Shit!
ShitshitshitshitSHIT!
The cave was shaking like an earthquake was happening. Villagers scattered and screamed as rocks fell from the ceiling. As Fong Jue rumbled with laughter and bent down like he was preparing to spring up and burst through the mountain ceiling above and out into the world, a desperate last-ditch idea came to mind.
"WAIT!" I threw out my immortal hands and hollered like a crazy person.
The rumbling paused. The villagers stopped shrieking. Xu Yun stopped waving his shovel pitifully, and Li Cheng stopped trembling momentarily.
Everyone looked at me.
My mouth twitched into a stiff, immortal grin.
"Venerable Demon King Fong Jue!" I put my hands together to show courtesy and bowed my head as respectfully and eagerly as immortally possible.
Fong Jue growled impatiently. "What is it, foolish immortal? I have an outside world to ravage for entertainment! Speak!"
"Haha! Right, right! Your sense of humor never gets old, Venerable One. Right...before you go outside to ravage the world, I have one more even more entertaining game to show you! This game is so entertaining that it will keep amusing you even if you get bored of tearing humans apart! Will you allow this immortal fool to teach it to you?"
Fong Jue rumbled in thought, causing more rocks to fall from the ceiling. He rubbed his amorphous black chin.
Then his mouth split into a sharp-toothed grin. "All right. You may teach this Venerable One one more game, since you are so eager. In exchange, this Venerable One will not kill you."
"Great!" I flashed an immortal grin. At the same time, I performed the Hundred Minds Whisper Technique and muttered in the minds of all the humans in the room:
Just follow along. This immortal will solve this issue. But you have to do exactly what I say!
Noises of confusion came from the villagers. They all looked around to see where the voice came from. One of them shrieked.
"Who just spoke?" another one yelped.
Seriously...I wanted to smack my immortal forehead.
Quickly changing tactics, I instead coughed into my fist to give myself time to perform the Hundred Minds Sleepwalking Technique. As soon as I was finished, every mortal in the cavern drooped slightly with misty eyes, no longer in complete control of their bodies.
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Better. They couldn't mess this up if they couldn't speak, right?
Fong Jue was getting impatient while I coughed and closed my eyes. The cave started to rumble again.
"Foolish immortal! Do not make this Venerable One lose patience! What is your game?"
"Ha...ha, you're so right, Venerable One! All right, this game is another one from my hometown. It's called, mafia. Everyone needs to sit in a circle facing outside the circle, so that you can't see each other."
As everyone moved like zombies to go sit in a circle, Fong Jue didn't seem to notice anything was off. His eyes flashed with scarlet excitement as he plopped down into the circle, criss-cross and facing outwards.
Dang. He was really just a big kid. Too bad he had fangs, claws, a bad temper, and a shit ton of demonic qi under his belt.
I explained the rules as I walked in the middle of the circle, where no one could see me. There was a pretty bad cut on my arm from where a boulder had come down on me before. I drew out some more blood, pulled Destiny Blade out of the air, and dipped the dip in blood, dragging it along the ground as I walked and explained.
"So, basically, the mafia will point to someone they want to 'kill'. Not a real kill!" I added quickly. "A fake kill. The mafia shouldn't actually kill someone. It's just pretend, okay? And then, everyone turns inside the circle. I'll tell a story about who got killed, and then everyone will guess who the mafia is. Understand?"
Like zombies, all the mortals in the circle nodded and made weird noises.
Fong Jue chuckled, rocking with excitement. "All right! Let us begin this strange mah-fee-ah game!"
I dipped Destiny Blade in blood again. "All right! Everyone, close your eyes. Remember, if this immortal taps your head twice, you are the mafia. Don't say anything, and no peeking!"
For a minute or so, I walked in a wide circle, dragging Destiny Blade in the dirt. Then, I stopped silently behind Fong Jue, who was practically vibrating with excitement, and tapped him twice on the head, making sure to encase my hand in my immortal qi so that it wouldn't be infected with demonic qi.
He jumped, but didn't say anything. What a kid...a thousands-of-years-old kid, that is. I wondered if he was as cute as a baby demon.
Were baby demons a thing?
Eh. Never mind. Not important right now.
I walked around in lines and circles a bit more. Then I stood in the middle of the circle, placing Destiny Blade silently back into the air.
"Mafia, open your eyes. Who do you want to kill?"
Fong Jue's blood red eyes blinked over his amorphous shoulder. He scanned, seeming very amused, and pointed.
I looked. It was Xu Yun's slumping back that he was pointing at. Welp, the least this disobedient student should get for making things difficult was a fake mafia death. Right?
"All right. Everyone, turn around."
Everyone turned around, bones creaking and grunting in a very zombie-like way. Dang. Maybe I should work on refining this technique more so it wasn't so obvious that I'd turned everyone into temporary brainless lumps.
Fong Jue whirled around, excited, still sitting criss-cross applesauce in anticipation.
I cleared my throat. "All right. One night, the young scholar Xu Yun was walking through the forest. All of a sudden, he was ambushed! He didn't see who killed him and took his money, but...um, someone did. So, he died. Townspeople, reflect. Who do you think the murderer was? Also, Xu Yun, you're dead."
Xu Yun gurgled and flopped over, lying limp on the ground.
Yeah...I definitely needed to refine this technique.