~~~

It was another mind-numbing morning in Knife Factory Block 7.

Three figures sat in the 4th floor canteen, taking a [reluctantly] permitted break from the main floor. One small hamster, one medium-sized dog and one huge tiger, who currently had his head flat on the table, either dead or asleep. The hamster, Luco, was doing most of the talking.

‘I didn’t realise my leg could go so high, it was inane, completely inane.’

‘Insane,’ corrected Cha Cha, the dog.

‘But Dog Lee said…that’s my Satfu[1]…he told me that when I’d finished his course, I would be able to put my leg over my head, maybe even touch the bottom of my spine with my toes.’

‘Is your leg long enough to do that?’

Luco looked down at his little hamster legs. ‘Must be. Dog Lee said so, loads of times.’

‘He did?’

‘Ka, ka[2]. He said legs can stretch up to four times their normal length, if you know the correct way to do it.’

‘Four times longer?’

‘You don’t believe me?’

‘Trying to.’

‘Wah, you believe everything else…but my leg size, nuut, that one can’t be true.’

‘I didn’t not believe. I said, is your leg long enough? It was a question.’

‘Ka, but your tone was sceptical…like you didn’t believe me. Or you didn’t believe Dog Lee, cos it was him who said it, not me.’

‘Nuut kaata[3]. My tone is weird sometimes, I guess.’ Cha Cha looked over at the large pale orange and black striped tiger snoozing in the corner, a dark green factory-issue jacket pulled up over his face. ‘You think we should wake Zade up?’

‘He’s okay, leave him.’

‘But he’ll miss the whole lunch break. And…I read that tigers instantly go into a very deep sleep if they close their eyes for more than four minutes.’

‘What?’

‘Four minutes and twenty seconds…no, thirty seconds. Or was it five minutes?’

‘Where did you read that?’

‘Catwatch.com.’

‘Ka, see…this is what I mean about you believing everything.’

‘Shut up. It’s interesting. And worker-run. Kind of.’

‘Interesting?’

‘Like, last week they had another piece…said the knives we make here, in this factory, all of them go to the young dogs in Dogyo[4] so they’ll fight each other, or just carry the knife in public, then the police can catch them and fill up the prisons.’

‘That doesn’t make any sense…’

‘It does, because the cats are behind it all. They want all the young dogs to fight each other or end up in prison, private prisons, then they can come in and control everything again.’

‘Ha! Those cats couldn’t control a kettle, how are they gonna take over Dogyo?’

‘The rich dogs and cat-friendly dogs are helping them, all those weirdo ‘colonialism wasn’t that bad’ culturalist types. They’re gonna divide it up between themselves, and the rest of us plebs will be turned into slaves. Real slaves, not wage ones. That’s why we need to stick together here, in Dogholm, in the factories. Workers, I mean. Not the bosses. Or admin. Unless they’re entry level…maybe.’

‘You really are so guttible, Cha Cha…’

‘I’m what?’

‘Guttible. You’ll believe anything that catwitch site tells you.’

‘Not true.’

‘As long as it fits your ‘workers unite’ ideology…and doesn’t involve my leg size.’

‘I’m a critical thinker. On everything. And it’s gullible, not guttible.’

Luco muttered, ‘okay,’ and looked around the canteen. There wasn’t much to see, just two kettles [one for dogs, one for other animals], a collection of cups not yet washed, an occasionally functioning microwave, four fridges bunched together, a small poster showing factory workers barking ‘$22 minimum wage,’ a much larger poster of Wu Dog Yan, the actress, dressed up as a dog beautician/assassin surrounded by dog criminals [actually, it was a recent Dog TV drama promoted endlessly by Cha Cha even though she claimed to hate celebrities], and a toy alien called Waffle who guarded the bread tin. Luco ignored all that stuff and zoomed in on the wall. ‘Wah, is that the time? Maybe we should be getting back.’

Cha Cha looked at the clock on the far wall, confused.

Luco pulled an ancient philosopher face. ‘You do know it’s twenty minutes slow, right?’

‘Is it?’

‘You don’t know?’

‘I never look at it.’

‘It’s true. Twenty minutes slow.’

‘But that means…’

‘We’re late. Seven minutes late.’

Cha Cha sprang up from her seat and ran towards the door. Just as she reached for the handle, she stopped, turned and laughed. ‘You really think I’m that stupid? That clock’s been broken for the last five months. No one uses it to tell the time.’

‘Ahh, you’re right. They broke it.’

‘They?’

Luco looked puzzled. ‘You don’t know?’

‘Don’t know what?’

‘They broke it on purpose, that way it could be used for other purposes.’

Cha Cha wanted to say what other purposes but didn’t like repeating so many of Luco’s sentences. Instead, she mimicked a goldfish and waited.

‘It’s not visible,’ continued Luco, lowering his voice to a whisper, ‘but there’s a camera on the clock, hidden in the circle of the 9.’

