JESSIE : LEVEL 2
DAY 6 : F-DAY, FIRSTWEEK, AGNI, YEAR 1
TOWN OF ALL BEGINNINGS 3 : GON BRANCH 2 : ERRANDS
I can’t help how awkwardly I walk through the door. Maybe if I didn’t just stand in the entrance… Or if I wasn’t the only other person in sight so that the lady behind the podium had something to look at besides me. But neither of those things seem to be in my control as a desire to apologize and then get the fuck out of here fights to an inevitable stalemate with a roughly equal desire to just get the fuck out of here and skip the apology.
But a few minutes into my self-imposed wait, some guy bursts into the building behind me. He’s not the same ‘some guy’ as before. Although you couldn’t tell by the way this one doesn’t acknowledge my existence either. Nor that of Podium-Lady. Instead, he runs straight for a wide curtain hanging behind and to the left of the lady’s podium. With a rough but enthusiastic flourish, he rips his way through the curtain, not even remotely breaking stride as he steps across the threshold. At which point, he promptly disappears in a shimmering flash of white feathers.
I can just barely make out a blurry writhing mass behind the fluttering curtain before it settles down, once more hiding whatever’s going on back there. I am very, very okay with that.
The lady seems to groan her way through a sudden migraine behind the podium. But in short order, she lifts the face from off her palm, already plastered with a determinedly friendly expression as she repurposes that same palm to wave at me.
No less awkwardly than I was standing, I take my sweet time shuffling over there, only getting more awkward with each passing second. “Um… Hi there…”
“And hello yourself, ma’am. I take it this is your first time here?”
“Yes. I mean no. I mean kind of. I mean I’m not really ‘here’… I mean… I just came in to apologize.”
The receptionist cocks her head. “Oh? And what would you ever need to apologize for? You can call me Darline, by the way.”
“I kinda… Showered your customers with my puke. And blood. Aaand the rest of my body, too. Although I was in chunks at the time, so…”
Darline’s face goes blank. “Uh-huh… So that was you, was it?”
“Y-yeah… Again, sorry.”
“Oh, That’s alri-” She grimaces. “Er, that is, it’s certainly not ‘alright’. But the apology does help. Honestly, I’m surprised you’re here at all after the show you gave our guests. Let alone with an apology.”
I shrink into myself a bit. Didn’t think I’d show my face around here again, did she? “That’s fair… Can’t say I wasn’t tempted to just avoid this place like the plague.”
Darline shakes her head. “No, that’s not what I meant. I thought the Mods would’ve snatched you up. They’re extra responsive around these starting zones, you know. Unfortunately, the Venn diagram of assholes and heroes is far from two separate circles. And the assholes generally start assholing sooner rather than later. Which is fine. You can be an asshole. Just not sexually. And you… Looked like a pretty big sexual asshole from where I was standing at the time.” She shrugs. “Which is here, to be fair. I didn’t actually see what you did. Only the aftermath.”
“Y-yeah… I get it. Unwilling as I was in that whole mess, I still made it. I… Actually, hold on. Something’s really bothering me. What happened with that guy a minute ago? He kinda just ran in and vanished. Also there were… Feathers? That can’t be normal, right?”
“I wouldn’t exactly call it ‘normal’. But it does happen. Actually, it’s a prime example of what I thought happened to you. As for the guy, I haven’t seen him do that before. A good thing, too. He probably heard what this place was, got excited, and didn’t give much thought to the admissions process. I imagine he’s getting a very stern talking to from a Mod right now. Or, if he did do it before, what he’s getting is far less pleasant than that.”
I blink. “What? They already… They responded that fast?”
“As a matter of fact, they responded instantly. Or did you think those feathers were his doing?”
“So how did The Admins know exactly when he did it?”
Darline just shrugs. “Hell if I know. Probably some monitoring thing they have. Far as I can tell, they’re aware of those types of violations before they start. Like that last guy. The mods only snatched him up once he’d barged into the private area. But I’d wager they knew what he was gonna do before he even came in the building. Maybe before he even knew it himself.”
“That seems… The word ‘unassailable’ comes to mind… So then are sexual predators just not even a thing here?”
“It isn’t called ‘heaven’ just because we all have halos.”
