~~~

It turned out Luco’s prediction of a twenty-minute walk back down the hill was a little exaggerated. Even walking at a relatively slow pace, they managed to get to the junction at the bottom within twelve minutes, and from there it was two minutes to a little alley which, for some reason, had fake snow sprinkled on the concrete.

It also had no other bars or cafes except for Luco’s promised darts bar, which was only noticeable itself due to the small sign on the wall next to the main door, and even that was difficult to see as it was old and tarnished.

‘How did you ever find this place, Luco?’ asked Cha Cha, checking the shadows in the alley for stray lunatics and lurking drunks.

‘I did a lot of walking when I first moved here.’

‘To Dogholm?’

Luco nodded, reaching a paw out to wipe some dirt off the darts bar sign.

‘Why?’

‘I don’t want to talk about it.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because it’s late and my Satfu is going to be killed by Dog Hood if we don’t hurry up and make a rescue plan.’

‘Oh ka, I almost forgot about that,’ said Cha Cha, jumping back a bit as a loud noise erupted from inside the bar. ‘What was that?’

‘A crowd,’ muttered Wu Dog Yan, pulling her hood tighter.

‘Atmosphere,’ corrected Luco, pushing at the main door and strolling inside.

The other three animal comrades glanced at each other, each of them more than a little wary, then followed the hamster in. Straight away, a thick cloud of smoke greeted them. It was hard to know if it was from the air-con or some customers smoking, either way, they soldiered on. Once they made it through the cloud, or got used to it enough to forget it was there, a dog with wild, electric-shock hair yelled some kind of guttural noise at them. Then smiled, retuned and said, ‘welcome patrons, please don’t leave, we’re not dangerous’ first in regular dog language then, when he spotted Luco, in hamster language, too.

‘Hi Kropotkin…’ replied Luco, jumping up onto a stool and gripping the dog’s paw.

‘These are your friends?’ asked Kropotkin, sizing up the new arrivals.

‘Ka.’

‘The tiger too?’

‘Ka, ka. And the TV star, they’re all with me.’

‘TV what?’

‘The tall, quite pretty-looking dog trying to hide inside that hoodie…apparently she’s famous, though I’ve never actually seen any of her dramas so…can’t say if she can really act or not.’

‘She’s famous?’

‘Are you blind?’ asked Cha Cha, almost jabbing Wu Dog Yan in the stomach as she pointed her out to Kropotkin. ‘It’s Wu Dog Yan, one of the most famous dogs in Dogholm.’

‘Sorry, I don’t watch TV.’

Wu Dog Yan, who had pulled out a scarf from somewhere and covered her face with it [cos the hood could only do so much], blinked and said, ‘excuse me?’

‘I play darts. And build stuff. And play games. I don’t even own a TV.’

‘You don’t know who I am?’ asked Wu Dog Yan, pulling down her scarf completely, and her hood, then stepping into a brighter part of the bar. It wasn’t easy, the lights were set to the dimmest level, almost like being in a cinema.

‘Not really. Nuut.’

Wu Dog Yan looked around the bar. It was split into two parts, one fairly dark half close to the entrance, which was lit up slightly by electronic darts boards, and another almost pitch-black half towards the back with no one in it. It was eerie; none of the customers in the darts area were looking at her. Could be the lack of light, she thought, or their lack of sobriety. But she was in the spotlight now, they should’ve been able to spot her out of the corners of their eyes. She scanned the room again, still no phones or cameras trained on her. Did it matter? Wasn’t this a good thing?

She folded her arms, let out one reflex shiver, laughed like a ageing witch, then walked off to the pitch-black side of the bar, where she managed to bump into a pool table. It wasn’t that painful, more of a shock, though she was slightly annoyed to see the lights suddenly come on above the tables and Kropotkin laughing in the background.

‘Sorry, moved so fast, didn’t see, no damage, ka?’ he said in his own version of grammar.

‘Don’t worry about it,’ she replied, rubbing her knee.

