~~~

‘I don’t care who you are, this isn’t gonna disappear. I’m gonna file a complaint and…nuut, I’m gonna file two complaints, one against the psycho who shot my friend, and one against you for not arresting him. And another complaint for your guy arresting my friend even after he was shot at for doing nothing wrong.’

Cha Cha took a breath and waited for the police officer or lieutenant to say something in response. So far, all he’d managed during the last twelve minutes she’d been shouting at him was, ‘calm down, your friend hasn’t been shot.’

Well, it was true, but only due to pure blind luck.

‘Your tiger friend is waiting for you, along with the hamster. I suggest you go and see them, and then perhaps all of you can go home.’

‘Nuut, nuut, nuut, nuut, nuut…I told you, I’m not gonna let you get away with this.’

‘Rest assured, young lady, there is nothing to get away with. And even if there were, it would not be gotten away with, it would be thoroughly investigated.’

Cha Cha spat out air [sounded like ‘ha’] and looked right for something calming to gaze at. There were mugshots of stoned-looking tigers, polar bears, leopards and snakes covering almost the entire surface of the wall, with ‘TARGET’ typed in capital letters above each face. Oh, and two dogs, both wanted for fraud.

‘This is an honourable station,’ added the police officer, adjusting his collar.

Cha Cha turned back sharply. ‘Your thug officer just tried to shoot my friend for no reason. That’s attempted murder.’

‘We’ve been over this already.’

‘Or attempted manslaughter. Nuut, we haven’t been over this, you’ve just told me to calm down a lot.’

‘I mean, we’ve been over it with the officer involved. He explained it very clearly. Your tiger friend was acting suspiciously, putting his paw around your neck, the officer feared for your life, approached with his gun drawn, as is regulation procedure, and your friend refused to follow commands. A warning shot was fired, your friend sobered up and everything was finally resolved peacefully.’

‘Are you serious?’

‘That is an objective view of the incident.’

‘Objective? You just said that’s what the officer told you.’

‘All of our officers are trained to be objective.’

‘But I told you what really happened, and you’ve just been ignoring me, telling me to calm down, no one got hurt.’

‘It’s true, no one got hurt.’

‘Due to pure luck…that officer picked on my friend and tried to shoot him. If he’d been any better at aiming, he would’ve succeeded.’

‘I assure you the officer will pay for the poster that was slightly ripped by his bullet. Though, again, I have to stress that it was a warning shot, not a subduer.’

‘Subduer?’

‘Police word. When the suspect needs to be subdued.’

‘With bullets?’

‘Well, it is the safest way.’

Cha Cha looked down at the desk in front of her for something to throw against the wall, but the only things there were mountains of paper. That seemed to be blank. The top sheets at least. Was this guy actually doing work?

‘Look, it’s been a long night. Why don’t you take your friends home and get some rest?’

‘Where’s your boss?’

‘Right here.’

‘I mean, the dog in charge of this place, this station. I don’t know the rank you give it…Commissioner?’

‘Again, that’ll be me. Captain Sinto. Commissioner means the dog in charge of Dogholm.’

‘Then I want to talk to the Commissioner.’

‘That’s impossible, I’m afraid.’

‘Why?’

‘She doesn’t deal with this kind of issue. It’s a departmental matter, which means it falls under my jurisdic…’

‘That’s ridiculous.’

‘…tion. Nuut, not at all, it’s official police procedure.’

Cha Cha growled and folded her arms.

‘I assure you I’m not just making this up. Now, please, your friends are waiting for you, maybe you should-…’

‘This isn’t over,’ said Cha Cha, walking to the door, trying and failing to roll up one of her sleeves. ‘I’m gonna come back tomorrow and file those complaints.’

‘For the final time, there is no need, everything’s been sorted out fairly and in great detail.’

‘Tomorrow.’

‘Fine. If you wish to waste your own time, citizen, come. It’s no dirt off my paw[1].’

The police captain went back to his computer and started typing. Cha Cha didn’t know if he was typing anything for real, but she was tired of shouting at a brick wall [who was clearly in love with the psycho officer from the train station] so she went out of his office and, as a small bite-back, left the door wide open behind her.

