Book 2 Chapter 7: Near incurable fetish

“Fine…… So I’m skipping to the events that happened right before the third darkest moment of my life.”(Diuscrucis)

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* Several thousand years earlier -

After traveling for several hours in my mech, we arrived at the outskirts of the undead army encampment.

“It looks like we’re here. Park the mech mom. I don’t want you angering them and forcing us to kill them all.”(Diuscrucis)

“Sure thing.”(Katana)

Getting out of the mech we meet with a legion or so fully armed skeleton soldiers. Pulling out a small house hammer from my shadow, I start talking in a calm voice while playing with the tool in my hand.

“Hello everyone I would like to talk to the person or people in charge of your army. If all goes well we can team up and take down the empress once and for all. ‘Crunch’ ‘Boom’ Anyone else?”(Diuscrucis)

While asking to see the leader of the skeleton army, I am immediately greeted with several armed skeletons charging at me. Seeing this unjust aggression I smash in the skulls of the skeletons and looked around to see if anyone else wanted to attack me. After a minute or so of silence, the army splits in half and makes a path for us to walk into their camp.

‘Slight smile’ “Thank you.”(Diuscrucis)

“What happened to not angering them?”(Star)

“I didn’t make them angry. I simply made them respect someone far more powerful than them.”(Diuscrucis)

{Mostly by scaring the shit out of them. Good job Dad! The ones closest to us are shaking violently while getting ready to run.}(Lulu)

{Exactly as planned.](Diuscrucis)

Saying that we followed the path they made for us and entered a large red tent. Surrounding this tent are several hundred regular sized white tents in a circular pattern around the main tent. It’s actually a good way for there to be easy movement through the camp, but also allows every tent to act as a barrier so that an outside party can’t charge directly at the main tent without being forced to plowing through several regular ones. Soldiers are running around everywhere and the items being prepared for a large scale battle are not too far away. Once inside the red tent I look around and see a copy of my map of the north zone. This one however is much more zoomed in on one location and has a personal touch to it.

{They must really hate the empress…}(Lulu)

{What gave it away? It can’t possibly be from the big bold letters that say thieving bitch on it. They could easily be talking about someone else.}(Diuscrucis)

‘Sigh’ {...Dad….}(Lulu)

{Fine I’ll stop.}(Diuscrucis)

The map is on a large table in the center of the room. The only other thing in here is a black cloaked sky blue skeleton with bright sparkly blue eyes and a triangle in the center of his head. The skeleton stands across from us on the other side of the table.

“{Lulu.}(Diuscrucis)

{On it.}(Lulu)

Status

Name: Andrew Bluebarry

Age: 1137

Profession: Master Light mage

Level: 1000

{This guy must have it rough. It’s tough finding a level one thousand individual.}(Diuscrucis)

{Ya. If he is killed then he won't come back to life. He’ll immediately be sent through the resurrection circle. The worst part is if he isn’t killed by someone who is also a level 1000 then that will be a waste of experience.}(Lulu)

‘Old man voice’ “What did you want to see me about?”(Andrew)

“I am under orders from my boss to get rid of this army here and bring down the mad empress. So you help me beat her and your army disbands.”(Diuscrucis)

“That sounds reasonable. What’s your plan of attack?”(Andrew)

‘Said with bloodlust and a feral grin’ “We charge through the front door and kill anything that gets in our way!”(Mom)

“That sounds like a terrible idea.”(Andrew)

“I own a mech so I’m fairly certain I can destroy an entire wall within a minute and lead you into the main areas of battle with ease.”(Diuscrucis)

“That might have been good a few days ago but we just got a report that four women have joined her army and as a show of their strength to the empress they took down her entire army. That happened no more than two hours ago.”(Andrew)

How?! What did Samantha teach them?!

