~~~

Wu Dog Yan was right, Jitsu-baka really wasn’t that far from Bambamboo Park, but the area itself was like a totally different universe.

The streets were narrower, and the buildings were closer together. Lanterns were hanging everywhere, decorated in the historical Dogholm style, and around 70% of all shop and restaurant signs were painted in black with bright green letters. Why green? In Dogholm, the colour green was seen as a symbol of great misfortune and depression, therefore, most dogs would put green on everything, signs, doors, walking sticks, scissors etc.[1] The idea was to confront superstition head on and say, hey, do your worst, you don’t scare me, which was quite ironic for a city that had historically yo-yo’d between left and extreme right wing, from empathy and workers’ rights to fear and bulging prisons.

Most citizens knew the story behind green, which is why none of the gang in the car mentioned it. Wu Dog Yan just kept driving, being careful not to get too close to the car in front.

By the side of the main road was the River Tan-Bone, separating the trendy side of Jitsu-baka from the other, slightly less trendy side. Every hundred metres or so there would be a bridge connecting them,

though not all were open to cars.

The dogs looked different, too, in comparison to the rest of Dogholm; happy, energetic, almost friendly. The ones on the street were all creatively dressed, wearing leopard sports jackets from thirty years ago, with fake turtle shells hanging on their backs. Actually, most of them seemed to be wearing a variation of three different outfits, so it wasn’t that creative at all, it was just lots of young dogs wearing the clothes that were in fashion at that moment.

And it wasn’t only dogs, there were tigers, hamsters, cats, leopards, polar bears, snakes, owls, even a few penguins and raccoons. But all of them, especially the tigers, snakes and polar bears, seemed to be different from the ones in Bambamboo Park. For starters, most of them had glasses on. And they weren’t wearing hooded jackets, they were wearing loose t-shirts and tight shorts, and the colours were bright and joyful, and they even had shells on their backs too. In fact, the whole main street looked almost unreal, like a TV dog producer had paid all these animals to come here and pretend they were best friends.

No sign of police dogs anywhere.

‘Are those shells from Shell-ya?’ asked Zade, staring out the window and spotting a group of dogs and tigers S-POP dancing in front of a darkened shop window.

‘Ha, not even close,’ said Wu Dog Yan, smirking through the rear-view mirror. ‘Chi Hua Bi Bi makes them in her factory up north.’

‘They’re manufactured?’ asked Cha Cha, tilting her head towards her idol.

‘Big time.’

‘In your factory too?’

‘Nuut, nuut. I do more practical things. I don’t touch any of that tacky, commerical stuff.’

Zade and Luco looked at each other, confused.

‘And you pay your workers double the minimum wage,’ said Cha Cha. ‘Right?’

‘You’ve done your research.’

‘Of course, I’ve read everything about you.’

‘Even my school reports?’ said Wu Dog Yan, mock raising her eyebrows.

‘Ka. Every grade except Forms 1 and 2.’

Wu Dog Yan dropped the eyebrows quickly and stared at the road ahead.

‘I mean…I didn’t want to,’ continued Cha Cha, realising she’d said something quite creepy. ‘They were leaked online and one of my friends put them on their feed and…I didn’t mean to look, I just wanted to know what your marks were so I could compare them to mine and see if I could follow the same path as you into acting.’

‘I’m not a deity,’ said Wu Dog Yan, her voice almost lost to the traffic noise outside.

‘You are, your marks were great. Most of them.’

‘Doesn’t deity mean God?’ asked Zade, poking his head forward from the back.

Luco nodded at the side window, then added ka when he realised no one was looking.

‘Does it?’

‘Ka,’ said Wu Dog Yan, putting her left paw up and softly prodding the air near Zade’s face.

‘Oh. I thought it was like icon, or TV star.’

‘I’m confused,’ said Zade, taking the hint from the DogTV star and leaning back in his seat.

‘About what?’

‘You’re a TV star and you also own a factory?’

‘I thought everyone knew that?’

‘They’re foreigners, they don’t follow dog entertainment like I do,’ said Cha Cha, turning back to Zade and Luco. ‘She didn’t buy the factory, she inherited it from her father, just like Chi Hua Bi Bi did.’

‘Chi Hua who?’

‘Another actress,’ said Wu Dog Yan, beeping the horn at a polar bear drunkenly stepping into the road ahead.

‘You’ve seen her, Zade. She’s the one who always plays a mistress or an evil concubine.’

‘It matches her real personality.’

‘So, they both have factories in the Dog-Raaaa-Polo industrial zone up north. But Wu Dog Yan’s group is bigger and on the prettier side of the river so Chi Hua Bi Bi is jealous and wants to take them over.’

Wu Dog Yan made a whistling sound, or tried to. ‘Wah, you know more than my factory supervisor…’

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to.’

‘More than me, probably.’

‘Nuut, it’s the magazine channels, they always report on the-…’

‘Maybe I should hire you.’

Cha Cha froze and unfroze, all in the space of 0.22 seconds. ‘What, hire me? Really?’

