~~~

Zade’s eyes grew planet-size. ‘Nuut, nuut, nuut, nuut, nuut police…’

‘Too late, tiger.’

‘She’s my friend, this girl is my friend, this woman, we’re friends, we live together, as friends. Tell him, Cha Cha.’

‘So pretty…’ Cha Cha mumbled.

‘Cha Cha,’ repeated Zade, louder this time and with a slight growl.

The starstruck dog blinked, looked at Zade, finally seemed to realise what was going on then turned to Wu Dog Yan and said, ‘ka, this tiger’s my friend. We live together.’

Wu Dog Yan smiled awkwardly and waited for Cha Cha to stop looking at her. It didn’t happen so she looked down at the ground [her most famous and loved pose on TV] and said, ‘that’s very open-minded.’

Cha Cha beamed from cheek to cheek. ‘You’re very open-minded too.’

‘Err…thank you.’

‘On TV, I mean. In real life too…probably…nuut kaata. But I’m sure you are. You seem like you are, your eyes and…stuff.’

Wu Dog Yan looked at the ground again, letting out a nervous whistle, then shifted to Dog Lee. ‘Is your foot alright, satfu?’

‘Of course.’

‘It looks like it might be hurt.’

‘Nuut, nuut, nuut…’

‘Do you need me to drive you to the hospital?’

‘Nuut, really, I’m not hurt. My foot is like stone, very hard to sustain damage.’

‘Okay then. I guess I’ll leave you with your little hamster friend. See you tomorrow night.’

‘Student, not friend.’

‘Of course.’ Wu Dog Yan smiled and got in the car. ‘Good night, satfu.’

‘Good night,’ replied Cha Cha, waving one paw at her.

The DogTV star turned on the engine, waved reluctantly at her lunatic fan then drove off quickly down the street. When she was gone, Dog Lee turned back to Zade and Cha Cha, stretched his arms out and made an incredibly uncomfortable cracking noise.

‘You may be friends…maybe…but if I see you still lurking here when I close up, I’ll call the police on both of you.’

‘Police?’ asked Cha Cha, coming out of her bubble. ‘We’re friends of Luco, not criminals.’

‘Who?’

‘And besides, there’s nothing illegal about standing on a street. Anyone can do it.’

‘Who is Luco?’ asked Dog Lee, narrowing his eyes.

‘Luco is Luco. The little hamster you’ve been training. Don’t you know the names of your students?’

‘Ah, you mean Student with Tornado Size Anger.’

Cha Cha and Zade looked at each other, confused at first, then amused as they realised it was probably Luco’s fighting name.

‘He is perhaps my most dedicated student,’ Dog Lee said, looking tired as he spoke. ‘Annoyingly dedicated.’

‘That’s Luco…’ muttered Zade.

Cha Cha nodded in agreement. ‘Once he gets an idea in his head he won’t stop for at least five weeks.’

‘Five weeks?’ asked Dog Lee, raising an eyebrow.

‘Ka, that’s when he usually gets depressed about his lack of progress and gives up. Sometimes, it’s four weeks, sometimes six. It depends on his mood.’

‘Actually, his record was six weeks and two days,’ said Zade, wiping his forehead for some reason, possibly sweat-related. ‘Learning the guitar…or was it the cello…nuut, couldn’t be, cello’s too big…must’ve been the guitar. Or was it the triangle?’

‘Already been three weeks, that leaves one or three more…’ muttered Dog Lee, not even looking at them.

‘What?’ asked Cha Cha.

‘Nothing.’

‘Were you counting down the time left for Luco to get depressed and give up?’

‘Nuut.’

‘What’s the matter? Don’t you like him?’ asked Cha Cha.

‘He likes you,’ added Zade.

‘It’s true, he said you’re the God of Kicking.’

Dog Lee folded his arms, not at all defensive. ‘Of course, I like him. I like all my students.’

‘That can’t be true.’

‘It is.’

‘You can’t like everyone. It’s impossible.’

‘Well, I do. In fact, I used to hold tournaments for them in my spare time, out at the…over in the park there. For free. That’s how much I like my students.’ He paused, rubbing his eyes. ‘Now, if you are truly his friends, as you say you are,’ continued Dog Lee, ‘you can come inside and take him home.’

‘That’s why we came, actually.’

‘Excellent.’