“That changes nothing. Leave those four to me.”(Diuscrucis)

“.....Fine but will you at least follow me. There is a type of undead soldier that I am certain you have never seen before.”(Andrew)

“Lead the way.”(Diuscrucis)

Following the Andrew out the tent, we walk a complicated path of turns and arrive in front of an underground entrance. Walking passed it he opens a large hatch on the floor that is made of bricks and is only a few meters in any one direction. Looking inside I stare in shock as Star gasps at what we see. There are hundreds of rotting corpses down there and all of them are shuffling around the large room below the hatch.

“Zombies.”(Star)

“You know about these creatures ma’am?”(Andrew)

“They are undead monsters born from when a person dies of excessive radiation poisoning. And I mean excessive. Like enough radiation is on them that people three buildings over can get cancer from it. These creature are strong, moderately mobile when hungry, and love to eat meat. Usually brains and intestines. The easiest way to kill them is to cut off their heads. Beyond that is to destroy the head or total disintegration.”(Star)

Interesting. Outside the underworld these things would be easy enough to get rid of but in the Underworld, these things can quickly turn into a plague if not kept under control. If we fly these things in then they can easily be our best means of attack. Or at least a decent distractions.

{Wait…. Radiation poisoning. The only possible thing I can think of that can cause this is the weapon Hell gave me. Still, there is no way that small weapon can cause this much radiation poisoning. I mean there are hundreds of zombies here and at the time of detonation, only Samantha and I were at the location. The only logical explanation would be….}(Diuscrucis)

{Someone figured out how to make more and are using them in a war.}(Lulu)

{Indeed. The only people I can think of who would do such a thing however, are the Demons. More specifically Suzi……’Sigh’ I’m going to be so busy these next few weeks. Still.}(Diuscrucis)

‘Joyous laughter’ “We are changing the battle plan because I know these guys will be useful in our battle against the empress. ‘Grinning’ Oh this is going to be fun.”(Diuscrucis)

“What are you planning?”(Andrew)

“Let’s just say we are going to put those broken trash heaps you call planes to better use than what you were planning to use them for.”(Diuscrucis)

“.... Oh I see what your planning! Come on blue, we have preparations to make! Everything will be ready by dawn so go rest up Duci!”(Mom)

“Stop using that damned nickname! Star let’s go. We are waiting in the mech.”(Diuscrucis)

Saying that Mom grabs Andrew by his spine and starts dragging him away while Star followed me back to the mech. Once we were inside I laid down next to the arcade machine and started contemplating how much work I’m willing to put into capturing these monsters after the battle. Sitting down across from me Star pulled out an advanced touchpad and started typing stuff on it.. While she was typing, I decided to start filling her in on the new plan.

“So here is how we are going to do this. The ground force will be a minute or two behind the mech and once we destroy the outer fortifications of the target, the army will rush in and kill anything that moves, The air force will more or less be dive bombing into enemy territory to drop off the zombies behind enemy lines.”(Diuscrucis)

“What about anti-air rockets?”(Star)

“That’s what the mech is for. After breaking through the first fortifications, we are making a b-line for all and any anti-air artillery afterwards we wing it.”(Diuscrucis)

“What do you mean wing it? Surly you have a better plan than break in, break some stuff, and then see what happens?”(Star)

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“Nope. that's the plan.”(Diuscrucis)

“This is going to end horribly…..”(Star)

“We’ll be fine. What’s the worst that can happen?”(Diuscrucis)

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* The next day right before the battle starts -

Mom, Star and I are leading the charge against the empress. Mom is happier than I have ever seen her recently while driving the mech, while Star and I are getting ready to get out of the mech at a moments notice. In front of us is a wall that is easily three or four times taller than Goliath. Behind it is supposedly a large city that puts the city of Dinsor to shame. In the center of this city is an enormous palace that the empress lives in.