Wu Dog Yan tried the whistling sound again, shaking her head at the same time.

‘Guys, I feel like we’re losing focus. Again.’ Luco poked his head into the front seat gap and looked at the two females, with a very serious look on his face. ‘What we should be talking about is the actual plot. I mean, Dog Lee and Dog Hood and all that stuff. No one cares about factories or industrial rivalry. When would that ever be interesting?’

Stolen novel; please report.

‘It’s interesting to me,’ said Cha Cha, glancing at her idol.

‘Ka, you. Not us.’

‘Besides, we’re in the car. All the secret spy stuff is going to be talked about in the darts bar, so now we can chat about other stuff.’

‘That makes no sense.’

‘Which part?’

‘Hey,’ said Zade, putting a nail on the side window, ‘is that the darts bar?’

Luco looked out the window. ‘Nuut, that’s a gay bar.’

‘Oh.’

‘They have darts too, but it’s mostly hoops and the dice game.’

‘You’ve been there?’

‘A few times.’

‘They let hamsters in?’

‘Sure, tigers too. And Polar Bears. I even saw an arctic wolf in there once. Though they were drinking alone at the bar. Too much hassle those ones…’

‘So where is the darts bar we’re going to?’ asked Wu Dog Yan, using her paw to gently push Luco’s head towards the back seat. Surprisingly, he took it without complaint.

‘Well, like I said, it’s across the river, so…go right over the next bridge. Nuut, hang on, the second next bridge. Then go straight a bit and…I’ll let you know when we’re there.’

‘Got it, captain.’

Wu Dog Yan carried on down the main road, turning right onto the second bridge. It seemed to be a popular place. There was a cafe on the corner just before the bridge that looked like a castle. A very fake castle, with an old imperial dog flag on the roof and dummy figures in the upper windows, aiming arrows at the pedestrians down below.

‘That place looks decent,’ said Zade, putting his face against the window to see what kind of animals were going in to the castle café.

‘It’s not,’ said Wu Dog Yan without any hint of a pause. ‘Everything inside is expensive and the manager is a sleaze.’

‘Oh. Really?’

‘Sleazier than sleaze. Ka, very bad. My agent sent me there when it first opened, to do a promotional photo, and the manager…he said there was a special room where he needed to take a photo, and when I followed him in, straight away he tried to kiss me and…other things.’

‘What?’

‘He did that to you?’

‘Luckily, I dodged his paws and got the fuck out of there, but…I’m not the only one he’s done that to.’

‘You should’ve punched him in the face.’

‘Nice sentiment. But he’s a rich kid. Even the tiniest flick of a nail would’ve destroyed my career.’

‘But you’re a rich kid too,’ said Luco, a little too bluntly.

‘Not back then.’

‘Eh?’

‘My father started as a factory worker and climbed his way up. And not climbing in the DogTV way…’

‘I don’t know what that means.’

‘Me neither,’ said Zade, his eyes following two tigers dressed as ghosts into the sleaze castle.

Cha Cha turned back, glancing quickly at her idol in the driver’s seat before opening her mouth. ‘It means her father was rewarded for his hard work and kindness, not his scheming. Not that he did any scheming…’

Wu Dog Yan laughed.

‘So when she started…’ said Luco, coming close to the front seat gap again [but not close enough to get pawed back], ‘when you started in acting, you were the daughter of a factory worker.’

‘Factory supervisor,’ corrected Wu Dog Yan. ‘But, ka, still quite vulnerable.’

‘So what did you do after the rich kid tried to molest you?’

‘Nothing.’

‘You didn’t report it?’ asked Cha Cha, half-looking at Zade in the rear-view mirror.

‘Nuut.’

‘You didn’t say anything to anyone?’

‘Like I said, it would’ve ruined my career.’

Luco made a tutting noise, either angry at Wu Dog Yan or angry in general. ‘You should’ve got Dog Lee to punch him.’

Wu Dog Yan smiled. ‘I never thought of that.’

‘He would’ve done it,’ said Luco, ‘he’s very childerous when it comes to vulnerable people.’

‘Chivalrous,’ corrected Cha Cha.

‘Ka, very childerous. Like Prince Pico.’

‘Doesn’t matter,’ continued Wu Dog Yan, swerving to avoid homeless dog pushing a trolley full of cardboard. ‘It was a long time ago now. I don’t think he’d dare do it now.’

‘Not to you.’

‘Nuut.’

The car fell silent for a minute. Zade and Cha Cha both looked back at the castle café, noticing a line of young female dogs waiting to get in.

‘I hate sleazy managers,’ said Cha Cha, turning to the side and checking Wu Dog Yan’s to see if there was any reaction.

There wasn’t as she was now busy searching for a parking spot. It was tough, the whole side of the road was already full, as were the side streets they passed every few seconds.

‘Where’s the bar exactly?’ she asked, pushing her face closer to the windscreen.

‘Next street.’

‘Does it have anywhere to park?’

‘Nuut, it’s pedestrianised. Most of this side is.’