‘Table’s free, my shout.’

‘How generous.’

She picked up one of the cues and started hitting the white ball up and down the table. Cha Cha quickly followed after, telling her not to worry, the whole bar was like a cave and everyone in there was an idiot with no respect for modern culture.

Wu Dog Yan didn’t answer, she just kept on hitting the white ball, making sure not to let it drop down one of the pockets.

Two minutes later, she stopped, looked around the bar again, realised that all the dogs were still not interested in her then stretched out the sleeves of her hoodie and breathed out dramatically.

‘Are you okay?’ asked Cha Cha, looking back to see Luco and Zade coming over with four huge glasses of something green.

‘This is what it’s like,’ said Wu Dog Yan, soaking up the light above the pool table.

‘Err…’

‘This is what it’s like to be normal.’

‘I’m sorry. We can leave if you want…’

‘Nuut, nuut…I like it. Nuut, not like, I love it. I can finally be myself again…’ She quickly glared at Luco and Zade as they put the four glasses down onto the table. ‘As long as none of you go to the media and betray me.’

‘We would never do that,’ said Cha Cha. ‘Right, guys?’

‘Forget all that…’ Luco swatted imaginary dust out of the air and sat down on the long bench next to the other pool cues. ‘We’ve got important stuff to discuss.’

‘You don’t even know what we were talking about,’ said Wu Dog Yan, picking up the glass and staring at the green liquid.

‘I know it’s not about Dog Lee, which is what we should be focused on. Wah, I can’t believe it’s taken us so long to talk about this. Feels like hours since we left Bambamboo Park.’

‘It’s been about half an hour,’ said Zade, checking the empty space on his wrist first…then his phone.

‘I said feels like, not has been. And don’t be pedantic, Zade, you know what I meant.’ Luco took a sip of his drink, wincing. ‘Okay. Here’s what we do, provisional plan. First, head out to Dog Hood and his island. Second, force him to tell us where Satfu is. Third, rescue Satfu, beat up Dog Hood, take him to the police, come back here and celebrate. Or go to Wu Dog Yan’s house, it’s probably bigger there. Actually, where is your house? Lake Bōnbo Peak? Prince Pico? Probably Bōnbo Peak, if you’re a TV star.’

‘What is this drink?’ asked Wu Dog Yan, ignoring all of the questions.

‘Ka, Luco, what is it? Looks like poison.’

‘Nuut kaata. Kropotkin recommended it.’

‘What’s it called?’

‘Something paradise. Doesn’t matter. What about my plan? Are we ready to move or what?’

Wu Dog Yan tried some of the green liquid, coughed a little, nodded then had some more.

‘Nuut kaata,’ said Zade, scratching his leg.

‘Too vague,’ replied Luco. ‘Next.’

‘It’s stupid. You don’t even know where Dog Hood is…’

‘Ka, thanks for the naked insult, Cha Cha, but actually, I do know, he’s on his island, just like we said earlier.’

‘Nuut, you said he bought an island last year, doesn’t mean he’s there now.’

‘I bet he is though.’

‘Based on what?’ asked Cha Cha, who kept on glancing at Wu Dog Yan as she spoke. ‘One old magazine article?’

‘It does seem quite flimsy.’

‘Flimsy?’ said Luco, confused.

‘Is that not the right word?’ replied Zade, scratching his arm, looking around for a dictionary.

‘I’ve never heard it before.’

‘It’s right,’ said Wu Dog Yan, putting her drink back on the table. ‘I used it in one of my dramas before. It means not solid or reliable. Or that’s what I read it as.’

‘Probably is correct,’ agreed Cha Cha, leaning over and wiping the condensation residue from her idol’s glass.

Wu Dog Yan ignored the maid impression and continued. ‘You’re right too, hamster, we should go to his island. There’s a good chance that’s where Dog Lee is being kept.’

‘Wah, that was sudden!’