“But we don’t have halos. Unless… Are the halos invisible? Or do you have to unlock them? What do they do?”
Darline chuckles. “Halos aren’t a thing. Well, they technically kind of are… But things like that are really more of a fashion statement than anything. Anyway, yeah. You might experience some unwelcome brushing of hands and things. Which you can, and should deter. But in all the time I’ve lived here, I’ve never heard of a single case of forced penetration. Ever.”
My eyes widen and discomfort mounts as I scramble to backtrack the conversation. “So what’s up with that whole admissions process, then? Sounds like I should do it just to cover my bases and steer clear of mods altogether. Especially seeing as I’ve met three people so far in this world, and two of them have made it a point to warn me away from pissing off the mods. Or admins? Is there a difference, by the way? Or is it just two words for the same thing? Like ‘cops’ and ‘police’?”
“Not quite. It’s pretty simple though. The Admins are the overall organization. For lack of a better job description, they run the whole world. The Mods are a specific branch within the Admins. They deal with people who violate certain strictures. In a word? They moderate. If The Order of Admins is an overarching government, then the Mods are their police. Or cops. Only with more power. So really more like soldiers in a perpetual, albeit lax state of martial law. And Speaking of… How old are you, exactly?”
Another person snooping about my age? Second of the three people I’ve met to do that now, too… But at least it’s an actual question this time instead of an assumption…
“I’m sixt-” Wait, how could it possibly matter? Didn’t Sennefer say he was several millennia old or something? “Hold on, aren’t we all immortal now? What does age even mean anymore?”
Darline leans forward on her podium with a sigh. “Okay, look… Blood and gore and vomit aside, you seem cool. And you haven’t even been inching towards that curtain while we’ve been talking or anything. So, I have a mind to let it slide. That said, we do still recognize the age of consent. That’s eighteen. Not to everyone who comes through here, but definitely enough to where that’s the cutoff. We have different groups for different people. But even if you’re immortal, no one here would consent to sex with anyone underage. Strictly speaking, neither can you. Not yet, anyway. Whether you want it or not, it’s rape in our eyes. And that of the mods, by the way. But here…” She hands me a token.
Seems kinda hypocritical to me. But I’m still in the camp of getting the fuck out of here and never coming back, so… “Alright, yeah… And what do I do with the coin?”
“Put it in your inventory, of course.”
“What do you mean by ‘inventory-’” But as soon as I say the word, a system window appears in my view with a single entry.
[ ALL ITEMS ]
[ E - COMMON ACCESSORY: RIPPED BLANKET ]
Briefly wondering whether I can get chlamydia via the menu system, but far more interested in leaving, I try to take it.
[ ITEM GAINED: G.O.N. ENTRY TOKEN ]
Upon willing it to be added, the token immediately disappears, only to double the number of items in my list, for a grand total of two things I own in the whole world. I really gotta get more stuff…
Having observed me do that, Darline goes into an obviously rehearsed spiel. “Now, don’t come back here until after your eighteenth birthday. At that time, the token will let you in. You can throw it away if you want. But it’s very important that you not show up if you don’t have it anymore. Since I’m warning you now, it will mean instant action from the Mods if you do otherwise. I recommend you keep it stored away and just forget about it for a couple years. The token will allow you into any of our orgies. But no pressure to join. Everyone here will be perfectly happy with or without you. Just ever so slightly less happy without. The more the merrier, after all. Just make sure you don’t give it to anyone. If you’d rather get rid of it, then use your System Menus to ‘disassemble’ instead of ‘drop’.”
I stare at the token’s inventory entry like it’s a rattlesnake. “Yyyeah… Sorry. I’m really not interested in this place. I just came in here to apologize.”
“Again, feel free to destroy the token if you don’t want it. Let’s just keep it on the wheel, okay?”
“Wheel? There’s a wheel?”
“No, there isn’t a literal wheel. It’s just an expression.”
“If you say so… Anyway, um… Bye.” Spotting my first real egress opportunity, I stiffly turn around and walk out of the building.
Darline waves after me. “Y’all come back now, ya hear?”
Exiting the hellhole, I find that the sun somehow managed to rise fully into the sky while I was in there. Blinking at that, my eyes hurt.