In the reception area, Zade was sitting with a luminous green plaster on the side of his head. Next to him, Luco reading a fitness magazine. There were a few other dogs [and one leopard] scattered about, most of them leaning against the wall looking surly.

‘So fucking stubborn,’ muttered Cha Cha, walking up to her friends and gesturing at the office behind her.

‘They’re not going to crucifeen their own guy,’ said Luco, not looking up from his magazine.

‘Crucify. And they would if they had any honour.’

Luco stifled a laugh.

‘Or decency.’

‘Look, police are the same everywhere, dog, hamsters, cats. They’d stand up for Pal Pot if he had the same badge on his tit.’

‘Pal what?’ asked Zade.

‘Cat dictator from a hundred years back,’ said Cha Cha, leaning against Zade’s side of the bench, inspecting the plaster. ‘Murdered villages and villages of farmer cats just cos they asked for more milk. Then turned their farms into rubbish dumps. And murdered the rubbish collectors who asked for a pay rise.’

‘Didn’t you take dog history at school?’ asked Luco, finally lowering the magazine.

‘I ditched it in Form 2.’

‘That’s still two years.’

‘Started it in Form 2, too.’

‘Huh?’

‘Tiger education is different from others,’ said Zade, folding his arms, clearly uninterested in elaborating any further.

Luco continued to look puzzled for a while then asked, ‘ditched it for what?’

Now Zade was the one who looked puzzled. ‘Work.’

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

Cha Cha smirked.

‘You tigers are weird. Now, back to more important matters…’ Luco held up the magazine he’d been reading. ‘It says here that Dog Hood bought a huge property last year…’

‘Dog Hood again?’

‘The weird thing is, this property wasn’t a house, it was an island. One of the small ones in the No Name Islands grouping out past Lo Gau Harbour.’

‘Isn’t it called an archipelago?’ asked Zade, glancing at Cha Cha for confirmation.

‘Ka, I know. I was using Hamster style. We call it Gatgat-bo, translates as grouping in dog speak. Anyway, don’t you think it’s weird that Dog Hood would buy an island in the middle of nowhere?’

‘Err…what about the horror scene that just happened to Zade?’ asked Cha Cha, her face looking more and more incredulous. ‘He almost got shot. Don’t you care?’

‘Ka, I care, even though he pissed me off before. But what am I supposed to do about it? I’m a hamster, they’ll shoot at me too if I’m not careful.’

A few of the police officers standing in the doorway looked up, zooming in on Luco’s ridiculously loud voice.

‘Can we go now, please?’ asked Zade, looking at the exit.

‘Good idea,’ said Luco, jumping off the bench and rolling up the magazine. ‘I’ll bring this with me.’

‘Don’t Luco…’

‘They don’t care. It’s a free mag. Almost a year old.’

Zade checked on the police officers and saw that they weren’t looking at Luco, they were too busy picking out a potential entry wound on him. One of them even had a paw hovering near their gun belt.

‘Luco…’

‘What?’

‘Drop the mag. You can go to their website, see the same thing…’

‘They might not have a website…or if they do, they won’t have this article…it’s way old.’

‘Try.’

Luco grumbled and checked on his phone. After a minute or so, he said, ‘fine, they have it,’ and put the mag back on the table.

‘Can we go now?’

‘Ka, of course, I’ve been ready for ages.’

Zade breathed out, making sure not to sound too annoyed.

‘Don’t worry, Zade,’ said Cha Cha, slapping him on the waist, ‘we’ll make them pay for this.’

‘I don’t care.’

‘What?’

‘I just want to forget it happened and go home. Or go home and then forget it happened.’ He wiped his forehead with a paw, regretting it instantly as the police officer half went for his gun. Zade lowered his paw and positioned his arms awkwardly apart from his sides. ‘Can’t think straight here.’

‘I get that, but-…’

‘Cha Cha…please.’

There was some huffing, a shake of the head at the green plaster, and then finally agreement. Kind of.

‘Okay, Zade…I’ll let you rest a bit. Give you some time to realise how awful these guys are.’

‘Not so loud…’

‘Sorry,’ she replied, at pretty much the same volume.

‘That’s still loud.’

‘You guys coming or not?’ shouted Luco, already halfway out of the door.

