~~~

By the time the sun came back up, the police sergeant [or whoever it was who’d judo chopped the trigger-happy officer in the neck] had managed to achieve the one simple thing his superiors had asked of him; he’d transported all five suspects back to Dogholm. Though even that wasn’t anything to celebrate as, when the suspects finally stepped out of the van, three of them had facial bruising. The official explanation was ‘road bumps’, the actual reason was something a bit more predictable. During the two-hour cruise across the Lower Mark Mountain Road, the police van driver had intentionally taken some of the corners tightly, causing Zade, Luco and Cha Cha to roll around in the back. One of the officers had been so irritated when, on one corner, Zade bumped into his leg that he’d taken out a phone book, held it against Zade’s cheek and punched him as hard as he could. He’d liked it so much, he did it again four more times. When he was done with Zade, he’d tried the hamster, but his face was too small, so he’d settled for kicking him instead. Cha Cha complained and got a couple of kicks too. Wu Dog Yan and Chi Hua Bi Bi were more fortunate; they’d each been given the gift of a seatbelt, therefore escaping injury.

‘It’s an infamously uneven road, that one,’ said the Dog Sergeant, as he supervised the suspects being pulled out of the van and handed over to the police dogs of Old Dogholm West [the brand new, shiny Police Station that looked more like a tech company HQ].

‘Real tough to avoid some of those bumps,’ said one of his officers, smirking.

‘Injuries are almost inevitable…’

‘Not if your officers are calm and competent,’ replied a slim, tired-looking police dog, coming outside with a mug of coffee in his paw.

‘Excuse me?’

‘I said, not if your officers are calm and competent.’

‘My officers are extremely professional.’

‘Professional boxers perhaps.’

The sergeant stood up to full height, rising at least four inches above the dog with the coffee. ‘I told you, it was the road. Very bumpy.’

Luco overheard the line and opened his mouth to say something back, but before he could get anything out, Zade did his usual trick and put his paw over his face.

‘I’ve never had any trouble on it.’

‘Look, pal, why don’t you sashay back inside and get someone with a higher rank?’

The slim dog took a long sip of coffee then replied, ‘I’m Captain Tantka.’

‘Who?’

‘Captain Tantka. I believe captain is a high rank.’

‘That can’t be right,’ said the sergeant, confused. ‘Where’s Captain Salapak?’

‘Reassigned.’

‘To where?’

Captain Tantka tapped the badge on his chest. It took the sergeant a moment to understand what was being asked of him.

‘To where, Sir?’

‘Not Lo Gau Harbour.’

‘Dogyo?’

‘Watch out for those bumps on your way home.’ Captain Tantka turned his back on the sergeant from Lo Gau Harbour and gestured towards his officers. ‘Okay, quickly, quickly, get them inside…before those damn reporters appear.’

‘Which rooms, Captain?’ asked one of the Dogholm cops.

‘Put them in 1-5.’

The cop nodded, then another one asked if they should take the tiger down to the basement, ask him a few extra questions first.

‘I told you, no more basement.’

‘Captain Salapak thought it was a good idea.’

‘Ka, well, he’s not here, I am.’

‘But he might…’

‘Just do as you’re told.’

The police dog looked puzzled for a minute, then angry, then finally, compliant. He jabbed Zade in the back, forcing him up the police station steps, then gestured for the other four to follow.

‘You’ll be hearing from my lawyer about this,’ said Chi Hua Bi Bi, spitting down at Captain Tankta’s feet as she went past.

‘Actually, it’s Lo Gau Harbour Police Department you’ll be wanting. This is Dogholm.’

‘Don’t care, I’ll sue the lot of you.’

~~~

An hour later, in Interrogation Room 1, Chi Hua Bi Bi said the same thing again [with more venom] after Captain Tankta had asked her what the tiger had done to Dog Hood and Dog Lee.

‘Your lawyer has been notified. Answer the question, please.’

‘I’m not saying anything until she arrives.’

‘You know Dogholm law. No lawyer in the room until trial. Even for TV stars.’

Chi Hua Bi Bi made a hissing noise and looked at the wall.

‘I’ll ask you again. What did the tiger do to Dog Hood and Dog Lee?’

‘Nothing.’

‘He did nothing?’

‘Nuut-o[1].’

‘Tigers are very strong, even the slightest of hits can cause serious damage. Are you sure there was nothing?’

‘You’re not getting it, grunt. The tiger was in the helicopter, not on the rock.’

‘That’s where Dog Hood and Dog Lee were? On Ratko’s Jump?’

‘Ka.’