‘I was recovering from the green drink. And no one recognising me here…you don’t know how strange that is. How new. You know, I haven’t been to a shopping mall in seven years.’

‘That’s so sad,’ said Cha Cha, patting the air about an inch from Wu Dog Yan’s hip.

‘Why are you so sure Dog Lee is on that island?’ asked Luco, picking up a cue and waddling over to the table.

‘Huh? Why are you so sure?’

‘Innate hamster logic. You?’

‘Evidence. I saw the map in his school, then you mentioned that he’d bought the island, which was surprisingly low key considering he’s semi-famous. Also, I heard Dog Hood on the phone last night, after you guys left…he was talking about taking the boat and fixing something…’

‘He mentioned a boat?’ asked Luco, rising up on tiptoes so he could strike the white ball…and miss the striped ball right next to the middle pocket.

‘A few times, ka.’

‘Are you sure he didn’t say vote?’ cut in Zade, watching Luco line up another shot.

‘Err…pretty sure.’

‘What about bat? That’s close to boat…’

‘Zade, what the king of hell are you talking about?’ shouted Luco, messing up another strike and dropping the cue on the floor in retaliation. ‘Fuck…stupid game.’

Kropotkin looked over and shouted something back, raising a glass of purple liquid and drinking. Luco leaned in closer to his friends and lowered his voice. ‘He said boat, I’m sure of it. Or I’m sure she’s sure of it. Now, the question is, do we go tonight, under cover of darkness, or tomorrow when it’s light?’

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.

‘We can’t go now, it’s too late,’ said Wu Dog Yan, picking up the fallen cue.

‘And we have to work tomorrow,’ added Cha Cha.

‘We’ll be back in time,’ answered Luco, having some of his green paradise drink and almost throwing it back up.

‘We can’t be late again,’ said Zade, shifting slightly to avoid the swaying hamster. ‘Boss Lak will murder us for sure.’

‘Who cares about that guy, my Satfu is in danger.’

‘Allegedly…’

‘And if we don’t go soon, Dog Hood might finish him off and…we can’t let him die like that, it’s cowardly.’

‘Why don’t we just call the police?’ asked Cha Cha, joining Wu Dog Yan at the table, watching her pocket one of the striped balls.

‘Nuut,’ shot Zade quickly, folding his arms.

‘They won’t believe us,’ agreed Luco, taking more of the green stuff. ‘Police need concrete evidence and all we’ve got is pretty good evidence.’

‘Perhaps…’ said Wu Dog Yan.

Cha Cha nodded along and repeated perhaps. This time, Wu Dog Yan looked at her with a slightly irritated face, forcing Cha Cha to shift eyes down onto the carpet .

‘Well, we can’t go until the day after tomorrow then,’ said Zade, arms still folded tight.

‘Nuut.’

‘We don’t have a choice, Luco. Work, remember?’

‘It’s too long, too risky.’

‘I know, but-…’

‘Too cowardly.’

‘Luco…’

‘What…Cha Cha?’

‘We’re tired, it’s been a long day. Why don’t we sit down first, have a drink, play a game of pool with the greatest actress of her generation…’ Wu Dog Yan gave Cha Cha a fierce look, forcing a fast edit. ‘One of the greatest actresses of her generation. Then, maybe we can think of a plan. Okay?’

Cha Cha finished her speech by collapsing backwards onto the seat near the pool table. Almost as soon as she landed, something felt wrong. And it sounded wrong, too. Cushions weren’t supposed to make squealing noises. She lifted herself back up and looked down at where she’d sat, then almost spat her tongue out when she saw two yellow eyes staring back at her.

She tried to scream but couldn’t, it was too sudden.

‘… … … … … …?’ said the yellow eyes, raising its head up to Cha Cha’s level.

‘Yellow…’ said Cha Cha, bumping into the pool table behind her.

‘Okay, calm down, it’s just…’ started Luco, but was interrupted by Cha Cha repeating in a louder tone, ‘Yellow eye seat, yellow eye seat…run.’

