Chapter 10: Some friendly talks

‘Sinister smile’ “Then let's see what this group of heroes are made of.”(Diuscrucis)

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* A few minutes later -

{Hay Lulu. That things huge.}(Diuscrucis)

{Ya, and it looks like a giant penis. Are the pulsing veins shaped to say “Amy’s House of Pleasures”? It even has white stuff coming out from the top that shines bright enough that we could see it from miles away………. Dad, no.}(Lulu)

{Don’t worry. I will only go there when needed.}(Diuscrucis)

{Good. Now let’s find a church.}(Lulu)

{After I visit the giant penis.}(Diuscrucis)

{DAD!!!}(Lulu)

{Shush. It’s ok girl. Dad is only going to look.}(Diuscrucis)

{‘Whimpers’}(Lulu)

Ignoring her complaints, I finish making my way to the city’s entrance. This city looks like a crowded marketplace that fused with a residential district of an overpopulated city. Its surrounded by a large brown stone wall with mounted canons on top. Which is weird considering that the rest of the city is made of metal or cement, not brick. Most of the buildings looked like storefronts with apartments on top. The stores have an assortment of items including but not limited to game stores, shopping malls, jewelry shops, shopping malls, some brothels, fast food restaurants, a condom shop, and shopping malls………….

“Why are there so many shopping malls!?!”(Diuscrucis)

{This must be a market city.}(Lulu)

{Ya. Must be.}(Diuscrucis)

Ignoring the gazes of the people around me, I keep heading toward my destination. On my way there, I swiped the wallets of some rich assholes who made fun of my pink sneakers. I needed the cash anyway so, I see no problem with what I’ve done. When I reached the establishment, I stared at the front door in disappointment.

{I’m surprised that this place is in the middle of the city.}(Lulu)

{I’m disappointed that the building isn't connected to a ball sack shaped building.}(Diuscrucis)

{........}(Lulu)

Emptying out the underworld credits from the wallets I stole, I tossed the wallets to the ground before heading inside. Walking through the building, I am impressed. This place is well furnished, is playing some catchy techno music, and has strippers and pole dancers walking around doing there thing. After looking around the multi colored room, I walked over to the bar. The metallic green circular bar was in the middle of this round room. The bar area was caged in. It only gave the patrons enough room to comfortably put their arms on the table and place their drinks in front of them. The cage had gaps large enough to pass credits to the bartenders whenever the they wanted another drink. All the bartenders were average sized skeletons that had bottle caps for eyes. On top of the cage was the DJ who was playing the music and although I couldn’t see him through all the bright light, I can tell he is very good at what he does. Reaching the bar, I take a seat next to a blue colored ghost. The ghost was a human who had a huge hole in his chest that allowed you to see his heart and lungs moving.

“Holy water, on the rocks.”(Diuscrucis)

“Can you actually get drunk off that stuff?”(???)

“Elves can. Demons too if they have built a resistance. I have so for me it’s nothing more than something strong and it burns going down. Anyway, what’s your story? Its rare to see a man with a hole through his chest ghost.”(Diuscrucis)

‘Whisper’ “I need to quit my job so people stop calling me that….’regular voice’ Let's just say, eating food that is still moving after you cook it is bad for you.”(Ghost)

When he talks it sounds like a dude choking on water while trying to talk…….Why the fuck would you eat something that was still moving after you cook it?

“I understand.”(Diuscrucis)

“Why you here? It’s rare seeing a demon so young in these parts.”(Ghost)

“Mass murder is bad for the heart.”(Diuscrucis)

“Fair enough.”(Ghost)

“50 credits. 300 for the bottle.”(Bartender)

“Thanks and leave the bottle.”(Diuscrucis)

Taking the oval shaped bottle from the skeleton, I payed for the drink. While pouring myself a shot, I turned a little to continue talking to the ghost.

“So when are you going to get that patched up?”(Diuscrucis)

I’m not. ‘Bang’ I’m just saving up karma to have a good reincarnation.”(Ghost) ‘Bang’

“I see.” ‘Bang’ ‘bang’(Diuscrucis)

Looking toward where the banging is coming from, I see large double doors vibrate at the end of the room. Turning back to ghost I down my third shot.

“Hope you get what you are aiming for.” ‘Bang’ ‘bang’ ‘bang’(Diuscrucis)

“Thanks. I apres….”(Ghost) ‘Booom’

“Ahhhhh!!”(???) ‘crash’ ‘crash’ ‘crash’ “Uga!”(???)

As the doors blew open an elf was thrown across the room and into the drinks of several people who had them resting on the table. As he reached me, I raised my glass and bottle into the air to avoid his collision. When he passed by, I lowered my arms and poured myself another round. The elf kept sliding and crashing through cups until he collided with another elf and they both flew onto the floor. Looking at Ghost, I slowly took a sip of my drink as I saw him stare blankly at his broken glass.

