~~~

‘We’ve got to get down there…’ replied Luco, trying to force open the window. ‘Rescue him.’

‘Where’s he going?’ asked Zade.

‘The big rock maybe?’

‘I can see that, but why? There’s no way off it except…’

‘Whatever’s got hold of his mind is forcing him to do all this. Could be Dog Hood, tricking us…’

Luco gave up trying to open the window and ordered Chi Hua Bi Bi to deal with it.

‘This is not your private helicopter, hamster.’

Wu Dog Yan leaned in to her rival’s ear. ‘You’re not going to leave them down there, are you?’

‘It’s none of my business.’

‘You are?’

‘I’m taking us all back to Lo Gau Harbour, where the press is waiting for us to…possibly waiting for us.’ She coughed. ‘I’m taking us back, like a hero. Besides, those two clowns are probably doing some publicity stunt…’

‘Dog Lee just tried to kill us…’

‘Says you.’

‘And he did kill one of the cats…’

‘I never saw that.’

Wu Dog Yan let out a frustrated breath and looked out of the window. Dog Lee was on the bottom part of Ratko’s Jump, dragging Dog Hood by his feet. It was hard to see clearly from so high up, what with the [natural] mist getting thicker and the night sky almost complete, but it looked like Dog Hood was still unconscious.

‘I’m telling you it’s Dog Hood doing all this…’ repeated Luco, digging his nails into his paws.

‘While sleeping?’

‘He’s hypnotised Dog Lee to attack him, then…ka, while he’s pretending to be asleep…and when the media gets here, they’ll take pictures of Dog Lee being weird and homicidal and…’

‘I don’t see any media.’

Luco scanned the distance, but the mist was now so thick that it was blocking everything from view, including Ratko’s Jump. ‘They’re here somewhere.’

‘Whatever’s happening, we have to get down there…get both of them.’

‘Can we do that from a helicopter?’ asked Zade.

‘Of course.’

‘But…all we can do is throw down the rope.’

‘He’s right,’ added Cha Cha, getting a fierce look from Wu Dog Yan. ‘Sorry, but Dog Lee doesn’t look like he wants to be rescued, and Dog Hood is knocked out.’

‘Then we jump down onto the rock…’

‘And fight Dog Lee?’ asked Chi Hua Bi Bi, almost laughing.

‘It’s not that funny. We have a tiger.’ Wu Dog Yan nudged the pilot. ‘Fly down a bit, get us close to the top of the rock.’

The pilot looked at Chi Hua Bi Bi, who hesitated then calmly nodded. The pilot dipped the helicopter and sent it directly into the mist. All animals who weren’t the pilot pushed themselves up against the window and tried to spot Ratko’s Jump. It wasn’t easy. The only part of it still visible was the rocky part at the bottom, and black shape of Dog Lee’s boat.

‘We need to go lower,’ said Wu Dog Yan.

‘It’s too dark, too misty…’

As soon as the pilot said it, a light came on below. He looked down and grunted. ‘The lighthouse…’

‘Someone’s there?’ asked Zade, a bit of hope in his voice.

‘Probably automatic.’

‘Doesn’t matter, we have light now,’ said Wu Dog Yan.

‘There’s still mist…’ said Chi Hua Bi Bi.

‘We’ll go through it, wait for it to clear.’

‘Risking my helicopter in the process.’

‘Lower,’ said Wu Dog Yan, putting her paw on the pilot’s shoulder.

The pilot did as he was told, circling round and dropping down to two hundred feet above the water. Ratko’s Jump itself was about a hundred and fifty feet high, so they would be going pretty close, maybe even crashing into it if the pilot got too nervous.

After doing a lap of the rocky bottom part, the mist cleared a little. Through the small gap, Wu Dog Yan could just about make out the shape of a dog standing over something, holding a long object.

‘I see him,’ shouted Luco.

‘Dog Lee?’

‘He’s holding something…’

‘Wait, I see him too.’

‘Me too.’

‘Is that Dog Hood next to him?’

‘They’re pretty close.’

‘What is he doing?’

‘Why has he not noticed us?’

‘Nuut kaata.’

‘We’re louder than a tiger union meeting, why isn’t he looking up?’

‘He might be in character.’

‘What?’

‘Or he’s insane.’

The helicopter got closer, almost thirty feet away. Even though there was nothing else nearby making such a huge noise, Dog Lee only seemed to notice them as they were flying past. He glared up, his eyes glowing red, and held the long object against Dog Hood’s neck.

‘Is that a bamboo stick?’ asked Cha Cha, confused.

‘A ruler?’ asked Zade.

‘It’s a sword,’ said Wu Dog Yan, looking back at the pilot and telling him to fly back around and this time get even closer.

‘Unbelievable…’ said Luco, whistling. ‘Dog Hood is making Satfu cut his head off. If the media sees this, it’ll ruin Dog Lee forever.’

‘Wake up, hamster…’ said Wu Dog Yan, raising her paw to slap him then deciding against it.

‘What?’

‘It’s not Dog Hood, it’s Dog Lee. He’s lost his mind.’

‘Ka, I know. And Dog Hood’s behind it all.’

