first time I found a Diamond Onyx in… How many runs? Something like 100 per day for three days now… No, in the grand scheme, this chance encounter barely made a dent. Still… A payday is a payday.

Actually, couldn’t this pay off my pending Darkblade by itself? I could buy it outright with just the payout from this one Monster. But that’d just reset my Path Quest progress. And for what? I still can’t go back to Outset.

But, through my souring mood at the unpleasant memory, something new drops from the final shiny boulder.

[ LEGENDARY PICKAXE: DIAMOND — WEAPON ART: DOUBLE DROPS FROM ORE DEPOSITS WHILE EQUIPPED ]

That’s it..? What the fuck do I need a pickaxe for? I can cut into any rock or metal or even diamond like a hot knife through butter with 40 effective Strength. Also… There’s mining in this? Since when?

I can’t recall ever seeing a single ore deposit or spawnpoint or whatever this entire last year. Or is it like real life mining? Could I mine up and out of the ceiling? What would happen if I did? Would I just exit the dungeon? And then what if I didn’t stop? What if I kept going up? I can do that now. So what’s to stop me from going all the way up there to the top planet or whatever, right the fuck now?

That sticks in my mind throughout opening the next dozens or hundreds or however many uneventful presents before I manage to find the boss.

Beating up the sorely lacking Anthracede, I cast another vote not to destroy the dungeon. But I don’t re-enter right away like I’ve been doing all week.

Instead, I look up. Towards the sky. I can breathe in a vacuum, can’t I..?

Almost shaking with excitement, I grip my stolen gauntlet. “Go.”

I rise straight up. Further. A mile off the ground. Two. Ten.

But then I spot Fulgora already trotting over to where I’ve been all week. Is she gonna crush the dungeon? All the way down… There. Like the view from that plane. Only so, so much more. And just like the city lights… Wait, is that a town?

I stop. “Go.”

Seconds later, I land in the town on the edge of a relatively normal octagon bordering the smoky square.

[ WELCOME TO FULGORA184D5 ]

[ ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED - SECRET MONSTER: DISCOVER AND DEFEAT A DUNGEON’S SECRET MONSTER — REWARD: INCREASED DROP RATE IN DUNGEONS WHERE YOU HAVE DEFEATED A SECRET MONSTER — XP: 512 ]

Huh… I kinda hoped I’d get more achievements after all that. Ah well. My respawn location is set, right?

Hm… “Go.”

Once more, I rocket upwards. Back to the ten mile mark. Thirty.

Fulgora doesn’t move for the dungeon though. She looks like she wants to. Almost seems to be sulking.

So I keep going. A hundred miles. Two. More.

Ever closer to the line that only grows clearer as I approach. A distinct barrier between air above, and air below.

I gleefully cross it and prepare to inhale my first taste of vacuum.

[ YOU DIED — XP DEBT: 131,072 — RESPAWN DELAY: 8 HOURS ]

I… What? What killed me? Even within slowed time, and I WAS slowing time, so I should’ve at least sensed… But I didn’t. I was alive, and then I was dead. With no space inbetween…

Eight hours later, I spawn back in the town that same instant. The totally empty, desolate town. Uninhabited. Abandoned, even. Like a shopping mall long after all the stores moved out. But it seems to start with default System features. Like a spawnpoint. And a train station. One that a train just pulled into. So… That thing is functional, isn’t it? No workers or officials or anything at all…

That gives me an idea… What was that guy’s name? I thought it was Trevor, but that seems wrong. Fuck. Does Heaven not have some kind of recent players thing-“GAH!!!”

Oh. There’s no list of people I ran into, but there are pending friend requests. A bunch of them. Like, a lot.

I don’t know fucking ANY of these people. Except the last one. The only one I accept.

[ PRIVATE / TRAVIS / JESSIE: HI ]

[ PRIVATE / TRAVIS / TRAVIS: HELLO THERE! BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING, HOW ABOUT 2000 PER DAY? I’D OFFER MORE, BUT THAT REALLY IS THE MOST WE CAN AFFORD ]

I don’t know about that… If his team or whatever could find one Diamopede per week, I’d be fine just sitting there in exchange for the money from that. But I have a better idea.

[ PRIVATE / TRAVIS / JESSIE: WELL, I DID SPAWN A DUNGEON ]

[ TEAM INVITE: TRAVIS ]

[ TEAM JOINED ]

[ TEAM / TRAVIS: MIND IF I TELEPORT TO YOU? ]

[ TEAM / JESSIE: IT’LL RESET YOUR SPAWNPOINT ]

[ TEAM / THE RIZZLER: EXPLAIN ]

[ TEAM / JESSIE: JUST A THING THAT HAPPENS IN TOWNS ]

I don’t get any more messages after that.

So I opt to hurry this along.

[ TEAM / JESSIE: I’M RIGHT IN FRONT OF A FUNCTIONAL TRAIN STATION ]

Seven people teleport right next to me.

Spotting me, spotting the station, and spotting Fulgora, the girl closest to Travis falls to her knees. “Oh my god…” She bursts into tears.

Travis turns to me with a warm smile. I feel like he’s about to clap me on the shoulder.

But then he wraps me in a hug.

A little nonplussed, I just let it happen. I really thought I’d need to explain what I found. But I guess they thought of it too?

Eventually breaking free of the hug, I get straight to the point. “So how much JSD you guys got?”

[ KICKED FROM TEAM ]