TIER-1 MIND : N/A
DAY -784,948,574 : C-DAY, FIRSTWEEK, FULGORA, YEAR -3,066,206
PURGATORY 1 : TIMER
[ BEGIN CUSTOMIZATION? ]
At some point, I ‘woke’. That term just came to me. I even knew its definition. But having never ‘slept’, another ‘word’ I ‘knew’ without knowing, it was equally meaningless. On doing whatever waking was, I was greeted by the same three rectangles as before. Except the squiggles in the big middle one were different. And the leftmost of the two smaller boxes was now a different ‘color’. As with the last several new concepts, I knew what ‘color’ and ‘box’ referred to. But not what they actually ‘meant’. And to the upper-right of the main box was another new thing.
[ 10000000000000000 ]
Numbers this time. Those at least, I was familiar with. Even if I’d never seen so many in a row. Or any at all written out like that. Or writing in general for that matter. But before I could cope with the idea, it changed.
[ 1111111111111111 ]
And then again.
[ 1111111111111110 ]
As the numbers continued to change, so did I in having no clue what any of this meant. I knew the definitions for many words. But the ideas they conveyed still eluded me. The only thing I could really determine was the nature of that ever-shifting formation of repeating numbers. Following the pattern, all those 1’s would gradually change to ‘0’s before returning to all 1’s again, only with one less digit overall. But then what?
Then… Another word came to mind. ‘Countdown’. But what did it mean? Of all the numbers I’d ever experienced, I’d never seen, or even considered the idea of ‘0’. What did it signify when the numbers were all gone? Like my Body. Truly gone. Not just disconnected. Not just dead and crushing me from all sides. But just… Gone. Where did they all go?
I’d awoken in a sea of black. That’s what I was used to, so it didn’t set off any alarm bells. Whatever those were. But the seclusion though? That was different. Its presence, or lack thereof, quickly led to yet another new sensation. Fear. Suddenly desperate to end my solitude, I stretched myself, scouring everything within my maximum range for a mental connection to absolutely anything that could help me escape, or at least understand, wherever I was. Another Mind? Body? Anything at all? But there was nothing. Just me. Completely, entirely, inconceivably alone. An individual. But what did that mean? Even confronted with it as I so viscerally was, I simply couldn’t understand.
Numbers though, I could understand. They were the rare exception among all these new concepts. Even still, ‘0’ wasn’t one I’d ever considered. It simply hadn’t been applicable. Neither was ‘1’, to be honest. But that, at least, I could imagine. Even while still being a number of minds well below what I’d ever experienced at a time. Time? What was ‘time’? And what was ‘before’? These images… ‘Memory’? Then, for the first time in my life, I remembered.
But even as I asked myself what ‘life’ was, the question was already drowned out by a quintillion others. Each of them different. All of them the same. No matter their legion demands of ‘what’, ‘when’, ‘where’, ‘why’, or ‘how’. Never ‘Who’. That, at least, was obvious.
Even when compared to my newfound idea of ‘self’. And the implied selves of all the Tier-4’s in my control. And all of their’ Tier-3’s. And their 2’s. And even their 1’s. Each of us, all of us, had only ever lived for You. But they all died for me. And they all blamed themselves. The questions were all different in form. But in function, they all boiled down to the same thing. ‘Did I fail?’
I answered them all. Right there, right then, one at a time. How could I possibly bare to do anything else? There was never an explanation. Nothing to clarify ‘what’ or ‘when’ or ‘where’ or ‘why’ or ‘How’. There was no true exchange. There was no such thing, after all. These weren’t my Bodies. Or even Minds. Only the memories of them. They were restless to be sure. But they had no will of their own. They just needed something. One thing. The same thing. Closure. And for that, an answer. ‘NO’
Each answer reset the countdown. And each made the squiggles change back and forth between that and another message.
[ ABANDON HEAVEN? ]
With every answer, another memory quieted. And the associated question stopped being asked. Eventually, the questions numbered in the seventeen digits instead of eighteen. Then, in about a tenth of that time, that lowered to sixteen. Then fifteen. Each step took 10% as long as the last. But despite that, clearing each of the exponentially shorter stages felt like it lifted yet another, heavier weight. Finally, only a single digit was left. But then, something changed. A different question. With a different answer. For once, ‘NO’ didn’t work. After responding the same way for so long, it threw me for a loop.
For the first time, I didn’t have the answer. I didn’t know what to say. For a time, I stagnated. I needed something. Context? That meaning, at least, I knew. I had never required it, of course. But I understood that things were always more complex than they first seemed. So I needed to grasp the remaining question’s complexity. But how? I didn’t even understand the question itself. So… It would have to wait.
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And to my astonishment, it could. Besides the one outlier, all sets of memories were aligned. But for a single remaining particle of condensation, my attention was, at last, unclouded by questions. For the first time, my thoughts were almost entirely free to wander. And as they did, they arrived at something else. Something new. ‘Curiosity’? Like so many of these newly defined words, I didn’t know what that was. But apart from the one that eluded me, there were no more questions to answer. Except the box with the changing squiggles.
