JESSIE : LEVEL 9
DAY 123 : C-DAY, FOURTHWEEK, DEIMOS, YEAR 1
OUTSKIRTS 1 : WASTELAND 1 : REACH
As this entire hexagon right next to the one in the center of everything, is a literal wasteland for some reason, there’s nothing to do. Or kill. Or even explore. No towns either. So we’ve just spent the last several days alternately jogging, running, racing, or otherwise walking down the road. Really, the only entertainment to be had is the ever-expanding list of finer details we can make out of Central as we approach.
Only today, we started to make out the faintest glints of what look like fairy lights winking in and out of existence, even as they speed out of reality altogether. After several hours of staring while we walked, Ross pitched that they were sunlight glinting off of trains going in and out of Central. None of the rest of us had any better ideas, so we settled on it. That was the most exciting thing that happened this week.
In other words, catching all these little details of the city-state-country techno-monstrosity in the distance, has about the entertainment value of watching paint dry. In both speed and form. But even still, the process is entertaining enough. If for no other reason than the promise it represents. So it’s with bated breath that I try again for what feels like the billionth time today.
[ RARE BED DEPLOYED: BED OF SAND ]
I get into bed.
Nothing happens.
Fuck…
[ RARE BED RETRACTED: BED OF SAND ]
Getting out of bed, I gesture to the dead center of the city we really should be close enough to by now. “So that tower…”
Mich blinks at the utopian metropolis. “Gonna have to be more specific, Jessie.”
I point to what, at this distance, might as well be the sprawling continent-sized metropolis as a whole. “There in the middle. You know… The absurdly tall one piercing through the concentric rings like some kind of baby’s stacking game?”
Mich chuckles. “What about it?”
“What even is it? It’s gotta be special, right? So what does it do?”
“The tower itself? It’s The Central Office.”
“For who? The king? Wait, who’s the king? Wait, no, don’t tell me.” Wait, we’re so close now that it really doesn’t matter anymore. “Fuck it, tell me.”
Mich snorts. “Seriously, am I the only person you talk to?”
“Kinda, bro. You’ve definitely become the only one I ask about things.” My blush starts as soon as I realize what I’m saying.
Grumbling, Mich’s eyes are locked on Central and doesn’t seem to have noticed my slip-up. “Yeah, that tracks… But Central doesn’t have a king. The Eight Kingdoms have kings… and-or queens. But no one rules in the middle. They can’t. Not in a way recognized by The System, at any rate.”
For an objective moment, I consider going off on him for talking about the very thing I said I was taking this route to avoid knowledge of. But didn’t I just berate myself for that? Okay, for all intents and purposes, I’m already there. Fine. Yeah, fuck it. Rip the band-aid off. “Then whose office is it?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“Apparently not.”
“Admins.”
I blanch. “Oh… Yeah, that was kinda obvious, huh?” And with all that extra time I spent thinking about it? Talk about embarrassing…
Ross calls over from where he and Rachel have been walking together. “Little bit, yeah.”
“Alright, Mr. Knowledgeable-about-anything-for-the-first-time-ever… Why would you go there?”
“What? I wouldn’t.”
I smirk at exactly the sort of deflection I expected from the fact that he, like me, has no idea.
Mich looks momentarily contemplative as he considers the might-as-well-be-rhetorical question I pulled out of my ass just to have something to embarrass Ross with. “You might though…” He finally breaks eye contact with Central to look back at me. “You wanna beat this thing, right?”
I smile wide as though daring anyone to contradict me. “Yes.”
Mich looks to Ross. “And you?”
Ross just shrugs. “Maybe?”
“It’s not exactly something you set out to ‘maybe’ do.”
“Well there you go. Not a priority.”
Mich looks back to me. “It’s also the base for going up The Bridge.”
I blink at our destination. “Bridge? What bridge? How do you go up a bridge?”
Mich points to well above the dead center of the city. “See that rainbow? The one coming up from the tower?”
I squint at the tiny line I hadn’t noticed before. But sure enough, skinny as it is compared to the tower itself, the rainbow pillar is hardly subtle. “Oooh yeah… That’s a bridge, then? Ok, I’ll amend my question. How do you go up that rainbow?”