[ HP: 255/256 ]
Ow. Lowering my gaze from the sun, I just as absent-mindedly wander the town for a bit while I emotionally recover from how completely out of my comfort zone that was. While I walk, I happen to flip through my active quests and onto the vengeance one.
[ HERO TARGETED: ONESHOT ]
What? My head snaps to the direction of a tiny dot in the middle of a multi-level coffee shop where all my instincts tell me is the most important thing in the world. Oh fuck, he’s in the second floor of that cafe?
But no. It only takes me walking a few more steps parallel with the shop to realize the truth.
He’s far away. Really far. Impossibly so, in fact. How did he even get all the way over there since yesterday?
Sighing in relief, I deselect the vengeance quest, trying to put him out of my mind for now. Not like I stand a chance, anyway. Probably not anytime soon, either. But eventually…
In a jolt, I realize I’m just sort of standing in front of a fruit stand. Ignoring the fruit seller’s welcoming expression to shoot him a self-deprecating look, I engage my patented tunnel vision straight for what I discovered on my walk is the only specialty weapon shop in town. It’s a far more ostentatious, if far smaller property than the orgy one, sandwiched snugly between some sort of souvenir store and a literal sandwich shop.
Stepping through the door, I’m immediately more comfortable in this place than I ever got in that last one. If I really can’t get a katana, I at least need a sword with a sheath. Something that’ll let me activate my one and only combat skill. If for no other reason than it’s too depressing not to be able to even use it. Goal firmly in mind for once, I walk confidently up to the nearest employee.
The blue-skinned man seems to unfocus his eyes from the middle distance to instead point them at me. “Welcome to The Plot Armory. How may I help you?”
I get right to the point. “I’m looking for a-” Or at least that was the plan. “Wait, seriously? That’s what this store is called?” I couldn’t read the sign above the shop because the letters all seemed to be in the middle of a battle royale or something. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t actually read it with a bunch of them being upside down, in the wrong order, or otherwise scattered everywhere.
The clerk’s smile twitches, but he doesn’t otherwise react to the dumbness of my question. “Sure is. Will that be all?”
I can’t help a chuckle at the masterfully subtle burn. “So, I’m looking for a sword…”
The clerk leans forward encouragingly.
I take the hint. “A katana if you’ve got one.”
The clerk leans further forward.
“With like… Magic stuff on it, I guess? I don’t actually know how that all works. But I’d love to learn.”
The clerk leans in fully and whispers in my ear. “Sorry, I’m new. I really don’t know what I’m doing yet.”
I deflate, sigh, And wordlessly walk over to the other man standing behind the counter.
The new hire projects a frantic whisper as I move past him. “Please don’t tell my boss.”
With far less confidence than I walked in with, I approach the counter. “Hi there. I’m looking for, um… A sword?”
The man I assume to be the new kid’s boss beams at me, not letting on that he’d overheard any of my previously unhushed conversation in the relatively small store with no other customers. “Then I daresay you’ve come to the right place. What kind of sword would you like?”
“I mean… I’ll take a katana if you’ve got one. But I heard there’s a shortage of those around here. What do you have in the way of swords with, like, a sheath?”
“A ‘Sheath’..? Yes, I see… Well, as a matter of fact, we do have one katana for sale.” He gestures to the center of the shop at a layered display case full of ornate weaponry. “As a matter of fact, it’s one of our coveted Investment Armaments.”
Practically salivating, I take in the case for the first time, only to realize my face is practically pressed up against it. As soon as I notice that’s what I’m doing, I jerk back in a vain attempt to hide the fact. Then I hurriedly try to remember what a katana looks like in a last-ditch attempt not to come off like a gibbering idiot. Fortunately, I dodge that eventuality by spotting the ornate katana right away. It’s unmistakable after all, calling to me as it is.
[ MYTHIC KATANA: DARK BLACK DARKBLADE OF BLACKING DARKNESS ]
Unfortunately, I prove it to have been a true eventuality as I unthinkingly reach out to touch the katana and, finger meeting the glass of the display case, it zaps me. “Ow!”
[ HP: 255/256 ]
Having come from behind the counter at some point, the salesman clears his throat through a grin he fails to fully suppress. “No touching, if you please.”
“I um… Sorry… So how much is this?”
He doesn’t miss a step. “That would be $32,768.”