The whole bar stopped what it was doing and looked over. Half of the dogs laughed, the other half shrugged and went back to their games. Cha Cha quickly ducked behind Zade and closed her eyes. She whispered from between his calves, ‘do something, hit it, bite it, anything.’

Zade looked at Luco, who shook his head. ‘Cha Cha, what are you doing?’

‘Nuut kaata.’

‘You’re hiding behind Zade’s leg…’

‘Ka.’

‘Why?’

‘I told you, nuut kaata. Fear. Yellow eyes. Nuut kaata.’

Luco walked over to the creature, who was now visibly a snake, and patted it on the side of its long red and black body. ‘This is Misshhh, a regular here.’

‘Luco, your friend sat on me,’ said Misshhh, her accent extremely thick with a lot of ‘ssss’ sounds [that I’m not gonna type into her dialogue].

‘Sorry about that, but it’s pretty dark over here, I guess she didn’t see you.’

‘Do I look like a seat?’

‘Wah, I thought you were the cushion,’ said Cha Cha coming out from behind Zade’s legs.

‘A cushion with eyes?’

‘You were really flat. I didn’t see any eyes…then I only saw eyes. Sorry, my vision isn’t great.’ Cha Cha paused for a second then continued in beginner snake, ‘… … … …’

‘… … … … …?’ asked Misshhh.

‘Ka. Sorry?’

‘You speak some snake?’

Cha Cha glanced at Wu Dog Yan, who had an eyebrow raised. ‘Ka, a little bit.’

Another voice came from behind, and it wasn’t Kropotkin’s. ‘Misshhh, who have you been scaring now?’

Everyone turned around, their mouths staying shut tight and paws rigid by their sides so they wouldn’t be accused of racism towards a huge, giant, ice-white Polar Bear.

‘Wait…Luco, is that you?’

Luco smiled, jumped up and slapped the Polar Bear’s paw. ‘Hey Solar, I was wondering where you were…’

‘Toilet. Bad dump. What you doing here? Isn’t it a work night?’

‘We’ve got something…’ Luco paused, noticing Wu Dog Yan flinch out of the corner of his eye. ‘We felt like relaxing. You’re not out hawking tonight?’

The Polar Bear held up his paw and said, ‘ahh, now that you mention it.’ He walked over to Misshhh and felt under the seat for something. After groping air for almost a minute, he stood back up. ‘Misshhh, where’s the box?’

‘Sold out already.’

‘We did?’

‘That’s why we’re here now.’

The Polar Bear rubbed his head and looked at the empty glasses on the table. ‘Ka, guess I forgot.’

‘What happened in that toilet, Solar?’ asked Luco, laughing.

‘I’m a little foggy, that’s all. Been a long day. Lot of talking, promo stuff.’ He reached inside his SPITA jacket and pulled out a VCD. ‘Any of you interested in Cat horror films?’

No one said ka, no one said nuut either, so he continued. ‘Sorry, you need names, I get it. That poisonous-looking, chilled thing over there is Misshhh, and I’m Solar Bear. And this…’ He held the VCD higher up in the air, shaking it so no one could focus long enough to see its cover. ‘…this is just one of many, a sample. The latest release, actually, not even out here yet. The Fall of the House of Pasha, critically acclaimed, the cats loved it, tigers loved it, even the turtles liked it and they never watch horror.’

‘Sorry, we’re kind of busy right now,’ said Wu Dog Yan, cutting short his spiel.

‘No worries, you can place an order and we’ll deliver directly to your place. No extra charge.’

Luco did a half cough, half laugh, which drew a glare from Solar Bear, and almost a launched VCD case at his hamster head.

‘Aren’t you going to introduce us to your friends?’ asked Misshhh, who was wrapping her tail around a glass on the table that still had a tiny bit of blue liquid in it.

‘Didn’t I do that already?’

‘Not verbally.’

‘Okay, well quickly…cos we’ve got other things to talk about…’

‘As have we.’