Wu Dog Yan shook her head, grabbed the rope ladder and told Chi Hua Bi Bi to open the door.

‘You’re going down there?’ asked Zade.

‘I figure if I time it right, I can swing down and pick up Dog Hood before he gets decapitated.’

‘Before what?’ asked Zade, not understanding the last word.

‘Getting his head cut off.’

‘Oh.’

‘You can’t do that,’ said Cha Cha, ‘it’s too risky. Dog Lee might cut you instead.’

‘I have to try.’

‘But he’s seen us, he knows you’re coming…’

‘Maybe.’

‘You know there are no cameras around?’ said Chi Hua Bi Bi, raising an eyebrow.

‘Just open the door.’

‘Certainly.’ Chi Hua Bi Bi bowed in a fake manner, reached over and flipped a latch on the helicopter door. ‘I’m not gonna stand in your way.’

Wu Dog Yan glared at her rival then faced Zade. ‘Make sure the rope ladder doesn’t mysteriously become undone.’

Zade nodded and moved over to where the rope was attached to the bottom of the helicopter.

‘Okay, here goes my suicide attempt,’ mumbled Wu Dog Yan. Cha Cha managed to catch what she said and ran over to hug her, stopping short, realizing that a hug would be childish and just patted her on the head instead. ‘Don’t get cut in half by that sword.’

‘Understood.’

‘Or…just don’t go.’

Wu Dog Yan frowned.

‘Don’t hurt Satfu either,’ said Luco.

‘Me hurt him?’

‘It’s not his fault he’s been possessed.’

Wu Dog Yan sighed and gently nudged Cha Cha away. Chi Hua Bi Bi patted her on the shoulder and whispered in her ear, ‘your factories will be well cared for, don’t worry.’

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‘You’ll never get your paws on them.’

‘My paws…are long…and patient.’

‘Pausing doesn’t make you any more intimidating.’

‘Pak laka.’

‘My mother’s long gone.’

Chi Hua Bi Bi mumbled something inaudible and gestured to the top of the ladder.

The helicopter swerved right and headed back towards the top of Ratko’s Jump. Unfortunately, the mist had reassembled itself and made it impossible to see anything again [though it did look quite pretty in the shine from the lighthouse, kind of like an electric-white cauliflower]. Wu Dog Yan took a breath and stepped down onto the ladder. The mist was neither purple nor poisonous so she breathed it in and waited for the whole picture to reveal itself.

‘I can’t see anything…’ said Cha Cha, pointlessly rubbing the window.

‘Me neither,’ said Zade.

‘What if we’re too close to the cliff and don’t realise it until the last second?’

‘Nuut kaata.’

‘What if Dog Hood’s head has already been cut off?’

‘Then Dog Hood has won,’ said Luco.

‘Won?’

‘Satfu might even go to prison.’

‘Might?’

The pilot slowed the helicopter down slightly, circling the rocks below, but also being careful not to get too close. However, he didn’t seem to want to hover over one spot as he kept flying in a circle, making it harder for Wu Dog Yan to keep a firm grip on the ladder. Finally, after doing another lap of the rocks, he steadied a little and, at the same time, the mist started to create another window.

Wu Dog Yan squinted, peering through the hole, trying to spot the top of Ratko’s Jump. It was still hard to make out, all she could see was rockface. They could be right next to the top or nowhere near it, there was no way to know for sure unless…

The rocks disappeared suddenly, replaced by two glowing red eyes.

Wu Dog Yan froze, staring forward.

Below the eyes was a bow, and in the bow was an arrow. And above the arrow was a smirk.

There were five metres between them, at most, an easy shot. Even if she climbed up or down, it wouldn’t be difficult for Dog Lee to adjust his aim.

I’m done, thought Wu Dog Yan, refusing to close her eyes.

But she wasn’t done. Dog Lee continued pointing the arrow directly at her, but for some reason didn’t fire. It was like a statue trying to kill her. Or one of those dogs who dressed up as a fake statue, as Dog Lee’s paws were shaking slightly. Was it nerves? Or the wind forcing them?

‘Dog Lee…’ she said gently, being careful not to raise the volume too high.

He didn’t seem to hear her.

‘It’s me, look. Your star student.’

He closed his eyes then opened them again. There was movement from his lips, but if words were coming out, they were coming out soft.

‘Can you hear me?’ she tried, louder this time.

He opened his eyes wider, the two burning, red balls looking like the ‘on’ light below DOGTV cameras.

‘Ka,’ he shouted, ‘I know you.’

Something about the tone made Wu Dog Yan tense up. No one ever spoke like that before putting a weapon down.

She was right.

Dog Lee’s paws stopped shaking and the nail hanging onto the bow string let go.

The arrow head started its journey, growing larger and larger, hurtling straight towards her forehead, but…somehow it didn’t hit. At the last millisecond, it seemed to deviate and fly right, just past her ear.

