JESSICA : N/A

HOUR 0 : 4:00, MONDAY, APRIL 20, 2122

DOCK 5 : BOAT 3 : IMMORTALIA ONLINE

Everything is black. There’s no sound either.

Jessica tries to extend her senses out to something… Anything.

Except she’s numb too. What…

She reaches a hand out in every direction, feeling for anything at all. “Is someone there?”

What kind of fucking hell is this supposed to-

Wait a sec… Oh.

Opening her eyes, she sees her own outstretched arm. Except it’s just a bunch of interconnected neon-green triangles.

So she extends her other arm. More green triangles.

She looks straight down.

Yep… Jessica was afraid of that. Her whole body is all just the same green triangles.

They all connect to each other in a way that kinda-sorta forms the general shape of a human body. But, as existentially alarming as that is, it doesn’t answer any of her questions.

Like what in the ever-loving fuck is this? And why is everything else still black? With how well-lit these triangles are, that doesn’t even make sense!

“Hello? HELL-ELL-ELLOOO??? Is anybody-”

But as soon as Jessica gets to the crux of her query, she’s interrupted by a deep, triumphant voice. One far too loud to be coming from an empty black void.

“YOUR GRANDEST ADVENTURE AWAITS.”

At this declaration, something like a hundred swords fly directly at her face from every direction.

Her reaction is the epitome of grace itself. “AAAH WHAT THE FUCKING CHRIST!!!”

None of them actually hit her though.

Instead, they fly directly at her eyeball, only to veer around at the last second, combining in front of Jessica to form two words.

{ IMMORTALIA ONLINE }

Okay, look. Jessica doesn’t know fuck-all about music composition.

But she could swear to god that once the final sword is in place, a full orchestra and choir immediately blares to life, individually and perfectly playing each and every part of the Game of Thrones theme music.

Not something that sounds like it, mind you. Literally, the exact intro song that plays before every Game of Thrones episode. The one where all those buildings on that map go from 2D to 3D.

And she would know. She watched the whole thing last year. It was… Meh.

But then she got to bitch about it with Thomas, who’d been nagging her to watch it after he got obsessed in Middle School.

So it was all worth the brokenhearted shock on his stupid face when she turned out not to be a fan.

Anyway, the Game of Thrones theme seems to come from the same place as that disembodied voice. That is to say, literally everywhere and nowhere at once.

The deafening music finally stops after four, maybe five minutes? It’s the full version of the intro, taking at least twice as long as the map fuckery ever did to get where it was going.

Once it does, the swords forming the title card immediately scatter. Each flies blade-first in a straight line before all simultaneously ERUPTING in a massive fireworks display, accompanied by a deep, glorious, epic, orchestral sting.

It would even be pretty badass if not for first forcing Jessica to sit through that whole, entire, Fucking, THEME.

So, instead of being impressed, all she feels is relief that something, anything else, is finally happening.

Behind where the swords were, now stands six figures in a straight line. They’d look like they were presenting themselves for a military inspection if not for also standing in full T-pose.

A bright yellow aura radiates off each figure.

Above the entire group is a single, massive, floating line of text overpowering all other visuals to shine a neon-red.

{ CHOOSE YOUR RACE }

There are also six smaller, less dramatic, albeit more informative lines of green text floating in front of each of Jessica’s class choices.

That’s it? Six? The beta had six… Is that seriously all there is for the full game too?

Even if she hadn’t played the beta, Jessica would still know she was supposed to pick which of these to be from here-on-out. All thanks to her rare talent for basic pattern recognition.

Another question springs to mind, accomplishing nothing but to annoy her further. Why is she so indignant about it being six? Like, she’s pretty sure it wouldn’t even bother her this much if it were five… Whatever…

The only seven things that currently seem to exist are these six figures and her own green-triangled-ass.

So, she might as well make a choice and get this over with. Besides, she’s feeling far too jittery just now not to jump at the chance to do literally anything at all. She feels like she should be doing something…

And would you look at that… Just what the doctor ordered.

Okay then, going from left-to-right…

The first figure is also the largest.

{ Half-Orc: +2 Strength }

And the most muscular. And greenest. It looks like a hulked-out version of Jessica herself… Or maybe shrekked-out… Hm… Ew. Yeah, it’s gonna be a hard pass on that one.

Next to Shrek-Jessica is…

She sighs in exasperation. Of course this always has to be one of the only six choices…

{ Dark Elf: +2 Dexterity }

It’s her as a stripper… Great… All the other players sure wouldn’t make that annoying at all.

Stripper-Jessica is in some sort of mini-bikini with high-heels, wearing a ton of bracelets and necklaces and shit. And some kind of utility belt. At least this version of her seems… Voluptuous.

And that’s nice and all, but it doesn’t quite take it back for her. In fact, it may have jumped the shark a bit.