“Can I have some?”(Ghost)

‘Wry smile’ “Sure. Give me a glass and I’ll pour you a shot. Not sure you will get off on it though.(Diuscrucis)

“Thanks.”(Ghost)

Pouring him a shot, I looked at him as he dropped some underworld credits into it. The credits dissolved and the transparent drink turned black and bubbly. Never knew you could do that. We tipped our glasses to each other while we watched all the panic take place in the room. After a few seconds of screaming, the entire room went silent when a huge nine foot tall skeleton stood up and yelled.

‘Yelling’ “Who did this to my brother!?”(???)

“I did.”(Karma)

{Huh? Guess he really was a dude.}(Diuscrucis)

{You couldn’t tell?}(Lulu)

{He flew past me. What did you expect? I mean all elves are beautiful bastards with pretty faces. The only way I can tell them apart is when I can see if they have breast or not and even then it’s hard because some female elves are flat chested.}(Diuscrucis)

{True.}(Lulu)

Glancing to the side I saw karma standing in the destroyed doorway with a fat red skinned demon trying to claw his way out from underneath her foot. Karma looked just like how I saw her earlier except now I can clearly see her breasts. She looks pretty good all things considered. Now if only she wasn't wearing any pants….

‘Yelling’ “I’ll Fucking Kill You!!!”(Skeleton dude)

‘Whispers’ “Dose the fucking come before or after she dies?”(Diuscrucis)

‘Muffled laugh’(Ghost)

‘Yelling’ “Run man! She’s insane!”(Demon) ‘Bam’

After the demon yelled, Karma kicked the side of his head to knock him out. Looking at me she smiled.

“Champion. Can you deal with him for me?”(Karma)

‘Swoosh’ ‘swoosh’ “I may be your champion but, I don’t work for free. Ghost, the bottle has enough for two more shots. Want one?”(Diuscrucis)

“Sure.”(Ghost)

“How do you even drink anyway? I mean you have no stomach or liver. All that stuff goes down your throat and over your lungs before disappearing in your waist.”(Diuscrucis)

‘Hic’ “I don’t ‘Hic’ Know.”(Ghost)

“This guy's your campion? He won't even listen to you. Looks like no one is going to protect you now….”(Skeleton dude)

‘Smirk’ “Kill him and I will show you completed maps of the Underworld as well as how to summon the first group of heroes.”(Karma)

Turning a little to the side I saw the skeleton running at Karma. I raised my last glass of holy water behind my head and threw it at the back of his skull. He immediately melted into a puddle of white goo.

‘Crash’ “Ahhhhhh!”(Melting skeleton)

“Ah, holy water. Highly alcoholic to elves, poisonous to most demons, and a powerful acid to anything born in the Underworld. Bartender! A whisky please.”(Diuscrucis)

“..........”(Everyone in the room)

‘Slurp’ ‘Self confident smile’ “I missed having a good drink from time to time. Hay DJ! What happened to the music!”(Diuscrucis)

‘Semi-yell’ “Sorry.”(Surprisingly female sounding DJ)

After the techno music started back up again, everyone went back to what they were doing and Karma motioned me to come over.

“Looks like my times up. See you around Ghost.”(Diuscrucis)

“See you around ‘Hic’ boy.”(Ghost)

Leaving the bar area, I walk over to Karma who was waiting for me. When I reach her she turns around and motions for me to follow. While following her up a spiral staircase, she started merrily talking.

“I’m glad you stopped by Diuscrucis. I was hoping you would find me before talking to Monday.”(Karma)

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“And here I thought you were expecting me.”(Diuscrucis)

“I’m not Fate. All I know is what Death reported to me a few minutes ago. He said you were probably going to complete both Monday’s and my quests at the same time. Why you came to my establishment could be anyone's guess.”(Karma)

“I see. Wait. Why do you own a Brothel? More importantly. What are your prices and do any of the girls here have anything I should be worried about?”(Diuscrucis)

“You're not going to ask if I’m one of those “Girls” you are talking about?”(Karma)

“Naa. You seem more like a scantily clad businesswoman than a hooker. I can probably guess why you are missing your shirt.”(Diuscrucis)

“Good answer. Also, the brothel isn’t mine. It belongs to a friend of mine. I’m just taking care of it while she is at the local hot springs. The answer to your last question is no. They do not.”(Karma)

When we reached the top of the stairs, I was stunned. Everything was pink. Excluding the large white bed and adorable plushy animals creatures scurrying about, everything was a bright, vibrant, pink. The air was filled with hearts and love and………..