My jaw slackens. “Thirty thousand… Wait, this place runs on dollars?”
“Dinero, actually. And I take it from your question, that you are… Shall we say, ‘new in town’?”
My grimace feels as awkward as I do. “You could say that, yeah.”
“And how much do you have left from your starting funds? Or have you perhaps earned more?”
I freeze in place. “Starting funds?”
The clerk’s eyes widen. “Oh my… You are new, aren’t you? Well, then…” Straightening his posture, he looks as though seeing me for the first time. “This is, what, your first stop since arriving here in Outset?”
I look down in a vain attempt to hide a sudden blush. “Second… Third technically. But this is my first actual store. Definitely the first place I’ve gone with any thoughts of spending money.” Not that I even knew what the currency was… I guess I really didn’t have much of a plan, did I?
Thankfully, the store owner doesn’t seem to notice my implied blunder. “You… Are quite invested in your CLASS, aren’t you?”
I try to make my extended silence not be taken as the sheer ignorance it is. “I mean… Yes? Isn’t everyone?”
He belts out the start of a derisive laugh before clearly catching himself. “Hah! That is… If only it were so. Time was, this shop would be full of people just like you. But now look at it. The next best thing to empty.”
I look pointedly around the still-customer-less premises. “Yeah, I was wondering about that.”
“Tell me, young miss… Where are you going after this?”
“I was gonna stop by the quest hall and look for a nearby dungeon that drops katanas. I just figured I’d check out this place first to see if I could get one to start with.”
“Oh? Well, when you get there, take a good look. You’ll see exactly what most people are up to these days. But not you, though. I can tell. You’re in this for the long haul, aren’t you?”
“What? I mean yes? I did just get here. But if you mean leveling up and getting stronger and stuff, then yeah, that’s the plan. Not like I have anything else going on. And besides, I do kinda want more and better superpowers.”
The man lets out a gentile chuckle. “Depressingly few Heroes think of it that way. Especially these days.” He gives his hands a decisive clap, seeming to be legitimately excited for the first time since I walked in. “Alright. I’m of a mind to jump-start you on your journey. So how about this? We’ll set up a payment plan. Here and now, I’ll take our singular, Mythic katana off of display, and store it in the back. You, and you alone, will have exclusive purchasing rights. Today, if you give me $96 of your $128 starting funds. We can use that as the first of 24 monthly payments over the next three years.”
If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.
He clears his throat. “Now, a 24th of $32,768 is $1,365. That’s what you’ll be paying next month, and each month after that, for 23 months total. Now I know what you’re thinking. $1,365 is a hell of a lot more than the $96 you’d be giving me today. Taking that into account, you’re getting a $1,269 discount off the total price. And tell you what… I’ll even throw in a free longsword to get you going. It’s not quite a katana. It’s straight instead of curved, you see. But it has a very similar weight, length, and even comes with its own scabbard. Unless I miss my guess, that should suit your needs until you can find your first katana, yes? Now how does that sound for a deal?”
I try not to make it obvious just how tempting that is. I was thinking more along the lines of a falchion… But he makes a compelling point about the overall form factor being comparable to what I actually want, despite the lack of a curve. “One thing though. Like you said, I just got here. To the town… The world… The whole thing.” Seeing his expression lose some of its luster at my less-than-enthusiastic reaction to his sales pitch, I hurry to voice my concern. “You’re right. I am in it for the long haul. And I do want that katana. But I need to survive, you know? You’re asking me to give you nearly all my money, which would leave me with nothing but $32, a ripped blanket, and an orgy token to my name.”
His face gradually brightens back up as I speak, twitching at the last bit before quickly moving past it. “$32 can get you food and lodging for a whole month here in town. And don’t forget the longsword you’re getting as a bonus. If you go out there and get started with dungeons and quests and monsters and things, you’ll earn all that back and then some. Most people take their sweet time and wade into the water, only eventually taking anything resembling a plunge. I wouldn’t offer them this deal. It would even be irresponsible of me to do so. But I’ve got a feeling about you. It’s telling me that you’re looking to dive right into the deep end. Do that, and you can easily make all your money back today.”
I hedge, having spotted a potential loophole. “So let’s say, hypothetically, that I go through with this. What if I miss a payment? Would I just lose all the money I paid into it?”