~~~

After riding fifteen stations back to Maw Gung South, there was just enough time to take a shower and eat some hoop hoop cereal before the three of them had to go to work. Even though they were exhausted, they couldn’t be late again, the boss would fire them on the spot, and if he was too busy to notice then Git Git would be sure to bring it to his attention.

‘You know what we have to do next, don’t you?’ said Luco later, as they sat down for lunch in the worker’s canteen.

‘Go back to the police station and file a complaint,’ said Cha Cha, stabbing a taro ball.

‘Nuut,’ said Luco, slightly annoyed. ‘Stop going on about that, it’s getting annoying.’

‘I will not.’

‘Zade doesn’t even care as much as you do, and he’s the one who was shot at.’

‘It’s true,’ said Zade, licking a rice cake. ‘You said you would let it rest.'

‘I did, and now I’m mad again.’

‘Typical Cha Cha…’ Luco buried his hand in a packet of crisps, the rustling noise almost overwhelming his words. ‘You get mad, he doesn’t.’

‘That’s only cos Zade’s too nice to say anything, too cautious…but deep down he wants to do something about it.’

‘I don’t.’

‘Nuut, but deep, deep, down you do.’

‘I don’t have a deep, deep down. I have the surface, then the normal deep down and that’s it.’

‘Ka, not true. I’m talking about deep, deep down, in your subconscious. You know, the things you think but never tell anyone. The stuff that comes out in your dreams, but in a weird way. Like punching those sales staff in the phone shops or murdering Chi Hua Bi Bi or...’

Zade held up his right paw, as if he were about to recite the national plea. ‘Cha Cha, I swear to you, I really don’t want to do anything about it. I am fine. Let it go, please.’

Cha Cha sipped some of her coffee [imported from a coffee plantation on Snack that was, allegedly, so dangerous to work on that seventy snakes died each year from exhaustion and mosquito bites]. She mumbled something under her breath but it wasn’t loud enough for Zade to catch.

‘Okay, back to my plan…’ said Luco, shoving ten crisps into his mouth. ‘We go to Dog Hood’s school after work, wait for him to come out, follow him, possibly to his private island, and then…’

‘I’m not going,’ said Zade, scratching his plaster.

‘It’s okay, we’ll take the bus this time, no train stations, I swear. And besides, this is the best thing for you, to help you take your mind off what happened last night.’

‘To go back to the area where I was shot at?’

‘It does seem a bit weird,’ said Cha Cha, nodding in solidarity at Zade.

‘Not the same area exactly. Dog Hood’s school is on the opposite end of the park, almost a kilometre away from Dog Lee’s school. And it’s good for you because it’s an adventure. And when we find Dog Lee and beat up Dog Hood, you can take him back to the police station and they’ll see that you’re a good tiger and give you a medal or something. Then, the next time they see you in the train station they won’t shoot you, they’ll nod and say, ‘hey, it’s him, the good tiger.’ The whole plan’s perfect.’

Zade scratched around the edges of the plaster while Cha Cha muttered something not positive into her coffee.

‘So, it’s set then, you’re both coming. Especially you Zade.’

‘Why especially me?’

‘Dogs are scared of you, so is Dog Hood. Despite my newly-trained fighting skills, no one’s gonna be trembling at the sight of a hamster.’

The door opened and a few worker dogs walked in, followed by the louche figure of Git Git, who was yawning at first, but then, when he saw Luco, Zade and Cha Cha, changed on a polar bear dime and started smirking.

‘Well, well, look who it is…the three criminals.’

‘Go away, dagut,[2]’ spat Luco, literally spitting out bits of crisps.

‘Heard you got shot last night, Zade.’

‘Shot at,’ corrected Cha Cha.

‘Good. It’s about time the police started taking a tougher line with you tigers. Always lurking on street corners, causing trouble, mugging elderly dogs…taking up our jobs and housing.’

Zade looked up, growling.

‘Calm down, it’s just a joke. We all know some of you tigers are good citizens.’

‘Not funny,’ said Cha Cha, sipping more coffee.

Git Git whistled poorly and sat down on the table, glancing into the cup Cha Cha was drinking from. ‘What were you three losers doing at Bambamboo Park again anyway? Searching for your Satfu’s corpse?’

‘You shut your mouth,’ shouted Luco, springing to his feet and rolling up his sleeves, which didn’t take that long as his arms were so short.

‘You’re very defensive today, rat.’

