"..."

After a long and awkward silence, I cleared my throat and imagined myself at the beginning of a bad American 2000's high school movie:

"Lemme get this straight...You, the daughter of Trickster God Liu Chenyang, want me to get him kicked out of godhood with some gossip?"

Xiangshi's eyes were cold. "It is not simply gossip, immortal. His crimes run deeper than the roots of the Emperor's gingko tree. He is a disgusting and cowardly man who should have never been a god. And he deserves to be thrown into the dirt like the old rag that he is, that bitch!" Xiangshi's eyes were glowing red now. She was puffing faster and faster on her glittering smokey pipe, huffing and clenching her fists while glaring at me. I raised my hands up in surrender. If this was a manga, I definitely would have a bead of sweat dripping from my eyebrows down my cheek.

"Uh...Big claims, though he does sound...you know, shitty and gross. Like most old men. It's just, uhhhh...."

I rubbed the back of my head awkwardly, shrugging.

"I'm, you know...I'm Xia Yue, the Beautiful, Awesome, Badass immortal Cultivator of the Glittering Mountains. I just ascended, like, uh..." ...Uh, how long had it been now? Five years? Ten? Fifteen? More than that?

Ascension was achieved twelve years ago. I jumped and squeaked as a smooth, Siri-like voice reverberated in my head, causing Xiangshi to frown at me. I laughed nervously and rubbed the back of my head again. "Uh, twelve years ago! Yeah! I'm like, basically a baby immortal, y'know? And, y'know, immortal cultivators are all about becoming myths and legends...so I've just started making a name for myself, y'know?" Damn, how any times was I going to say 'y'know' in one conversation?! "Ahem...and, y'know...if I, y'know..." (BRUH!), "got in trouble with an ancient god like Liu Chenyang...probably wouldn't be so good for my, uh career, y'know?"

HOW MANY TIMES HAD I SAID Y'KNOW JUST NOW? WAS I THAT NERVOUS? I mean, Xiangshi was real cool, so of course I wanted to help her, and getting a good word on my behalf from her would speed me along to legendary status for sure, but if Liu Chenyang--

Apologies for the delay, the System was on a brief coffee break. You have said the words "you know" eight times in the past minute.

"Shut up!" I muttered to the system.

"...What did you just say?" Xiangshi's cold voice quivered. I quickly waved my hands amicably and laughed loudly. "I said, uh...Shush hup! It's a saying where I come from. Anyways...D'you get what I'm saying? It could be really damaging for my career and, uh, life in general, if Liu Chenyang goes after me. Or if any of the other gods go after me. I'm just settling into being immortal and all."

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To my surprise, Xiangshi nodded slowly. She blew out a snakey cloud of this time scarlet glittering dust, her half-translucent form glimmering along with the twisting smoke.

"I understand. I, too, was once like you--wanting nothing more than to build a reputation of greatness. That was before I realized great reputations are given only to those who do not deserve them." She nodded, surveying me with her still-glowing eyes, less red now, just more like the embers of a fire. Damn, I wish I had eyes like that! I'd have to work on cultivating a glow in my eyes somehow, some kind of spell. Real badass look. Xiangshi raised an eyebrow and waved her pipe about, dispersing the scarlet smoke around her form. "This is why I will aid you in taking my father down covertly."

"...Covertly?" It took me a second to remember what that word means. I had never been really good with vocabulary in my past life. Probably because I didn't read anything besides manhwas and mangas...

Xiangshi nodded. "Yes. I was once a member of my father's courts. Though he is a god of tricks, he comforted himself in familiarity. His advisors rarely changed, and his favor for certain sons rarely shifted. I stood in his court among the few who were permitted, knew his servants and the courtesans he called for most. I know how his palace functions, whom he trusts most. And with that information..." She traced a finger through the remnants of red smoke in the air, and small humanoid shadows seemed to form out of the scarlet glitter: a person sneaking across a floor like a spy in a James Bond film. "I will be able to lead you in disguising yourself." She looked at me, eyes glittering. "The blame will fall on someone else. Someone who deserves it, of course, as all those in my father's court do. Your reputation and career as an...immortal..." She eyed me, seeming distasteful. Damn...what did she have against wise immortals like me? She acted just as pretentious, didn't she?! "...Both of these things will remain untouched. And I will reward you with my word of recommendation and a wish of your choice--one that is in my power to grant, of course."

Xiangshi leaned forward--well, seh sort of leaned forward, since she was sitting on the air and all--and looked me straight in the eyes from slightly above. Damn, did she have to be looking down on me like that? I know her status as an ancient spirit was technically more revered than mine as a baby cultivator's, but seriously, she needed to chill.

"...Will you accept this trade?" She said slowly. "You bring about the downfall of my father, in exchange for a good word and a wish from me?"

"...Hmmmm...Gimme a minute." I rubbed my chin for about five seconds. Then I stuck out my hand. "You've got a deal!"

Xiangshi bllinked, staring at my hand. "...Really? So easily? I thought I'd have to offer...What are you doing? Is this a gesture of disrespect? Are you making fun of this spirit?"

I shook my head violently. "No! It's, uh, a custom where I come from! When you make a deal, you 'shake hands'. You take my hand, we put them together like this, and move them up and down a little. Like a seal on the deal! Hehe." Xiangshi stared harshly with puzzlement as I helped her shake my hand. Her translucent skin was cool to the touch, and something in my spine shocked a little when we shook hands. I let go after, giving her as charming an immortal wink as I could muster.

"Deal's sealed! I'll let out the crimes of your dad." I clapped my hands together, rubbing them and grinning.

"Where do we begin?"