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

Dog Lee turned and went back inside his school, followed by Cha Cha and Zade. He didn’t tell them to close the door, but Zade did it anyway, noticing a book on the floor as he did so. He peered down and read the title: ‘Peace and War in the Saitian Period: 757-1183’. It didn’t mean much to him, he’d slept through most of dog history at high school [mostly because he was new and couldn’t understand what the teacher was saying], but out of respect he picked up the book and put it on a nearby desk.

The school itself was quite simple. There was one huge floor covered almost to every edge and corner by a gigantic gym mat; a centuries old map of Bambamboo Park on the far wall; about twenty or so framed photos of smiling dogs on the opposite wall, with a banner above declaring them to be Dog Lee’s most dedicated and successful students; and, in the far-right corner, a wooden fighting dummy with six ninja stars sticking out of its body. As Zade walked past, he squinted and realised it wasn’t just an ordinary dummy, it was a replica of the famous cat actor, Kit Mutato[1].

‘That’s not mine,’ Dog Lee said, noticing what Zade was looking at. ‘Some of my students requested it.’

‘You have other ones?’

‘Indeed. One for every species.’

Dog Lee stared forward blankly, not bothering to wipe the drop of sweat rolling down his forehead. Zade felt a bit sorry for him as he’d been sweating a few minutes earlier too, after the police were mentioned…actually, he was still sweating now, he could feel it, sweating just from thinking about the idea of the police. He wiped his forehead and looked over at his roommate, a move that always seemed to relax him a little.

Cha Cha was staring up at the framed photos, reading out the names underneath. ‘Student with the Best Seven Spike Kick, Student with Four-Star Endurance, Student Almost as Tough as Dog Lee…don’t any of these dogs have names?’

‘They gave up their birth names when they joined my school,’ said Dog Lee, appearing next to Cha Cha and Zade with his forehead now dry.

‘You mean gave up just when they were training here?’

‘Nuut.’

‘You mean they changed their names officially, on their passports?’

‘Ka.’

Cha Cha double checked the names under the photos. ‘You mean there’s a dog out there with Student Who Never Says Nuut on his passport?’

‘Her passport. Ka.’ Dog Lee looked at the faces in the photos, almost smiling. ‘All of these students came from disadvantaged backgrounds. Their parents treated them poorly, or abandoned them. This one…Student of Insane Stellar Toe Strength…was born in a bin. Grew up eating newspapers and-…’

‘Where are they now?’

Dog Lee paused, examining one of the photos very closely. ‘They’re around somewhere. Working, I suppose.’

‘You don’t keep track of them?’

From another room, there came sudden, violent noises. It sounded similar to a hamster trying to kick a wall for the five hundredth time and not really wanting to do it.

‘Where’s that coming from?’ asked Zade, instantly tensing up.

‘Is that Luco?’ asked Cha Cha.

‘What’s he doing?’

‘Kicking a wall,’ answered Dog Lee, with a distant look on his face.

‘Aha, I knew it!’

‘Doesn’t that hurt?’ asked Zade, jumping at the sound of another grunting noise.

‘What?’

‘Doesn’t it hurt, kicking a wall?’

Dog Lee blinked a little robotocially. ‘For me, nuut. For Student with Tornado Size Anger, ka, very much.’

‘Then why are you letting him do it?’

‘I’m not.’

‘He’s doing it right now, in your school.’

‘Correct.’

‘Then go and tell him to stop.’

‘You fail to understand. The only thing I can do to stop it is get him in a headlock and put him to sleep. But that’s illegal, apparently…and I’m too interesting to go to prison, so-…’

‘Okay, then we’ll tell him to stop.’

Cha Cha jogged past Dog Lee, opened the nearest door and went through. After a few seconds, she called out, ‘it’s very dark in here.’

‘That’s the storage closet,’ answered Dog Lee.

Another few seconds passed then the door opened and Cha Cha came back out. ‘He’s not in there.’

‘I know.’

Zade sighed and walked to the other door in the room, opened it and disappeared inside. After a few seconds, he called out, ‘it’s quite dark in here, too.’

‘That’s the shower,’ replied Dog Lee.

A few seconds passed, then the sound of running water came out from the shower room.

‘Is he having a shower?’

‘Nuut,’ answered Cha Cha.

The water stopped running and the door opened again. Zade came out with wet fur and a towel around his neck. ‘Sorry, I was a bit sweaty, had to wash my face.’

‘It’s winter…’

‘You said you were gonna call the police…that kind of talk makes me anxious.’