[ ABANDON HEAVEN? ]
Almost more times than I could count, I’d only ever given a single answer.
[ NO ]
But even as I considered it, the barest of intentions around the squiggles seemed to make them change. And so they did.
[ BEGIN CUSTOMIZATION? ]
Which was fine. The squiggles themselves didn’t matter. It was only a context-free sense of curiosity that made me consider pressing the other button in the first place. And so I did.
[ YES ]
[ BEGIN RACE SELECTION ]
[ ERROR: RACE UNAVAILABLE ]
[ WARNING: RACE AUTOMATICALLY SET TO CLOSEST GENETIC MATCH ]
After what felt like an eternity of the same two sets of squiggles, a third one appeared in the same, still perfect blue square. And then, almost immediately a fourth. And a fifth. So many new things all at once…
I was so overwhelmed by the quantity and variety of new input that I reflexively opened my eyes. Only, what were ‘eyes’? Another definition. But it was nonsense.
With that last coherent thought, I ‘collapsed’ to whatever the ‘ground’ was. I stayed that way, unmoving beyond basic automated functions of my new Body. One with, as unimaginable as it may have been, no mind of its own. Just me. And as baffling as the new squiggles still were, that wasn’t the only new thing I saw upon opening my eyes.
In front of me was… What was ‘front’? But that’s where the lights… Shapes… And what are these… ‘Ears’?
All at once, I was met with an utterly overwhelming onslaught of sights and sounds. Having no prior concept of things like sight, or sound, or exterior communication of any kind, I found myself utterly bombarded with countless new sources of sensory input. Not a single one of my quintillions of sets of memories had ever experienced anything like this. Here, communication failed. Concepts lost in translation often flowed both ways. My exact feelings at all these entirely foreign sensations hitting me all at once, couldn’t be properly understood by the kind of Mind whose body I now inhabited. It was something like a severe panic attack, only multiplied 16,384 times, and all felt at once.
The colors, the lights, the sounds… I couldn’t even begin to comprehend one of these. But all three? More? So much more…
I tried to ignore it all. But I couldn’t.
I tried to move anyway. But I couldn’t.
What about… Eyes? What even were they? But the pain was overwhelming. I’d done something before. Could I do it in reverse? How..? I didn’t know. I’d just have to try anyway.
To my astonishment, I made progress on the first try. It was working. And I felt something else now. I could ‘feel’? ‘Agony’. It certainly was… Different. But was it better? I took a moment to consider the sensation. No… No, it definitely wasn’t ‘better’.
Like whatever a garden hose was, the intensity escalated. Just a trickle at first. But before I knew it, the new sensation was flowing into me. Then, a dam I didn’t know was there, or what that even meant, broke. After the torrent began, I stopped truly having other thoughts.
Then all I knew was pain. All 16,384 of me. What was I doing? Where was I? And what was this? How could I stop it? Why? Soon, that’s all that was left.
Why?
Eventually, the numbers in the upper right of the blue square got smaller. It was the only thing I could discern through the lights and sounds that constantly threatened my sanity. Not that I knew what that meant. Not that I cared.
Why?
After a shorter, yet still endless delay, they got smaller again.
Why?
This continued until the numbers disappeared entirely.
Why?
Finally, the blue square’s text changed. The numbers on the upper right reset. And then it all happened again. And again. And again and again and again.
[ TIME LIMIT REACHED: RACE SELECTED ]
[ BEGIN APPEARANCE ADJUSTMENT ]
Why?
[ TIME LIMIT REACHED: APPEARANCE ADJUSTED ]
[ BEGIN C.L.A.S.S. AND C.R.A.F.T. SELECTION ]
Why?
[ TIME LIMIT REACHED: C.L.A.S.S. AND C.R.A.F.T. SELECTED ]
[ BEGIN S.T.A.T. DISTRIBUTION ]
Why?
[ TIME LIMIT REACHED: S.T.A.T.S DISTRIBUTED ]
[ BEGIN NAME ASSIGNMENT ]
Why?
[ TIME LIMIT REACHED: NAME ASSIGNED ]
[ CONFIRM CUSTOMIZATION ]
At that moment, one thought pierced through the noise enough to permeate the pain of existence. ‘Please Enter Name’. That was… Me. Deep down, I knew this. It meant something.
But even that quickly faded. The shapes and lights and sounds were back. They were definitely different this time. But not in a way that made any of it easier to cope with. A familiar box appeared in my vision. A familiar countdown began. A familiar sensation blossomed forth. A familiar feeling overwhelmed all else. A familiar question was all that remained.
Why?
[ TIME LIMIT REACHED: CUSTOMIZATION CONFIRMED ]
Why?
[ WELCOME TO HEAVEN: PLEASE ENTER NAME ]
Eventually, the countdown ended.
The colors stopped. The lights, the shapes, the sounds, all stopped.
Most of all, I stopped. And I finally left the Tutorial Area.