“It’s called The Bifrost. And it works a lot like an elevator.”
Rachel snorts. “What? Why not just call it an elevator, then?”
Mich shrugs. “Dunno. I asked the same thing when I heard. It’s definitely called a ‘bridge’, though. I do agree that if nothing else, calling it an elevator would put a stop to the confusion.”
“So where does The Bridge elevate you to, then? The Sun?”
Surprisingly, Mich just nods at Rachel’s sarcasm. “To the best of my understanding, that’s how you win the game. Dunno how it works beyond that though. Or what happens when you get there beyond however The Hero King Tournament works. But there’s also planets between here and there. From the sounds of it, you’ve gotta complete each of them before moving onto the next.”
I scoff, partially to hide my growing concern about how complicated this is all turning out to be. “What? How do you ‘complete’ a planet?”
“No idea. But if you wanna beat this thing, that’s what you gotta do.”
“Huh… Speaking of stuff I gotta do…”
Mich groans.
I smirk at him.
He frowns back. “You know this obsession is unhealthy, right?”
Nodding with a vindictive grin, I check my Vengeance Quest.
[ HERO TARGETED: ONESHOT ]
Now he’s almost directly above us. How in the… “Don’t care. Imma kill that fucker. Even if it kills me. In fact, that’s key to the plan.”
Mich lets out one more muted groan before finally acquiescing. “Alright, Jess. What bullshit are you on now.”
I throw him the stink-eye. Less for the implication that my plan is anything short of genius, and more for the nickname. “After he killed me, I did some research.”
“He killed me too, you know. But you don’t see me-”
I interrupt him, refusing to let Mich go on and on about this again. “I wasn’t the first to damage him. Even if I was the only one who did it that day.”
“Not surprising.”
I smirk at a thin excuse to point out the only research I’ve actually bothered doing. “But you know what is surprising? At least to me? Some of those were actual attacks. Not counters or other direct damage, but regular-ass attacks. Always just the one. And always right after he teleported in from somewhere.”
“I see… And?”
“And nothing. Then. That moment. That’s the opening.”
“I don’t see how that’s an opening. I mean… Okay, let’s say you were right there and then. Right spot, right time, all that. So what? He’s still Max-Level. One hit doesn’t mean much with that kind of STAT disparity.”
“I won’t be this low-level forever. Besides, my plan makes that irrelevant.”
“So you want to, what, one-shot Oneshot? Do you have any idea how well-known that guy is? How hated? If it was doable, someone would’ve done it already.”
I shake my evilly grinning head. “Not quite. There was a dungeon a week back. I told you all about it. The sand one?”
Mich seems annoyed at the memory. “Yeah. I even went there myself after the windfall you bragged about getting from beating it over and over and-”
“Right, that one. Remember the weapon you looted off the boss?”
Mich grumbles under his breath. “No, I don’t remember the weapon I looted off the boss. I don’t remember getting anything from that place except killed. Twice. And then I gave up.”
“What? You should’ve told me. After you helped with Ye Olde Rotting Slime Tree, I’d carry you through repeatedly stabbing a few hobos, no problem.”
“The difficulty isn’t the issue. I think I understand the original inspiration for that dungeon. And I find the overall theme… Distasteful. To say the least… Besides, I have no desire to be carried. By you, or anyone. I think we have that in common, actually.”
I wince at the mental dot that just connected. “Yeah… Fair enough.” Not to be deterred from my main point, I perk up again right away. “So anyway, I got a bunch of weapons from the boss, right? And they all have the same effect. You hit someone in a specific spot, and they’re held. Totally unable to move.”
After a moment to think, Mich nods. “Aaand that’s meant to hold him in place while he shatters and reforges himself whenever he gets hit?”
I can’t help my evil smile turning a little self-proud at that. “He’s teleporting. I don’t know how he’s doing it, but I’ve seen a lot of teleports. Even if most were in video form. But I’ve seen just as many videos of him doing his little invincibility-bullshit thing. And I’m sure. I don’t know how, but when he does that, he’s teleporting.”
Mich narrows his eyes at me. “Alright… Assuming that’s true, and that’s a big assumption… So?”
“Sooo… The Longinus weapons don’t do anything to stop teleportation.”