‘You mean there’s nowhere to park at all?’ asked Wu Dog Yan, her voice not hiding its frustration.

‘There might be some. Nuut kaata. I don’t have a car.’

Wu Dog Yan growled, continued along the same road for a while, saw nothing but parked cars and green no parking lines, then said, ‘forget it,’ and swerved abrutply up a very steep street lined with small, wooden houses and not a lot of light.

‘Don’t go too far this way,’ said Luco, tapping the DogTV star’s shoulder, ‘or the darts bar will take an hour to walk to.’

‘I don’t have much choice.’

‘Just park in one of these little car parks at the side.’

‘They’re private.’

‘Who cares? Just go in, no one will notice.’

‘Spoken like a non-famous person.’

Luco reeled back in overly-dramatic shock. ‘Hey, don’t try and play the fame card. Dogs look at me all the time, every day.’

‘Me too,’ said Zade, sighing.

‘If I do one bad thing, have one bad day or moody face, they’ll think all hamsters are bad forever.’

‘You won’t be in the media though,’ said Wu Dog Yan, her voice a little irritated. ‘For things that aren’t even true.’

‘I won’t live in a mansion and get paid millions either.’

‘Guys, guys, stop…’ Cha Cha held up her paws.

‘What?’

‘Stop attacking Wu Dog Yan, it’s not her fault. We’re all the same side, remember?’

‘I’m not attacking anyone, I’m just-…’

‘Ah, finally,’ interrupted Wu Dog Yan, braking suddenly and putting the car into reverse. ‘Parking space.’

Luco looked back and frowned. ‘You can fit in there?’

‘Of course, she can,’ said Cha Cha, killing her own frown when she saw how small the space was. ‘She’s an excellent driver.’

‘It looks pretty tight.’

‘Not that tight,’ said Wu Dog Yan, rolling the car back and into a two, three metre space between two other cars. ‘Though it’s a bit weird no one else parked here.’

Just as she finished saying her line, there was a bump and then the back of the car dropped down almost 45 degrees.

‘What the-…’

‘Forward, forward…’ shouted Luco, jabbing the back of the driver’s seat.

‘Handbrake,’ shouted Zade, diggin a nail into his own thigh.

The car continued slanting backwards, then, after a few more seconds, started to roll too, heading down the slope towards a very ancient-looking tree.

‘Handbrake,’ shouted Zade again.

‘Swerve, drive, stop, do something…’ shouted Luco, raising his voice to overpower Zade’s.

‘Shut up, both of you,’ shouted Wu Dog Yan, putting the gear back into Drive, slamming down on the accelerator, spinning the wheels and managing to push the car back up onto the road, into the original parking space. Leaning back in her seat, she put on the handbrake and breathed out in relief.

‘That was great parking,’ said Cha Cha, leaning forward to pat Wu Dog Yan on the shoulder and missing completely as the DogTV star quickly opened the door and jogged round to the back of the car.

The other three followed, stopping next to her and examining the slope they’d accidentally run onto. Actually, it wasn’t a slope, it was more like a part of the road that had been broken by something and dropped down onto the hillside.

‘I guess that’s why no one parked here,’ said Luco, rubbing his neck.

Wu Dog Yan pointed at the broken patch of road, as if it were a criminal. ‘How is anyone supposed to see that?’

‘With their eyeballs.’

Cha Cha leaned across and elbowed the hamster in the side.

‘There’s not even any streetlamps…’ added Wu Dog Yan, still visibly annoyed.

Luco opened his little mouth to respond, but Cha Cha swiftly elbowed him again, this time in the side of the throat, which was actually quite dangerous as hamster throats weren’t known for their durability. Luckily, despite a few snatched, raspy breaths, Luco survived. And then groaned a bit.

‘Where’s the darts bar from here?’ asked Zade, looking down the hillside at the top of the Jitsu-baka roofs.

‘About twenty minutes down the road,’ answered Luco, his voice still a bit raspy.

‘I guess we should start walking then?’

‘Good idea,’ said Cha Cha, smiling extra hard and looking over at Wu Dog Yan.

Luco looked at the hillside then at the road leading farther up the hill. ‘Or we could just forget the bar and head up to Bōnbo Castle. There’s a Bone Dia over there, we could go in and get some drinks, then another ten minutes to the castle wall. It’s a pretty decent place, lots of history and ghost stories that…’

‘Nuut,’ said Wu Dog Yan, pointing keys at the car and activating the beep lock.

‘…happened there.’

‘We’re going to the darts bar.’

‘Okay, but the castle’s closer.’

‘I don’t care. You made me come up here and dent my car just so we could go to your precious darts bar, so we’re going to the darts bar. Got it?’

‘Maybe we should take a vote.’

Wu Dog Yan glared at him. Cha Cha glared in solidarity. Zade just shrugged.

‘Okay, fine. Darts bar,’ said Luco, dusting something off his paws even though there was no dust or dirt or anything. ‘It was my first choice anyway.’

~~~

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[1] The funniest “green” places were of course the hospitals.