Oh, boy.

I looked at myself in the shiny, glittering blue walls of Gū Shān Mìdòng, turning this way and that. Hmm, I looked good in this outfit, hehe. I always looked good in any outfit, of course.

I was wearing a deep blue robe with golden linings. The sleeves were sewn head to toe with talismans, so that when I lifted my arms and flapped them around like a chicken, all of them fluttered and made paper-shifting noises like a flock of birds. Wards were painted onto them in blood (Xiangshi had provided the blood, so don't ask me where the heck that came from, I don't wanna know). On my head I wore a cylindrical black hat with silver embroidering and glimmering tassels falling down around my shoulders. A stifling traditional look, but I have to say, I was seriously pulling it off. There was only one problem...

"...Do I have to wear this stuff over my face?" I frowned, picking up the golden tassels hanging over my face. How woudl anyone see my great immortal beauty and be intimidated by my gorgeous features if my face was covered up?!

Xiangshi made a grunt of annoyance. "Yes. Have you never been to a shaman? They all wear this headgear. If you go without it, you will look suspicious. In addition to that..." She twirled her lithe white fingers at me, and more tassels draped down over my face. I blew them away unsuccessfully, crossing my arms in annoyance.

"What was that for?! Trying to cover my stunning immortal image?"

I could practically feel Xiangshi rolling her reddish-black eyes and taking a long drag of her pipe. Did that smoke have calming qualities? She sure seemed to smoke it more when she was annoyed. Hmmm. That made me think...I'd never tried any kind of smoking in this world. Or in my last life, either! I hadn't even drank in this world so far! Why was I limiting my immortal being when getting a little silly would have no effect on my pristine health? I should really go try some alcohol sometime...

"Are you listening?" Xiangshi's irritated, silky voice pierced through my wonderings. I'd have to make a note later to try some rice wine. I shot Xiangshi a thumbs up and nodded. Then i immediately stopped giving a thumbs up and just crossed my arms and nodded, since doing thumbs-ups wasn't really something people did around here. "Was that a gesture of disrespect?" Xiangshi snapped. I could feel her crossing her arms and glaring hotly.

"Nope! It's a gesture of extreme respect." I grinned. I was getting pretty good at smoothly lying, what with having to convince the irritable Xiangshi all of my weird modern gestures weren't murderous.

"Hmmm...Fine. And I will repeat myself but one more time." But one more time? What a sophisticated way to say something so simple! I should take notes on that for my immortal poser-ness. "You must have your face entirely covered, because otherwise this plan will immediately fail. Do you remember what you are meant to do?"

I thumbs-upped, immediately stopped again, and nodded, causing all of the tassels to bounce. I probably looked a little like Chewbacca now, didn't I? With all my immortal radiance stifled? I sighed. "Yeah, I remember. Liu Chenyang has a favored mortal shaman that he calls up yearly to make predictions on his wealth and stuff. I ambush the shaman at his palace, take his place, and give out Liu Chenyang's fortune in front of his entire court. Basically, I roast him and convince everyone of his terribleness and that he doesn't deserve to be a god, yada yada...Then I come back and you give me one wish! And you tell any travellers that come into your domain how amazing I am and give me a good recommendation to them." I grinned. This was a pretty hard task, yeah...but if I succeeded in this, imagine the fame? A good word from an ancient spirit of the most spiritually filled caves in all the land, a wish of my choice, and a legendary takedown of a shitty father and god? Hell yeah!

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"Good." Xiangshi's voice was satisfied. "I trust you to use your cultivation abilities to properly complete this task. I pulled my face tassels to the side and grinned at her, shooting her a wink. She glared at me in return, looking sour. With a flick of her pale wrist, she drew out a red crystal from the air. It glittered and glowed from within, as though containing a small fire. She tossed it towards me, and I caught it, fumbling for a couple seconds and blowing tassels out of my mouth. They looked real shiny, but they did NOT taste good, goddamn.

Xiangshi continued: "This crystal I brought with me when I was banished by my father. Each of his favored sons is granted one of these crystals to travel to his palace for grand celebrations or to report their glorious deeds and expansion of his kingdom. My father likely forgot about me shortly after he was rid of me, and forgot to null the power of mine. Use this in the following array to travel to his palace gates." Xiangshi lifted a lilting hand and pointed at the ground, where in blood an invisible hand drew a circle, lines, stars and characters of an ancient nature I'd never learned about at the Jade Heaven Sect. "Remember this array well. You will need it to return." I squinted at the array real hard, holding the tassels away from my eyes. Hmmm. All right. I had a pretty good picture of it. It wasn't so different from a modern teleportation array after all. That character at the top right though, it was a strange one--like a twisting snake looping in on itself. I'd have to remember that.

I was about to flash Xiangshi another thumbs up and a wink, when my head suddenly fogged up. It was like when I tried to look away from that snakey character...my eyes refused. After a moment, the world came back into focus, and I tore my eyes away from it. My heart was pattering in my chest. My breath was loud in my ears, even though I wasn't breathing hard.

What was that?

I pointed.

"What does that character mean?"

"It is of a dark nature. It will allow you to pass from the mortal realm to the realm of the gods without being detected as an unregistered presence."

"Hmmm. But what does it mean, though?"

"...It is the character for 'choice', twisted into a single looped line. It was once written like this to symbolize the twisted nature of mortal will."

I glanced at the character again, and swallowed. Something about that character...

It felt almost familiar. Like I'd seen that shape before. Somewhere out there, in my memory. Somewhere in this brain and body that I'd fallen into over decades ago.

I nodded slowly, tearing my eyes away once more and swallowing.

Quickly, I stepped onto the array with the sound of fluttering paper talismans and clacking wooden shoes. I gripped the red gem tightly, nodding in Xiangshi's direction.

Whatever that character was, it didn't feel like something good.

"I've got this," I grinned towards Xiangshi, shaking the strange feeling off. "Your dad'll be kicked out of the Heavenly Realm before...uh, a bit. Like, a day or so. You can count on me!"

I heard an exasperated sigh from Xiangshi. "Go, then. I...wish you luck."

I grinned again, flashing her another thumbs-up. "You got it!"

And with that, I closed my eyes, poured my qi into the teleportation array, the world went dark.