JESSIE : LEVEL 5
DAY 21 : E-DAY, THIRDWEEK, AGNI, YEAR 1
FRESH STARTSVILLE 1 : GATE 1 : SIDEQUESTS
As a road-weary Mich and I approach the second town either of us have ever seen in Heaven, I get the distinct impression that both our minds are on little more than a hot shower, warm food, and anyone at all for Mich to talk to besides me. But the closer we get to a new social outlet for him, the more our attention is diverted to a clearing just to the right of the village.
That’s where an old, ragged woman is jumping up and down. It particularly catches my attention because of how she’s yelling and waving right at us. And doing so more and more desperately as our determinedly straight path leads us more and more clearly into town, and away from her.
But before we can make it all the way down the path, the woman’s wailing gets to me and I start to feel bad for just ignoring her. I still do though. At least until I seem to get one step too close and the system takes over.
[ NEW SIDE QUEST: A DESPERATE PLEA — SUCCESS: HELP THE OLD WOMAN BY THE ROADSIDE — XP: 8 — REWARD: $4 USD — FAILURE: 64 XP DEBT — DIFFICULTY: VERY EASY ]
The quest, namely its failure penalty, finally gets us to stop in our tracks, look at each other, glare at the old lady, look back at each other, shrug, and finally make a beeline for her. I mean whatever she’s so agitated about can’t possibly be worse than setting us both back the equivalent of 64 spider kills. Besides, it’s kind of sad that she couldn’t get anyone from town to help. Says it all that she’s even resorted to flagging down random passers-by.
[ HERO TARGETED: ELEANOR ]
Once we’re close enough, Eleanor’s frantic worry transitions into an excited welcome as she hurries us forward.
Mich waves back, jogging over and calling out to the woman as soon as he can do so without resorting to her own volume. “Hi there! What seems to be the problem? And how can we help?”
But Eleanor ignores him, all her attention on me from the moment I got distracted by the clearing itself, which was also around when Mich said ‘hi’.
Not that I care about any of that, busy as I am emitting a constant, excited, yet muted squeal. My first and only priority is now doing everything in my power not to startle the bunny I’m creeping towards to try and pet.
Apparently sensing that I’m not a predator, the rabbit dashes over and nuzzles my outstretched hand.
Eleanor fully ignores Mich as she smiles down at me. “Oh good, you’ve already begun. Such a diligent child.”
For my part, I’m grinning ear-to-ear. The instant I got that quest, I was already suspicious. And annoyed. And eager to get this over with. But no more. “Thank you so much! I love rabbits!” I actually start to tear up as the bunny nuzzles my face and the past week of failing to hit things flashes before my eyes. And the boat, of course. Always the boat. In any event, I look back up at Eleanor. “I really needed this today…”
She smiles warmly back. “Wonderful. It always ran away when I got near, so I couldn’t catch the bugger myself.” Her voice deepens significantly. “Now kill it.”
I stiffen, slightly alarming the bunny as I gape in bewilderment at the old lady. “W-what?”
“KILL THE RABBIT!!!”
“What in the fucking… NO. In fact… I’m rescuing it from you. That’s what’s happening now, you crazy bitch.”
The woman scowls down at me in a snarl. “You will come to regret this decision.”
I consider that possibility for nearly a whole half-second. “Nope… Don't think I will.”
[ SIDE QUEST FAILED: A DESPERATE PLEA — FAILURE: 64 XP DEBT ]
[ NEW SIDE QUEST: RESCUE RABBIT — SUCCESS: SET THE BUNNY FREE WHERE ELEANOR CAN’T SEE — XP: 8 — REWARD: $4 USD — DIFFICULTY: VERY EASY ]
Okay, that’s some bullshit. I spit at Eleanor’s feet. “Yeah, great. I like sleeping at night a whole lot better than I like… Wow, you wanted to make me kill a sweet, innocent, widdle cuddwy bwunny… For $4? You're not just a psycho, you're a stingy psycho… Not the best combo for a personality.”
Eyes going wide and suddenly brandishing a knife, the crone leaps forward. “SHUT UP AND DIE!!!”
My own eyes widen as I reflexively turn around to put myself between the bitch and the bunny, readying my new Aura Burst skill to create some distance after the crazy bunny-hater lands the first strike. But it never comes.