A miss? From five metres?

She looked again at Dog Lee.

He wasn’t reloading, he was clutching his leg and swatting at something with his bow.

Dog Hood…

He was awake, his head against Dog Lee’s calf, his paw held tightly to the shaft of an arrow. The mist swirled some more and the hole expanded, revealing the full picture. Dog Lee with an arrow stuck in his calf, Dog Hood wrapping his free arm around his rival’s waist, trying to pull himself onto his feet.

Wu Dog Yan shouted up to the pilot, telling him to get closer, and to be quick about it.

He didn’t respond.

She waved her arms in the air and then jabbed her paws towards the top of Ratko’s Jump, not bothering to yell anything.

The pilot nodded, and the helicopter crawled closer.

Wu Dog Yan climbed down the rungs two at a time until she was hanging from the bottom of the ladder. With the help of the helicopter, she managed to achieve a swinging motion, and held out her paw to grab Dog Hood.

‘Paw,’ she shouted, trying to make herself louder than the helicopter blades. ‘Take my paw.’

Dog Hood glanced sideways and put out his left paw, even though he was at least three metres away. Wu Dog Yan swung near, but not near enough, missing his paw and heading back out over the sea. She gestured at the pilot and the helicopter moved forward again, taking her with it.

‘Stretch…’ she shouted.

But it didn’t work, Dog Hood was too slow. By the time he heard her she had gone past, stopped, gone back the other way, and was now swinging out away from the cliff again.

‘Stretch in advance,’ she shouted as she went.

Dog Hood understood and put his paw out as far as he could. As he did so, Dog Lee broke free of his grip and whacked him on the head with his bow.

‘Nuuuuut…’ shouted Wu Dog Yan, swinging forward again, this time aiming to hit Dog Lee. Her flight line was good, but the swing itself wasn’t fast enough, allowing Dog Lee ample time to sidestep out of the way. Wu Dog Yan kept going, riding out to the farthest point of her swing then curving slightly and heading back towards the cliff top.

Dog Lee stayed in his position and, waiting until she was half a metre away, dodged to the other side.

Wu Dog Yan swung out again, shouting up to Zade to stop the ladder, but it was no good, the helicopter blades were too loud. Helplessly, she headed back towards Dog Lee.

Only now he was holding a knife.

‘Taat, taat, taat, taat…’ she shouted, trying to shift her body to both sides.

Dog Lee held the blade loose at his side as if it were a pencil. He didn’t point it forward or adapt a stabbing pose. He just stood there.

Wu Dog Yan put out her legs, aiming for Dog Lee’s chest, and closed her eyes.

At the last second, Dog Lee stepped left.

Wu Dog Yan swung out again, waiting for pain, a stab wound kind of pain, but nothing came. He missed? She turned to check his facial expression and, as she did, felt two bits of her skin being stretched apart.

She looked down and saw blood. Then the slice mark on her shirt. It hurt, but it wasn’t deep.

‘… … … …’

She heard the noise and looked around.

Dog Lee was moving, throwing the knife to the ground and picking up his bow. Taking an arrow from his back pouch, he set himself up for the shot. Either the demon inside his head or the dog fu master himself was enjoying this whole charade as his aim was supplemented with a smile.

Wu Dog Yan swung towards him, unable to stop.

‘Prosperoro welcomes you,’ Dog Lee yelled, targeting her face, pulling the bow string tight and, with some extra muttered words, possibly evil, releasing his grip.

The arrow flew out of the bow and managed half a metre before it stopped abruptly, buried in the palm of Dog Hood’s paw. In the same motion, he used his other arm to wrap himself around Dog Lee and pull them both down. They hit the grass first, then the dirt, rolling and wrestling on top of and under each other, but the cliff face wasn’t endless and this time they’d run out of luck. The two rivals rolled and dragged each other over the side, Dog Lee sticking out a desperate paw and managing to grab hold of a large chunk of grass. It was enough, just, as was the grip Dog Hood had on Dog Lee’s ankle.

The two fighting legends howled, one in anger, the other in pain from the arrow still stuck in his paw, but the noise went about a metre before being absorbed by the helicopter blades above and the waves brawling with the pointy rocks below.

Wu Dog Yan scanned quickly for somewhere to jump down onto but the ground was too rocky and the distance too high. She swung back out over the sea, turning her head to keep scanning.

‘Hold on…’ she shouted.