‘Why, are you a criminal?’ asked Dog Lee, raising an eyebrow.

‘Nuut, I’m a tiger.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

Zade ignored him and looked at the two doors in the room. There really were no others. But then, where was Luco? He looked at the wall between the two doors, squinted a little, moved closer, sniffed the wallpaper, rubbed the two wooden panels…

‘Out of the way, fool,’ barked Dog Lee, trying to push Zade to the side, failing to move him even one inch, then grabbing the two wooden panels [which were actually handles] and pulling the wall apart.

‘Ah, it’s the old dog style doors from the seven kingdoms era,’ said Cha Cha, clapping for no reason.

‘Atmosphere is important for a fighting school,’ said Dog Lee, walking through into the back room and pointing at Luco laying on the floor, massaging his legs. ‘Here’s your friend, ready to be taken home immediately. I hope.’

‘Luco…’ said Cha Cha, running over and trying to pick up her flatmate.

‘Get off…’ yelled Luco, pushing Cha Cha away and pulling himself back to his feet.

‘What are you doing?’

‘I still have three thousand, two hundred and twenty-eight kicks to perform…’

‘So many?’ asked Zade.

‘That could take all night…’ added Cha Cha.

‘Irrelevant. Time is a contract. Feet are intangible. Pain is real.’

Dog Lee shook his head. ‘Nuut, Student with Tornado Size Anger. Time is a construct. Feet are real. Pain is intangible.’

‘Sorry, Satfu.’

‘I don’t get it,’ said Zade, looking at the wall, which was completely undamaged. ‘Why do you have to kick a wall so many times?’

‘It is a set of steps leading to the great transformation.’

‘What transformation?’

‘Four thousand, two hundred and fifty-nine kicks at the correct level of intensity will lead to the great transformation of your feet from normal feet of flesh to incredible feet of stone.’

‘Do what?’

‘It’s true, Satfu’s done it already. That’s why he can kick things and not get hurt.’

Zade glanced at Dog Lee, who hid his left foot behind his right leg.

‘Why would you want to have feet of stone?’ asked Cha Cha scratching her ear. ‘That would look ugly.’

‘Wrong. It would look strong. And my feet would be strong. And that annoying pokkah blueberry, Git Git, wouldn’t be so quick to make fun of me.’

‘Hang on, would they actually turn into stone and look like stone or…’ Cha Cha glanced at Dog Lee’s feet. ‘His feet don’t look like stone.’

Dog Lee grabbed Cha Cha and Luco by the arms and dragged them back into the main room.

‘Satfu, what are you doing? I haven’t finished yet…’

‘It is far too late for this. I have to sleep.’

‘You can do that, no problem. I’ll stay and close up the school when I’m done.’

Dog Lee opened the front door and gestured for them to leave.

‘Come on, guys,’ said Zade, ‘it is pretty late.’

‘And we do have work tomorrow,’ added Cha Cha, still trying to look at Dog Lee’s feet.

‘But…’

‘We’re already outside, we might as well keep walking now.’

‘Satfu…’

Luco turned back round to beg Dog Lee for assistance, but the door closed in his face and the ‘OPEN’ sign was rotated swiftly to a very final ‘CLOSED’.

‘Satfu…’

‘It’s not the end of the universe, Luco,’ said Zade, rubbing the armpit that Dog Lee had attacked five minutes earlier.

‘Ka, you can come back tomorrow and annoy him again,’ said Cha Cha, smirking.

Luco slumped his little shoulders and started walking towards the DTR. Suddenly, he stopped and spun back round. ‘Just so you know, I don’t annoy him…’

‘Sure.’

‘He likes me…’

‘Ka.’

‘That’s why he let me kick his wall.’

Zade and Cha Cha kept saying ‘sure’ and ‘ka’ until they got onto the train and Luco finally gave up…and started watching fighting videos on his phone. Then got bored and tried to whine again, but it was too late, both Zade and Cha Cha were already pretending to be asleep.

‘… … … …’ he muttered in his native language, going back to the phone.

~~~

----------------------------------------

[1] Kit Mutato [1937-2015] made around 800 films, 200 good, 600 terrible. His most famous role was playing the ancient cat pirate Po Tai whereas his most controversial role was Prince Pico, a famous dog outlaw/hero who stole from the rich and gave to the poor. Because of this role, he was banned from ever stepping foot in Dogholm again.