‘Okay…then what did Dog Hood do to Dog Lee?’

~~~

‘Your questions are very leading,’ said Wu Dog Yan, sitting incredibly straight in Police Interrogation Room 2.

‘Then I’ll make it simpler. What happened?’

‘I told you. I’ve told you ten times. Dog Lee went nuts and tried to kill me. Dog Hood stopped him. They both fell off the rock. The tiger had nothing to do with it.’

‘You’re sure that’s what happened?’

‘I don’t lie.’

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Captain Tankta checked some files on the desk, shuffling a few of them and pretending to read something. ‘It says here you filmed a commercial with Dog Hood two days ago.’

‘And?’

‘Then you happen to turn up at the castle that he owns, where Dog Lee also happens to be…after being kidnapped, of course…’

‘I don’t think he was kidnapped.’

‘Sorry?’

‘Dog Lee. I think he faked it. There was the cat from the Cat Flex School in the cave, they were talking and…’

‘The cat who was eaten alive by the purple mist?’

‘Ka.’

‘The mist that later chased you before disappearing without a trace, conveniently leaving us with no evidence of the cat talking to Dog Lee or even being at the cave in the first place…’

‘Ask the others, they’ll back me up.’

‘I’m sure they will.’

‘Ask Chi Hua Bi Bi, she doesn’t even like me.’

‘She said there was no mist.’

Wu Dog Yan’s face stopped mid-movement, just as she was looking to the side, at the darkened window that had to be fake.

‘She also said Dog Hood was trying to kill Dog Lee, on Ratko’s Jump…’

‘That’s what she said?’

Captain Tankta nodded, checking the files again. ‘Tell me, Miss Wu. How long had you been dating Dog Hood?’

~~~

‘No way, no way, no way, no way, no way, way no.’

‘Anything else?’

‘That can’t be right, it can’t, I would’ve heard about it online, they weren’t even rumoured to be attached, there’s no way they could’ve been dating without anyone knowing, that’s impossible, what’s your evidence, who said that, was it her, did Wu Dog Yan tell you that?’

Cha Cha took a breath and looked at her paws. They were stretched out on the desk, as if she were about to jump on the police dog sitting opposite her.

‘Sorry, I get a little hyper sometimes…’ she said, sliding back onto her seat.

‘It is just a suspicion at this point,’ said Captain Tankta calmly. ‘There’s a chance it’s all a big coincidence.’

‘Definitely a coincidence.’

‘But it is very strange…a well-known TV star turning up at Dog Hood’s castle…at the same time as Dog Lee is kidnapped…’

‘She didn’t know it was his castle, Luco found that out.’

‘Luco? You mean the hamster?’

‘It’s true, he read it in one of the magazines in your reception area. Wu Dog Yan was just following us.’

‘That’s another coincidence…how did a dog like you manage to meet a superstar like her?’

‘I told you that already. She was outside Dog Hood’s school when it blew up, we were there too, we compared notes on the case, and then we went to the No Name Islands. It’s not suspicious at all when you think about it. Actually, she suspected Dog Hood, just like we did.’

‘So why does she keep saying he’s a hero?’

‘Who?’

‘Dog Hood. She says he saved her life.’

‘He did. Dog Lee was out of his mind, his eyes were red…like glowing red…there was the sword, the arrows. He would’ve killed all of us if he’d been able to get inside the helicopter.’