Dog Lee glared back at her, surprisingly calm now, then looked down at the dog clinging onto his ankle.

‘… … … … asleep,’ he said, reaching down towards his belt. ‘Your friends too… … … … …them all, even the tiger.’

He stopped, feeling the sides of his belt and a little bit around the back. Calm turned to alarm.

‘Sorry…’ mumbled Dog Hood, holding up a small blade, ‘… old man.’

‘Peasant…’ shouted Dog Lee, muffling a scream as his own knife went into his leg.

Somehow he held onto the grass, so Dog Hood took out the knife and stabbed him again.

This time it worked.

‘Ha!’ shouted Dog Hood, glancing up at Wu Dog Yan as she swung overhead.

And then he fell, along with Dog Lee, hitting only a single, ridiculously-placed rock on the way down.

Wu Dog Yan opened her mouth to scream ‘nuuuuuut’ but the shock was too great to produce any words. Instead, she just made an ‘uh’ noise.

The other animals all watched from the helicopter, with a clearer view, as Dog Lee and Dog Hood were absorbed into the waves a hundred and fifty feet below. Luco muttered over and over, he’ll come back up, he’ll come back up, but after two minutes of staring at every part of the sea within swimmable range, Zade patted him on the shoulder and said, sorry, Luco, I think he’s gone.

‘He can’t be…’

‘Unless he’s half dolphin, he’s dead,’ said Chi Hua Bi Bi, with no sense of compassion at all. ‘I’ll give him credit though, that was a crazy way to go.’

Cha Cha nudged Zade in the side and whispered for him to pull the ladder back up.

‘What?’

‘Pull the ladder up,’ she said, louder.

‘There’s no rush,’ said Chi Hua Bi Bi, poking the pilot in the neck and making a spinning circle gesture with her paws.

Before the pilot could make sense of that instruction, Zade had already pulled the ladder halfway back up and, thirty seconds later, was helping Wu Dog Yan climb inside. Her face looked as white as a polar bear who worked nights, but when Zade checked her for injuries, she was clean. No, wait, there was a cut on her side. He held his paw on it for a few seconds then checked the blood total. Ka, just as he thought, superficial, not deep at all.

Cha Cha led her idol to the seats and patted her on the arm, not sure what else to do.

‘He fell…’ Wu Dog Yan muttered, staring forward at the pilot’s head.

‘Time to head back,’ said Chi Hua Bi Bi, climbing into the co-pilot’s seat. ‘The media’s gonna go nuts over this.’

‘No way,’ shouted Luco, pounding his paw fist on the window, ‘we have to get down there, scan the sea and the rocks.’

‘They’re dead already…’

‘Nuut, they’re not…’

Chi Hua Bi Bi jabbed the window, trying to point outside the helicopter. ‘They hit their heads on the cliff on the way down. No one’s surviving that. Even in a DTV drama.’

‘Dog Lee didn’t hit his head.’

‘Nuut, they both did, I saw it. Anyway, it’s too dark down there, and misty, and I’m way too sleepy for any of this.’

‘I don’t care, get down there.’

Chi Hua Bi Bi stared at Luco, almost laughing in disbelief. ‘You’re ‘I’ doesn’t mean a thing here, cog. Or out there either. This is my ship, we do what I say.’

‘He’s right, we have to go down there,’ said Wu Dog Yan.

‘Don’t think you have any more authority than he does.’

‘We have to try.’

‘Nuut, we don’t.’

‘He saved me…Dog Hood…’

Chi Hua Bi Bi nudged the pilot on the shoulder and said, ‘back to the port, now.’

‘Please, Chi Hua…ten minutes…’

‘Nuut.’

‘Five minutes.’

‘Nuut.’

‘Two minutes.’

‘Eternal nuut.’

Wu Dog Yan opened her mouth to say ‘one minute’ but was stopped by Chi Hua Bi Bi holding a scrunched-up piece of paper in front of her face.

‘Unless, of course, you sign this…’

‘Again?’

Chi Hua Bi Bi unwrapped the paper and tried to straighten it out, but there were creases everywhere. ‘I’ll iron it when we get back, make it look legal…’

‘Nuut.’

‘Don’t be selfish, TV star. Think of Dog Hood.’

Wu Dog Yan looked past Chi Hua Bi Bi and said, ‘pilot, what about you?’

The pilot shrugged.

‘I’ll pay whatever she’s paying, plus another $100.’

‘You got it.’

‘Hey…’ said Chi Hua Bi Bi, hitting him on the helmet.

‘You wanna make a better offer?’

‘I don’t pay bribes.’

‘Down we go then…’

‘You disloyal fut-ka[1]. I’ll fut-ton[2] destroy you for this.’

All the animals in the helicopter gasped, shocked to hear such bad words come out of Chi Hua Bi Bi’s mouth.

‘What? This isn’t Dog TV.’ Chi Hua Bi Bi pointed at Wu Dog Yan. ‘She swears too.’

Cha Cha looked over at Wu Dog Yan, who shook her head.

‘Liar,’ said Chi Hua Bi Bi, who tried to stand up to jab a finger at her rival, but was instead knocked backwards onto the floor by the sudden descent of the helicopter.

‘One hour then we’ll leave,’ said Wu Dog Yan to the pilot, who nodded and said ‘whatever, it’s your money.’