Like, what are these proportions? It’s like a version of Jessica Simmons that God created exclusively for doggystyle. Could she even move without the weight of her upper torso crushing her spine like a twig? Whatever again…

So that’s two rejections between both options she’s seen. Not the best start…

The third is the smallest of the bunch.

{ Dwarf: +2 Constitution }

It’s basically like if she was born with dwarfism.

Should she be offended? It feels like she should… But she can’t quite put her finger on why.

And to top it all off, Tiny-Jessica is sporting an over-exaggerated displeased scowl.

How the fuck is Dark-Stripper-Jessica her top choice so far?

Actually, scratch that. Next up is basically just her again. Only way taller, much thinner, with massive tits, pointy ears, and an elegant motherfucker of a ball gown.

{ Elf: +2 Intelligence }

She’s never even thought of herself like this. But, to put it succinctly, she looks refined as fuck. Well… She does kind of desperately want to pick this option right now and never look back.

Buuut on the other hand, she desperately wants to vomit over what it means about her that this is the case. Is she really that vain? Sure, she’d love for her weight not to be an issue, but this is taking it too far.

Well, it’s better than JAMOP at least. Named as such to take after MODOK, standing for ‘Jessica Avatar Made Only for Porn’.

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At least her second-to-last option looks more like her than the elf.

{ Half-Elf: +2 Wisdom }

In fact, it’s exactly halfway between the elf and her own actual appearance. Just some minor changes, really. Like the version of her she’d wind up with after touching up a photo… Generous touch-ups… On an especially blurry photo… For several hours.

This is certainly less existentially offensive than the other choices… The clear winner so far.

The last figure is… Her.

{ Human: -1 Charisma }

It’s literally just her. Standing there in her own clothes. The ones she wore today. Only there’s blood stains all over them. But other than that, it’s like looking in a mirror.

In fact, she belatedly realizes that’s exactly what’s happening. Instead of a physical, near-living model like the other choices, the human option is literally just a mirror.

Except her own body is still just a bunch of green triangles. But what’s this bullshit? Why does the human one get a debuff?

Backing up a bit, she puts her options into perspective.

So that’s it?

What in the basic vanilla bullshit… But who can she even complain to?

The voice? Like he would care…

No, she has exactly these six options, and no amount of bitching will change that. So, she’ll just have to decide on a favorite instead of whining about wanting something off-menu.

She looks into the mirror.

She looks at Elf-Jessica.

She looks at Half-Elf-Jessica.

She glances at the other three.

She chuckles. Yeah, fuck that. Back to the only three real options…

She looks into the mirror again. All the others have a stat boost… And a pretty significant one if those attributes are as important here as they are in D&D. And she’d have to wager that they are, seeing as how obviously and shamelessly this game stole its whole concept.

But even so, the debuff is… Strange.

Is this a test?

The more she thinks about it, the more sure she becomes.

Well then it’s a test she’ll pass!

She’s proud of who she is. She’s earned who she is. Yeah, she could lose some weight. Yeah, she could grow… Some… Shins… What?

But no, she’s FINE with how she looks. Always has been. She even likes her flaws. They’re the only things of interest she has…

But most of all… MOST OF ALL, She REFUSES to be railroaded by this shitty, lazy excuse for a character creator!

Content with her choice, proud of it even, she walks directly into the mirror.

As she phases through it, the neon green triangle outline making up her frame fades into that of her own body.

The body she remembers.

The body she’d earned.

The body she’s proud of.

The body… That’s truly hers.

She takes a moment to hug herself at what is obviously an important therapeutic breakthrough.

But she’s unable to enjoy her personal revelation for even a full second before it’s interrupted by the same booming voice as before.

“CONGRATULATIONS!!! THROUGH VALIANT EFFORT AND GREAT DEEDS, YOU CONTINUE TO FORGE YOUR OWN PATH!!! YOU HAVE UNLOCKED A NEW TITLE!!!”

And then, the entire fucking Game of Thrones theme plays. AGAIN.

After it starts, the Human swears up at the voice for a while.

Once that gets boring, she turns around.

Looks like the other versions of her disappeared when she made her choice. But they were the only thing other than herself in this empty black void. Which means…

She has absolutely nothing to do while this whole fucking thing plays. All of it. Again.

Eyes wandering in search of any stimulation at all, Jessica finally notices her name in the upper-left corner of her vision. When did that get there?

Directly underneath, is a static red bar… Her HP then?

They both seem permanently affixed there. They even occupy the same spot in her sightlines, no matter how much she rotates her eyes or head. Well that’s annoying…

She rather likes her peripheral vision, thanks. Without it, she’ll be pretty fucking easy to backstab in whatever D&D knockoff bullshit this is about to be.

She shakes her head.

The name and bar don’t move.

She shakes it harder.

HARDER.

Exhausting neck muscles she didn’t even know she had, Jessica feels very much like a bobblehead in an earthquake.

When she finally stops, her name and health bar both seem unbothered, even while the rest of her perception spins in a sort of dizzy, drunken, sloshing mess.