Captain Tankta coughed loudly. He looked at the fake window then back at Cha Cha. ‘You’re telling me that the dog with the most respected fighting school in Dogholm, the dog who trains poor dogs for free, the dog who once jumped in front of a truck to save an elderly homeless lady…went nuts and tried to kill not only Dog Hood but also Wu Dog Yan?’

~~~

‘Of course not, he’s Dog Lee, he’d never do any of that.’ Luco slammed his little paws down on the table. ‘The killing part, I mean. The good stuff, ka, that was him, probably…actually, I’d never heard any of that, I’ve only been his student for three weeks, but I know he’s very moral, he always taught me even when it was really late and his eyebags were huge. He would never kill anyone. Who said such lies?’

‘Your friends.’

‘Ah, they’re confused, they don’t know what they’re saying. I’ll tell you what really happened.’

‘Go on.’

‘You got any food first? I’m hungry…’

‘Later.’

‘Seeds would do, I’m not fusty.’

‘Fussy.’

‘You don’t have anything?’

Captain Tantka stared at Luco’s forehead, as if he were picking out the best spot to start drilling.

‘Fine. Story first. How far back should I go?’

‘When you got to the castle.’

‘Ka, castle. We went to the castle because we knew Dog Hood would be there and we knew Dog Lee would be there too, and when we got there, we were right, they were both there, and one of those cats too, the one from Cat Flex School, and…the cat and Dog Lee were talking, then the cat got eaten by the mist, and then we ran out and the mist chased us but that evil dog turned up in her helicopter and we were okay, and the others said, ah, Dog Lee is crazy, he’s gonna kill Dog Hood, but…actually, that’s not true, that’s only what Dog Hood wanted us to think…nuut, actually, the truth was…’

‘Slow down, hamster…your dog-wah[2] is not easy to understand…’

Luco glared at Captain Tankta, took a breath and continued. ‘The truth was…Dog Hood had hypnotised Dog Lee into putting him in the boat, into killing the cat, into shooting the arrow at Wu Dog Yan, it wasn’t Dog Lee’s fault at all, his mind was under Dog Hood’s control, and now he’s dead all because of Dog Hood.’

‘So…you’re saying Dog Hood did everything?’

‘Obviously.’

‘Using some kind of hypnotism?’

‘Ka, ka.’

‘And Dog Lee woke up at the end and sacrificed himself by tackling Dog Hood off Ratko’s Jump?’

‘Err…ka. Okay. Ka.’

‘And the tiger was in on it too?’

‘What? Nuut. Zade was with us. What are you talking about?’

‘That’s what the other three said.’

‘Nuut, Zade was in the helicopter, he didn’t do anything. He’s like a turtle, never wants to fight. Hang on, which three? Not Zade, right?’

‘The other three.’

‘What, Cha Cha said that? Nuut, impossible. You’re lying. It’s that police trick where you play all the suspects off against each other. That’s really low. Can’t believe you really do that kind of thing. Picking on the tiger too. Ah, Zade was right…you are racist against tigers.’ Luco paused, panicking slightly. ‘Don’t tell him I said that…’

Captain Tankta told Luco to shut up, picked up the files on the desk and hurried out of Interrogation Room 4.

Two officers intercepted him on the way to room 5, begging him to let them have a go with the tiger first, but Captain Tankta ignored them and went straight for the drinks machine. He got a dunkaccino, took a sip and stared at the word ‘Dunkaccino’ on the machine.

‘Tantka…’ a gravelly voice said from behind.

‘Sir.’

Tankta knew the voice, and even if he didn’t, he could see the reflection in the drinks machine. It was the Dogholm Police Commisioner, Sek Tankto, no relation. Actually, some of his colleagues had spread rumours about the Commisioner promoting Tankta due solely to the similarity of their surnames, but it stayed a rumour; his record was too good to doubt.[3]

‘This is an intriguing case…’

Tankta nodded, knowing that ‘intriguing’ really meant ‘hugely important’, and waited for the Commisioner to continue.

‘Of course, it could all be a hoax. We have sent the coastguard out to Ratko’s Jump, but have yet to locate any bodies.’

‘It’s unlikely they’ll find them,’ said Tankta.

‘But there are two TV stars involved, so we will assume that they are not lying.’

‘Agreed, Sir.’

‘Which means we need to wrap this up fast.’

‘I’ve interviewed everyone except the tiger, I’m going to do him now.’

‘You mean interrogated?’

‘Ka, Sir. Slip of the tongue.’

‘We do not interview tigers…’

‘Nuut, Sir.’

Commisioner Tankto glanced at the drinks machine and frowned. He looked up and down the corridor, frowned again then came back to the drinks machine and pushed the ‘dunkaccino’ button.

‘Will you be staying long, Sir?’

‘This is coffee?’

‘Ka, Sir. It’s not too bad…if you have it every day…’

‘Which room is the tiger in?’

‘5, Sir.’

‘Is 6 free?’

‘Ka, Sir.’

‘Good.’

‘You’ll be watching, Sir?’

‘Keenly.’

Commisioner Tankto sipped some of the coffee and scrunched up his nose in disgust. Then, sipping some more coffee, walked off towards Interrogation Room 6.

‘You’re the one who installed the machines, futka…’ mumbled Captain Tankta.

‘What’s that, Sir?’

Tankta turned and saw another dog officer standing there, probably about to ask if he could have five seconds with the tiger before the interrogation began.

‘I said, nuut, you can’t watch, get back to work.’

‘My shift just ended.’

‘Then go home,’ Tankta shouted, his eyes volcanic.

‘Ka, Sir.’

The officer strolled off down the corridor, stopping outside Interrogation Room 5 and peeking in. Tankta tried some more coffee, convinced himself it wasn’t that bad, rolled up his sleeves and walked towards Interrogation Room 5. As he entered, he threw a quick look over at the window, looked at the tiger then threw the files down on the desk.

‘You’ve got one chance, tiger. Your friends have ratted you out, we know you’re dangerous, confess to everything and we’ll make sure you don’t get the needle chair[4].’

Zade stared back at Captain Tankta, blood still dripping down the side of his head from the police van treatment.

‘Are you deaf? Speak. Tell me everything.’

‘I don’t feel well.’

‘Don’t try and worm your way out of it. We know you did it. We just need to hear it from your own lips.’

Zade thought about it for a second then opened his massive jaws. ‘Dog Lee went nuts, he tried to kill Wu Dog Yan. Luckily, Dog Hood saved her.’

‘You’re lying.’

‘That’s what I saw.’

Captain Tankta glanced over at the fake window, bit his lip then stood up. He walked behind Zade, slid the metal glove onto his paw, aimed for the back of his neck, the tiger’s weakest point, and…

…nothing.

He bit his lip again, took off the metal glove, looked defiantly at the fake window and returned to his seat.

‘Okay, from the start. What were you doing at the castle?’

~~~

----------------------------------------

[1] Another way to say ‘nuut’, similar to ‘no’ and ‘nope’. Can’t believe this is the first time in the story that someone has said it.

[2] Dog language

[3] There was a also a rumour that his record was false, that Tankta had paid gang bosses to let him arrest some of their low level members.

[4] The method of execution in Dogholm – the prisoner is tied to a chair and a needle is shot into their neck, killing them [almost] instantly. Most dogs say it’s cruel and needs to be banned, other [conservative] dogs say it’s quite exciting.