After a few seconds, I open my eyes to land them on Eleanor with a suspicious gaze. A less warm, more mocking smile spreads across my face.
She really thought she’d get me to hit her first, huh?
Presenting the back of my middle finger not holding a bunny for inspection, I glance at a particularly bemused Mich before turning around and walking straight past the now fuming woman, and towards the town with my rescue in hand. The vehemence with which I mentally urge the bitch to go fuck herself only increases as the bunny burrows deeper into my arms.
With that, we finally pass into the town proper of the first proper town either of us have seen in a week. Except where that last one was all in the style of a 1950s-era suburb, this is more of a cozy little farming village. Only without a farm in sight. The effect is a lot like a plantation-themed section in one of those old amusement parks where you could buy pumpkin-laden versions of the same overpriced junk sold everywhere else in the park. I mean not every business is identical to the ones from The Town of All Beginnings. The Plot Armory is notably absent, for example. But I’m definitely also noticing quite a few repeats of what I suspect might be Gamesphere-wide franchises.
[ WELCOME TO FRESH STARTSVILLE ]
Almost immediately upon walking through, we’re inundated with the enthusiastic sound of a loud, excited blue man wearing a business suit and word-vomiting at another guy in a familiar brown poncho. “So you have $128 USD, correct?”
The guy in the poncho nods hesitantly. “Yes… Exactly correct. How did you know?”
“Why that’s no secret, young man. All new Heroes are granted the same sum of money on arrival. This is Heaven, after all. But if you’re looking for a secret…” He projects a whisper that seems to transcend its own volume. “There are other, more exclusive forms of currency.”
My eyes narrow even through my petting of an increasingly content bunny.
Poncho Guy hesitates. “R-really?”
Which reminds me…
[ HERO TARGETED: ROSS ]
[ CITIZEN TARGETED: 8093383271 ]
The NPC that I instantly forgot the number-name of, claps his hands. “Of course! What you have is USD. As you may or may not be aware, the ‘U’ stands for ‘Universal’. Now, you can go out and grind all the dungeons and quests and encounters you like, and I’d wager all the USD I have that you won’t find any other type. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t others. There are eight, as a matter of fact. ASD, BSD, CSD, DSD, ESD, FSD, GSD, and HSD are each far rarer and more valuable than USD. Now, I like to help the new Heroes out, and I’m rather flush at the moment. So here’s what I’m prepared to do. You give me all the USD you have, and I’ll give you $1 GSD for every $5 USD you give me. I’ll give you one guess at what ‘G’ stands for.”
Ross’s mouth practically waters as he reverently whispers the obvious answer. “Gold…”
The suited NPC nods encouragingly. “Now I respect the frugality of a young man like yourself. So I’ll even round up, and pay out as though you’re giving me $130 USD. That’ll land you with $26 clean GSD, ready to be seed money for the breakout entrepreneur I know you’re destined to be. All I ask is that when you make it to the top, you remember who helped you on your way up.”
Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.
Ross is practically beaming now. “You’ve got a-”
And that’s all I can take. “Nope!” I jump between them, bunny in hand, the other slapping away the one the suited NPC is holding out to the newbie. “Not happening.” I briefly turn to face the suited man to hopefully distract him from the red ‘3’ that rose from his wrist at my slap. “You can fuck right off.” As soon as the number dissipates, I turn back to the guy who was just about to get scammed. “Alright buddy, look. ‘G’ stands for ‘Gaia’. Not ‘Gold’. And-”
The flabbergasted blue man in the suit seems to remember himself. “Now see here young lady, you’re interrupting a private-”
I don’t look, but instead hold out the hand I just used to slap his own, hoping he gets the implied suggestion to talk to that instead. Doing so, I glance at Mich. “Hey, you wanna back me up here?”
Mich steps forward. “I was waiting for him to actually incriminate himself before jumping into this mess. But fine, I suppose we’re past that now.” He turns to face the poncho-laden Ross. “$1 GSD is worth $2 USD. But that’s only true in The Quake kingdom. Everywhere else, here for example, it’s $0.5 USD.”