Mich groans at the name of the weapon family before trying to move past it. “Then-”
“But they can! I can mod them to do exactly that. It’s an Epic Mod. So, all I need is an Epic Mod Stone.”
Mich blanches. “Epic Mod Stones… That’s not a cheap thing you’re talking about throwing away. And for what? A hypothesis? A hairbrained scheme to do what? Kill some guy?”
“Some guy who killed me first. And you. And a lot of other people too.”
“And who will just come back eight hours later, good as new. Assuming everything goes exactly as you think it will, which it won’t, but even if it does… I just don’t see the point.”
“You don’t see the point in killing the guy that no one can kill, and everybody hates?”
“Not really, no. Especially if it means dumping a small-fortune’s-worth of resources into the attempt”
“One item. A single Epic Mod Stone.”
“Which, in and of itself, is worth a small fortune.”
If that’s his argument, that doesn’t say much for which way the nonexistent wind is blowing. “So I guess you don’t want to pool our money together to buy one?”
“Wait, was that your plan in asking me about this?”
“Yeah…”
“Oh wow… No.”
“Whatever, Mich… So when’re you gonna change your name back, anyway? You always used to talk about that, but I haven’t heard a peep about it in months.”
Mich chuckles. “Quite the change of topic there. But alright… I figure that big city off in the distance seems as good a place as any. But honestly..? I’m not sure I want to.”
It’s only thanks to several subjective minutes to mentally talk myself down that my immediate reply isn’t a yell. “How come?”
“At some point… I dunno, I think I just like Mich better than that other guy. It feels like… I can’t quite put it into words.”
“A fresh start.”
Mich’s eyes practically bulge out of their sockets in a hurry to look into mine. “Yyyes… That’s exactly right. A perfect description, even… Jessie, do you-”
But that’s when, upon seeing Central from a just-barely-short-enough distance, I register it on my world map. Also, there’s apparently a World Map.
I squeal when I realize what that means…
[ RARE BED DEPLOYED: BED OF SAND ]
I literally dive into the sand.
[ ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED - THE BIG CITY: A CAPITAL CITY WAS ADDED TO YOUR MINIMAP — REWARD: KINGDOM MAP UNLOCKED — XP: 512 ]
[ ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED - THE BIGGEST CITY: CENTRAL WAS ADDED TO YOUR MINIMAP — REWARD: WORLD MAP UNLOCKED — XP: 1024 ]
[ LEVEL UP! — LEVEL: +1=10 — SKILL POINTS: 2 — S.T.A.T. POINTS: STRENGTH=1 - TENACITY=1 - APTITUDE=1 - TILT=1 — NEXT LEVEL: 65,536 XP ]
From my bed, I try in vain to fist-bump the sun. With a growing smile, I maintain my arm position as all my months of work and anticipation settles into a contented grin. “Hey guys, hol’ up!”
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Throughout all of this, Mich is wearing an unreadable expression as I proceed to forget what we were talking about.
From yet another walking argument, Ross and Rachel eventually stop. They mirror each other to turn around and match Mich’s unreadability with pure, undiluted impatience to get back to the shit-flinging contest we’ve all been hearing for the past seven hours.
Sitting up in bed, I take what is nonetheless the cue to compose myself, clear my throat, and say what I’ve been fantasizing about for days now. “I just wanted to say… Thank you for getting me here. Truly. And I realize the ‘best’ way to thank you for this would be not to bother you with it at all. Buuut I also wanted an audience.”
Mich visibly gulps. “For..?”
Ross seems to put something together. “Is it related to why you’ve been getting in and out of bed all day?”
Rachel elbows him.
I grin wide, readying the answer I was about to give whether or not anyone asked that question. “Well you see… I apparently just got close enough to Central for it to populate on my map. That got me some nice Achievements.”
Ross’s eyes widen as he sets his own bed up real quick. “Oh cool, me too! Woah… That’s a lot of XP. And a Kingdom Map, that should be useful… WORLD MAP??? I was wondering why I couldn’t view the whole of Midgard.”
Rachel cranes her neck, looking at him askance. “‘Midgard’?”
Ross actually blushes harder than I did earlier.