“Ahhhhhhhhh! My eyes! They burn! They burn!”(Diuscrucis)

It's just too much. The area is just too girly for my masculine senses to comprehend. I had to cover my eyes and take several steps back down the stairs just to see properly again.

“You ok? Your eyes burst into flames for a second there.”(Karma)

“I’ll be fine. Just….. Give me a minute. Go collect what you need. I’ll be up shortly.”(Diuscrucis)

“Ok.”(Karma)

I hate doing this. Having no balls is a strange feeling that I hate having. [Mimic] is my most basic and bizarre skill. Well, my only skill now. It doesn't just let me copy the fighting abilities, spells, and skills of other people. It also allows me to copy their voice and appearance to the point that I can replace them completely if I wanted to. If I mimicked a person, I would be better at being them than they were. The only downside was that I couldn’t copy memories.

{Dad. You're done shapeshifting.}(Lulu)

{Thanks for letting me know. I can never understood why changing genders feels so weird.}(Diuscrucis)

{Is that why you zone out whenever you do it?}(Lulu)

{........Let’s get this over with. I want my balls back.}(Diuscrucis)

Walking back up the spiral stairs, I re-examined the room. Everything was still pink but now I could see all the subtle differences in the shades of pink. A large hot pink desk at the other side of the room had stacks of papers on each side of it. Karma was sitting on the chair behind the desk and was waiting for me in front of several papers. In the middle of the room was a large white bed. It was large enough to fit at least twelve people comfortably. All around the room were several dozen little fur balls that had eyes that took up like 80% of their face. They looked cute but, it feels like they are looking into my soul. A white fur ball was staring at me with clear brown eyes and I could see myself in its reflection. My hair reached down to my waist and it looked just like my sister’s. The only difference was that the spiral hair colors were bright blond and navy blue instead of black and white. I had grown a large pair of breasts and my eyes turned orange. I seemed to have also gained a few pounds...….

“Here's the map of the underworld Diuscrucis. I’ll make this quick so we can go back to doing what is needed of us. The Underworld is five to six times larger than a regular realm. This is because it contains souls from all four realms. It is split into five zones. The west zone is controlled by the Demons. That place is literally a cesspool of criminals and is home to the King of Crows. If you can help make that zone as a whole into a more respectable place, then I will owe you one. I’ve been trying to fix that place for centuries but, have never succeeded. The north is controlled by the humans. Those racist bastards enslave anyone who isn’t human.”(Karma)

“You make it sound like all other races aren't racist bastards.”(Diuscrucis)

“They are but…… Angels are never willing to resort to slavery no matter the situation. Elves only use slavery out of desperation in times of war. Outside of war they never use it. The Underworld finally got rid of slavery in every zone except the north. And Demons at least have the decency to mind-break their prisoners. That way they willingly work for them instead of having to constantly fight and abuse the slaves. After mind-breaking them, they act like they normally would and even seem happy working for the Demons. What the Humans do to their slaves can only be considered as overly cruel.”(Karma)

“Let’s move on. I’m assuming the power hungry empress is there.”(Diuscrucis)

“Indeed. The skeleton army has also been sighted on the outskirts of that zone.”(Karma)

It looks like I have my work cut out for me.

“The east zone is the territory of the Angels. They have been turning that zone into a mini Heaven for countless millennium now. They are really big on politics but, they’ve been really quiet recently. Tell you what. If you find out what they are up to then I will allow you to have fun here free of charge.”(Karma)

“Deal!”(Diuscrucis)

“Good! Next is the central zone. This is where we are and it is controlled by the Underworld. Not much more you need to know. The last zone is to the south and it is controlled by……… you know. I’m not really sure what they are. They are creatures that even at their weakest, they are stronger than most gods. Everyone in the underworld just refer to the monsters living there as Mythos and one of the strongest beings there is killing everyone so I want you to stop it. The only other thing I need to tell you is how to find the heroes. Go to a church and say “Summon heroes”. The heroes will then appear before you. Now, do you have any questions?”(Karma)

“What are the prices for the girls and why did Monday already have jobs for me?”(Diuscrucis)

“From worst to best, it costs anywhere from a thousand credits to thirty thousand.”(Karma)

“Ok. I won't be getting laid for a while…”(Diuscrucis)

‘Giggle’ “Monday was originally going to train the heroes himself but, when you showed up he changed his mind. Anything else?”(Karma)

“No.”(Diuscrucis)

Walking back toward the stairs, I started changing back to my muscular, semi- short hair, non-boob having self. I even went as far as hiding my wings, and tail so I wouldn’t scare the heroes when they arrive. Humans are the least imposing out of all the races after all.