‘…ka, so, this is Cha Cha, Zade, they’re my flatmates. And the pretty dog is Wu Dog Yan, maybe you’ve heard of her, nuut kaata.’

‘Is she famous?’ asked Solar Bear, tilted his head to get a more slanted look.

‘In dog circles.’

‘Are you a movie star?’

‘Not really.’

‘A singer?’

‘Nuut.’

‘Ah, then I don’t know you. We do movies and songs, that’s it. Anything else, don’t have time for it.’

‘Your job is selling pirated movies?’ asked Wu Dog Yan, eyes on the VCD case.

Solar Bear shrugged, putting a claw over the cover image. ‘You don’t have to say pirated…’

‘We sell movies and songs, most of them foreign,’ said Misshhh, drinking some of the blue stuff.

‘It’s completely legal…’ added Solar Bear.

Wu Dog Yan didn’t answer. She just looked at Luco, then bent down to hit the white ball into one of the pool table pockets.

‘Sorry, Solar, Misshhh…we really do have to talk about some things. Privately.’

‘In a bar?’

‘Semi-privately,’ said Luco, correcting himself.

Solar Bear looked at the back of Wu Dog Yan’s head and nodded. ‘Nuut, we weren’t staying anyway. Gotta head back and pick up more merch.’

‘This late?’ asked Cha Cha, surprised.

‘You kidding? Late night is the best time, all those drunk dogs coming out of the bars, not knowing what they’re doing, how much cash they’re giving out.’

‘They’d buy from you?’ asked Zade, eyes level with Solar’s, which was in itself quite a rare experience.

‘Ka, I thought they’d be more likely to run away…’

‘Or try to hit you.’

‘Nuut, not here. Bambamboo Park maybe. But even there you’ve got a market for armadillo films, arctic fox opera, leopard sci-fi porn, stuff like that.’

‘You mean they’re not afraid of you?’

Solar Bear and Misshhh both laughed, which was quite weird as a snake’s laughter wasn’t that different from its talking.

‘Cha Cha…’ said Wu Dog Yan, hitting the white ball again and this time missing the pocket.

Cha Cha nodded and stopped talking.

‘See you another night then, Luco and friends,’ said Solar Bear, clapping paws together [and the VCD case with it]. ‘If you urgently need any movie, any foreign movie, or any song, give us a call.’ Solar Bear handed Luco four cards with his face and number on them. ‘We’re available around the clock. Except Sundays and Tuesdays. And Friday mornings. Sometimes Mondays too, if the weather’s bad.’

Luco took the cards and put them in his pocket. Solar Bear slapped paws with him one more time then walked away, slapping paws with Kropotkin at the bar. Misshhh slid off the seat and followed after him, unable to slap Kropotkin’s paw, so brushing their tail against his leg instead. When they were gone, Luco turned to the others and said, ‘they’re good guys…or good animals. Misshhh is female, far as I know. But better use they just to safe.’

‘They sell illegal products,’ said Wu Dog Yan, hitting the white ball again.

‘It’s not that bad, just VCDs.’

‘Illegal VCDs.’

‘Ka, so what? It’s a job, no one’s getting hurt from it. Not like they’re in 14.5k or anything…’

‘They do seem a bit dodgy though,’ said Zade, watching the huge shape of Solar vanish out the main door.

‘Not you too.’

‘I’m just saying…there aren’t many things they can do here, not legally. It’s the same for tigers.’

‘I don’t care about that, they’re good animals. And they’re positive too…unlike some tigers I could name.’

Zade did a low bass growl, scraping his claws together.

‘It’s true.’

‘I’m negative in public, not at home. And it’s not negativity, it’s caution. You don’t know what it’s like to be this big.’

‘Solar Bear’s big.’

‘That’s different.’

‘And Misshhh is poisonous, so-…’

The potential argument was averted by the sound of wood hitting other wood, trailed by the stern face of a DogTV star staring at the three of them.