Mich chuckles. “It’s an unofficial, but popular nickname for Humanity’s little slice of heaven. You know, the octagon bordered on each side by a massive elemental beast and an even massiver wall of energy?”
I sulk. But then I hype myself up and just get on with the show, setting it all up in the space between moments. So first come the STATs…
[ S.T.A.T.S — STRENGTH: MAGICAL=16 - PHYSICAL=30 — TENACITY: DEFENSE=16 - SPEED=30 — APTITUDE: MANA=20 - STAMINA=26 — TILT: CONTROL=30 - LUCK=16 ]
Next, the Skills…
[ EPIC C.L.A.S.S. PASSIVE GAINED: ANIME / POWER STANCE — EFFECT: WHILE A 2-HANDED SWORD IS EQUIPPED IN THE PRIMARY WEAPON SLOT, A SWORD OF THE SAME TYPE MAY BE EQUIPPED IN THE SECONDARY SLOT — RESTRICTION: SECONDARY TWO-HANDED SWORD WILL BE AUTOMATICALLY UNEQUIPPED IF SWORD OF MATCHING TYPE IS NO LONGER EQUIPPED IN THE PRIMARY SLOT ]
[ COMMON CORE ACTION GAINED: EQUIPMENT RESET — EFFECT: ALL CURRENT EQUIPMENT IS INSTANTLY RETURNED TO ITS DEFAULT POSITION — RESTRICTION: IF EQUIPPED, PRIMARY WEAPON MUST BE IN-HAND TO ACTIVATE — WARNING: ALL DAMAGE TO EQUIPMENT IS RETAINED ON RESET ]
And getting out of bed…
[ RARE WEAPON EQUIPPED: BLADE OF LONGINUS - 96 PHY - 4 MAG ]
[ INSUFFICIENT EP ]
Fucking…
[ LEFT GAUNTLET UNEQUIPPED ]
[ RIGHT GAUNTLET UNEQUIPPED ]
[ RARE SECONDARY WEAPON EQUIPPED: SLIZARDIC KATANA - 69 PHY - 34 MAG ]
“BAM!!!”
[ COMMON ACTION: AURA BURST — INTENSITY: 118% ]
I wince. “Shit! Sorry, I forgot I can’t use that word so carelessly anymore… It just feels so much less lame than yelling ‘burst’ every time I wanna do it, you know? I don’t say ba-I mean the aforementioned word all that much. But maybe it needs to be one of those callouts I reassign when I’m out of combat like ‘go’?”
Rachel nods worriedly. “I guess, yeah. But what just happened? The shockwave thing wasn’t the point, right? I could swear you already used to do that…”
Both looking equally confused now, I give her and Ross an indignant expression. Then I point dramatically at my sheathed katanas dangling from either hip. Then I do it again. And again and again. This is really starting to look more like air-humping than I’m comfortable with.
But Rachel saves me from further air-humps by offering a guess. And a correct one, at that. “So you… Have two swords now?”
Ross’s eyes light up in recognition. “Oooh.”
Meanwhile, Mich is obviously trying not to laugh.
I point at him this time. “You shut up.” Then I turn back to Rachel. “Yes… I have two swords now. Two, full-sized, two-handed, katanas. Equipped at the same time.”
Ross just looks at them. “You can’t do that by default?”
I throw up my arms in exasperation. “No, you can’t just do that by default, Ross!”
Ross blinks. “Oh. Guess I never tried it… Well cool. So… Why do you want two swords again?”
In no way ready to be deterred by anyone’s non-sword-obsessed bullshit, I cross my arms. “So I can do this.” As soon as I say the last word, I draw each sword with my opposite arm. Having never practiced what is turning out to be an extremely awkward motion, I clatter and clank them against each other a lot as I bend my arms in some wildly uncomfortable angles. But I do manage it. Oh, thank God they cleared their sheathes… I don’t know what I would’ve done if I couldn’t even draw them both at once. That’d kinda ruin my whole fighting style. Smirking, I raise an eyebrow at Ross. “Grow.”
[ RARE TOGGLE ON: EXTEND-O-SWORD — INTENSITY: 35% ]
Ross’s eyes widen as both swords stretch to more than double my height. “Oooh… Now I get it. In all my time here, I haven’t seen anything quite like… That. I don’t necessarily see the point. But I suspect that’s a lost cause anyway.”