“Oh, nothing of the sort. Missing a payment only means you get a strike. Three strikes, and interest starts adding for each additional month that passes with a missed payment. This is equivalent to half a payment’s-worth of interest for each payment missed. So, at worst, two months missed means you’ll eventually have to make one more payment before all is said and done. And, of course, if you so choose, you can pay it off in full at any time.”
He waggles a playful finger in warning. “Just remember to come and pick up your new katana within a year of paying off the remaining balance. After one year of being owned but not added to an owner’s inventory, The System automatically considers a weapon, or any item for that matter, to be abandoned by said owner. And, as it would then exist, unowned, on this property, the owner of the property would once again become the owner of the item. Again, this is automatic and we can’t do anything about it.”
“But it’s still mine if I get back here ten months after I pay it off?”
“Well… That is… No.”
I knew this was too good to be true. “Woah, woah, hold on. You just said I had a year. What happened to that?”
He waves his hands in negation. “Wait a minute. You would be recently from Earth, yes?”
“Y-yeah..?”
“That being the case, can I take it that you understand a year as being twelve months long?”
“What? Yeah, obviously.” This better have a point…
“In Heaven, there are eight.”
“Eight? Eight what?”
“Months.”
“In… Wait, you mean there’s only eight months per year?”
The salesman nods. “But if it makes you feel any better, eight of our months are more or less equal to twelve of your old ones. So overall, when I say ‘a year’, I am referring to the amount of time you’re thinking of. But you can see why ten months would be too late now, yes?”
Unable to find any particular issue with that, I deflate. “Oh right… Yeah, I guess that’s fine.”
The store clerk hands me a pre-printed contract for the katana. “Please sign and date on the final page. Then, just accept the contract on the system end and you’re good to go.”
[ ACCEPT? ]
I just stare at him. “I… don’t suppose you go by Earth dates here?”
The man smiles with genuine warmth for a change. “It’s The Sixth of Agni. Year of the Bear.”
“Oh… The years aren’t numbered?” I really hope it’s not a different animal each year. Although ‘bear’ seems like a really basic one to not have gotten to yet…
“The years are, of course, numbered. However, that number being eleven digits long, we tend to simply go by the Beast Year. At least in matters with a timeline less than eight years.”
I blink at him.
“I regret to inform you that this contract does not allow for eight years to pay off the sword.”
“I know. But what’s the year though?”
“13,787,672,910”
I regret I asked. “Oh. I mean thanks.” Then I try to sign.
But the stupid System won’t let me.
So, I actually read through the whole contract. And I have to grudgingly admit, if even only ever to myself for the rest of time, that I’m lucky it’s making me do that. I’ve never done a payment plan before, and this does seem like the kind of thing where you’d get scammed in the fine print. My attention drifts in and out, it being a contract and all, but I don’t spot anything like a loophole the shop can use to fuck me out of both money and weapon. As long as I deal with them in good faith, at least. Which is fine. Once I run out of reasons not to, I sign the contract. Or at least I try to. It still won’t let me. So, only spurred on by the refusal, I defiantly read the whole thing again. I even try not to zone out so much this time.
[ AUTOPAY: THE PLOT ARMORY — DEPOSITED: $96 USD ]
[ COMMON WEAPON GAINED: STEEL LONGSWORD ]
Having patiently waited for however long that took, the man beams. “You are quite welcome, young miss. It has been, and I’m sure will continue to be, a pleasure doing business with you.”
Walking out of the weapon shop, longsword in hand, I head straight to the town’s Quest Hall to earn my money back, and a weapon I actually want besides. It’s hard to miss, being the largest singular building in the whole town. I passed it a few times earlier while wandering around, so I don’t have any trouble finding it again.
When I get there, I notice something that sets it apart from the last two establishments I entered. Holy fuck… This place is crowded.
There’s a spread of tables like how school fairs used to look. Every one of them has someone behind it. Depending on their audience, they’re either enthusiastically bragging to a bunch of people about how great their whole deal is or trying to convince a single person to join. Still others are looking hopefully over at me from their empty stalls since I’m the only one just standing there, not being ‘helped’. Some are recruiting for guilds. Others for what look like vacation spots. Those are by far the most popular tables. And an assortment of other things attracting wildly varying levels of interest.