‘What?’

‘So Boss Bamdak can keep an eye on us.’

‘You’re lying.’

‘He’s probably watching us right now. From his office. It’s probably the only thing he does all day.’

Cha Cha stared up at the 9 on the clock for a while, but there was no camera lens visible. Only pale green space. But that could be a trick, she thought. He really could be watching them at that very-…wait a second. She paused, having an armadillos built an ice base[5] moment. ‘Ha, you are lying.’

‘Nuut. Hamsters don’t lie about secret surveillance.’

‘You are, you just said…he’s probably watching us right now.’

‘He probably is.’

‘But if he were, you wouldn’t be so relaxed about it. You wouldn’t even be talking about him. Ha, you almost got me. Really. If you’d stopped talking after your first line…’

Cha Cha laughed again, not realising that the door was being pushed open next to her. Then said hey as it clipped her leg, closed back up and, after almost no delay, shot forward again at super speed. The force was so strong that the door hit her on the face and made her stumble backwards. And her lack of balance was so strong that she somehow managed to trip on her own feet and slide gradually downwards onto the floor, coming to a stop almost twenty feet away from the initial strike point.

‘Oh, sorry, was that me?’ asked Git Git, the tall, blue dog on the other side of the door, with obvious fake concern on his face. ‘I didn’t see you there.’

Cha Cha rubbed her head, not realising she was sitting next to the mysterious floor stain that no one had ever cared enough to clean up. ‘Wasn’t your fault, I was distracted. Though you did hit my leg the first time you pushed the door.’

‘That was your leg?’

‘Ka.’

‘I thought it was a chair.’

‘A chair?’ cried Luco, almost biting through the rim of his cup. ‘Are you serious?’

‘I don’t lie, rat.’

‘You hit her on purpose and you know it.’

‘Nonsense.’

Luco rolled up the sleeves of his work jacket, making them look like frilly arm floats.

Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.

‘Forget it, Luco,’ said Cha Cha quickly, ‘there’s no blood. I don’t feel that bad.’

‘That’s the spirit, comrade,’ said Git Git, strolling farther in, grabbing some biscuits from the cupboard and planting himself down on Cha Cha’s chair.

‘You can’t sit there, it’s Cha Cha’s seat.’

‘She moved.’

‘Nuut, she didn’t.’

‘Are you dense? She’s sitting on the floor over there, next to the mysterious stain.’

Cha Cha heard the word stain, looked down at the floor and quickly edged half a metre to the left.

‘Because of you,’ said Luco, tapping the chair.

‘And she was standing next to the door a minute ago…’

‘That doesn’t mean she was leaving…’

‘She was stroking the door then?’

‘It was a joke, she was coming back.’

Git Git looked over at Cha Cha, who was staring at the mysterious stain. ‘She’s not even trying to stand up.’

‘I don’t care, it’s still her seat.’

‘Her forever seat? All day seat?’

‘Ka.’

‘Ha, this isn’t a car park, rat.’

Cha Cha raised her paw and said, ‘it’s fine, he can have the seat, us workers have to stick together, remember?’ but no one seemed to hear her.

‘Are you going to move or not?’ said Luco, his face starting to turn red.

‘I already said nuut,’ replied Git Git, folding his arms.

Luco stood up and tried to roll up his sleeves almost to his shoulder. It didn’t quite work, but he kept trying anyway. ‘You have five seconds.’

‘Five what?’

‘Four seconds.’

‘Why are you rolling up your sleeves?’

‘Preparation.’

Git Git smirked and shoved a biscuit in his mouth.

‘Two seconds.’

‘And then?’

‘One second…’

‘You gonna hit me, little rat?’

‘Nuut, blue lamp post. I’m going to pick you up and bury you in the fridge.’

Git Git laughed then reached over and put his paw into the bag of crisps resting in front of Luco.

‘Get off, they’re mine…’

‘I don’t see your name on them.’

‘They’re on the table, in front of me. Everyone can see they’re mine.’

‘Not me.’

Luco growled.

‘Are you trying to be a dog?’

Luco growled again, louder this time.

‘Ha, am I going in the fridge now?’

‘Stand up.’

‘What, me?’

‘Stand up and I’ll show you my moves.’

Git Git smiled, took another crisp from Luco’s packet then stood up. ‘Okay, little rat, I’m half curious. Go ahead. Take your best shot.’

Luco walked forward, stretched his arms out again then quickly aimed a kick at Git Git’s left leg, stopping an inch before contact.

‘What’s that?’ asked Git Git, not reacting to the kick at all [though it may have made him jump a little internally].

‘Sweeping Eagle Kick. Warm up version.’

‘Eagles don’t kick, Ninsōn[6].’

‘I do!’

Luco kicked again, this time stopping an inch from the right leg. Git Git still didn’t react. ‘Another warm up,’ Luco spat out quickly.

‘Is it time to go back to work yet?’ asked Cha Cha, still rubbing her head on the other side of the room.