Mich sucks air through his teeth in realization. “Yeah… I mean it does look neat, Jessie. Don’t get me wrong. And you’ll probably be faster with two blades than one with you mainlining Physical Strength. It’s just…”
I bristle for another misunderstanding-based headache as I look over at him. “It’s just what?”
Mich visibly looks for any excuse not to elaborate. But doesn’t seem to find one before already having been silent for too long to play it off with anything but the truth. “Not for nothing… But wasn’t your whole thing basically unsheathing and resheathing in quick succession?”
“I’m glad you asked.” Flinging my Slizardic Katana behind me, I use that same hand to assist in resheathing my Blade of Longinus. “Reset!”
[ RARE TOGGLE OFF: EXTEND-O-SWORD — INTENSITY: 68% ]
[ COMMON ACTION: EQUIPMENT RESET — INTENSITY: 68% ]
In a flash of System Energy, my secondary sword reappears, perfectly sheathed at my side at nearly the same time as I finish sheathing my primary one. Also, my slightly jostled headband straightens. But that’s besides the point, so I ignore the wardrobe fix as I wave my hands at both swords once more settled on either hip. “Eh?”
Mich still looks constipated though.
I sigh. “Oh, what now?”
At this point, Mich just gives up and finally speaks plainly. Or like someone leading an idiot by the nose to hopefully realize that they’re being an idiot. “When you do that… Does The System count it as a ‘sheathe’?”
I think for an extended second before looking Mich in the eye. “Hit me.”
Mich barks out a laugh. “…Come again?”
“You heard me.”
With a dumb look on his stupid face, Mich nocks an arrow and fires.
I eye him flatly even as I step sideways to avoid the shot. Then I sigh. “With a melee strike, you dick. I can’t counter projectiles.” Yet…
Shrugging, Mich walks forward and throws a half-hearted punch at my gut.
I reassign a callout to avoid dealing any excess damage back. Then I start to draw both swords. “Counter.”
[ UNCOMMON ACTION: COUNTER SHEATHE — INTENSITY: 17% ]
I take several subjective minutes to awkwardly cross the still-opening blades at the exact spot he’s about to hit.
The instant they all make contact, I teleport behind him, my primary sword half-unsheathed in my hand. I take a just-as-half frozen moment to look around for my secondary one, only to despair at what I find. That being the other partially exposed blade falling to the ground exactly above where I was just holding it. Fuck… That doesn’t bode well. But it might not matter… “Reset.”
[ COMMON ACTION: EQUIPMENT RESET — INTENSITY: 41% ]
At the same time as my secondary sword reappears on my hip, I slide my primary blade home.
[ COUNTER SHEATHE REFLECTED DAMAGE: 23 ]
And then my stomach drops the rest of the way. “Fuck…”
Mich cocks his head at me. “What? That didn’t work? I definitely just took damage.”
“Your Physical Strength is 23, right?”
“How did you know?”
“Because that’s how much damage I did back to you.”
“Oh, ok… Is that a problem? I thought that’s what your Counter Skill was supposed to do.”
I groan. “Yeah, but the second sword wasn’t even involved in the damage calculation. And if I can’t stack multipliers, then what’s the point of multiple weapons?”
“So what now?”
“Now?” I look up at the stagnant sky this area seems to project. “Now, I guess I figure out how to sheathe a sword without holding it or something.”
Experimentally, I re-draw and re-grow both katanas. I just look at the dozen-or-so-foot-long blade in my left hand. Then my right. Then to each side of my waist at the comparably shallow holes they’re meant to go in. I just stand there, holding both swords, arms occasionally twitching with the start of an instantly aborted movement to get them both resheathed at the same time. But soon, the twitching stops.
And there I stand. Holding them up with no idea how to stop doing that in any way but one at a time like some kind of moron. Finally, I look back at my companions. “…Fuck.”
Rachel looks concerned. “You okay, Jess?”
“Just peachy, Rach.”
Rachel stiffens. “Don’t call me that.”
