JESSIE : LEVEL 4

DAY 10 : B-DAY, SECONDWEEK, AGNI, YEAR 1

TOWN OF ALL BEGINNINGS 8 : ROSENHOLD INN 1 : TON OF BRICKS

At some point, despite all my senses performing better than they ever have, I wake up in a groggy haze. It isn’t a good day. Although my mood is lifted a bit with the realization that I at least didn’t dream of that shitty game for once. I didn’t dream of anything, in fact. I just collapsed into bed at the inn. And then I stayed there until Now-O-Clock or so… I can’t be bothered with the time. Instead, I just barely hang on as the world crashes down around me.

I remember the home I’ve been subconsciously avoiding. There was a room in that home. A bed in that room. And a desk next to the bed. The picture frame on the desk. The photo inside. The one of my brother. He was always there. And then he was gone. He’s still gone. And I don’t know if he’ll ever be back. I tried to fill the hole he left. With leveling up. With finding a weapon. With revenge. All sorts of distractions. And it worked. Right up until I stopped moving. Stopped having somewhere to be. Or at least stopped having the energy to run straight there. One way or another, I ran out of steam.

So here I am. Nothing to do but think. And laugh a little. Cry a lot… Not that I don’t try to distract myself with other thoughts. But no. As much as I’d prefer to plan for the future, or check the time, or anything at all, I only slip further and further into the photo. I don’t have it now, of course. But I remember it perfectly. How could I not? I stared at it so often. I remember that perfectly, too. Too perfectly, even. Everything that went through my head that whole morning. And for the rest of the final day.

All that I did. More that I didn't do. Could've done… Should've… I feel myself spiraling. I’ve tried fighting that plenty. It doesn’t help. Only makes the spiral last longer. Only makes it hurt more. So this time, I just let it happen. It doesn’t feel like it was all over a week ago. Not even like it was yesterday. It doesn’t even seem like it’s been a full minute. It’s never stopped feeling like that since it happened. I tried to escape it. But I can’t. That’s clear to me now. Clearer than anything I’ve ever known. It clarifies itself further by the second.

I wake up again sometime later. I don’t remember falling asleep. But I have other things to obsess over. Like… Is my brother really gone? Am I sure he isn’t here? Of course he’s a hero, that was never in question. But is he here? If so, for how long? And when did Mich arrive? Steven implied a week… I should just ask him. But will I? I want to. Don’t I have to? Can he ever forgive me? Hell, should I even forgive me? Was saving James really ‘heroic’? I mean I’m here… And isn’t that hard proof in and of itself?

But I had nothing to lose. That made the choice easy. Die and save James… Or don’t and die anyway. I had, what, a minute before I bled out? Two? Even two minutes sounds unrealistic. It wasn’t really even a decision at all. Any random idiot would’ve done the same. I did feel something snap right before the end though… This shitty-ass selectively amazing memory of mine doesn’t leave any doubt that I did irreparable damage to something important. If not for that, would I have died later enough to be saved? By Who? They would have to have been right there to reach me in time. But should I have waited anyway?

No. Not in a million years. That, at least, I’m sure of. In no small part because of how I’m literally in Heaven right now. But I couldn’t have known I would be. I definitely didn’t. Right? Fuck, it’s not like I never thought about what happens after you die. And so what? So what if I wasn’t a hero? So what if I was? I’m here now. So what’s to stop me from just being a hero now? What’s to stop me from doing anything now? Death? Been there, done that. Three times, actually. Four if you count that first one. And why wouldn’t you count the first one? If anything, that’s the only one that should count. And what if none of them do? “So the fuck what? I’m here. Now. Why shouldn’t I do precisely whatever the fuck I want?” But what do I want? Immediately answering my own question, I fall back asleep. Only, on purpose this time.

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Jessica the Racist Human Stone Kicker belatedly remembered that she was in the middle of touring the local sects. First, she went to The Red Wildcats Sect and demonstrated her prowess in kicking stones. There, she met an old uncle who had been working all his life for a third breakthrough. She chose to bestow some of her precious advice on the man.

