When I opened my eyes, I was lying on the ground outside, on a patch of grass.

Also, there were two giant blinking brown eyes above me.

"GAH!" I blurted, sitting up and bashing my head.

"GAAAAAAH!" screamed whatever the thing with eyes was.

I sat there and rubbed my pounding immortal forehead for a minute, then opened my eyes. Dang. How long had I been asleep? The sunlight was legit hurting my immortal eyes. You know, like when you nap for too long and open your eyes, and the lights sear your retinas out? Ugh.

After I regained normal eyesight, I looked around for whatever that thing with giant eyes I'd bumped into was.

"Oh, it's you. Thank god. I thought you were a giant bug or something. Li Cheng, how long was I asleep?"

Li Cheng was lying flat in the grass, rubbing his forehead, and crying silent tears of pain from the impact with my immortal skull.

"...J-Just one day, Immortal Laoshi Xia...Yun-ge will be glad glad you're awake—ouch..."

I stretched, feeling how stiff my immortal body was. I felt prickly all over, like I was a porcupine or something. Did the blood stop flowing in my veins while I was sleeping, or what? Why was I getting pins and needles all over?

Yawning, I rubbed the back of my neck.

"OUCH! Shit, what the heck?"

I'd pricked my finger on something—something on the back of my neck!

What the fuck was that?!

Quickly, I cast a Hanging Mirror Reflection Technique to create a shiny mirror that hung in the air. Or, I tried to cast it. It didn't work at first, but it solidified after a couple tries, looking kinda wobbly, but I didn't have time to care about my unstable qi right now.

In the mirror, I was looking...seriously haggard for a professional immortal. I had circles under my eyes, and I was pale—not immortal jade pale. More like ghost-pale. Man, my ex-shijie Zhao Yaoyao was gonna have a field day comparing our ghostly complexions if she saw me like this.

But that wasn't the most concerning thing. When I turned sideways to see what the heck I'd pricked my immortal finger on at the back of my neck, I almost barfed.

"WHAT IS THIS?!" My voice came out like a shrieking mouse's. Oop. Not a very professional immortal voice of me. BUT WHO CARES?! MORE IMPORTANTLY..."WHY ARE THERE NEEDLES ALL OVER MY BACK AND WHY DO I LOOK LIKE AN ACTUAL FREAKING PORCUPINE?!?!?!?!?!?! LI CHENG!"

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

In front of me, Li Cheng trembled, still rubbing his red forehead. "Laoshi Xia! It's—the village acupuncturist of Yingxuan Shan said that acupuncture would help heal you sooner! So Xu Yun said that she could put needles in you—"

"XU YUN!" I slashed my hand through the flickering mirror, dispersing it. My whole stomach felt like it was a washing machine that was about to vomit out a bunch of dirty socks. "XU YUN! GET HERE RIGHT NOW, YOU LITTLE ASS!"

A second later, Xu Yun came running, along with a crowd of villagers. Apparently, I'd been put down to rest in the middle of the freaking village. Seriously, did no one think to put me in a bed?!

When Xu Yun saw that I was awake, his eyes lit up adorably. "Immortal Laoshi Xia! You are awake! Finally! I was so worried—"

"XU YUN!" As soon as he was close enough, I grabbed him by the collar and shook him. "TAKE THESE NEEDLES OUT! DIDN'T YOU EVER LEARN ABOUT CONSENT? WHO SAID YOU CAN TELL SOME WOMAN TO PUT NEEDLES IN THIS IMMORTAL'S BODY? NO NEEDLES! NO! THIS IMMORTAL FREAKING HATES NEEDLES! GET THAT ACUPUNCTURIST RIGHT THIS SECOND!"

Xu Yun paled. "Y-Yes, Immortal Laoshi! B-B-But is it p-possible f-for you to please s-stop shaking m-m-me so I c-can go and f-find her?"

"Oh." I stopped shaking him. "Yeah. Fine. NOW GO FREAKING GET HER!"

A minute later, Xu Yun ran back with an elderly woman in tow. The woman was limping and using a cane, and she had a typical mild, wise old shaman smile on her face.

"Hello, dearie immortal, savior of our village," she said in her scratchy, wise old woman voice. "How can I help—?"

"Needles! Out! Now! Please," I blurted, turning around and showing her my back and neck, which had been pinned full of thin silver needles. "I'm about to vomit if these aren't out of my body soon."

"Ah," the old shaman woman laughed, nodding knowingly. "So even the immortals struggle with unfounded fears. Perhaps you had a bad experience with acupuncture at a young age? Or perhaps—?"

"Granny, listen here. If you don't pull these out in two minutes, I'm about to pass out and not wake up again. Got it?"

The old woman laughed nervously, setting down her cane. "Ah hah...Ah, yes, I see. This granny will get to it, then."

I sat and meditated while the granny shaman hummed and pulled out the needles painlessly, trying to ignore what she was doing, which was basically impossible. See, I'd always hated needles. In my past life, I'd hated shots so much that I almost passed out every year when I had to get immunity shots. When I was little, I used to run out of the room and out of the hospital screaming!

So basically, this was my worst nightmare. Great to wake up to after almost dying from qi devastation down in the depths of a demon realm.

As I was meditating, something struck me. My eyes shot open.

"Xu Yun!" Thankfully, he was still standing nearby with Li Cheng, looking nervously on as whatever that granny shaman was doing to my back. "Hey, students! The mountain hasn't been compromised yet—you must've completed what I told you to, then? That's great! At least I taught you something. How did you fix the Demonic Containment Array? Did you find skulls to replace the old ones?"

Xu Yun's eyes lit up, like he was proud. "Yes, Immortal Laoshi Xia! We replaced all the skulls. Right, Li Cheng?"

Li Cheng nodded meekly, looking nervous. "Um...yes. But..."

"But what?" I raised an immortal eyebrow. "Why d'you sound so nervous?"

"Well...we replaced them with..."

Xu Yun interrupted, sounding very happy with himself. "With bao buns! It was my idea. Round, white, and previously alive!"