I feel the wind drying my eyes out and I am barely able to breath.

In the window in front of me I can see my reflection. Above average looks if I had to say. Black hair, which was a bit on the longer side, green eyes with a pointed nose and thin lips.

'Above average, but I guess nothing more.'

As I scan my face for the last time, I notice the ground coming nearer by the second.

That's right. I'm falling down a building at the moment.

*Vinyl record screeches and the frame freezes*

'Oh hey, you're probably wondering how I got here. Weird situation I'm in right now, huh?' I mean... falling down a building IS in fact pretty weird, but why don't I introduce myself while I have the time.'

*Insert reader complaining about my lack of time*

'No no no, I have enough time. So, where should I start? My name is Jason Brook, 19 years old, introverted and a bit of a geek.'

*Insert interested reader, who asks about his daily life.*

'What I was like at school? Well, you know that one guy, who always makes everyone laugh, but no one really hangs out with him? Yep, that little cunt is me!'

*Insert a third reader, who asks about this situation*

'Why I'm committing suicide at the moment? Oh boy, you're quite an interested fella, aren't ya? Well, that needs a bit of a backstory.'

The shocking faces inside of the building get greeted by a smile and a wave of mine.

'When I was a child, I had a pretty normal life, you know? If you leave out the alcoholic and abusive father at least. My parents divorced when I was still a child, and I was raised by my mother with my 2 siblings, one older brother and one older sister, inside of a relatively normal flat. We weren't well off, but we managed to get through the month. Coupled with my above average looks and intelligence, I was pretty popular in elementary school. I got all that loli pussy.'

*Sigh*

'BOOM! And then it went downhill after middleschool. My mother developed depression. Maybe because the memories of my abusiv father were still haunting her, maybe because we barely mnaged to get through the month,  or maybe her becoming a cripple because of a car crash was the cause of that. Fuck do I know.'

At that moment, I remember something I forgot.

'I left the stove on.'

*More complains of the reader.*

'Yeah yeah, I'm continuing with my edgy backstory. Well, at the same day that my mother became a cripple, my father died after I actually managed to get a good relationship going with him. My life spiraled down. My brother became an addict, and my sister ran away. I was alone with all that shit happening around me. But hey, at least I learned to smile at everything that came my way!'

*Wink*

The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

'My own smile kinda protected me. It ridiculed everything. It didn't let anything through, or else I would... break? I guess? But well, this protection didn't last long, as you can see from the situation I'm in right now.'

My head touches the asphalt gently.

'Whoops, time's up! Here comes the ground! Time to say "bye bye"!'

I think about my decisions one last time.

'Well, maybe a big tittied Goddess will come and greet me, but that only happens in manga, righ-'

*splat*

----------------------------------------

Everything is dark.

I manage to open my eyes and I regain consciousness.

'W...Where am I? HA! That's what you would think would be my first reaction, but nah. Is this the scenario that I've alway dreamt of?! Will a big breasted, beautiful goddess now greet me?!'

"Hello there, young man." (???)

The moment I hear that voice, a chill runs down my spine.

'That's... that's impossible... THIS CAN'T BE POSSIBLE!!!'

I turn around and immediately vomit blood. In front of me is an old geezer who looks like Gandalf but not nearly as cool.

"You are probably wondering where you are right now and who I am. Let me enlighten yo-" (Probably God)

"Nope! Fuck you and fuck right off." (Me)

The (probably) God looks at me with a dumbfounded expression.

"I think you are misunderstanding something. I am-" (Probably God)

"Yeah, yeah. You're probably some kind of God, want me to go to another world because of some dumb reason and bla bla bla." (Me)

"That's right but how-" (Probably god)

"That's probably the most stereotype scenario that exists in the whole world. What? Should I react like some 0815 MC and be all humble and shit? I EXPECTED A BEAUTIFUL GODDESS YOU OLD FART! You're the worst case scenario for me right now..." (Me)

As I go on, God starts to wrinkle his eyebrows. You can see how his rage meter goes up by the amount of expressions he changes into. It's pretty hilarious if I have to say so myself.

As I continue to rant on how this scenario should have been, God interrupts me.

"Listen here you little twat. I, in my infinite mercy, found the grace to give you another chance to be reborn in one of your beloved worlds of swords and magic. You better don't fuck with me. I can make you experience pain, which you won't even believe existed before." (God)

"Oh yeah? I would like to see you try old fart? But if you get a heartattack while you're at it, I ain't gonna save ya. And would a God- AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK, MAKE IT STOP!" (Me)

The moment I tried to roast his ass, a kind of pain hits me, which shouldn't even be possible.

'FUCK! IT FEELS LIKE MY GUTS ARE PULLED OUT OF BOTH HOLES! (I don't want to go into detail which ones.)'

But in the next second, the pain vanishes.

"Understood?" (God)

"Yes, I'm sorry. I won't do it again." (Me)

'Old shit, should be careful not to break his hip while standing there. I bet he doesn't even get his little Jesus up anymore.'

"You little fucker, I am the almighty God you know? I can even hear your goddamn thoughts you little ass." (God)

"I have no clue what you're talking about." (Me)

I try to whistle innocently.

'Damn, I don't even have a body right now, so I can't whistle...'

"*Sigh* Fuck it. I'm in a good mood today, so I won't fuck you over right now. So... I decided to reincarnate you, since I'm bored and don't have anything to do." (God)

"Wow, what wise words. I will cherish them for life." (Me)

"Sarcastic shit. If you live a few million years, you'll get bored too." (God)

'I highly doubt that. I would drown in pussy.'

"Ah right, you still need those abilities. Can't just send you off like the little cunt that you are."

'Is this the moment where I get my cheat-like abilities? Or is the author big enough of a cunt and too lazy right now and just does that in the next chapter?'