Reversing my palm to flip off the guy in the suit, I don’t otherwise pay him any mind. “But even a 200% boost doesn’t negate the fact that this idiot’s trying to trade you five for one.” I turn to fully face the blue-skinned suit-man I’m still flipping off. “The fuck is that about?”
Said suit-man is clearly flustered at my sudden interrogation. “I was just about to sweeten the pot by lowering it to four instead of five.”
“So? That doesn’t fix anything when it’s worth less than one.”
The NPC stutters for a second before squaring his shoulders, straightening his tie, pivoting 135º, and briskly walking away.
Ross just watches him go, nonplussed, having technically been part of all that without saying a word. Then he seems to remember we’re still here and stammers a belated greeting to Mich and myself. “I, um, thanks?”
Mich claps him on the shoulder. “You’re quite welcome, young man. If you don’t mind me asking… What's your name?”
“I’m Ross. And what do I call my good-cop-rude-cop saviors?”
“I’m Mich. The rude cop goes by ‘Jessie’.”
I raise a different finger as though to correct the nickname. But I guess it is pretty accurate. And if I complain about it now, it might become permanent. So it’s with a concerted effort of self control that I just blow right past it. “So are we gonna go eat, or what?”
Mich seems momentarily lost. “Oh yeah… Kinda forgot I was hungry for a minute there. But now I definitely remember.” He turns to Ross. “You wanna come? If this is anything like the last town we were in, the food is a big step up from whatever you’re used to.”
Ross hedges. “And what’ll that cost me?”
Mich smiles warmly. “Our treat.”
I smile coldly. “But if you wanna cover yourself, that’ll be a whole $1.”
Ross keeps looking at Mich, but nods towards the bunny in my hands. “Are they gonna let her into the restaurant like that?”
Mich blinks, seeming to just now remember that whole encounter from before. “Right… Well, we should probably get a carrier or something first.”
I reflexively turn the little sleeping rabbit nestled in my arms away from Ross. But once I truly consider it, I realize he has a point. I really shouldn’t be putting this off. “Actually, you guys go ahead. Just message me when you find a place to eat and I’ll meet you there after I drop this little guy off somewhere far away from that crazy bitch.”
“You’re not keeping it?”
I wrinkle my nose for more than one reason. I want to. I really, really do. But… “I’m not exactly in the right place for a pet right now. I kinda feel like you gotta be settled down somewhere for that. And this little guy probably has a family. Or friends. Or some kind of rabbit… Tribe? Do rabbits have tribes?”
The two men just kind of look at each other and shrug.
I do the same. “Well, whatever. You guys look for somewhere to eat, and I’ll go find a place to set this widdle pwuffy fwuffball free.” Mentally patting myself on the back for not saying ‘fwee’ just then, I take off for the opposite side of the village from the entrance.
I’m actually about to jump the wall when in a flash, I remember the last time I did that. Shuddering, I instead look around for an alternative. Thankfully, unlike The Town of All Beginnings, Fresh Startsville has more than one entrance.
Passing through, I spot an old man running a suspiciously theme-park-like concession stand just outside the fence. I jerk to a stop when my vision is obstructed by another quest.
[ NEW SIDE QUEST: THIEF! — SUCCESS: RETURN STOLEN GOODS — XP: 8 — REWARD: $4 USD — FAILURE: 64 XP DEBT — DIFFICULTY: VERY EASY ]
What is it with these quests and the XP Debt penalties? I turn to the candy stand owner. Then to the nearby NPC licking a lollipop. Then back at the owner. I narrow my eyes. “Seriously?”
The old candy-cart-man shrugs, side-eyeing a few more people as they grumble, walk right past, and thereby forfeit the quest they clearly also got.
I just stand there, pet the bunny, and think this through. Then I walk over to the NPC, use all my increased speed and strength to snatch his stolen goods, walk over to the stand, and toss the half-licked lollipop on the instantly sticky counter.
[ COMPLETED SIDE QUEST: THIEF! — XP: 8 — REWARD: $4 USD ]
Without saying anything, I turn around and extract the $4 I just got in a pouch the system generates whenever more than $1 is removed from Inventory. Throwing the pouch just barely soft enough not to do damage to the quest-giver’s face, I scoop up a dozen new lollipops being sold at $1 for a pack of three. Then I turn around and shove all twelve of them at the NPC.
