After choking and choking on a cup of so-so instant noodles—that's right, my last cup of instant noodles ever wasn't even that great!—everything eventually went black.
I sort of accepted my fate at that point. There was no one around, and I didn't want anyone to find out I did something as stupid as dying choking on a cup of instant noodles, so even if I did have energy left, I wouldn't call for help! Did I want to look that stupid?!
So, I died. With a cup of instant noodles in my hand and my TV at least playing my favorite danmei live-action adaptation.
At least I went out doing something I liked, heh.
As I prepared to drift into a peaceful death, suddenly, there was a blinding white light.
And I mean, BLINDING. My eyes felt like they were being freaking seared out—but they weren't even open, were they? WTF? The light kept getting brighter and brighter, until it felt like the sun had been stuffed in my skull or something.
Then, all of a sudden, the light faded. I opened my eyes.
I looked down. WTF?!
"WTF?!" I repeated externally. "Whose body is this?! Where the fuck am I? Who the fuck? What the fuck? Where the fuck? Why the fuck? FUCK?!"
As you can probably tell, I wasn't in my own body. Unless you can't tell yet, in which case, okay then.
MY body was the body of a nineteen-year-old female. THIS body...
It had to be freaking eight years old or something!
It was so freaking short! Were those my legs?! They were freaking two feet long or something! And my feet were so tiny! I looked around, cursing.
Was this some kind of state between life and death? Or...I gulped.
Had I already reincarnated? Into the body of someone who already existed? Hold on...no. That could only mean...
I'd TRANSMIGRATED into ANOTHER UNIVERSE?!?!?!?!
You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.
Or something like that. I wasn't totally sure how this worked. I'd read my fair share of isekai novels in my life — cough, previous life at this point, I guess — so I understood the concept. But that was fiction, right? It didn't happen to real-life people! FUCK! What was this? A cultivation world? Some novel I'd read? A LitRPG? WHERE WAS I?!
Me and my eight-year-old scrawny female body were lying like a dead person on a hillside. I got up, and every muscle in my body shrieked. My tiny stomach grumbled and growled ferociously like a little bear living inside me — I mean, inside this body I'd somehow taken over. My face contorted in pain.
"I am fucking starving," I grumbled in realization. Whoever owned this body — whoever owned this body before me, I mean — seriously didn't feed herself well.
I crawled over to a nearby river and stared into it.
My face blanched.
I was...SO UGLY!
And I don't mean like normal-ugly. In my previous life, I didn't believe in the concept of being ugly. Ugliness is just created by patriarchal societal standards.
But this face staring back at me...was UGLY AF! Okay, okay, not ugly. Just...not super pleasant to look at with the standards I'd been trained in my whole life — previous life, cough, cough.
But in any case, I just had to end up in a weak-ass eight-year-old starving body with a face like THIS.
After reincarnating, I would really hope for something better. I'd just fucking DIED! Could I get a refund? Another try? Was there a wheel I could spin to get a different freaking body? Yeah, maybe I just looked fucking scary because my face was caked with dirt and had a bunch of bruises and scratches on it, but still! Could I get a body that wasn't totally not taken care of by whoever the previous owner was? Seriously!
"Why me?" I wailed. "Where even am I? Who the fuck am I? WAHHHHH! Fuck Isekai novels! Fuck reincarnation! FUCK INSTANT NOODLES! ARGHJHGKJSHDFKHSDF!"
To my surprise, a voice answered. It came from inside my head, and sounded kind of like an annoying Siri voice.
"Xianxia System activated. You have been reincarnated into a Xianxia cultivation universe. We hope you enjoy your time here."
I almost fell into the river.
"WHO ARE YOU? System? Xianxia system? Shit! You're one of those annoying voices that follows transmigrated people around and tells them to do things and is no help whatsoever!" I cursed, punching the river and accidentally punching a rock, which super hurt. "Fuck you, Xianxia System! I don't want you! Send me back home! Back to earth — or, whatever! My last life!"
"That command is unavailable. In your previous life, your body was deceased from choking on—"
"STOP! Wait, don't remind me! That's embarrassing!" I covered my ears. "Just — just tell me what I need to do! Where do I go? What am I doing here?"
"There is no action menu available. The Xianxia System has been programmed so that you may do as you wish. Please enjoy your time here."
With that, the system went silent.
I cursed again, splashing my face with water to get some of that dirt off, but to no avail.
"Fine then! I'll do as I like! I'm gonna go get some food because I'm fucking starving! Hmph!" I stood up and went to go wander around and find any place where there was any kind of food whatsoever.