Apparently, there are several paths one can take to level up, get stronger, and set themselves up to one day ascend. Whatever that means… Or they could instead get whisked away to one of practically countless resorts where they’d be waited on hand and foot forever. It’s so cheap, it might as well be free. I can’t quite afford any of the better ones with just $32. But a single one of my upcoming monthly payments on that sword would cover me for like a year. In fact, staying at a resort actually looks less expensive than living outside of one. I guess with this being heaven and all, it’s not really surprising which way most people go.
Avoiding as much eye contact as possible, I ignore all that and instead make a B-line straight for the big holographic map spread out across one entire inner wall of the large building. Now then… How the fuck do you read this thing? Looking it over, I try my best to figure out which of the thousands of little dots representing nearby locations could be my ticket to a damn katana already.
Eventually, someone walks up to me, interrupting what’s turning out to be a pretty fruitless search through way too much information for something that may or may not even be listed. “Well, hi there. Would you happen to need any help figuring things out around here? I know this can all be rather overwhelming…”
I absentmindedly reply from over my shoulder. “Right now, I’m mainly just looking for a katana.”
“Interesting… And after that?”
“After? I haven’t really thought about it in any detail. I’ll probably just go ahead and do whatever I want, whenever I want, forever. At some point during that, I’ll get to max level. I figure I can just play it by ear.”
The man behind me adopts an amused, slightly befuddled tone. “That’s… Fair, I suppose. Sometimes, the best way to honor the ones we love, and who still love us, is by doing precisely that… Whatever we want.”
I turn halfway around at the surprising approval of my offhand dismissal of his question. “You know what? I think you're right about that. It just so happens that ‘whatever I want’ can only happen at max-level.”
“That’s quite a goal you’ve got there. For what it's worth, I hope you make it. Say… Have you perchance heard of The Big Four Guilds? I daresay your objective might be unattainable without joining one.”
I don’t particularly care how long it takes. Or how impossible anyone thinks it is. From the moment I entered this world and saw that the XP system was even a thing, I knew that I’d either see it to the end, or die trying. Since the latter seems to be off the table, the only option left is to just do the damn thing. Which I will, help or no. Even still… I turn to face him fully, raising a begrudgingly interested eyebrow. “Big Four?”
The man perks up, seeing that he’d captured at least a modicum of my interest. “Yes, Ma’am. There are four main guilds. Together, they… We… Are responsible for the vast majority of Heaven’s economy. At least as far as Humanity’s territory goes. And that does include The Kingdoms, I might add.”
“And you belong to one of those? You sure I should be taking your word for that? Seems like you’d be incentivized to upsell me on your own guild and badmouth all the others. Not that I’m one to judge… But it does make me want to take everything you say with a heaping pile of salt.”
“I get why you’d say that. You have me in a bit of a bind since, and this is just my honest opinion, The Adventurer’s Guild is by far the best of the four. But again, that’s just me. And while it’s certainly the best for me, that doesn’t make it the best for everyone. It’s basically a meritocracy. The more you do for us, the more we help you. But it’s also by far the most popular guild, so you’d have the longest way to go before you’d be allowed to get past Level 20 or so. In other words, you’d have to out-perform everyone else ahead of you in that line.”
I bristle at that. “Hold on… They’d ‘let’ me get past Level 20?”
“Oh… You must not know. To get to max level, you need to ascend. And in order to ascend, your team needs to win the yearly Tournament of Ascension.”
At those words, I feel a fire light in my chest. So that’s what that means… “Alright, I’ll just win this ‘tournament’, then.”
The guild recruiter shakes his head. “Not so fast. Each guild can only send one team to The Tournament per year. And that includes the royal guilds of each kingdom. That’s just eight people, or sixteen max if you’re tricky with participation, who can ascend each time. So you can imagine how many people have worked for literal centuries just to qualify for The Adventurer’s Guild team. Let alone win the whole thing.”
“Maybe I’m missing something, but it sounds like my best option is to just enter with a smaller group and be on the team right away. Can I not just start a guild of my own?”
“Sure you can. You just need to go to the Guild Registrar in Central.”
“It’s that easy?”