‘Nuut!’ shouted Luco, balling his fists. ‘Not until I’ve kicked him into the fridge.’

‘Ha, you couldn’t kick a peanut into a swimming pool.’

‘Ka, I could…’

‘In fact, a peanut is probably bigger than your leg.’

‘Shut up, you weirdly blue, braindead, polluted, mud-conning blue headed dog head thing face…’

‘Luco…’ interrupted Cha Cha, frowning.

‘What?’

‘Can we just wake Zade up and get back to work? I don’t wanna lose money for being late again.’ Cha Cha looked at the clock, before quickly remembering that it didn’t work.

‘Wha…’ said Zade, lifting his head up and letting the jacket slide slowly off his face. ‘Where am I? What time is it?’

‘Praise the sea gods,’ said Git Git, sitting down again. ‘The captain of intelligence has awoken.’

‘Wha…captain? Where?’

‘Brain as sharp as ever.’

Zade rubbed his eyes and then looked at his wrist, confused that there was no watch on it.

‘You don’t have it anymore, Zade,’ said Cha Cha.

‘Huh…’

‘The watch. You swapped it for that little stone around your neck, remember?’

‘Worst deal in animal history…’ mumbled Luco, switching from balled fists to arm stretching.

‘Ka, you’re right. I keep forgetting.’

‘Maybe the worst deal in animal pre-history too. If they did deals back then.’

‘It’s not the worst anything.’ Zade stroked the stone necklace around his neck. ‘That watch cost eight dollars, but this stone…’

‘Ka, we know.’

‘…is legendary. Mystical.’

‘You mean mythical?’ asked Git Git, smirking.

Zade ignored the insult and continued to stroke the stone around his neck. ‘Found in the lost village of Paw Wai, birthplace of the four greatest tiger heroes in all of tiger history.’

‘All history?’ asked Luco, frowning.

‘Ka, all.’ Zade paused, consulting the stone. ‘Or the history I studied at school. All the violent parts.’

‘No one cares,’ said Git Git, secretly taking another biscuit from the table.

‘The Aaksa Ta stone…pinned to the forehead of Aaaakato[7], the hero who helped defeat the cats at the Battle of Fong Song. That makes it over four hundred years old.’

‘Pinned to his forehead?’

‘Ka, to show his courage.’ Zade looked at the toy alien on the table, drifting off into historical fantasy. ‘He believed pain was the only honest friend.’

‘That’s a little hard to believe,’ said Luco. ‘The forehead part.’

‘More than a little,’ added Git Git.

‘That’s because you guys don’t know about tiger history. You should read some books about it. If you want, I can lend you some. They’re written in Raa-ka[8], but it shouldn’t be hard to translate them for you.’

‘Nuut, thanks,’ said Git Git. ‘I’ve got better things to do than read the history of primitives.’

Zade gripped the necklace tight, almost crushing it, then changed direction and glanced at the clock on the wall. ‘Wait, what time is it?’

‘You are literally staring at the clock,’ said Git Git, looking at Zade with a disgusted expression.

‘I know that, Git Git. I mean, is that really the right time?’

‘Don’t say my name, we’re not friends.’

‘Okay…work dog. Is that the right time? Because it always seems to say ten to two.’

‘It’s broken, Zade,’ said Cha Cha, nudging him in the side.

‘Since when?’

‘Five months ago. More or less.’

‘Oh.’

‘It’s only used for surveillance now.’

Zade nodded, processed the word surveillance, didn’t know what it meant so nodded again.

‘What are you talking about?’ asked Git Git, screwing up his face in disgust.

‘Doesn’t matter,’ said Cha Cha, shrugging.

‘Surveillance?’

‘It’s best you don’t know.’

‘Stupid pokkah[9]…’

Git Git turned to sit down again but noticed that the chair was missing. He glanced to the side and saw Luco holding it.

‘What are you doing now, rat?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Were you trying to make me fall down?’

‘Nuut.’

Suddenly, the door burst open and a very red-faced dog appeared. It was the department manager, Boss Lak [the dog who reported directly to the CEO of their knife factory, Boss Bamdak], and it looked like he was about to explode. ‘Slackers, stop stuffing your faces and get back to work.’

‘Are we late?’ asked Zade, quickly standing to attention.

‘Not yet.’

‘Ah, that’s lucky,’ said Cha Cha.

‘Lucky?’ said Boss Lak, staring at them in disbelief. ‘What kind of attitude is that? You should be desperate to get back out there, so desperate you’re willing to skip lunch.’

‘Ka, boss, sorry boss,’ said Zade and Cha Cha, walking towards the door and then out onto the huge, sprawling factory floor.

‘You too, hamster. Those knives won’t make themselves.’

‘Ka, Sir. Sorry, Sir.’

‘And roll down your sleeves, you look like a flamencaa[10] dancer.’

‘Ka, sir.’

Luco let go of the chair, rolled down his sleeves and walked reluctantly to the door. As he went, he looked back at Git Git and did a punching action.

‘Ka, ka,’ said Git Git, ‘you can go to a hundred fighting schools, rat, it doesn’t matter. You’ll never be able to beat me in a fight. Or bury me in a fridge.’

