~~~

The next morning, all three alarm clocks in all three rooms went off at the same time, each one playing a different melody. All three were ignored.

At around 08:15, Zade’s alarm played for the fifteenth time, finally forcing him to open one eye and glance at his phone.

‘Waaaaaa…’

He sprang up, rubbed his armpit, ran around in very small circles for a few seconds [his room was way too tiny for a tiger like him], then burst through Cha Cha’s door and said, ‘get up, get up, it’s nearly nine, we’re gonna be late.’

‘What? It’s half six, I just looked,’ said Cha Cha from under her duvet.

‘Look again.’

Cha Cha poked her face out from the covers and looked again, her eyeballs instantly going nova.

Zade ran to Luco’s door and shouted at him to get up, but it was unnecessary as the little hamster was already awake and making noises inside.

‘Good, you’re conscious…’ said Zade, running back out towards the bathroom. However, when he tried to open the door he discovered it was locked. ‘Hey, I’m first…’

‘Too slow, Zade-ism,’ shouted Cha Cha, turning on the water to drown out her room-mate’s growled response.

Zade walked back to his room, put on the XXXL work overalls then sat on his bed and scraped the edges of his claw nails as he waited for the bathroom to become free. Twenty-five minutes later, the door opened and a cloud of steam billowed out.

‘Your turn, Zade…’

‘Finally…’

‘Hey, I have my routine, you know that.’

‘Ka, putting about fifty different creams on your face.’

‘I get dry skin.’

‘Which needs fifty creams?’

‘I’m sorry, do you want the bathroom or would you like to complain some more?’

Zade ran into the bathroom and came back out two minutes later with a dripping face. Clumsily wiping it with his work jacket, he continued on into the living room and found Cha Cha camped like a bored movie producer on the sofa, drinking something green from a transparent glass.

‘You took long enough…’ said Cha Cha, shaking her head.

‘What? I was only in there for a minute.’

‘Joking. Hey, where’s Luco? Did he leave already?’

Zade glanced back at Luco’s room and saw that the door was still closed. That’s weird, he thought. He was getting ready half an hour ago. Did he go back to sleep?

‘Luco…’

‘I’m in here,’ the hamster shouted back from inside his room.

‘What are you doing?’

‘Nothing.’

‘You do know we’re late for work, right?’

‘Ka, you guys go first, I’ll catch up.’

Zade looked at Cha Cha, who looked back at Zade and said, ‘I bet his legs can’t move.’

‘I had the same thought.’

~~~

Thirty-four minutes later, the three animals ran half out of breath into the Knife Factory 7 Rec room [with Luco clinging onto Zade’s back], and tried to quickly think of a way to punch their work cards with a time stamp of ‘08:59’ instead of the living nightmare reality that was the current time.

‘How about we hack into it and change the clock?’ asked Cha Cha, jabbing her chest to try and get a leash on her lungs.

‘Nuut,’ answered Zade almost instantly.

‘Are you sure?’

‘Nuut.’

‘Huh?’

‘Cha Cha, I don’t even know how a TV works, let alone how to re-programme a clocking-in machine.’

‘Luco?’

‘I can’t move my legs…’

‘Ka, we know, but you’re good with machines.’

‘Kind of.’

‘Can you get inside here and set the time to 08:59 or something earlier?’

Luco stared at each of the four corners of the machine box then said, quite bluntly, ‘nuut.’

‘Is that a definite nuut?’

‘It is.’

‘Well, can you at least open the box so we can have a look inside?’

‘Also, nuut.’

‘But you’re good with machines…’

‘Ka, I figured out how to empty the vacuum cleaner one time, I’m not Luco Tessshla[1]. Besides, I’m still feeling depressed about my legs.’

‘Forget hacking, we have to get on the factory floor and start working or…’

Before Zade could finish his sentence, the door opened and Boss Lak walked in, followed by the smirking figure of Git Git, who stayed by the door [possibly to stop them from escaping].

Zade and Cha Cha froze for a moment, then held up their work cards and said, ‘we forgot to stamp them.’

‘Don’t make terrible excuses,’ said Boss Lak sharply, ‘I know you’re late.’