“To register a new guild? Yes. Very easy. But taking that guild and winning the tournament? Practically impossible. You’ve gotta remember that the competing guild teams are strong. All of them. And I don’t even know the last time a guild team won that wasn’t part of either one of The Eight Kingdoms, or The Big Four guilds.”
I feel stricken. “I can’t just, you know… Go and get to max level without winning? So what, is 20 some kind of pre-ascension Level cap?”
The man hedges. “Not exactly… Look, it’s complicated. Suffice it to say, it’s rare for anyone to get past Level 20 without climbing the planets. The XP requirements double for each level, so-”
I feel a fresh breeze run across the edges of my eyes as they practically bulge out of my skull. “DOUBLE???”
The guild rep nods consolingly “‘Fraid so.”
“For each level..?”
“‘Fraid so.”
I’m suddenly overtaken by the urgent need to sit. So I do. Right there, on the ground where I was just standing. Fold a paper over on itself 42 times and the stack will reach the moon. That fact blew my mind as a kid. So much so that I didn’t believe it and had to do the math myself. But it’s true. And 43 only doubles it again. Let alone 44. Or 50. Or whatever the max level is… Impossible.
256 XP to get from Level Two to Level Three… 512 to get from there to Level Four… Elve… I could never hope to get to 50. Not in a million years. But he’s saying it’s doable wherever the ascension happens? And did he say ‘planets’? How do you climb a planet? Do things just give that much more XP up there? Does it matter? “What are-” I let out a dry cough from my spontaneously parched throat. “What are the other three big guilds? Can I ascend faster with any of them?”
“Mmmaybe? That really depends on you. They do promote some new members right away, but they aren’t quite as egalitarian as The Adventurer’s Guild. Take The Archive for example. They focus on obtaining and preserving knowledge. The Archive values old world innovation and prestige more than just about anyone.” He raises an eyebrow. “You wouldn’t happen to have been a famous creative on Earth, would you?”
“Um…” I mean… “No.”
“Then, I don’t recommend joining The Archive. At least not with ascension being your goal. They’d definitely help you explore and experience new things. But they make no secret of giving preferential treatment to their more famous members. So it’s like you’d be permanently stuck behind all the rest of them in line. Even those who show up after you. If they made a creative impact in the old world, they’ll just get shunted straight to the front, right past you and all the other non-famous hopefuls. Not that even they would have much chance of ascending in the same century they joined.”
“Huh… Yeah, they’re out. So who’re the other two?”
“Forgive me for assuming, but you were never in any military, right?”
Unexpected as it is, I have to splutter out an absolute mess of a laugh. “Oh, god no.”
The guild rep nods in expected ascent. “I thought as much. Another of The Big Four is called ‘Valor’. But they give that same kind of preferential treatment to people who died in a war. And they’d only even accept you in the first place if you were active in the military.”
“Fuck… So that’s a dead end for sure. What’s the last one, then?”
“That’d be Bisney.”
I cough in surprise. “W-what?”
The guild rep seems confused at the reaction.
I splutter again. “Bisney?”
“Oh, so you’ve heard of them?”
“Depends. Do they have anything to do with Disney?”
“Yes and no. Not directly. But you’re right in assuming the original inspiration. They’re focused on entertainment. Bisney owns most of the resorts you’ll find scattered pretty much everywhere. They’re selective too, but in a weird way. They prefer people who have a CLASS or CRAFT focused on an entertainment property. You wouldn’t happen to have something like that, would you?”
“Yep. Sure do.”
The rep nods just as consolingly as before. “I thought not since you just started and all-” He blinks at me. “Wait, what?”
“I’ve got an Anime Swordsman CLASS.”
The man looks skeptical. “‘Anime’? Can’t say I’m familiar with that one.”
“It’s a kind of cartoon from back on Earth.”
He puts on a thoughtful expression. “Cartoon, huh? That definitely sounds right up Bisney’s alley…”
I feel my smile widening with every word. “Okay, thanks for the info.” At that, I walk straight over to what is obviously the ostentatiously decorated Bisney booth.
The Adventurer’s Guild recruiter calls after me with disappointed encouragement. “Oh… Ok. Bye, then! I hope you find what you’re looking for!”
For my part, I swagger over and immediately start talking to the Bisney rep.