~~~

Later that afternoon, Zade, Cha Cha and Luco stood by the knife conveyor belt, doing their usual work for that time period.

Cha Cha would check the blade measurements, sharpening if necessary.

Zade would give it a coat of dry-gloss then test it by cutting a piece of cardboard with one slice.

And, finally, Luco would polish it and add the number 7 label.

But Luco wasn’t really focusing on his task, so when all the knives had been finished and it was time to clock off, he still had 25% of his labels in front of him.

‘What’s wrong, Luco?’ asked Zade, cutting another piece of cardboard.

‘Nothing.’

‘You forgot to label half of these blades.’

‘Quarter, not half.’

‘It’s still a lot.’

‘Who cares? I’ll do it now, it’s no big deal.’ Luco grabbed his stack of labels and started putting them on the blades he’d missed. ‘And, ka, I polished them, before you have a go at me for that too.’

‘Are you sure you’re feeling okay?’ asked Zade, taking a few labels and helping to stick them on.

‘Ka.’

‘You seem stoic.’

‘What?’

‘Stoic,’ repeated Zade, grinning with pride. ‘It’s a new word I learnt. Means someone who doesn’t talk much.’

‘I know what it means.’

‘Okay.’

Luco continued putting the labels on the blades, hitting them with his little paw after they’d been stuck, kind of like an angry full stop.