‘We’re not late,’ mumbled Cha Cha unconvincingly. ‘We were working outside…fixing something for Boss Bamdak…the drainpipe…the green one near the death-trap ladder…’

‘I didn’t say start making terrible excuses, I said, ‘don’t’. Can you not comprehend basic speech?’

‘Ka…’ said Cha Cha, unsure what to say next.

‘Now, look…this isn’t a usual thing, for you all to be late, so, as that’s the case I’m gonna give you a pass. Boss Bamdak will not be informed of this little breach of…’ Boss Lak paused and noticed Luco’s little head peering over the side of Zade’s shoulder. ‘…protocol. What are you doing there, Luco?’

‘My legs are tired, Sir.’

‘You can’t walk?’

‘I can, Sir, but…the thing is…’ Luco looked at Git Git standing in the doorway, his smirk growing wider. ‘They’re tired from all the fight training I did last night.’

‘Fight training?’

‘Ka, fight training. I’ve been learning how to defend myself. And now my body has moved up to a higher level of toughness. In fact, it happened just last night, so if anyone tried to attack me now, today, in this room then…’ Luco glared at Git Git, trying to imply a painful punishment with his eyeballs.

The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

‘Looks to me like you’re hiding behind a tiger,’ said Git Git, folding his arms.

‘Wrong.’

‘Still what it looks like.’

‘He’s hiding in front of me, actually,’ continued Luco, folding over one of Zade’s ears to make himself more visible. ‘Like I just said, my body has moved up to a new level of toughness. Even Dog Lee said so…’

‘Dog Lee…’ Boss Lak said, his voice getting serious.

‘Ka, Sir,’ said Luco, changing to a more respectful tone, ‘the fighting master from Bambamboo Park. Have you heard of him?’

‘I’m not a monk, of course, I’ve heard of him.’ Boss Lak picked up the remote control on the table and turned on the TV. A female dog appeared holding a microphone, telling everyone that a dog had been seen dancing naked with neon pink glow sticks in Lo Gau Harbour.

‘Ah, not this one…’

Boss Lak tried three more channels until he finally arrived at the serious news. Another female dog with a microphone was standing outside a familiar place…

‘Wait, that’s…’ said Luco, unable to finish his sentence.

‘…no sign of any break in, so the police have assumed that Dog Lee knew the people who attacked him.’

‘Nuut…’

‘One witness described five large figures in masks hanging about outside Dog Lee’s school around 2am, but that witness didn’t call the police as he thought it was just five regular dogs chilling. It is unclear whether those figures were involved, police are checking CCTV footage of the area as I speak, so it could be at least a day before we have any updates. The only thing we can say for sure right now…Dog Lee, the fighting icon of Dogholm, is missing, possibly dead, and the whole of Bambamboo Park has been blanketed by a palpable sense of gnawing dread…at least those that are awake and have heard the news are blanketed…the rest will be soon…when they manage to crawl out of bed.’

Boss Lak turned off the TV and turned back to Luco, Zade and Cha Cha. ‘Do you know anything about this?’

‘Missing…’ muttered Luco, his face looking like a confused shrimp.

‘We don’t know anything,’ said Zade, quickly.

‘Didn’t you say Luco was hanging out there a lot recently?’ said Git Git, walking deeper into the room, picking up a knife and an apple.

‘Nuut,’ said Zade, folding his arms.

‘Possibly dead,’ mumbled Luco, slipping off Zade’s shoulders and sliding down onto the table.

‘I’m sure I heard you talking about going there last night…’ said Git Git, using the knife to try to peel the apple. It didn’t cut so he tried again, cutting harder this time, but once again it didn’t work.

‘That’s decorative,’ said Boss Lak, taking the apple out of Git Git’s paw and placing it back in the bowl with the other fake fruit.

‘I knew that,’ said Git Git, tapping the knife against the top of his paw.

Boss Lak turned to Cha Cha. ‘Is he right? Did you go to see Dog Lee last night?’

‘Err…’

‘Definitely not,’ cut in Zade, leaning over and putting his face in front of Cha Cha.

‘I’m asking her, not you.’