The shirohige fell to his knees in gratitude. “Oooh! Just Do It FASTER! I never thought of that!” And he immediately advanced right in front of her as she frowned in satisfaction.

Then the stone kicker visited The Blue Dodgers Sect. But it turned out to all be a clever ruse. Before she knew it, the racist was challenged by The Blue Dodgers Sect’s own resident Stone Kicker.

The Dodgers were very vocal about their doubt of Jessica’s talent. But they were all proven as fools and died a thousand deaths of embarrassment at her hands when it turned out she’d cultivated a higher level than them.

Frowning in approval, the human began her journey to the far-off Green Seahawks Sect. But on her way there, she tripped over a pipe.

Yawning, I don’t bother with the clock this time either. Instead, I get right to work doing some much-needed cleanup of my system menus. The whole thing is so clunky. And how do I even know what I can do? How do I show all options..? “Ack!”

Blotting out the entirety of existence, my vision is now completely cluttered with menus on top of menus next to menus under menus. They’re all transparent. But layered on top of each other like this, the result is a mostly-opaque mush. Can I minimize them into icons? But just as I think it, it happens. Well, I suppose that’s technically ‘better’. But now, my vision is just as blocked by as many icons as there were menus a moment ago. Each is individually smaller and less in the way. But I still can’t see shit. Now what..?

I slap my forehead. “Folders, duh!” Now let’s see… All of these can go into ‘Settings’. STAT, CLASS, CRAFT, and all those kinds of acronyms can go into ‘Build’. Skills can be its own thing and all my skills can go into there, organized by… Type? Or maybe rarity? Level? That’s a thing? I’ll have to remember that… Equipment can go here, non-equipment items can go there… Actually, katanas can have their own folder. And these go here and those go there. “Hm…”

I feel like Skills should be more visible. Split those up into main folders for ‘Action’, ‘Toggle’, ‘Passive’. I never looked at it, but Auto-Loot really is my only passive, isn’t it? Actually, let’s put all the actions in the ‘Blessings’ folder and rename it ‘actions’ since blessings just seem like actions, and… And Passives work constantly, forever, and for free. The fuck am I even doing with only one? I do still have that Skill Point… And I just so happen to be of a mind to make my life just a little easier, right now. Yeah, that sounds good.

I then spend even-I-don’t-know-how-long-because-I-still-refuse-to-check-a-clock browsing all my Skill options. I’m quickly reminded that Common passives don’t tend to do much of anything combat-wise. Elemental breathing seems interesting. But that’s really just a 12.5% magic damage boost. Definitely a thing to pick up, but not quite what I had in mind just now. A lot of the core passives seem like they’ll make life easier, though. Which absolutely is what I had in mind just now.

And then I see the one. The vital one. The one that now that I know it exists, I can’t live without. I refuse to.

[ COMMON CORE PASSIVE GAINED: CENTRAL AIR — EFFECT: TO YOUR SENSES, YOU ARE IN AN AIR CONDITIONED ROOM. INCLUDES ADVANCED SETTINGS FOR CUSTOMIZING PERSONAL BODY TEMPERATURE, HUMIDITY, ETC — NOTE: THIS DOES NOT AFFECT OPPOSITIONAL OR ENVIRONMENTAL DAMAGE OR DEBUFFS ]

I feel a grin spread across my face as the Uncommon Skill options open back up. In fact, there’s more than ever. Not just Core skills, either. Looks like every Uncommon in my CLASS and CRAFT just unlocked. The ones without prerequisites, anyway. Which raises the question. “How the fuck does this shit work?”

To the total lack of an answer in a once again visible, nonetheless empty room, I can only follow it up with a sigh. As though on cue, my new personal air conditioning kicks in.

I sigh again, but differently. “Oh my god…” I fall back asleep with an ear-to-ear grin. More comfortable than I can ever remember being.