‘Are you annoyed that you couldn’t bury Git Git in the fridge?’ asked Cha Cha, breaking the silence.

‘Nuut.’

‘Why did you want to bury him in a fridge anyway?’ asked Zade, yawning.

‘No reason.’

‘Isn’t it easier just to put him on the floor?’

‘Or mentally hit him?’ added Cha Cha.

‘Shut up, you don’t understand,’ yelled Luco, accidentally stamping a label on the table, not the blade. 'Pokkah...'

His voice was so loud that Cha Cha quickly glanced around the nearby work stations to see if anyone had noticed. Luckily, the factory floor was about the same size as an airport, and had a huge level of background machine noise, so not even the closest worker had heard Luco’s whining.

‘I understand,’ said Zade, after a few seconds had passed.

‘You?’ Luco looked his tiger colleague up and down. ‘You’re as big as a shopping mall. You definitely can’t understand.’

Zade thought it over then said, ‘which shopping mall?’

Luco spat breath towards the floor, letting a tiny bit of phlegm escape, too.

‘Are you angry because you’re too small to be good at fighting?’ asked Cha Cha.

‘Ka. I mean, nuut. Shut up.’

‘Hey, stop telling us to shut up. We’re the only animals who actually talk to you around here. Unless you count Git Git.’

Luco stopped sticking labels, put the leftovers into a pile and then shoved it to the side, next to the knives that were already completed. ‘I’m going.’

‘Going where?’ asked Zade.

‘Nowhere.’

‘Home?’

‘Nuut.’

‘Where then?’

‘Bambamboo Park,’ whispered Cha Cha to Zade, one eye on Luco angrily putting on his jacket. ‘He’s been going there secretly every night for the last three weeks.’

‘But there’s nothing there except fighting schools.’

‘Ka, he goes to one of them.’

‘Huh?’

‘Or that’s what he said anyway.’

‘Why did he tell you but not me?’

‘He told us both, earlier, but you were asleep.’

‘When?’

‘Earlier.’

Zade looked up and right, scanning his memories for ‘earlier.’ It was tough as he always took a nap at least twice a day, every day, so ‘earlier’ could mean anytime. He stood up to full height and looked for the lego-sized hamster on the factory floor.

‘Hey, Luco, what do you need a fighting school for?’ Zade shouted, confused. ‘And why did you tell Cha Cha and not me?’

But it was too late, Luco had already left.

~~~

[Footnotes]

~~~

[1] Mentor/Si fu

[2] In dog language, Ka = yes [though some areas/cities use ‘ker’], nuut = no

[3] Nuut kaata = don’t know, and it’s the same for all pronouns e.g. I don’t know, you don’t know, he/she doesn’t know, we don’t know etc. I’ll only use it as a fixed phrase, not in a sentence like ‘I don’t know why you hate me,’ as that would probably be too confusing.

[4] Capital of Dog Country, obviously unrelated to Tokyo

[5] Famous dog saying that means ‘I really don’t believe you.’

[6] Estaa Ninsōn [1924–1975], legend of science and the first animal to discover the Ninsun particle, which allows quarter the speed of light travel. At least the theory does, it hasn’t been tested yet. Dogs are very proud of her, even though she was mixed [her father was a dog, her mother was a leopard] and moved to Treeto, the Leopard country, after the Mayor of Dogholm at that time accused her of being a spy. Fortunately, time passed and Dogholm finally realised that she was a genius, and that the mayor was incredibly racist. To honour this fact, there is a statue of her in Old Dogholm and another one in Cyber Grove Science Park.

[7] Tiger tax collector turned soldier who united the village tigers and led them into many battles, the most famous of which was the Battle of Fong Song. According to legend, when the battle seemed lost, he led twelve of his most loyal comrades in a suicidal charge against the cat commander, a move that inspired the other tigers to fight again instead of going home to relax on the couch.

[8] The language of the tigers. Lots of words with ‘aaaaaaa’ sounds, hard for foreigners to learn.

[9] Dog slang for a dog who wants to check in to a hotel room with its mother

[10] Nothing at all like flamenco dancing