“Good luck!”(Karma)

“Ya. You too. Also, put a barrier up here. We don’t want another group of thugs trying to gang bang you again.”(Diuscrucis)

“I’ll keep that under advisement.”(Karma)

Looking down the spiral staircase I couldn’t help but sigh.

{‘Sigh’ This is going to be a long walk.}

{It's only two thousandish steps. If you start now, then we will reach the bottom in what? Five minutes? If you want a distraction then, tell me about your mimic skill. It will help pass the time.}(Lulu)

{The skill [Mimic] is one of my two natural skills. Currently it is the only one available to me. It allows me to copy a spell, skill, or the appearance of someone as long as I have seen them or it at least once. After seeing them or it in action, I can use what I mimicked whenever I want. I am also not limited to using them as I saw them. I can adjust the skills I copied and improve or change them as I see fit. For example, making it snow metal instead of ice or changing the hair and eye color of a sibling. Things like that. Hey look. We're here.}(Diuscrucis)

{Your skill sound broken.}(Lulu)

{It is. The only down side to the skill is that just because I mimicked a spell or skill, doesn't mean I learned it. If I forget I can do something then I can’t use that skill. For example, telepo………}(Diuscrucis)

{You forgot you could teleport?}(Lulu)

{Yes I did. Listen. I normally walk everywhere. The only times I have ever teleported were when I was in a fight to the death or to lazy to try to be on time.}(Diuscrucis)

{I see.}(Lulu)

Walking back into the main area, I could see everyone coming together for group dancing. Looking around I could see Ghost wobbling on his feet. He was making his way to the dance floor ever so slowly. Closer to the entrance, Death was leaning against the wall while he was observing the people around him. Making my way toward Death, I glanced back over to Ghost. He was about to start dancing with a beautiful dark elf woman when the DJ started playing the heavy metal version of “Swan Lake Waltz”.

“A hundred credits on Ghost getting his wallet stolen by that dark elf before the song ends.”(Diuscrucis)

“Two fifty on him going in for a kiss after he gets it stolen.”(Death)

“You're on.”(Diuscrucis)

While we waited for the seven minute song to end, Death and I started talking.

“You seem to have collected a lot of good karma. It must be from you killing one of the most annoying bastards from around here. Now if only he could come back as a better person.”(Death)

“I forget you can’t really die in the Underworld. So, how long until he can pull himself back together?”(Diuscrucis)

“Five hours. Give or take a few minutes.”(Death)

As the song ended, we were shocked at what we saw.

“He stole her wallet….”(Diuscrucis)

“He was kissing her while doing it….”(Death)

“Tie?”(Diuscrucis)

“Tie.”(Death)

{Lulu.}(Diuscrucis)

{Yes?}(Lulu)

{Can you tell me what my karma level is at.}(Diuscrucis)

{Barely moderate. Good.}(Lulu)

{Let me know if it goes up.}(Diuscrucis)

Walking past Ghost, I swipe his stolen wallet and give it back to the elf woman. The moment it left my hands, I learned an important lesson…

{Moderate. Good.}(Lulu)

Notice

Curse “Bad End” has activated. All karma has been used. You will now suffer the bad end of fire.

The moment I finished reading the notification, I burst into flames.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! Ah! Ah! Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!”(Diuscrucis)

As I fell to the floor and started rolling around, the last thing I saw was Death before I blacked out. He was laughing his ass off.

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* A few minutes later -

When I regained consciousness, I looked around. Everything seemed to be fine and my clothes weren't even burnt.

“Glad to see you made it back.”(Death)

“Never let my good karma reach moderate. Good to know. Lulu, Let me know if my good karma is close to barely moderate levels,”(Diuscrucis)

“Good to see how well you are taking the random bursting into flames.”(Death)

“Ya ya. Keep laughing buddy. Let’s see how well you do against self burning.”(Diuscrucis)

“Well now that you're up, I will wish you luck on your errands.”(Death)

“Ya. Thanks.”(Diuscrucis)

Getting off the floor I left the building. Walking around the city for a bit, I finally found a church. It was small and wooden building and you could easily confuse this red building with a barn but, it had the unmistakable feel of a holy place. Walking inside, I was surprised. The entire inside was empty. Save for a life size sculpture of a woman weeping into her hands at the end of the room.

‘Slowly shakes head’ {I bet that’s not a sculpture.}(Diuscrucis)

{Why do you say that Dad?}(Lulu)

{Don’t know. It just feels off. Anyway let's summon the first group of heroes into this red barn shaped church.}(Diuscrucis)

Standing in the middle of the empty barn, I raised my hands to the sky and said…

“Summon heroes.”(Diuscrucis)

After I said those words, there was a bright flash and five people showed up in front of me.

“So you are the heroes I’m going to be training.”(Diuscrucis)