Okay you know what? Fuck it. It’d clearly be a way bigger headache to fight this thing than she’ll get by just ignoring it.

Not that she particularly minds being constantly reassured of her current health status. It’ll probably do wonders for her hypochondria.

But she’s just, so, Fucking, BORED!!!

After a subjective eternity, the Game of Thrones theme ends.

More fireworks accompany the voice as it once again booms from every direction at once.

“CONGRATULATIONS!!! HAVING LIVED EXCLUSIVELY AS A HUMAN, WHEN OFFERED A SLEW OF NEW PERSPECTIVES, YOU HAVE CHOSEN TO BE REBORN AS A HUMAN!!! AGAIN!!! DESPITE MASSIVE INCENTIVES TO PICK ANY OTHER OPTION AT ALL!!! THEREBY AFFIRMING YOUR STANCE THAT HUMAN IS THE ONLY WORTHWHILE THING TO BE!!!”

As it finishes, an elaborately decorated display pops up in the middle of Jessica’s vision.

Four swords, each pointing at a 90° angle in a counter-clockwise rectangle, form a border around floating text. The swords bend and shift, eventually fading to a bow crossed with a single arrow.

As soon as those are fully formed, they shift once more, only into wands this time.

And then right back to swords.

Oh… It’s just repeating those three.

Underneath is an equally large ad for McDonald’s.

In the middle of the swords and things, the text itself auto-scrolls in a loop, attempting to compensate for it not all fitting within the midair frame.

{ Title : Racist }

{ Effect 1: +2 Strength }

{ Effect 2: +3 Constitution }

{ Effect 3: -1 Intelligence }

{ Effect 4: -2 Wisdom }

{ Effect 5: -1 Charisma }

{ Effect 6: +100 Reputation With Humans }

{ Effect 7: -1,000 Reputation With Non-Humans }

{ Effect 8: +10,000 Reputation With Humans Holding the ‘Racist’ Title }

{ Effect 9: -10,000 Reputation With Non-Humans Holding the ‘Racist’ Title }

{ Effect 10: +25% Ranged Damage Dealt To Non-Humans }

{ Effect 11: +50% Melee Damage Taken From Non-Humans }

{ Effect 12: +5% Health Recovered When Healing Humans }

{ Effect 13: -50% Health Recovered When Healing Non-Humans }

Once she reads it, the message fades.

Then the border.

Soon, all that’s left is the McDonald’s ad.

As she realizes it really has been too long since she’s had McDonalds, the name above her health bar sparkles with magical energy.

After that takes far too long to happen, her name finally updates from ‘Jessica the Human’, to ‘Jessica the Racist Human’.

“OH FUCK OFF!!!” Pacing back and forth in an impotent, yet unyielding rage, the Racist glares straight into the part of the black void where that other asshole’s voice keeps coming from. That is to say, everywhere. “You know what? Whoever the FUCK up there has a problem with me liking who I am… how about you get the fuck down here? And when you do, I’ll do you the favor of shoving your HEAD so far up your ASS… that you DISAPPEAR INTO IT!!!”

More pacing. Faster, too. “Oh WHAT??? Too much of a sanctimonious BITCH to stand up for your-ACK!!!”

In the midst of ranting at the black nothingness, the Human trips over a pipe.

But just as she’s about to fall straight onto her face, I landed sprawled on the ground.

“Ow…” At least I tried to say it.

But no sound came out.

I got up.

Except no, I didn’t.

I… Tried to get up.

But I couldn’t.

I tried… To do anything.

But I… couldn’t.

Face down on the ground, I couldn’t move at all. Wonderful.

And everything was black again. Even better.

“What?” And now some entirely different asshole from that disembodied voice, was shouting in my ear.

…What-

“WHAT???” Okay, the booming voice was certainly louder this time, but that didn’t exactly clarify anything.

Wait. I knew that voice. “James!” Or at least I tried to yell out for my big brother.

But nothing came out.

Which raised another good point. Why couldn’t I say anything? “FUCK!!!”

Again, nothing came out.

But in response, some sort of crashing noise shook the entire world. Like metal on wood, only much, much louder.

And then someone rammed a pipe against the side of my skull. Ow…

Done with shaking now, the world merely spun.

Metal… Wood… Stephanie? I’d seen her release the safety…

And then… I fell. Twice?

Wait, did that bitch just drop her gun on my head?

Better question… Had she fired it? Were one of those six bullets hers?

But… The pipe. The barrel next to my maybe cracked skull… It wasn’t even warm.

At least I had that going for me…

“I DON’T FUCKING KNOW!!!” Circumstantial evidence notwithstanding, Stephanie was clearly shrieking at me from inside my own eardrums.

That singular phrase permeated my very being.

It echoed around my skull endlessly.

Just that phrase. Alone and without context. Neither fading, nor changing.

Those four words. nothing more.

At first, they were just a detail.

Soon, they were all I knew.

That and darkness all around.

Then, the darkness grew.