‘Yells at the top of her lungs’ “Are you ready to rummbbblllllllle! You fucks ain’t ready for this!”(Katana)

I swear as she yells this I can hear basketball music playing in the background. Yelling those words she moves the mech forward and it start running at top speed while she lifted up her left arm and started bombarding the wall with shots from the energy cannon. Each shot made a noticeably large hole in the wall that showed small partes of the city behind it. When we finally got close enough to the wall, she spun the mech in the air and collided with it. ‘Boom’ ‘Crumble’ Smashing through the remains of the wall, she regaining her footing before she started running through and on the buildings of the densely packed city while firing at anything that looked taller or as tall as the mech. The air force followed shortly after as planes started colliding into all manner of buildings. These caused small explosions and lots of screaming. Behind us the rest of the army is pouring in through the large hole in the wall. As we moved forward at high speeds, a bright green blast flew through the air and hit the energy cannon before mom could get out of the way. Upon contact, the arm of Goliath was blown off its body and we flew diagonally right from the sudden explosion. This sudden movement sent all three of us into the air. As the mech flew we got hit three more times. The green attacks punched holes through the mech and two of those attacks grazed the command center leaving two sections of the sphere we are in completely exposed to the outside world. Since Star was in a state of free fall and slowly approaching the wall at a speed that would definitely kill her, Mom grabbed her and started to fly away on her flying skateboard. As they left through one of the new holes in the mech, I run along the sphere and jump towards them while changing my hands into claws. latching onto the back of the board with my claws I quickly climb on.

“That was to close!”(Diuscrucis)

“And lots of fun! Let’s do it again!”(Mom)

“No!”(Diuscrucis and Star)

As we flew away from the now destroyed mech I looked at it and saw that the Goliath has a large hole at the bottom left and top right of its chest as it continues to crash into buildings. It also has no head.

‘Whisper’ “I just painted the thing and it’s the first of its kind…… What is it with people and all of them wanting to break my nice things? Why can't they break my useless crap like dishes and living room furniture?”(Diuscrucis)

Looking ahead I see a large white and red palace. It looks absolutely beautiful and I am glad we are about to break into it.

‘Whisper’ You want to destroy my nice things? Fine. Then I have every right to destroy yours.”(Diuscrucis)

{Doesn't that seem a bit petty Dad?}(Lulu)

{You know how long it took to make that thing Lulu! Now I have to repair it!}(Diuscrucis)

{It took three weeks…}(Lulu)

{Three weeks wasted!I’m going to destroy them!}(Diuscrucis)

As we flew through the air high above the city, Mom turned the flying skateboard at an angle and started diving right at the front door while moving around to dodge stray projectiles. As we went down I created a gatling gun and started shooting an anything that moved. As I fire, the music from earlier changes from a basketball them to more of a cheering battle song. This time however, I can barely hear words to it but due to the sound of battle bellow I couldn’t make them out.

‘Yelling over the the rushing air and the sounds of battle bellow’ “Why are you shooting spears and not bullets?”(Star)

“Simpler to magically create in mass than bullets during battle.”(Diuscrucis)

“How so?”(Star)

“Spears are nothing more than sticks with a point. Bullets require you to make a hollow casing with precise measurements of gunpowder, a tip that can be fired, and a part to ignite the gunpowder. Making spears saves time and… It looks like they’re here.”(Diuscrucis)

As I was talking, I see a blue mass pass the corner of my eye. As it passed I wrapped up our conversation and jumped to intercept it. Performing a spin kick, I hit a muscular blue haired chick with brass knuckles through the palace doors. ‘Boom’ As Mom and Star flew passed them I grew wings from my back and landed shortly after passing the door. Retracting my wings I see them slow down and look back at me while several dozen heavily armed foot soldiers and the three buff hero wannabes surround me. Bremusa the berserker quickly got up and is the only person standing between me and mom. Glancing back at mom and Star I start yelling at them.

“Go on ahead! I got this! Be sure to beat down the empress good so I can send her to prison without having to fight her myself!”(Diuscrucis)

‘While pointing her sword at my face’ “You think a lowly champion can beat us heroes? You are nothing more than an errand boy of a god tasked with cleaning up messes left behind by the gods and their heroes. You will never measure up to us!”(Alkaia)

‘Small laugh’ ‘whisper’ “Who said that?”(Diuscrucis)

“What did you say? Come on. speak up!”(Alkaia)

‘Sinister grin’ “Who said a champion can’t defeat a hero!?!”(Diuscrucis)

Saying that I jump high into the air and looking at the four Amazonions and activate [Plot Hole Armor].