‘She’s in shock.’

‘Nuut, I’m not,’ said Cha Cha, nudging Zade in the hip. ‘I’m daydreaming…’

‘Daydreaming?’

‘About last night, meeting Wu Dog Yan. It was incredible.’

‘You met Wu Dog Yan?’ asked Git Git, almost dropping the knife.

‘On TV,’ said Zade, coughing unconvincingly.

‘She was so kind, friendly…’

‘On the TV screen.’

‘That’s not meeting someone, Ninsōn[2]…’ said Git Git, shaking his head.

‘Never mind all that,’ said Boss Lak, turning off the TV. ‘As long as you didn’t kidnap anyone, I don’t care.’

‘We definitely didn’t kidnap anyone,’ said Zade, so fast and slurred that he made definitely sound like denly.

‘But you met Wu Dog Yan?’ asked Git Git, switching between the tiger and the dazed-looking dog.

‘Did not.’

‘Nuut, Zade is lying, I don’t know why. We saw Wu Dog Yan in Bambamboo Park last night, in the flesh. Wah, she was so pretty, so grounded…just like her character in the no heart doctor drama.’

‘Wait, you were in Bambamboo Park last night?’

‘Nuut…’ cut in Zade, stepping back in front of his room-mate.

‘But she just said you were.’

‘She’s confused. It was the night before. Right, Cha Cha?’

Cha Cha looked at Zade, blinked then replied, ‘Nuut, it was last night. Unless we slept for thirty hours.’

‘Which part of Bambamboo Park? Near Dog Lee’s school?’

‘Okay, enough of this frivolity,’ said Boss Lak, checking his watch. ‘I need the lot of you back out on the floor making knives. We’re already two hours behind because of you three.’

‘But they were at Bambamboo Park last night…don’t you think we should call the police, boss?’ asked Git Git, putting a lot of fake concern into his voice.

‘Police?’ said Zade, his voice shaking a little.

‘What are you yapping on about?’ said Boss Lak, taking the knife out of Git Git’s paw and putting it on the table. ‘I don’t have time for the police, this is a workplace, not a drug den.’

‘But, boss, it seems really suspicious…’

‘That they were in a park at night? Jesus-powered microwaves, I was in Dogyo the day President Barko[3] got shot, doesn’t mean I murdered her.’

‘That’s not quite the same thing, boss…’

‘Enough, stop. I already said we’re losing working time here, so get back on that floor and start working, or get fired. Understand?’

Git Git opened his mouth to say more then closed it again when he saw his superior’s eyes turning red and veiny.

Boss Lak turned to Zade, Luco and Cha Cha, shouting, ‘this isn’t a beach resort, get up, get out there, make up for all the work you didn’t do this morning, got it?’

Everyone nodded and shuffled out of the room. Everyone except Luco, who was still in a daze on the table.

‘Luco!’ shouted Boss Lak, pointing at the door.

Luco snapped back to life and, forgetting that his legs were stiff, jumped off the table. As he landed on the floor and tried to straighten up, his legs wobbled and sent him right back down.

‘Give me a minute, boss,’ he said, trying to lean forward and massage his calves.

‘One minute,’ said Boss Lak, shaking his head, ‘then I come back in and drag you out.’

‘I think that might be illegal, Sir…’

‘One minute, Luco!’