‘Dog Lee’s not dead…’

‘Short too.’

‘He’s probably escaping right now…’

‘Maybe you should go back to Hamsto Island, then you can be normal height again.’ Git Git tried to grab Cha Cha’s coffee cup but she was too fast for him, moving it closer to her chest. ‘Hey, you’re not sharing today?’

‘It’s mine.’

‘What happened to dogs uniting, comrade?’

‘Other dogs, not you. And private property is the target, not personal. If you really cared about left politics, you’d know that already.’

‘Wah, you’ve got a temper on you today. Worse than the midget here.’ Git Git stood back up and walked behind Luco, who turned to make sure he wasn’t hit in the back. ‘Calm down, rat, I’m not gonna hurt you. I’m just gonna humiliate and mock you every day for the rest of your life. Short-ass.’

There was a coughing sound from the doorway. All the animals turned to see who it was, except Git Git who continued to smirk at Luco.

‘You, blue dog, come here.’

‘Blue what?’ said Git Git, turning with a scrunched up face. ‘You trying to be funny or-…’

‘You dare talk back to me?’ asked the huge dog standing in the doorway, his arms bigger than a bag of three hundred potatoes [genetically modified].

‘Boss Bamdak…you’re-…’ Git Git stuttered, hand half shooting up to salute then stopping when he realised it might look a bit weird. ‘I didn’t know you were-…’

‘Listening to your performance of the last five minutes?’

‘My performance…’ Git Git looked at Luco, shaking his head. ‘That-…I was just joking around. The rat knows-…I mean, the hamster knows I’m not…’

‘Stop babbling.’

‘…serious.’

Boos Bamdak folded his arms, muscles almost bursting out from the jacket sleeves. ‘I despise bullies. Which means I despise you. Do you know what I do to workers I despise?’

‘I don’t-…’

‘Nuut, I’m not certain either. Yet. But I will think about it. I will think about it real hard.’

‘Ka, Boss.’

‘But not for too long. I’m far too decisive for that. Hmm. Let’s see. You will come to my office in one hour to receive your sentence. Understood?’

‘Ka, boss.’

‘Don’t be even one second late.’

‘Nuut, boss.’

Boss Bamdak turned surprisingly fast for such a large, intimidating dog and disappeared down the stairs and across the factory floor, patting some of the worker dogs on the shoulder and making them jump. Git Git looked around at various objects in the canteen, trying to stop his limbs from shaking, but it wasn’t working so he quickly walked out and broke into a jog towards the toilets.

‘Did that really happen?’ asked Cha Cha, lips frozen on the rim of her coffee cup.

Zade shrugged and scratched his plaster again, as Luco sat back down on his chair. The other three dogs continued drinking their coffees. Or pretending to drink them.

‘It’s like my mother always said,’ said Luco, eyes staring at the $22 minimum wage poster on the far wall, ‘when she wasn’t wasting all our money down at the betting shop…if you act like a monster all the time, one day a bigger monster will come along, and then what you gonna do?’

‘Your mother always said that?’ asked Cha Cha, frowning.

‘She did once.’

‘To you?’

Luco coughed. ‘Back to the plan. You ready? We go straight to Dog Hood’s school, follow him when he comes out, rescue Dog Lee, beat up Dog Hood, kill him if necessary, if he tries to shoot arrows at us again…then come back and receive praise from Dog Lee for being so brave and athletic.’

The three other dogs looked up from the coffee cups, their eyebrows raised. Luco glared back at them. ‘You three, forget everything you just heard.’

They continued staring.

‘He’s joking,’ said Zade, staring back.

A hamster threat, okay, but a tiger was obviously too much so the three dogs quickly went back to their drinks.

‘Great, the plan’s settled then,’ continued Luco, diving a paw in for more crisps. ‘Four more hours then we head out.’

‘I’m still not coming,’ replied Zade, standing up and walking over to the water dispenser.

‘Ka, you are.’

‘Nuut.’

‘Nuut to your nuut.’

‘Luco. I’m serious. I do not want to go there.’

Luco rustled his paw inside the crisp bag, as if that meant something. ‘We’ll see, comrade.’

~~~

----------------------------------------

[1] The same as ‘no skin off my nose’/ I don’t really care

[2] Something offensive in hamster language, use your imagination