Notice

All karma has been used. Targets have lost all sense of cooperation.

{Awesome! Now all I need to do is not get hit. Easy….}(Diuscrucis}

{Dad! Behind you!}(Lulu)

Glancing back I see the white haired swordsman swinging down at me. As the blade was about to hit me I teleport in front of the soldiers blocking the now destroyed entrance and using earth magic, I push forward javelins made of stone and impaled all the soldiers blocking the entrance. Quickly ducking down I launch myself backwards and avoid the collision of three separate attacks. Passing over my head was the blond woman’s spear and the berserker’s fist. ‘Boom’ ‘Clang’ ‘Swoom’ The first to make contact was the fist hitting the stone javelins and blowing them away creating a new entrance. This was quickly followed by a spear impaling her thigh and as the spearwoman moved her leg forward to pull out her spear, an arrow grazed the top of my head and went through both of their legs while killing several soldiers who were trying to rush in through the now open gap.

“Ahhhhhhh!!!!”(Arrow in the knee victims)

“Why the fuck did you two get in the way of my shot?”(Magic archer)

Seeing the three of them get into an argument, I use my backwards momentum to roll on my back and as I do I use my hands to launch myself into the air. While in the air I change into my smoke form and phase through the falling body of the swordswoman. As I pass her I change back and create a large ice hammer before smashing it into her moments before she got out of range. Landing back on the floor I summon a greatsword and swing it behind me to kill all the soldiers that were there. Looking back at the Amazonions I see the spearwoman healing her injured friend and the swordswoman slowly getting back up while bleeding from the eyes. Rushing forward I Throw my sword towards the still injured girl and slide on my knees as the archer shot my sword with an arrow and caused it to explode. As I quickly went through the fire, two more arrows missed me by mere inches and blew up some dozen feet behind me. Passing the flames with only minor burns I waste no time or opportunity to punch Alkaia in the face and back at her comrades. As she flew at them an arrow went into her left arm and froze it. Upon hitting the ground her arm shattered and blood started gushing out. Smiling at my work I try to lift the sword that she dropped when I hit her.

“I would be so dead right now if it weren't for that spell. Also, why is this blade so heavy?”(Diuscrucis)

“Because it’s her master sword dumbass! Only heroes are allowed to wield it!”(Bremusa)

Receiving an unexpected answer from the blue haired berserker, I stop trying to pick up the sword. As she runs toward me I see the spearwoman getting ready to throw a fire lance at me. As she took aim I created a magnum and shot at her exposed stomach. As the bullets tore through her, the magic she was aiming was released and hit her comrade instead of me.

‘Boom’ “Aaaahhhhhhaaaaaaa!!!! I’m going to grind your bones into dust!”(Bremusa)

“Keep shooting! It saves me ammo!”(Diuscrucis)

Instead of screaming in pain, the berserker left the explosion of fire on fire. Her hair was almost completely gone, her armor was glowing and her gauntlets were spewing blue flames from the barbs. Seeing her coming I make a quick side step and watch in awe as she shot a fist forward and a whirlwind of flames blew a giant hole into the building and made a twenty foot hole in the wall and as the flames disappeared I could see passed several hallways and rooms leading to the outside. Glancing back at her I duck under her right hook and uppercut her into an ice arrow that was finishing it’s ark in the air. She was then blasted back at me with a gust of frozen air. Her armor froze over and and her gauntlets started releasing an ominous blue light. As she was falling at me with newfound rage, I jump back and drop my gun as she slams both her hands into the ground. As I’m moving backwards I watch as the ground around her freezes over and spikes shoot out of it. Landing a few feet outside her ten foot radius, I quickly grab one of the soldiers who was trying to shoot me and throw him at her as she charges right through her own pillars of ice while screaming. The soldier makes it to her without a problem but instead of slowing her down, she punches right through him and he shatters like frozen glass. Diving behind the nearby hole in the wall I narrowly avoid a volley fifty something arrows and the berserker runs right passed me.