‘Ka, Sir.’

~~~

The rest of the day was so busy with work that none of Zade, Cha Cha or Luco could find time to discuss what they had seen on the news.

Even when they did have a break, Git Git was standing nearby with his finger on his phone [recording them??] so they could only talk about shallow things like the weather and how tired they were.

After work, they headed to a Polar Bear restaurant near their flat in Maw Gung South and had military hot pot. For some reason there was no meat on the menu that night, so they had to make do with dunking taro pieces, heung ling and potatoes into the pot and hoping Zade’s stomach wouldn’t complain too much.

‘What we need to focus on,’ said Luco, after two hours of going over all the news reports online, ‘is going back to Dog Lee’s school and searching for clues.’

‘But he’s not there,’ said Zade, puzzled.

‘I said clues…’ said Luco, picking up a potato, trying to guide it to his mouth and then dropping it awkwardly on the table.

‘Clues are for the police, not us.’

‘Police are stupid.’

‘Shhh…’

‘Or they are on all those Dog TV dramas. They only ever solve things cos of their nose power. Serious, they just start sniffing in a random place and the bad guys are nearby. Usually minorities too. That’s not policework, it’s clownery.’

‘I just don’t think we should get involved…’ continued Zade, spearing four pieces of taro on one chopstick and shoving it down his throat. ‘Besides, we’ve got work tomorrow and we can’t afford to be late two days in a row. We might get fired.’

‘They can’t fire us, we’re their best workers,’ boasted Luco.

‘I don’t think anyone’s ever said that.’

‘It’s true. We’re by far the best. Everyone else is a braindead idiot, especially that blue pokkah Git Git.’

The door to the little room slid open suddenly, and the dog waiter wearing fake [and cheap] Polar Bear ears poked his head in. ‘Ka?’

‘We didn’t ring the bell,’ replied Zade, trying not to stare at the fake ears.

‘You sure?’

‘Must be another room.’

The waiter looked at the button on the wall, checked the number on his electronic pad, frowned then quickly hurried out, leaving the door open. Zade leaned over and slid it shut.

‘That was weird,’ said Luco, looking through the gaps of the wooden wall into the next room.

‘I guess he heard the wrong bell.’

‘As soon as I say Git Git’s name too. Very weird.’ Luco stood up and jumped onto the window ledge, looking down at the street below and then to the Cyber Grove Science Park advertising board on the building opposite. Nothing there. No one in the room next door either. Satisfied, he sat back down. ‘Could still be listening in, but…doesn’t matter. Nothing wrong with us going back to Dog Lee’s school. Nothing criminal about it either. What do you say, Cha Cha?’

Cha Cha looked up from her phone, as if she’d just woken from a coma. ‘Waa?’

‘Should we go to Dog Lee’s school, search for clues?’

‘Or go home and watch that dog drama you like?’ tried Zade, softening his voice…and going all the way into patronising.

‘Wu Dog Yan might be there…’

‘Could be a good episode. And the sofa will be warm and comfortable, you can go to bed early afterwards, sleep a lot.’

Cha Cha thought about it for a few seconds. ‘I do want to see what happens to Brude Furhide.’

‘Great, we go home then.’

‘But I also wanna see Wu Dog Yan again…’

‘Ka, you can see her in the drama.’

‘…in real life.’

‘Nuut, nuut, nuut,’ mumbled Zade, almost dropping his chopsticks into the hotpot.

‘Sorry, Zade, I have to follow my dreams.’

‘But she’s not there, it’s-’

‘It’s decided then,’ said Luco, cutting Zade off and stabbing his chopstick into the fallen potato still stranded on the table. ‘Back to Bambamboo Park.’

Zade let out a deep, tired breath and stared at the end of Luco’s chopstick. ‘You’re not gonna eat that potato, are you?’

‘Nuut, course not,’ replied the clearly excited hamster, putting the potato chunk into his mouth.

‘I hate this place.’

‘What’s that?’

‘Nothing,’ answered Zade, putting his own chopstick into the pot and pulling out an inedible spice leaf.

~~~

----------------------------------------

[1] Naaklo Tessshla, a famous Snake inventor who moved to Mum Bark in 1889 and is not connected in any way to Nikola Tesla. He came up with ideas for many futuristic machines, such as the transporter, the stapler and the predictive rubbish bin, but was screwed over by his dog roommate, Slan Ilto, who stole his most practical inventions. Tessshla eventually died on the streets cold, poor and alone. Since then, he has become a Mum Bark Hero and, in 1996, was honoured with a bench next to the alley where he died. Placed next to the bench was a very expensive prototype of his predictive bin [later stolen].

[2] I’ve put so many names in this story, you probably can’t remember any of them. Estaa Ninson was the half dog, half tiger genius loved by the citizens of Dogholm [but not the previous mayor or racists].

[3] Populist, paranoid president who wanted to take down big business, unite with Snack [Snake Country] and declare war on Catlan [Cat Country]. Her assassin was never caught.