~~~

After one and half hours of shining a searchlight all over the rocks of Ratko’s Jump, and almost the same amount of time listening to Chi Hua Bi Bi’s complaints, the pilot told them that, if they stayed any longer, there wouldn’t be enough fuel to get back home.

‘Great, we’re gonna drown in the sea…’ said Chi Hua Bi Bi, hitting the pilot’s leg with a toy whip.

‘Five more minutes…’ said Wu Dog Yan.

‘Ten more minutes,’ said Luco.

‘Can’t do it,’ replied the pilot.

‘But they’re down there, I know they are.’

‘So will we be if we stay any longer.’

‘But…’

‘That wasn’t hyperbole.[3]’

Both Wu Dog Yan and Luco looked down at the waves below one last time, before the pilot realised they weren’t going to give the call and made the decision himself.

Chi Hua Bi Bi slumped back into the co-pilot’s seat and said, ‘you know I’m not paying you anything for this? You understand that, right?’

‘That would be illegal,’ replied the pilot.

‘Not for me.’

‘For anyone. My father’s a lawyer. Trust me.’

‘Which firm’s he at?’

The pilot smirked.

‘That’s not an answer.’

‘Sorry, I need to focus now.’

‘Liar.’

‘There’s a lot of mist about…might hit a bird…’

Chi Hua Bi Bi took out her phone and searched ‘do you have to pay a helicopter pilot who disobeys your commands?’ The results came up, all of them saying pretty much the same thing.

‘Bad news?’ asked the pilot, smirking even harder.

‘Nuut.’

‘Good news?’

Chi Hua Bi Bi put her phone away and stared out at the dark clouds. ‘Fut-ka.’

~~~

----------------------------------------

[1] Not a compliment

[2] Really/definitely

[3] Most normal people would’ve said ‘I’m serious’ or ‘I’m not joking’, so I thought I’d try a different phrase.