Within three days after our return to The Glittering Cave of Immortal Sarcasm, I had Li Cheng and Xu Yun pack up their bags. Just to get one more use out of them, I had them scrub the glittering lavender cave walls one more time to get them nice and sparkly.

Afterwards, we shared a meal of hot, flat, steamed wheat flour discs that I heated over a fire outside the cave. We sat there together, munching on warm bread circles.

The only sounds were chewing and the crackling fire. I chewed my bread. I swallowed. I heated another one, and munched a bite off that. I chewed.

Xu Yun chewed.

Li Cheng chewed.

Somewhere, a bird shrieked.

I coughed and lowered my bread disc.

"So...how's the bread?"

"Very good," Xu Yun blurted through a mouthful of bread, spewing crumbs.

"Yeah—it's pretty good!" Li Cheng agreed, nodding enthusiastically. Dang. I'd never seen him look that excited. He must be pretty ready to go home after all the random ass near-death experiences he'd had here.

"Anyone want some red bean to go with their bread?"

"Me!"

"I'll take some, too!"

I conjured a clay jar of red bean paste out of the air and handed it around. After it got back to me, I scooped out some, munched it on a piece of steamed bread, and swallowed. I coughed again.

"So...you two had better have a safe trip back, okay? And..." I coughed. Dang, what was up with my throat? Was there a bunch of dust in there or something? And why was I feeling awkward? "I wanted to say...it's been nice having you two as students. This Immortal Laoshi—cough—I mean, Immortal Sifu, I guess—will remember you two. Don't do stupid things, okay? Even if you never come back to The Glittering Cave of Immortal Sarcasm, don't forget this Immortal Sifu, okay? And don't get too close to any more vengeful ghosts or something. Got it?"

"Immortal Sifu..." Xu Yun's voice cracked. I stared.

"What, are you crying?"

"Sifu!" Wailing and sniffling like a baby, Xu Yun dropped his bread with red bean on it and rushed over, throwing his arms around my neck. Awkwardly, I patted his head. This was actually...kind of endearing. The only person I'd hugged in over a decade here in my second life was Lady Du...and I hadn't seen her in years. How many? Four? Five? More than that? Ever since I'd become immortal, time was like a weird gummy soup. Anyways, you get the point. I hadn't hugged someone in years.

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And for some reason, my eyes started to tear up.

Just a little. Not more than is professionally immortally acceptable!

All right, maybe a little more than a little. My eyes got kinda blurry, and I sniffed, patting Xu Yun's head some more.

"That's enough..." I sniffed. "Disrespectful...disciple..."

Immediately, Xu Yun released me and stepped back, all red in the face, and fell to his knees.

"This disciple apologizes, Immortal Sifu! This disciple was extremely disrespectful of Immortal Sifu!"

I sniffed, choking on my laughter. "Seriously, I'm just kidding. Kind of. I'm not really sure how I feel about hugs, but I appreciate it. Thanks, Xu Yun. I'll miss you. And you too, Li Cheng." Li Cheng smiled sheepishly at me. "I can tell you really want to get home, so I won't keep you two longer. All right, time to pack up, before the sun goes down! Don't forget, you two are just mortals, all right? Even though you've got this Immortal Sifu, you can still die. Even this Immortal Sifu almost died the other day. So—don't chase dangerous animals, don't stay out at night, and if a demon attacks you, run!"

"Yes, Immortal Sifu!" Xu Yun nodded fiercely.

"All right, Sifu," Li Cheng smiled bashfully.

"And—you know what? I don't trust either of you to stay safe. Take these!"

I picked up two round, smooth stones from the ground by the sparkling spiritual pond, which I had recently creatively decided to name the Sparkling Spiritual Pond. I muttered a couple of words, casting a technique I'd fiddled with when I was younger and named The Clumsy Fool Protection Technique. I'd made it because, when I was younger, I had a habit of running around crazily and casting techniques everywhere, which resulted in me tripping over stuff all the time. Also, the other disciples at the Jade Heaven Peak used to stick rocks in my path and cast tripping techniques on me...because they were stupid and jealous of my (apparently Easy Mode) prodigy powers. So, yeah. I used to carry around a Clumsy Fool Protection Stone all the time so that nothing could fly through the air at me, I wouldn't trip, and basic cultivation techniques would be blocked from touching me.

After I cast the technique, a glowing smiley face carved itself on each stone. I handed one each to Li Cheng and Xu Yun.

"Put these in your pockets. Don't lose them. Got it? Now...off you go, disciples!"

With that, I herded them away from the Sparkling Spiritual Pond, waved, and ran back towards my cave, my eyes all wet in a very not professional immortal way.

"Goodbye, Immortal Sifu Xia!" Li Cheng called.

"I'll wait for you, Immortal Sifu Xia!" Xu Yun's voice came. "Goodbye for now!"

I stood just inside the Glittering Cave of Immortal Sarcasm for a minute, until I sensed their weak non-cultivator qi fade away and down the mountain path. Xu Yun's lingered a little longer than Li Cheng's, then floated on down the path after him. When they were finally out of sight and hearing, I sighed heavily. I squatted on the floor, hugging my knees, and stared around at the big, newly cleaned, sparkling and empty cave.

Sigh.

"Looks like this Professional Immortal is alone again. Well, you know what? That means I can sleep in peace again! And no more cooking meals for mortals who need to eat food. Tomorrow, I set out for whatever place is best for my spiritual cultivation! What d'you say to that, xianxia system?"

In my head, there sounded a Siri-like voice that I hadn't heard for a couple days now.

Xianxia system activated. You have two notifications.

"Notifications? That's new. How do I open them? Open?"

Notification opened. Congratulations! You have progressed to the Household Name Tier of Immortal Fame. You are making great progress! Say 'Open' to open the next notification.

"Open."

You have been underusing the xianxia system as compared to our programmed standards. If you do not begin consistently communicating with the xianxia system at least once every 24 hours, the system will be deactivated, and you will be disconnected from your skills and progress.

"WHAT?!"