‘I have an idea,’ announced Wu Dog Yan, resting the pool cue on the edge of the table.

Cha Cha opened her mouth to say great, but closed it quickly when she caught that annoyed look again from her idol.

‘You all say you can’t skip work tomorrow,’ Wu Dog Yan continued, picking up her green drink.

‘Ka, cannot,’ said Zade, folding arms again.

‘Then why don’t I pay your boss a little visit and ask him to give you the day off? Say I need you all to help me with a charity event I’m doing.’

Luco nodded. ‘Ka, that might actually work.’

‘I could also promote your company in some way…as long as it’s not something humiliating. What is it that you guys do, actually?’

‘Production,’ replied Cha Cha quickly, glancing makeshift daggers at the others..

‘That’s quite vague.’

‘Producing things.’

‘That’s not much better.’

‘We work in one of the knife factories,’ said Luco, shrugging off Cha Cha’s death glare.

‘You make all those blades?’

‘Not all of them, we’re not superheroes. We just work on the factory floor, mostly doing the assembly at the end, like fixing the handles, decorating them, making sure they’re sturdy.’

‘We sometimes do moulds too,’ added Zade, unfolding his arms.

‘If they’re shorthanded.’

‘But mostly post-production, the handle, blade, stuff like that.’

Wu Dog Yan went silent for a long time, swaying her green drink in little circles, not drinking any.

‘We haven’t worked there long,’ said Cha Cha, sensing her idol’s discomfort. ‘A year, almost…’

‘I don’t like knives,’ replied Wu Dog Yan, finally taking a sip.

‘Me neither.’

‘And I can’t support any company that makes them.’

‘Me neither.’

‘What do you mean? You work for one.’

‘Kind of.’

Wu Dog Yan stared at the little dog in front of her, eyebrows pointed downwards. ‘You work there full time, don’t you?’

Cha Cha rubbed her eyes to buy herself some time. ‘Ka, we do, but…we don’t work that hard. We take a lot of toilet breaks.’

‘This is ridiculous…’ shouted Luco, waving his stubby arms to get the attention of Kropotkin again. ‘We’re not here to apologise for our job, we’re here for Dog Lee. Now, you’re either going to help us get a day off work tomorrow or you’re going to…err…not help us. Which one is it?’

‘You’re very aggressive for a hamster,’ said Wu Dog Yan, putting her glass on the side of the pool table.

‘I’m Luco, not a hamster.’

‘Strangely individualistic, too. Aren’t half of all hamsters called Luco?’

‘That’s an exaggeration.’

‘Or some variation of Luco. Is it?’

‘Twenty years ago, there was a famous singer, Luco Teka. Many babies were named after her.’

‘I didn’t know that,’ said Cha Cha, eyebrows raised.

‘Me neither,’ added Zade.

‘Not me though. I was supposed to be called Vuco, but my Dad was too drunk to write the letter V.’

Zade and Cha Cha looked at their drinks.

‘Okay then, Luco,’ said Wu Dog Yan, rolling the white ball down the far side of the pool table. ‘For the sake of Dog Lee, I’ll talk to your boss. But I won’t promote anything to do with knives. And if your boss says nuut, then I’ll go on my own to the island.’

‘If Boss Lak says nuut, I’ll quit my job and come with you,’ said Luco, standing up on the seat.

Wu Dog Yan smiled. ‘And you two?’

‘I’m not quitting my job,’ said Zade, folding arms again. ‘I need it.’

‘Fair enough. Cha Cha?’

Cha Cha froze, paw stuck in mid wipe of her idol’s glass.

‘Are you okay?’ asked Wu Dog Yan, taking her drink back.

‘She’s probably in shock that you knew her name,’ said Luco, waving his arms at Kropotkin again.’ I can answer for her. She’ll do whatever you tell her to do.’