Said NPC starts to object to each step in this process, but can’t quite get a word in while I do all this. “What are you-” “Hey, give that ba-” “Where are you-” “More candy-” “WHAT IS HAPPENING???”
I half-turn around as I walk away. “Sorry, I got a quest to take what you stole from that dick in the stand, who I’m guessing gave it to you for free? Anyway, either have a good day or go fuck yourself depending on how right I am.” Around the end of my sentence, I turn the corner and walk out of sight. “Thanks for the eight XP!”
The stand owner looks from me, to the NPC, and back to me as I walk away. “Well I… I mean, how dare…”
The NPC just sighs wearily. “Goddamned Players…”
After a few minutes of going way too fast to be reasonably called a ‘jog’, I happen upon a beatific meadow. It’s far enough from Farmville that I’m confident nobody from back there is targeting me. And sure enough…
[ COMPLETED SIDE QUEST: RESCUE RABBIT — XP: 8 — REWARD: $4 USD ]
At nearly the same time, I get a different sort of message.
[ TEAM / MICH: WE FOUND A PLACE TO EAT. IT’S CALLED THE PICKLE BARN ]
Finding a good spot, I set the bunny down. Or I try to.
But it doesn’t wanna let go.
So instead, I sit in the grass and give the little guy one last snuggle. “I know we’ve been together about as long as you can remember. But I really can’t take you with me. I have nowhere to keep you. And I have a recent history of jumping into situations where I might die. Not to mention the times I actually do…”
I sniff through my sudden congestion. “I don’t even know if you can respawn… As bad of a place to live as this is, whatever cage I’d have to carry you in, can’t be better. And I’m sure-as-hell not sticking you into my inventory. Talk about animal abuse…” I shake my head clear of the dystopian nightmare that thought inspires. “Alright, listen… One day, I’ll settle down. Or at least I’ll have a place to call ‘home’. When I do, you’re more than welcome to come. But for now?”
Hugging the bunny tight, I roll the floofy animal onto the lush grass. Before I have a chance to change my mind, I jump to my feet and run away.
I’m paying so little attention to where I’m going that even my Radial Awareness can’t keep me from immediately slamming into a tree and falling flat on my face. Groaning, I call back to the bunny already chasing after me. “See? This is what it’s like!”
One last glance, and I’m running full-tilt away from the little guy.
Which reminds me of those two bigger guys…
[ TEAM / JESSIE: ON MY WAY ]
[ TEAM / JESSIE: WAIT, NO. EW. IT'S CALLED PICKLE BARN? FUCK THAT ]
[ TEAM / MICH: WHAT’S WRONG? ]
[ TEAM / JESSIE: I HATE PICKLES ]
[ TEAM / MICH: THEY HAVE OTHER FOOD TOO ]
[ TEAM / JESSIE: DOES IT HAVE PICKLES? ]
[ TEAM / MICH: PROBABLY ]
[ TEAM / JESSIE: THEN NO ]
[ TEAM / MICH: WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO? ]
[ TEAM / JESSIE: PICK A DIFFERENT PLACE ]
[ TEAM / MICH: WE ALREADY SAT DOWN ]
[ TEAM / JESSIE: THEN I’LL FIND SOMEWHERE ELSE AND MEET YOU AFTER ]
[ TEAM / MICH: FOR REAL? ]
[ TEAM / JESSIE: I HATE PICKLES ]
[ TEAM / MICH: ROSS IS COMING WITH US ]
[ TEAM / JESSIE: WHAT? ]
[ TEAM / ROSS: HI! ]
[ TEAM / JESSIE: DO I GET A SAY IN THIS? ]
[ TEAM / ROSS: OK WOW ]
[ TEAM / MICH: WE WERE GOING TO TALK IT THROUGH OVER A MEAL ]
[ TEAM / MICH: BUT YOU APPARENTLY DON’T LIKE PICKLES ENOUGH FOR THAT ]
[ TEAM / JESSIE: WHATEVER ]
[ TEAM / JESSIE: WELCOME TO THE TEAM, I GUESS ]
[ TEAM / ROSS: THANKS? ]