I probably project an admittedly unwarranted amount of frustration into the sheer sarcasm of my smirk. “I’m willing if you are. Otherwise, samesies.”
Apparently picking up on her own hypocrisy, Rachel looks a bit embarrassed at repeating Mich’s nickname despite also hating it when people shorten hers like that.
But misplaced as it was, my anger slides away before she says anything. “Thanks for the concern, Rachel. But I’m over it.”
Rachel’s eyes go through a lot of different beginnings of movements before settling on a classic widen. “That was, um… Fast.”
“I’ve basically had all the time in the world to cope. But it’s fine. It honestly shouldn’t have even taken me that long. I’m just frustrated. I mean getting all my equipment back is handy, but that Skill feels half-waisted now.”
I sigh. “At least it was just a Common… I guess I’ll have to practice with them until I can figure out a reliable way to sheathe two swords at once. With my whole time-stoppy power, I can’t see myself being unable to figure that out. Even if I have to buy another Skill to do it… Three swords will only make it harder, so I need a real solution. And in the meantime, I figured out a way to cheer myself up.”
Rachel at least looks relieved that I’m not inconsolably depressed like she clearly thought I was. “Oh?”
“Yep. Just got my physical strength to 30. Then, I put a Physical Strength Rune in each of these katanas.”
Mich splutters. “What? But why? I told you how valuable those are. How could you just waste them like that?”
I roll my eyes at the exaggerated non-issue. “Oh, bite me, mom. I found them. They’re mine to waste as I see fit. And what I see fit is to get my Physical Strength to 32 right now. Besides, I looked it up. Physical Strength Runes aren’t in high demand. Nothing like the Magical Strength ones. Not like I wasted any of those… I’m not stupid. Also, I have three of them left, even after the ‘waste’. No Speed ones yet… But STAT Runes really aren’t turning out to be as rare as you made them sound. And even if they were, don’t have a conniption fit.”
“But I… You… How did you manage to find five?”
I look at him like he’s stupid. “Loot drops. Duh. Haven’t you gotten any?”
Mich groans. “Yeah… One or two… maybe…”
“Well maybe you’d earn more if you were out there grinding like me instead of partaking in your vaunted ‘talking to people’ hobby.”
“What do you mean? We’ve both leveled up a lot since we got here.”
“And what Level are you again?”
He smirks in what seems to be long-awaited glee. “I hit Nine just this month.”
So like last week? Or was it more like three weeks ago? Not that it makes a difference. “Oh. Ok, cool.”
“What? You didn’t think I could keep up with you? Let alone that I’d get there first?”
“I mean… No? But you haven’t. Not by a long shot. This whole thing was me hitting Level Ten.”
Everybody flinches to one degree or another and looks at me like I’m crazy.
I can only look similarly back at the shocked faces. “Oh what? Did you really think you were matching my pace?”
Rachel does an excited whoop. “You go, girl!”
Ross nudges her to stop, noticing Mich’s forehead still cradled in his hand.
Mich eventually cranes his neck up. “Alright, I can see where this is going. You’re ahead of us all by so much that you lapped us. Point taken. But, if I may ask, what’s so great about 32 Strength that you’d waste what is, relative to you or not, an objectively literal small fortune, just to get where you were already going in two Levels anyway? Which, at this rate… I dunno… This year, do you think? I mean that’s pushing it expectation-wise, but I wouldn’t put it past you at this point.”
I didn’t think about that. But it only takes me a second to dismiss it as wishful thinking. Just like getting from level 8 to 10 takes four times the work of getting from 1 to 8, reaching Level 12 will take four times the XP I already got just to get this far. So it’s not just a tiny wait I skipped.
More like I teleported to the end of a marathon after running only a fifth of it. Did I win the race? No. But I got a medal for some reason… Yeah, the analogy breaks down pretty quick. But he’s right. I would’ve gotten there soon enough anyway. But there are a lot of minor bonuses and boosts and quality-of-life improvements you get from hitting STAT milestones.
As for the one that made me pull the trigger? For the answer to Mich’s actual question? I don’t say another word. Instead, I resume walking the way we were headed before I made us stop. Only this time with swords drawn and extended. In the interest of not sending mixed messages, I just walk down the road like that until they start following.