‘That’s scary…’

Cha Cha snapped out of her hypnotic state and growled. ‘I’m not a slave. I’ll do whatever I want to do. But that doesn’t matter cos I know Wu Dog Yan can persuade Boss Lak to get us the day off.’ Cha Cha turned to Wu Dog Yan. ‘All you have to do is show your face and he’ll fold.’

‘I appreciate your confidence.’

‘So, it’s agreed,’ said Luco, stepping down from the seat. ‘Wu Dog Yan will drive to our boss’ house right now and tell him to give us the day off tomorrow.’

‘Excuse me?’

‘No time like now.’

‘I’m not going to a stranger’s house at this hour.’

‘Me neither,’ said Zade, arms practically absorbed by the front of his hoodie.

‘If the press catches me, they’ll say I’m dating him.’

‘If the police catch me, they’ll shoot me.’

Wu Dog Yan glanced at Zade, eyes narrowing.

‘Sorry, but they will.’

‘Okay, then you come to our factory first thing tomorrow morning, talk to him, then drive us down to the harbour. Better?’

‘Infinitely.’

The four animals nodded at each other then looked at the pool table. Before anyone could suggest setting the balls up, the door to the bar opened and four drunk dogs walked in. Almost instantly, they noticed Wu Dog Yan, grinned, patted each other on the backs and started walking over.

‘Time to exit,’ said Wu Dog Yan, standing up and walking towards the door.

‘Already?’ asked Cha Cha, picking up a pool cue.

‘I don’t like the look of this,’ said Zade, putting paws on his hood and following Wu Dog Yan.

The DogTV star kept moving, taking her scarf out and wrapping it around her paw as if it were a knuckleduster.

‘Wait for us…’ said Luco, finishing off the rest of his drink.

‘Me too…’ added Cha Cha, dropping the pool cue.

As Wu Dog Yan got close enough to the four dogs, one of the bigger ones reached out a paw and grabbed her shoulder, forcing her to stop. ‘Hey, you can’t go, we’ve just got here.’

‘We watch all your dramas.’

‘And your commercials.’

‘Let us buy you a drink…a lot of drinks.’

‘We work in finance.’

‘Hedge funds…rich as fuck.’

‘Richer than you probably…no offence.’

All four laughed, including the one who’d made the joke. If it was a joke. Wu Dog Yan took the main dog’s paw and pushed it off her shoulder. ‘Not interested.’

‘Do what?’

‘Neither is my bodyguard.’

‘Your who?’

‘My bodyguard.’ Wu Dog Yan pointed at Zade, who was standing behind her, hood up. ‘Him.’

‘This pokkah in the hood, he’s your…’

The dog stopped speaking as soon as Zade lowered his hood and stepped back a bit. He looked at his friends, but they were all frozen. ‘You’re with this?’

‘If you follow me, he’ll rip you to pieces.’

‘Rip what?’

‘Goodnight.’

Wu Dog Yan resumed walking and quickly disappeared out of the bar. Zade waited until Luco and Cha Cha were past him before emitting a small, defensive growl and proceeding slowly to the entrance himself.

When his back was turned, one of the drunker dogs picked up a bottle, slurred, ‘you don’t scare me tiger,’ and swung for the back of Zade’s head. Luckily, Kropotkin was a fast mover and managed to kick the dog in the back of his legs before the bottle could complete its journey. The thug fell forward, his jaw hitting the edge of a nearby table and staying there, while the rest of his body slumped over as if he were trying to form a right angle with his ass.

The other three dogs, confronted with both Zade and Kropotkin and every other dog in the bar, raised their paws in surrender.

‘He went for me?’ asked Zade, eyes on the fallen dog.

‘Tried to,’ said Kropotkin, patting Zade on the sleeve. ‘You go ahead, brother, we’ll hold these clowns back until you’re away.’

‘Thanks…’

‘No worries, brother.’

Zade nodded at Kropotkin and walked slowly, calmly to the entrance, opening the door and closing it with both paws shaking.

No one ever believed him, but he really did hate violence.