Said Bisney rep sounds immediately excited by the news. “Based on a cartoon, huh? That is certainly the sort of thing we try to cultivate. And what is this CLASS you have?”
I puff up proudly. “Anime Swordsman.”
The Bisney rep blanches. “Anime? Why would you… No, nevermind. Your reasons don’t matter. Are you willing to respec out of it?”
“No, but-”
The Bisney rep sighs dejectedly. “Exactly what I was afraid of. I’m very sorry, but we can’t do anything for you.”
“But… It’s a type of cartoon-”
“I KNOW… What anime is. Okay?”
“Y-I mean… but-”
“I can’t help you. Official policy. Not my decision. But if it was, I’d still say ‘no’.”
“But I don’t-”
“Please leave.”
I want to argue. But I think better of it. At least I still have a backup… I don’t want to wait decades or centuries to reach max level. But even a millennia is still better than never. So, I dejectedly walk back over to the first guy. “Well that didn’t work…”
The Adventurer’s Guild recruiter offers the same clearly practiced consoling smile from before. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“So what can we do about this whole centuries-of-wait thing?”
“Well, like I said, The Adventurer’s Guild is a meritocracy. Accomplish difficult things. And then accomplish more. And more. And so on and so forth until you beat out all the other tournament team hopefuls.”
“And there’s nothing I can do to get, like, a jump start? Like some sort of signing bonus?”
The Adventurer’s Guild rep rubs his temples. “Okay, look. I get that you're a hero. That's what got you here. It's what got us all here. But that doesn't make you an exception to guild policy. Nor does it even make you special. A place in this world is yours by rights. But it won’t get you preferential treatment in my, or any other guild. Maybe if you died in the course of military service… But as we’ve established, that isn’t the case.”
I whistle in appreciation at the surprising frankness. “Wow. That was well said. I think I actually get it. Sorry for the mistake.”
He smirks. “Spend every day speaking with newbies in a starting zone, and you'll get a lot of practice talking down the entitled ones.”
I wince again. “Oof… So there's a lot of that, then?”
The guild rep chuckles. “You could say so, yeah.”
“Then I’ve gotta work up from the very bottom for my chance?”
“That’s right. Do you still want to join?”
“Maybe. But I feel like I need more info first.”
“What do you want to know?”
“Just start by telling me about what I'd be signing up for until I'm convinced that I'm not secretly agreeing to be your slave by making an irreversible commitment or some crazy bullshit like that.”
The guild rep raises an eyebrow. “You… Can leave at any time.”
I roll my wrist in a ‘get-on-with-it’ sort of way. “Aaand in order to leave, I must forfeit my…”
“Nothing.”
Even compared to that sword earlier, this is hard for me to buy. “Nothing?”
The guild rep nods. “Nothing at all”
“And you won’t make me respec?”
“No, we will not. The source of your power doesn’t matter to us. Only what you do with it.”
“Alright, I’ll join.”
The guild rep’s eyes widen. “R-really? Just like that?”
“Yeah sure, fuck it. I mean I can leave anytime with no consequences, right?”
“You lose whatever rank you would’ve earned in your time with us. But we do offer a generous severance package depending on said rank at the time you leave. As a kind of thank-you for services rendered, since you’d be giving up any future rewards you were building towards.”
“Aaand do I get that severance package if I just up-and-quit before earning any particular rank?”
“Yep! Although the lowest-level severance package is admittedly less generous than all the others”
“Oh cool. Then hell yeah, sign me up.”
“Wonderful! It’ll take about a week to process your background check. Don’t worry, it’s just a formality as far as you’re concerned. You’re brand new, so you haven’t had time to do anything that would raise red flags. But after the check comes back, we can get you set up with that invite.”
I try very hard not to think of blood, vomit, or meaty chunks. “Great! So can my new guild help me with something?”
“I suppose that depends on the ‘something’.”
“I’m trying to find a katana. Specifically, I’m looking for a dungeon that drops them. I was trying to read that clusterfuck of a map when you started talking to me. Not that I mind the interruption. I wasn’t really getting anywhere with it.”
The guild rep puts on a thoughtful expression. “A katana… That’s a kind of sword, right?” He promptly walks over and starts examining the massive map. “I can’t make any promises, but let’s see what we can find…”