In mutual apathy, the three others quickly resume their previous pace.
As we walk towards Central, I don’t slow anyone down. But I do zip all around and between them, slicing random stuff in half with both swords. Even if it all regenerates once we’re a little further down the road.
I’m initially doing it just to show off. But cutting big rocks and stuff in half like butter is utterly satisfying in a way I’ve never quite felt before. As long as I maintain a certain minimum speed to count as a swing, my elongated swords glide through entire boulders like a spoon through cream. When it exits, the sword even leaves a perfectly smooth groove along the curved path it took through the stone. I can probably cut out a chair for myself…
I start trying to.
But soon enough, Ross gets fed up with my constant yelling and brandishing what might as well be giant cleavers so near to him while he walks. “Do you have to do that?”
I don’t look away from my work as I answer absentmindedly. “No.” I slice a rock into what I intended to look like pizza slices, but ends up resembling something closer to a haphazardly-cut-up block of cheese. “Of course not.”
“So why are you doing it?”
Starting over with a new rock, I cut this one into a pyramid. “Shit… How sad is it that I was going for The Eiffel Tower? But I only realized how hard that would be after the first few cuts. I mean it’s got all those holes for the scaffolding or whatever, right? How do you even..?”
“And why now of all times?”
I think through the necessary steps of cutting a pyramid into something that intricate and with that many holes. But before I can figure it out, I realize that Ross was asking me something. “What? Oh… Like, why am I doing it now? I mean… I just got my Strength to 32, remember? That was the whole point of the runes I ‘wasted’ according to Stingy Michy over there.”
I turn to the man now with an affronted look about his new nickname. “So did you know that the 32-point Strength Milestone makes your attacks environmentally destructive?”
Mich shrugs through his scowl. “I guess that sounds familiar? I never thought of it as a particularly important milestone though. Not like the Friendly Fire one at 24. With you minmaxing Speed, I was always worried about hitting you since none of the rest of us are there yet.”
Rachel makes a noise like she just saw a cat. “Aaawe… That’s so sweet of you to care.”
I can only stare slack-jawed at Rachel, unsure of how to process the one who hit me the most, congratulating the one who hit me the second-most, on being so careful not to hit me. But then I just drop it and look back at Mich. “Yeah, thanks for that. Anyway, I don’t know if you noticed, but all my poorly measured swings have been bouncing off walls and ceilings and shit this whole time. It’s been super fucking annoying. And I knew it’d only get worse with two swords. Now though?” With practically no effort, I abandon all Eiffel-esque ambitions and cut my newly carved pyramid in half. I look over the group with a shit-eating grin.
They all look back at me with varyingly suppressed levels of nonetheless obvious annoyance.
“Oh don’t be a bunch of dicks. I’m depressed. Distressed. Overall a mess. Remember? I can’t do the quick-sheathing thing like I assumed I could. And this is making me feel better.” On a whim, I use my left hand to cut one half-pyramid into thin, vertical slices while going horizontal on the other with my right.
Admiring my work, I can’t help but feel warm and fuzzy at my new superpower to never have my attacks bounce off anything anymore. “Aaall better…” I don’t even flinch as the thin strips of rock clatter and break the instant they fall from the precarious position my cut left them in.
Then I notice Ross. At some point during my rock surgery, he seems to have decided on an alternate route to get away from me running with knives around him by riding a massive T-Rex.
My jaw drops. “Wait… YOU’RE A SUMMONER???”
He makes a face at me. Then his large rocket-mounted reptile roars in mine.
I just take it. After a lengthy subjective consideration, I have to admit that I deserve this one.
Ross’s face doesn’t change throughout the entire, multi-layered roar. Only after it’s fully over does he elaborate. “You seriously didn’t know that?”
“I dunno, I…” I remember a few hints that I dismissed at the time because… “I guess I just wasn’t paying attention?”
Somehow, I can immediately tell that isn’t the answer he was looking for. “You called me Dino-boy two weeks ago.”
“I mean… I’m not that dense. I knew it had something to do with dinosaurs. I think we all knew it had something to do with dinosaurs.” I look around for general approval.
I don’t get any.
I am now glad for one more reason to be so close to Central and my nifty new rock-slicers.