“How the hell did she fire that many so fast?”(Diuscrucis)

Looking back at the raging ice woman I watch as another arrow hits her and she starts releasing lightning because apparently shooting your teammate is a completely reasonable thing to do if it gives them elemental powers. Not wanting to see what this new elemental power lets her do, I pull out a high power uzi and just open fire as she rushes at me. As my bullets hit her I watch in horror as she flys at me at literal lightning speed only to collapse a few feet in front of me. Not wanting to take chances I put a couple dozen rounds in her head.

“Ha! One down, three more to go!”(Diuscrucis)

My cheers are cut short however by a sword going through the wall and barely missing my spine as it went through my neck. Cursing at myself because I forgot about blondie and her healing abilities, I rush towards the hole leading outside as I quickly heal my wounded neck and before Alkaia could finish cutting of my head by swinging her sword to the side. As I got outside and onto the open battlefield I turn around to see all four women rushing at me.

{Either blondie has an insta res spell that berserker has godly amounts of will power!}(Lulu)

{Either way I call bullshiiiittttt!!!!}(Diuscrucis)

Pulling a large quadruple barrel shotgun from my shadow I set it to full automatic and get ready to fire when three of them get their top half blown off in a ray of bright blue light and an extremely loud angelic high note that puts the background music I’ve been hearing recently to shame. The only one of the four to make it out of the blast was the spearwoman and she was still missing half an arm with her blood just spraying all over her friends. Looking back I see Andrew standing in a kung fu stance on a pile of corpses with the triangular hole on his head releasing smoke. I soon understood two things. The first is that this master light mage can shoot fucking laser beams from his head that are much bigger than the hole is. The second is that the singing voice that I’m hearing now and the music I’ve been hearing from the start of this event were from the same source. A source that I know all too well.

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* Several thousand years later -

“Samantha.”(Diuscrucis)

“How do you know it was me? How do you know it wasn’t some other beautiful woman with an amazing voice?”(Samantha)

“Because you are the only person I know who sounds that angelically beautiful while singing about bloody murder and ripping someone's throat out.”(Diuscrucis)

“You think I sound beautiful when I sing?”(Samantha)

“Yes I do. Anyway due to being shocked that Andrew could shoot FUCKING LASER BEAMS, all the magical battles in the area and wondering why Samantha was there. I failed to notice Blondie stopped her bleeding and charged up a magic spell. By the time I notice it was already to late. The spell hit me before I could do anything to avoid it and…… ‘Long deep breath’ ‘a moment of silence’ …………... I gained a muscle girl fetish. Attacked the girls and started hugging and making out with them.This scared them so they ran away so I chased after them and beat them to within an inch of their lives so they wouldn’t insta revive like the berserker and I could admire them.”(Diuscrucis)

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* Present day -

* Star’s POV -

Both Mag and I started to giggle while Samantha was rolling on the floor laughing at what he said.

‘Cold monotone voice’ “I hate you. I hate you all. I hated you all then and I hate you all now.”(Diuscrucis)

“Do you still have that fetish?”(Star)

“After the war I used the free of charge brothel deal fix that problem the best I could. I stayed there for three straight weeks before I left.”(Diuscrucis)

“Did that fix the problem?”(Star)

“Mostly. It was never truly fixed until my first wife. ‘Sigh’ Anyway. Let’s continue the story.”(Diuscrucis)

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* 500 years earlier -

* Diuscrucis’s POV -

* Several dozen minutes after his rushed explanation -

Ignoring that. We are skipping to the last hero but first, Samantha?”(Diuscrucis)

‘With tears in her eyes’ “Yes honey?”(Samantha)

“Why were you in the Underworld?”(Diuscrucis)

‘Failing to hold back a smile’ “I’ll tell you after we finish with the first realm war.”(Samantha)

Fine……. So let’s talk about the day I met the Horseman of Legion.”(Diuscrucis)